Something To Remember
by bellasiennanemo
Summary: With Beverly gone, JeanLuc struggles to pull his life together. Just when he thinks he has finally succeeded, someone long remembered is forgotten.  Please read and review thanks :
1. Chapter 1

**NOTE**: For those of you who have read the WIP or any of this story before completion, because of various changes within the story, it is advised that you read again from the very beginning. Large parts have been deleted, rewritten added and replaced.

**Something to Remember**

By Karen Page

Special thanks to Mackillian (Jamie) and Sue Ellrod.

**Chapter 1**

"It wasn't her…" he mumbled.

Briggy Granger stopped in her tracks. She had spent months with Jean-Luc Picard in his house in France. Most of that time she had been bullying him into washing, eating, and trying to make him stay away from the bottle. Throughout all of that, she had tried her hardest to get the man to talk to her. But Jean-Luc had steadfastly remained silent on that front. Those three words, although small and probably meaningless to any eavesdroppers, meant the world to Briggy. It was the breakthrough she had desperately been searching for, ever since she had walked into the house in France a year ago and forced Jean-Luc upstairs for a bath.

"I know and I'm sorry," she answered, trying hard not to rush the conversation. She didn't want Jean-Luc to realise what was happening and retreat inside himself once again. She had to take this nice and slow. She had to let Jean-Luc do all of the talking.

"It wasn't her…" he said again, in a small pitiful voice, so unlike his normal self. "I thought everything was going to be alright again… but it wasn't her."

Briggy fought hard to keep her own emotions in check. She had seen what had happened last month on the Enterprise. Briggy had seen the excitement and joy at the prospect of Beverly Crusher returning to them alive. She had seen from the crew's reaction, just how much she had meant to them. Then, Briggy had had to deal with the aftermath of the discovery on the planet's surface. Although, somewhat pleased at finding a survivor of the disastrous convoy to the conference, deep down it wasn't who they had been waiting for. It was one of the other victims of the disaster: Grace Jarmen.

Briggy had watched as the Enterprise then set about frantically searching the area for any sign of Beverly's shuttlecraft. Every day, the circumference around Grace Jarmen's shuttle's crash site was widened by light years…

Briggy pulled over a chair and sat and listened to Jean-Luc's incoherent rambling until he was prepped for surgery. Jean-Luc had been found unconscious that very morning by Deanna in his living room in France. His liver had finally had enough of the alcohol abuse and had given out; he was also extremely malnourished and was literally wasting away. Briggy accompanied him down the corridor to the operating room and sat outside and waited for him to come out.

The surgery went well, and Briggy had sat on a chair at the side of Jean-Luc's bed reading while she waited for him to regain consciousness.

"Take me home," were his first words.

Three days later, she took Jean-Luc home, and the first thing he did was rush to his computer terminal and contact the Enterprise for any further developments.

Briggy sighed, she had assured him repeatedly that she would tell him the instant she heard something from the Enterprise. Jean-Luc didn't like what he heard from Will Riker.

They still hadn't found Beverly.

Once again, Jean-Luc slumped into silence and went to find the whiskey.

She had pre-empted that action of his and disposed of every drop of alcohol in the house. She glanced outside wondering what to do about the alcohol outside in the barn fermenting. Dismissing the thought, she started to prepare dinner for the two of them. Jean-Luc's doctor had drummed in the fact that, apart from stopping Jean-Luc's incessant alcohol abuse, she _had_ to make Jean-Luc eat, and eat well.

"Where has my drink gone?" Jean-Luc said, coming into the kitchen a few minutes later.

"I got rid of it," Briggy replied, not lifting her eyes from the carrots she was chopping. She thought that he would get angry with her, but he simply stood silently in the doorway watching what she was doing.

With a huff of protest, Jean-Luc stomped over to the replicator and tried to order another bottle of his favourite poison, only to be told that he had no access to alcoholic beverages because he was under eighteen.

He blinked in surprise and turned an impressed eye on his counsellor.

Briggy finally looked up at him. "You can't get past me."

"No," he answered. "It seems you have me at a disadvantage."

"I can't let you get back in that state again, Jean-Luc," she said, pulling out a chair at the kitchen table for him. She indicated for him to take a seat before returning to her vegetable preparations.

Jean-Luc took the seat offered to him and he sat down with a heavy sigh. "I don't want to get in that state again…"

Briggy put down the knife and walked over to him, she took his hand gently. "I won't let you. You have to trust me. Do you think you can?"

"I think I can," he said, his eyes filling with tears.

"You know you can tell me anything," she said, trying to portray her honesty through her eyes. "Anything you say to me will not leave this room. I won't even tell Deanna."

Jean-Luc seemed impressed by that news.

"In the meantime," Briggy said, a quirky smile playing on her face. "Do you fancy helping me with the dinner?"

"I can't cook," he answered, looking a little worried.

"Well you can start by finishing chopping these carrots," she said with a smile, urging him to do something other than sitting on the couch drowning in depression. To her utter delight, Jean-Luc assented, got to his feet and began chopping the carrots.

Briggy stood off to one side, watching her captain very slowly chopping the carrots. She was very proud of him. Briggy remembered back to her first days as Ship's Counsellor on the Enterprise, and the fateful plea for help that had brought her here a year ago.

She had been waiting for Deanna's call, knowing eventually that Deanna would admit defeat and relent to getting some help. Deanna couldn't take on the burden of Jean-Luc Picard's care all alone, as she was grieving too.

Sure enough, a few days later, Deanna Troi called to ask for help. Briggy studied Deanna's downtrodden appearance and she knew that Deanna didn't like having to ask for help. So Briggy made it easy on her.

"When do you want me there?" she asked softly.

Deanna seemed relieved that she hadn't actually had to ask for help. "As soon as possible…"

"I will leave within the hour," Briggy said, doing quick calculations in her head. "I'll probably be there in two days max."

"Thank you," Deanna answered, her cheeks flushing with embarrassment.

Briggy immediately went to seek out Captain Riker.

"At last," Will said with a heavy sigh. "My wife can be stubborn when she wants to be. Will she be returning here after you have arrived in France?"

"Deanna doesn't think she will be," Briggy replied. "But she _will_ be returning whether she likes it or not."

Will smiled, but his smile didn't quite reach his eyes. "I think this is best all round," he said softly. "Deanna needs help with this too…"

Briggy arrived in France as promised a couple of days later. She had taken the opportunity to sleep prior to arrival and now felt fresh and ready to take on anything that she needed to. She landed the shuttle on the small landing pad at the end of the Picard's driveway and walked down towards the house where Deanna was sitting on the front steps of the house waiting for her.

Deanna was obviously still not happy at involving another Counsellor in Jean-Luc's care, but at the same time she looked relieved to have someone else there to take away some, if not all, of the burden.

They greeted each other, but without warmth, Briggy felt Deanna's cold shoulder. She didn't know whether it was because of this situation, or because she had been the one to replace Deanna on the Enterprise after Deanna's transfer to the USS Titan.

"To be honest, Deanna," Briggy said, "you have to admit that me being here is best."

Deanna narrowed her eyes and looked down. "Maybe," she admitted.

"You shouldn't have waited so long to call me," Briggy continued.

"I was … But you don't know Jean-Luc like I do," Deanna said.

"Okay, well, that's a given considering I only started work on the Enterprise four months ago. But sometimes that is a good thing. I don't have personal involvement in the case. You are trying to deal with the captain's grief as well as your own. You and I both know that is not the best course of action. You've been here with him all alone for the best part of three months—"

Deanna interrupted the other counsellor, "Just so you know, I'm not relinquishing full control of this case over to you. I just can't."

"I understand. We can work something out between us," Briggy said. "I want to work with you on this case, not against you."

Counsellor Troi nodded, agreeing with her. "Well, I think we should go and break the news of your arrival to the captain," Deanna said, turning to go back into the house. This was the moment she had been looking forward to least.

"Captain," Deanna said as she entered the living room of the Picard house in Labarre, France. "Counsellor Granger has arrived to help us."

"What the hell for?" Jean-Luc yelled. "I don't even want you here! I want to be left alone! Get out! Get out of my house!"

"We are not going anywhere," Counsellor Granger answered. She walked over to Jean-Luc and snatched the glass of whiskey from his hand. "You absolutely stink! You are going to have a bath and then you will eat a proper meal."

Deanna's eyes widened, and at that moment, she realised that unbeknownst to her, she had been pandering to him. Allowing him to wallow in his misery.

"You have no right telling me what to do!" he shouted in response. "Give that back immediately! That's an order, Counsellor!"

"You have been relieved of duty," she answered. "So get up."

Jean-Luc, for the first time in months, lifted his eyes and met the new Enterprise counsellor's eyes. He had avoided all personal contact with Deanna. But this woman was an unknown entity. She had come to the Enterprise from the USS Washington and had come very highly recommended. When he had read about her stubbornness and out and out gall, he knew that Counsellor Bridget Granger, known as Briggy to her friends, was the only person who could replace Deanna Troi.

"Get up," she repeated in a low, even tone that meant business.

He was annoyed to say the least. He had awoken not long before, after a night passed out on the couch in an alcohol induced coma and was almost sober. The drink he had just poured himself was the 'hair of the dog' and he hadn't even taken a snifter of it before Briggy had snatched it from his fingers.

Jean-Luc glanced at Deanna, and was shocked at her appearance. She looked tired and drawn. She had lost the sparkle in her eyes. Her hair hung limp from her head and she had dark circles beneath her eyes. Jean-Luc decided that he would get up for Deanna, and that he would have the damned bath, for Deanna and he would eat something, for Deanna.

"Get up," Briggy repeated, and to her amazement, Jean-Luc did as he was asked.

And now, a year later, as Briggy watched Jean-Luc chopping the carrots, she knew that he still had a long way to go, but at least he was on the way there. He had turned a corner and was pulling through his depression. She could see that his emergency trip to hospital had shocked him enough to make him try harder to cope with his loss. And Briggy knew the detoxification treatment and lack of alcohol during his stay had also helped his recovery.

It was a slow and delicate process, but eventually, just over five months after leaving the hospital, Jean-Luc came out of the void he had been living in for almost eighteen months and was able to lead a normal life. He hadn't got over Beverly's death, but he had learned to accept it and live with it. Briggy had asked Jean-Luc to return to the Enterprise with her, and two months after returning, Briggy signed Jean-Luc off. He was fit to return to duty, and once again he took command of the Enterprise.

Deanna was overjoyed with Briggy's work. Not only had Briggy helped Jean-Luc recover, but Briggy had been there on the other end of the computer whenever Deanna hadn't been able to cope with the loss of Beverly too. She had Briggy had become very close friends over the last two years and Deanna didn't fully want to return to her post on the Titan. It was like the end of an era all over again. She and Briggy had taken it in turns to take care of Jean-Luc, and it had been Deanna's turn when Jean-Luc had ended up in hospital. It happened the week that they thought they had finally found Beverly, but it had been someone else. Jean-Luc hadn't taken the news well, and Deanna hadn't coped well with it either. Deanna had never been so pleased to see anyone as she had the day Briggy arrived to permanently take over Jean-Luc's care.

When Briggy had first returned to the Enterprise, she hadn't seemed herself and Deanna had been battling with the stubborn woman for the past couple of months, trying to find out what was wrong with her. She was quiet and Deanna sensed she was feeling low and a little despondent. Deanna didn't really want to leave the Enterprise until she had found out what was bothering her friend, and today was their last day on board.

"I think everything is in one piece," Deanna said, smiling sadly as she handed over the reins to Counsellor Granger. They were standing in Briggy's office inside the counselling chambers.

"It's strange isn't it?" Briggy sighed, dropping down heavily on the cream-coloured couch in her office.

Deanna nodded. "So much has happened in the past two years and now we're expected to just return to normal life. You here on the Enterprise, and Will and I back to the Titan. I think Will was getting pretty comfortable as acting captain here. It's a good thing Captain Picard returned when he did…"

Briggy swallowed hard. "I think I love him, Deanna."

Deanna at first didn't understand. "Who?"

"Jean-Luc," Briggy answered.

"Oh," the Betazoid said quietly. Deanna's heart sank, she immediately realised that this was what had been bothering Briggy. And it was a problem that she couldn't help with.

Briggy studied Deanna's expression for a moment; the silence in the room spoke volumes. "I know, I know," Briggy said, waving an arm to express herself.

"It's wrong on so many levels," Deanna said.

Briggy nodded. "I'm certainly not going to act on my feelings," she said. "It's going to be hard. I'm hoping it will turn out to be a crush."

"He's your patient," Deanna pointed out.

Briggy nodded again. "I know."

"It's wrong. You need to distance yourself from him as much as possible."

"I intend to," Briggy replied. "Jean-Luc isn't calling me for help anymore. It's been over a month now since the last time. We have our fortnightly fifty-minute appointments. I think I can cope with that." She gave a wry smile.

"Why did you wait until I was about to leave before telling me?" Deanna asked.

Briggy grinned. "Well, I knew you wouldn't be onboard to give me a hard time after I told you if I waited."

Deanna rolled her eyes. "Right."

"I'm aware of the rules."

"And if something does happen between you…"

"This is exactly what I mean by giving me a hard time."

"I'm just telling it like it is," Deanna replied.

"Jean-Luc certainly doesn't have feelings for me," Briggy pointed out. "And if by some miracle, something does happen, then I know protocol. We wait. We transfer his care to someone else."

"Well, Jean-Luc's already been signed off," Deanna answered. "One year is the minimum."

Briggy groaned. "Why are we even talking about this?" she exclaimed, jumping to her feet. "Nothing is going to happen!"

A couple of hours later, Briggy found herself alone with Jean-Luc in the transporter room after Will and Deanna beamed aboard a transport ship bound for the Titan. Briggy could feel Jean-Luc's eyes on her as she turned and headed out the doors.

"Counsellor," Jean-Luc called formally, aware that a crewman was manning the controls and able to hear them.

"Yes, sir?" she answered.

"Is everything okay?" he asked softly.

Briggy was touched that he had noticed her demeanour considering that she had tried so hard to hide it from him. "Yes, sir," she answered with a false smile. "I'm fine."

Jean-Luc paused for a moment and waited until the doors to the transporter room had closed behind them, "After what you did for me," he said, "anytime you need to talk, my door is always open."

Briggy felt a lump in her throat as she nodded her head and said thank you.

"I'll see you at the staff meeting," the captain said briskly and then marched off down the corridor to return to business.

Briggy often pondered back to that moment outside the transporter room, although a year and more had passed since then. That was the day that she was expected to get on with her life. The day she realised that she had been so caught up in everything to do with counselling Jean-Luc Picard and also the others on board the Enterprise who had been affected by the tragedy, that she hadn't stopped and taken the time to make the Enterprise her home. She didn't know anybody on board on a personal level and felt very alone. That hadn't helped curb her longing for a certain captain she knew.

Briggy had successfully convinced Deanna Troi, over subspace communications, that her feelings for Jean-Luc had only been infatuation and nothing more and Deanna had dropped the subject long ago.

But, sitting there on the couch in Jean-Luc's quarters, for the very first time, Briggy wished that she could be anywhere else. She would have gratefully sat down to a '_Deanna Troi Special_' twenty-four hour non-stop interrogation session, rather than sit where she was at that moment.

"I'm sure they won't be long," Briggy said, staring into the depths of her red wine. She cursed the ambassador and his wife. It looked as though she and the captain had been stood up. This was supposed to have been a celebratory dinner. Briggy had helped the ambassador with a small planetary conflict. They had resolved the issue together and the captain had asked them to his quarters for dinner that night to celebrate the small victory.

"I must admit," Jean-Luc began softly, causing Briggy to look up and meet his eyes. "I thought that this…" Jean-Luc struggled to find the words to explain himself. "I thought that being around you would make me feel… somewhat awkward."

'_No, but you don't feel awkward do you, Captain?_' Briggy thought to herself. '_It's the other way around_.'

"After everything that happened between us," Jean-Luc continued when Briggy didn't answer. He watched her drain her glass and reach for the bottle of red that he had left on the table. "But I don't feel awkward at all."

Briggy threw him her false smile and then turned her attention to the task of re-filling her wine glass.

"We should do this more often," Jean-Luc said in a casual voice.

Briggy almost spilt the wine in surprise. "Really?" she asked, not able to help herself.

"I have noticed that you seem to be a bit of a loner like myself," he answered, taking a sip of his wine.

Briggy nodded her head and felt a wave of sadness wash over her. Even after being back on board a year, she still hadn't made the Enterprise her true home. All her friends were serving on other ships. She spent every single night alone in her quarters wishing hours would pass quickly before bedtime. "I guess that's true," she answered softly. As she stared into the depths of her wine glass, she wondered how she could say 'thanks, but no thanks' to his kind offer. She couldn't trust herself around him and certainly couldn't if they were alone.

Just as Jean-Luc was about to continue, the door chime sounded announcing the arrival of the ambassador and his wife.

'_Strange_,' Jean-Luc thought, after hearing Briggy's reply to his offer of dinner a few days later.

He thought Briggy had looked flustered. Her cheeks had turned a bright shade of crimson as she had mumbled something about a late dinner appointment with a client.

Jean-Luc turned his attention back to the report he was supposed to be reviewing and tried hard to concentrate on it, but his thoughts kept straying to his counsellor. He decided to call it a night. It wasn't late, but his eyes were sore from staring at the screen on his computer all day long.

On his way back to his quarters, he changed his mind and decided that it would make a nice change to eat his dinner in Ten Forward. He did an about face and headed straight there.

He settled into a corner booth and gave his order to a hovering waiter. He then settled back in his chair with a drink, soaking up the bustling atmosphere. The doors whooshed open at the far end of the room and Jean-Luc smiled. It was the end of the gamma shift, and they were all coming into Ten Forward to relax before heading home for the night.

In the midst of the crowd, Jean-Luc noticed Briggy walking into Ten Forward with them. He watched her scan the room for an empty table and sit down to what he thought must be her late dinner appointment.

The room was so crowded that the occupants on a table near Briggy asked if they could take the chairs. It was then, and only then, that Jean-Luc realised that Briggy had lied to him for some reason.

Briggy must have felt eyes upon her and she lifted her gaze and met Jean-Luc eye to eye across the room. Jean-Luc watched her twitching nervously, before she picked up her drink and walked towards him.

"Mind if I join you?" she asked hesitantly.

Jean-Luc smiled and didn't portray his confusion. "By all means," he said, pulling out the chair beside him. "Did your dinner appointment get cancelled?"

Briggy nodded, not quite meeting his eyes. "Last minute," she answered. "I thought it would be too late to arrange our dinner together…"

"Oh well," he said, holding up his glass to hers. "All's well that ends well."

"Have you ordered?" she asked.

Jean-Luc nodded. "Just a salad. How about you?"

"Not yet," Briggy answered.

"Is something wrong, Briggy?" Jean-Luc asked, his curiosity finally getting the better of him. "You don't seem very comfortable."

He watched her swallow hard before answering his question.

"I'm fine," she said, pulling a false smile.

"Is this because I'm an ex-patient of yours?" he asked. It made sense to him.

Briggy shook her head immediately. "No, of course not. It's nothing really. I'm probably a little tired out. I spent the afternoon with a patient who has just lost her mother. She is very upset that she can't be with her family at the moment."

Jean-Luc nodded in understanding, but he wasn't totally convinced. "Have you heard from your sister?" he asked, deciding to change the subject. Despite the distance now between them on the Enterprise, he and Briggy had been very close back at the house in France. They used to talk for hours, usually into the small hours of the night. Especially in the last month before they had returned to the Enterprise and when he was feeling himself again. They had had fun, playing chess and eating junk food together.

"Yes." Briggy smiled the first real smile that night. "Charlie told me a couple of weeks ago that she is getting married again. I'm really glad things are looking up for her. She was so down after the split up of her marriage. She's known her new fiancé since they were at school together. They met up at a function and hit it off straight away. Charlie's a new woman."

"When do I get to meet this sister of yours?" he asked, grinning. From what Briggy had told him of her sister Charlie, she sounded very interesting.

Briggy smiled and shrugged at the same time. "I don't know. I suppose that might be her wedding day. I checked it out, and we will be back in orbit of Earth for the week of her wedding. It's when the Enterprise is scheduled for a complete refit."

"You mean it's not for another two years?" he asked in surprise.

"Yep." Briggy shrugged again. "I guess they are taking it slow. That, and the massive waiting list to get married in the Hall des Miroirs theatre in Paris. Have you visited that place?" Briggy asked. "It's so beautiful."

"I have never been," Jean-Luc answered. "But I've heard it is breathtaking to behold. A feat of modern architecture."

"And Charlie is an architect." Briggy grinned.

Jean-Luc noticed that Briggy seemed more at ease as their conversation progressed. He made a mental note to keep a close eye on her.

"Dinner?" Jean-Luc asked as soon as he found Briggy in her office. Yet again, he noticed that Briggy seemed a little hesitant. "Do you not like spending time with me?" he asked with a grin. "Be honest, I am a grown man. I can take it."

He heard Briggy sigh heavily. "Well?" he asked, still smiling.

"I love spending time with you," she replied softly. Then she blinked quickly and looked away from him. "Nineteen hundred hours?" she asked, her gaze firmly locked on the data pad she held in her palm of her hand.

"My quarters this time?" he asked.

"Um…" Briggy mumbled. "Okay."

"You don't sound that convinced…"

Briggy quickly shook her head. "No it's fine," she said, lifting her eyes to meet his. "I'm looking forward to it."

Jean-Luc smiled. "Good. Is there anything in particular that you fancy for dinner? Or shall I surprise you?"

"Surprise me," she answered.

"I thought we might have another game of chess," Jean-Luc suggested. He had found Briggy to be a formidable opponent and very much enjoyed playing against her.

"Oooh." Briggy wiggled her eyebrows at him. "You really want me to kick your butt again?"

"I really think my luck is changing." Then he flashed her a smile and laughed as he left her office.

"Oh god… oh god," Briggy mumbled to herself later that day. She had half an hour's grace before she had to leave for dinner at Jean-Luc's quarters.

There was nothing else she could do but contact Deanna Troi.

"You _are_ in love with him!" Deanna exclaimed after Briggy had briefly explained her predicament.

"Deanna, he is the one pursuing me!" Briggy replied.

Deanna's eyes widened in surprise. "Huh?"

Briggy shook her head. "Well ,maybe not pursuing me as such… He keeps inviting me to dinner," she explained. "He said that he'd noticed that I was a bit of a loner like him and suggested that we spent more time together."

Deanna didn't say anything. Being on the Titan, light years away from the Enterprise, Deanna didn't know what frame of mine the captain was in. She had no idea whether Jean-Luc was trying for friendship or for something more.

"What should I do?" Briggy asked softly.

Deanna couldn't believe her eyes, the woman that she had known for the past couple of years and had always seemed cool and aloft, was now almost in tears.

"How many times have you been for dinner with him now?"

"Well," Briggy answered, "just the once in Ten Forward."

Deanna smiled and looked away. "Tonight is the second time then?"

Briggy narrowed her eyes at her friend. "This time it's in his quarters, and the last time was supposed to have been in his quarters, but I lied about being busy. Then I got busted because we both chose to eat in Ten Forward that very night."

"Well can I suggest you just act like a friend to him?" Deanna said with a shrug. "Play cards… or chess."

"We are going to play chess." Briggy grinned then. "I'm so nervous, Deanna! I've got butterflies in my stomach and it's as if I'm actually going on a real date with him. He is bound to notice what's wrong with me sooner or later. He keeps asking me if I don't like spending time with him."

"But you do," Deanna said softly.

Briggy sighed heavily. "Oh yeah…"

Deanna really didn't know what to suggest. The obvious thing to do was to cancel the dinner date. But she was secretly pleased that Jean-Luc was well and in a healthy frame of mind because he was socialising again. If Briggy didn't have feelings from him, she would have actively encouraged their friendship. But she didn't know whether Jean-Luc was looking for a replacement for Beverly. And if so, it was dangerous ground for Briggy to be treading on.

"The only advice I can think of now," Deanna said, at a loss, "is to keep your uniform on. That way you won't feel the need to dress up for the occasion."

Briggy burst out laughing. "I'm not intending to take it off! I mean I didn't intend to dress up for seduction."

Briggy ended the conversation and couldn't help but check her reflection in the mirror before heading out for her dinner date with the captain.

"More wine?" Jean-Luc asked, reaching for the bottle.

Briggy lifted her glass to him. She was gloating after having beaten Jean-Luc yet again at chess.

Jean-Luc studied his companion as she sipped her wine. The wine seemed to have relaxed her. He was unaccustomed to seeing Briggy tense and on edge, but he had noticed that recently she had been acting strange around him.

He had decided the other day, with Briggy's help, that he needed to start socialising again. Despite returning to a relatively normal life after returning to the Enterprise, he had had been closed off from personal relationships. He had relied heavily on Beverly when she was alive and there was now a huge void in his life where she had been.

Jean-Luc hadn't consciously decided that Briggy was going to be the person to fill the void, but here she was sitting on his couch. But she would never be Beverly, nobody could ever take Beverly's place.

He decided that he should appreciate Briggy for who she was and try to clear Beverly from his mind. He mentally stopped himself every time he found himself comparing Briggy to Beverly. They were nothing alike. The main difference, of course, was their appearance, although both beautiful women, Beverly had her gorgeous red hair and sapphire eyes and alabaster skin. Briggy was the opposite, she had waist length dark hair, startling green eyes and tanned skin. Briggy didn't have Beverly's sharp wit or her selflessness. But unlike Beverly, who was accomplished at hiding her feelings, Briggy wore her heart on her sleeve.

It was that thought that Jean-Luc pondered on as he cleared away the chess set. Suddenly Briggy's strange reactions to him over the past few months became clear. Until now, the thought that Briggy may have feelings for him had never even occurred to him.

He walked over and sat down opposite her, "Do you want desert now?" he asked, and suddenly, it was him who felt uncomfortable. He had no idea how to deal with this situation. He needed to think on it.

"Are you okay?" Briggy asked, noticing he was suddenly ill at ease.

Jean-Luc nodded. "I'm fine."

Briggy smiled, seemingly satisfied with his answer. "I think it's getting a bit late," she said. "I've got to be up early tomorrow. I've got a case conference with Deanna before her oh six hundred hours meeting on the Titan."

Jean-Luc didn't know what possessed him, but he kissed Briggy goodnight on the cheek at the door. Her eyes had filled with tears afterwards and she wished him sweet dreams and practically dashed for the safety of her own quarters.

Once safely inside her quarters, Briggy opened the floodgate on her emotions and sobbed her heart out while sitting in her rocking chair by the view port. She didn't know what to do now. She was sure Jean-Luc had seen her reaction.

'Why did he have to kiss me?' she kept asking over and over in her head.

She sat in the chair for almost two hours before she thought about going to bed. Her head pounded and she closed her eyes, bracing herself against the pain. She stumbled to the bathroom and went inside without turning on the light. She knew her way to her medicine cabinet like she knew the back of her hand.

She gave herself a dose of analgesic and then pulled out her mini medical scanner. She skilfully examined herself before replacing the scanner and preparing her usual medication. After injecting the orange fluid into her stomach, she turned and switched on the shower.

Jean-Luc hadn't slept a wink all night. For the first time in a long time, the reason he hadn't been able to sleep was something other than Beverly. He felt like an idiot. He couldn't believe he had kissed Briggy after realising that she had feelings for him. He was submerged in guilt and all he had wanted to do was go after her.

Jean-Luc had got as far as the turbolift before turning around. He had no idea what to say to her. One thing was for certain, he knew that he had to say something. He remembered what it had been like before in a similar situation with Beverly. It had been very awkward between them, but Beverly, who could detach herself from the strongest of emotions, had managed to pull them both through it.

With a heavy sigh, Jean-Luc checked the time and got ready for the day ahead. It was his day off, and usually he would have slept in, but today he had someone to see.

He waited until he knew Briggy was finished with her morning patients and had returned to her quarters for lunch before he tried to speak with her.

Jean-Luc could tell she was surprised to see him. She stood the other side of the door just gazing at him, almost as if afraid that if she moved a muscle, she would betray her feelings for him again.

"Can I come in?" he asked softly. He had never stepped foot inside Briggy's quarters before.

Briggy took a step back, allowing him to enter.

"I… don't know what to say," he said after the doors had closed behind them.

"It's okay," she blurted. "I understand."

Jean-Luc frowned. "Understand what?"

Briggy's control slipped and she covered her face in shame. "That you don't feel the same."

Jean-Luc didn't answer.

Briggy sank down on the couch. "I sorry to put you in this position. I never intended to…"

Jean-Luc sat down beside her. "You don't have apologise," he said softly, pulling her into his arms.

Briggy fell into his arms willingly. "I'll transfer…"

"No you won't," he answered, before finding her lips with his own. He did love her. She had been the rock that he had clung to from the depths of his despair and he was sure he wouldn't have been where he was now without her. She meant the world to him.

Briggy pulled away first, she looked stunned. "Wow…" she breathed, it was the only thing her confused mind could come up with at the time.

Jean-Luc kissed her again, reaching for the opening in her uniform. Briggy would help him move on with his life. They both needed to start afresh.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

_New Beginnings_

The stars outside the view port caught Briggy's attention as she busily worked on her latest project. She watched as the stars that had sat twinkling at her as she worked, suddenly passed in a blur as the Enterprise jumped to warp speed.

They were moving on. Moving away from the planet where they had spent the past couple of months installing a weather grid. Due to her position on the ship, it was something that she had not had to be involved in. So for the past few weeks, she had been suffering from boredom, and had been driving her husband, who was heavily involved in everything on the Enterprise, absolutely crazy.

"Picard to Counsellor Granger."

"Granger here," she replied, taping her commbadge.

"About that dinner…" the captain began.

"You can't make it?" Her disappointment evident in her voice.

"Actually," Jean-Luc answered, "I've had enough and I'm on my way home now. We can go early."

"Early!"

"Yes, early," he replied.

The counsellor laughed in amazement. "Well then, in that case, this report can wait. I'm on my way, I'll see you in a minute. Granger out."

Briggy smiled to herself as she quickly backed up her data and threw everything in her desk drawer. "Wonders will never cease," she mused to herself as she left the counselling chambers.

"This is a nice surprise," Briggy said as she entered her quarters.

"I have run you a bath," Jean-Luc said, enveloping her into his arms. "I think we should dress up for the occasion."

Briggy kissed his lips tenderly. "I second that. Have you made sure that the holodeck is free? I don't want Geordi walking in on us again!"

"Yes, it's free." He laughed at the memory as he released his hold on his wife.

Briggy paused just long enough to register the smile and the laughter on her husband's face. Inside, hope flickered, if only for a second. Hope that one day Jean-Luc would finally be happy again.

She went inside the bathroom and took an involuntary gasp. Jean-Luc had gone to town. There were candles flickering soft iridescent light on every surface and he had sprinkled blood red rose petals into the steaming water.

"Wow," she breathed.

"Do you like it?" he asked, making her jump. She hadn't realised he had followed her in.

"It's beautiful," she sighed. "And Mr Picard, you are going in that bath with me."

"I had every intention of doing so," he answered with a smile.

Last night had been amazing. Briggy spent most of the morning with an irremovable smile plastered onto her face. She got up from her desk and went to the mirror she had installed in the corner to study her reflection. She had dark circles underneath her bright green eyes and her dark long hair was a little messy, but she didn't care. These imperfections only served to remind her of what a wonderful night, and early morning, she had spent with her husband.

A familiar voice sounded behind her, "Someone looks satisfied."

Briggy jumped and spun around. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm hitching a lift back to the Titan," Deanna Troi said, grinning at the surprise on her friend's face.

"You didn't tell me." Briggy smiled, circling the desk to give her friend a hug.

"Well, it was a last minute decision, and I thought you'd like a surprise." Deanna hugged Briggy back and then made herself comfortable on her old chair. "How is everything going?" she asked.

"Fine," Briggy said, propping herself up on the edge of the desk. "How is Will? Any news on the baby front?"

Deanna smiled proudly "Will is doing great. He just received a commendation for his work with the Gifrat's."

"I heard about that," Briggy said with a nod. "That was quite something."

Deanna smiled. "I'm very proud of my husband."

Briggy grinned. "And the baby front?"

Deanna's face fell. "No luck yet," she replied. "We are giving ourselves another couple of months before we go and speak to someone."

Briggy nodded, her expression pensive.

"So…" Deanna said softly, knowing that Briggy knew what she was asking.

"I'm not sure," Briggy answered. "Jean-Luc might be coming round to my way of thinking. But, as he reminded me last week, a baby is not like a dog. It's not like I can have the baby and take care of it by myself."

"Just give him time." Deanna squeezed her friend's arm affectionately. "I know Jean-Luc regretted his decision not to have children."

"Mmm," Briggy murmured sadly.

"You're still a young woman," Deanna said. "You have plenty of time. You're only thirty-six years old."

Briggy snorted and got up from the desk. "Jean-Luc is not a young man," she pointed out.

"There are ways around that," Deanna answered.

"I guess," Briggy said.

"So how is Jean-Luc?".

"He's… coping."

Deanna gave her friend a rueful smile. "He will get there one day," she said in her best convincing voice, even though she didn't know if she was right or not. "Do you fancy some lunch?" she asked, changing the subject.

"Sure," Briggy replied, relieved to get off the topic of her husband.

Deanna watched as Briggy sorted out a few last minute things before they headed off for lunch in ten forward. She wondered how long Briggy was going to put up with Jean-Luc. She couldn't imagine how Briggy felt on a day to day basis living with a man so consumed with the ghost of another.

_Two Months Later_

"It's time to get up…"

Jean-Luc groaned as he heard the voice calling to him through the veil of slumber.

"We have to move, Jean-Luc," Briggy persisted. "You know we have to be somewhere! I promised we would be there to lend a hand with anything Charlie needs. So do please hurry."

Jean-Luc slid out from beneath his bedcovers.

"I've run a bath for you."

"Briggy, I do wish you would stop fussing over me," Jean-Luc grumbled as his bare feet touched the bedroom carpet.

"I like to take care of you, you're my husband."

"As you keep reminding me," Jean-Luc chuckled dryly. "Oh, and I'm not wearing that. I hate it." He pointed to the clothes hanging on the back of the desk chair.

"We are going to a wedding, that suit is … well, suitable." Briggy laughed. "Can you please get a move on!"

"All right," Jean-Luc muttered and disappeared inside the bathroom.

"Oh, and you haven't forgotten your appointment with the doctor this morning have you?"

"No," Jean-Luc answered in a low miserable voice.

"Well, I am going to go on ahead without you. I'll meet you at Charlotte's house. Don't be late! There is something important I want you to see. I want you there before the ceremony starts. It's important."

"I understand," he said.

Briggy checked her appearance quickly in the mirror. "How do I look?" she asked, turning expectant eyes on her husband.

Jean-Luc blinked sleepy eyes and focused on her from his position on the edge of the bed. "You look beautiful, as always," he answered truthfully. With her long raven hair and aquamarine eyes, his wife was beautiful.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

He sighed. "Of course."

She smiled, seemingly satisfied, and walked over to him to kiss him goodbye. "I'll see you later," she said softly. "Thank you," she said, tears welling in her eyes.

"For what?" Jean-Luc asked.

"For letting me try for a baby." She smiled and kissed his lips. "I love you," she said, pressing her forehead against his.

"I love you too," he answered, hugging her in return.

Jean-Luc sighed as their quarters fell silent and he revelled in the peace. He was not looking forward to his sister-in-law's wedding anymore than he had looked forward to his own, and his own had been very quiet. It had been the bride and groom and Deanna and Will Riker. Briggy had gone along with his request for a small, intimate wedding, and had insisted that she keep her own surname. Jean-Luc wasn't bothered. As a result, today, Jean-Luc would be meeting Briggy's younger sister Charlotte for the first time.

After getting dressed, he arrived in sickbay for his annual medical. "Doctor," he greeted formally.

"Captain," Dr Gaul answered. "I'm amazed at your wife!" he laughed. "For the past four years I have had to drag you here kicking and screaming, and now you actually book an appointment in advance and turn up ten minutes early. All thanks to Counsellor Briggy Granger, no doubt."

Jean-Luc blanked out the doctor's words, every time he came to sickbay he was immersed in minutia and depression. The whole ship felt so different to him after Beverly had died.

Sickbay just felt wrong.

Jean-Luc always left sickbay as fast as humanly possible. He was on his way to the transporter room to meet his wife when he got a call to return to the bridge.

Jean-Luc thanked his lucky stars and hoped it would be something important enough to save him from the wedding of Briggy's sister Charlotte.

"I've patched the message through to your ready room, sir," his first officer said as he entered the bridge.

Every time Jean-Luc entered the bridge and had Commander Campbell turn to speak to him, he had to mentally shake himself. Even after four years, he still expected to see Commander Riker there.

"Thank you, Number One," he automatically answered before going to retrieve the message. Deanna Troi's face greeted him on his screen as he sank down in his chair behind the desk.

"Deanna!" he exclaimed in surprise. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"Hello, Captain," she said, smiling. "Permission to come aboard, sir?" she added.

"Of course, of course," he said, smiling in return. "You still can't call me Jean-Luc?" he mused.

"That is never going to happen, Captain." Deanna laughed.

The wedding had completely slipped his mind until his wife contacted him as he walked towards the transporter room to meet Deanna.

"Something has come up," he said to Briggy.

"It always does," Briggy snapped. "This is important to me. Typical!"

He decided not to worry about his wife's wrath until she arrived home that evening. Instead, he concentrated on Deanna.

When Deanna arrived a few moments later, Jean-Luc could tell instantly that she hadn't just dropped by to catch up with her old friends. She had something important to tell him.

"How is Briggy?" Deanna asked as she stepped down off of the transporter platform.

"She is annoyed with me at the moment." Jean-Luc chuckled.

"Uh oh." Deanna grinned. "What have you done this time?"

"I am simply avoiding her sister's wedding." Jean-Luc shrugged.

Deanna shook her head in mock disappointment. "I am glad you were in orbit of Earth. There is something I need to tell you and I did not want to do it unless we were face to face. Is there somewhere private we could go? Is Briggy on board too?"

"We can go to my quarters," Jean-Luc suggested, knowing that whatever it was that Deanna had to tell him, it was a private matter. "Briggy is at her sister's wedding now."

"That's a shame," Deanna said.

"Would it be Briggy the counsellor you wanted or Briggy my wife?" Jean-Luc inquired.

Deanna dismissed the question with a shake of her head. "It doesn't matter. Let's go to your quarters."

Deanna told Jean-Luc to take a seat and offered him a drink. As she ordered some tea for her old captain, she worried about how her news would affect him. It had taken some years for Jean-Luc to come to terms with Beverly's death, and now everything was about to be blown right out of the water.

"Deanna, I'm beginning to feel worried," he said softly as Deanna set down the tea tray on the table in front of the couch where he was sitting. "More bad news?"

"No…" Deanna answered. "Good news, actually, but it will come as a massive shock."

"What is it?" he asked curiously as he lifted his cup to his lips.

"Someone found Beverly," Deanna answered.

Jean-Luc froze, unsure if he had heard correctly or not. "Her body?"

Deanna shook her head. "They found Beverly. She is alive, Captain."

Jean-Luc gasped and the cup full of tea fell from his fingers and crashed onto the floor at his feet. He watched its descent as if in slow motion, he didn't react to the hot liquid as it scalded his legs.

"I don't know all the facts yet," Deanna continued, quickly dabbing the hot liquid off of his legs with a napkin. "But apparently one of the teams surveying a planet undercover, they spotted Beverly working in a bar tending tables. It was on Kilyan; a planet three hundred light years away from where her shuttle exploded."

Jean-Luc's eyes widened in disbelief. "How could she have travelled that far away?"

Deanna shook her head and then took his hand. "As I said, I don't know all the details as of yet. I only received the news this morning, myself."

Kilyan had a history extremely close to Earth's own. They were centuries behind in development, but were making steady progress with their space program. Starfleet had teams on the surface watching the developments as they happened. It had been reasonably easy for the human team to integrate with the Kilyans, as there was virtually no difference in their appearance and their anatomy.

"Why didn't she contact us?" he asked, knowing inside that Deanna didn't have the answers to his questions.

"Well, I guess we can ask her when we see her," Deanna said softly. "She was on a planet that hasn't discovered that they aren't the only intelligent life in the universe. So Kilyan obviously doesn't have the ability to contact ships in space."

"But she must know that there were teams there to observe the Kilyan's. She could have contacted one of them…" Jean-Luc shook his head. "I am stunned," he said in a low, wistful voice. "Where is she, Deanna?"

"She should be arriving here in our system sometime this afternoon. She's on a freight ship with a couple of Federation representatives. Both of whom didn't seem to know who Beverly was or why they had to escort her back to Earth."

"Is she coming here to the Enterprise?" he asked.

"They are making arrangements for her arrival at Starfleet Medical," Deanna replied. "They contacted me first, so that I could tell you." Deanna shook her head, her eyes filling with tears. "I can't believe this is happening… It's been four years!"

Jean-Luc squeezed Deanna's hand reassuringly. "All that matters is that Beverly is alive."

Deanna smiled. "Yes, that's quite true."

Jean-Luc left Deanna to arrange her temporary quarters while he sat alone in his own, quite unable to believe what she had told him. He physically pinched himself to make sure he was awake. He was expecting Deanna to arrive any minute to tell him there had been a terrible mistake, but Deanna never arrived.

"Could it be true?" he asked his reflection in the viewport.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Mere hours later, Jean-Luc realised that Deanna's claims of Beverly being found alive were true. He was seated next to Deanna in a waiting room at Starfleet Medical.

Deanna could barely sense Jean-Luc's anticipation over her own. Neither of them could keep from fidgeting.

"I keep thinking that there is going to be some kind of a mistake," Deanna muttered.

"Same here," Jean-Luc agreed.

Each time the waiting room doors opened, Deanna and Jean-Luc both jumped out of their skin, expecting Beverly to walk in.

"What is taking so long?" Deanna moaned as the door at the far end of the room swung open.

A tall woman with blonde hair walked in. She smiled at the two officers seated opposite her and walked over to them extending her hand. "I'm sorry to have kept you waiting. My name is Doctor Jasmine Martin. I have been running a few tests on Dr Crusher."

"How is she?" Jean-Luc blurted despite himself.

Jasmine pulled a chair over and sat down opposite them. "She is in good health," she answered.

"I sense a 'but' coming on…" Deanna said.

"She seems extremely disoriented," Jasmine said, turning her eyes towards Deanna's. "A little more so than I would have expected the woman who used to run this whole building would be. So, I decided to run a preliminary test on her and I have uncovered some evidence to suggest that she has undergone one or more operations since her disappearance four years ago. The operations were on her brain. I am awaiting more in-depth analysis results specifically of the operation sites. From those results, I should be able to give an exact status of her condition."

Jean-Luc and Deanna were both understandably shocked at this news.

"The Kilyans experimented on her?" Jean-Luc asked in horror.

Jasmine shrugged. "I honestly do not know. For all I know, it could be experimentation, if the Kilyans suspected that she was not of their world. But there could be other, more rational, explanations for it."

"I hope you are right, Doctor," Jean-Luc stated. "May we please see her?" he asked, trying not to sound desperate.

"Of course." Jasmine stood up and led the way. "I must warn you, before you see Beverly, that she is not in the best of moods. I was led to believe that she did not want to leave Kilyan. She has not cooperated fully with any of the tests we have done."

Jean-Luc marched in front of Deanna, he was eager to see Beverly with his own eyes. The moment he laid eyes on Beverly, he stopped in his tracks. Unaware that he was coming to a stop, he was not even conscious of the fact that Deanna had crashed into him from behind,. She stepped out from behind him, and she too stood motionless as her eyes drank in the sight of their best friend, a friend that they had finally laid to rest just over a year and a half ago.

Beverly gazed out of the window, dressed in the usual grey sickbay attire. Her hair was at least a foot longer than the last time Jean-Luc had seen her. But everything else was just as he remembered.

"Beverly," Jasmine said pleasantly, walking towards her.

"Yes?" she answered without taking her eyes off of the magnificent view of the park outside.

"Your friends are here," Jasmine replied.

Beverly turned around, seemingly pleased at the news. She glanced at Deanna and then Jean-Luc in turn, her smile dropping from her face in disappointment. "I thought you said my friends were here," she said, turning to Jasmine.

Jasmine frowned. "I did," she answered. "They are standing right there, as you can see."

Jean-Luc feared the worst, for some reason irrational thoughts ran wild in his mind. He wondered if Beverly had faked her own death and tried to start a new life somewhere else. He glanced at Deanna, who turned disturbed dark eyes on him.

Deanna moved forward, unlike everyone else in the room, she had an advantage. She had the ability to sense Beverly's emotions and she could tell that Beverly was not being problematic at all. She truly was confused at this turn of events.

"You don't remember us, do you?" Deanna said in a tone meant to sound kind and sympathetic.

Beverly's eyes immediately shot to Deanna. "I have some problems with my memory."

Deanna noticed Jasmine picking up a tricorder, ready to delve deeper into Beverly's confession. Deanna held up a hand to silence her. "What kind of problems?" Deanna asked, letting Jasmine know that she was asking the questions.

Jean-Luc stood still the entire time, wondering what on earth was happening.

Beverly seemed reluctant to answer. She glanced at Jean-Luc, and then at the doctor who had been sticking things to her skin, poking and prodding her all afternoon and asking her questions that she didn't have any answers for.

"I'm a counsellor," Deanna ventured softly. "I'm here to help."

Beverly nodded her head slowly.

"Do you want to talk in private with the counsellor?" Jean-Luc asked, finding his voice at last. "You can tell Deanna anything and she will do her best to help you." It was disorienting, having those beautiful blue eyes that he saw every time he closed his own, staring back at him as if he were a stranger; gone was the warmth, grace and fiery spirit that he longed for.

Instinct must have told Beverly it was safe to trust this man's words. She swallowed and then spoke up. "If I talk to her, can I go back home afterwards? I don't know what you people think I have done, but whatever it is, I didn't do it."

"We aren't accusing you of anything," Deanna said, frowning at the absurd statement.

"Well, what is this all about then?" Beverly demanded. "If you just wanted a chat, there was no need to force me out of the bar and sedate me! I don't even know where I am! Am I still in St Evenage?"

Deanna glanced at Jean-Luc before attempting to answer Beverly's question. "Well, no, you aren't," she said.

"I'm not," Beverly stated flatly, as if she had known all along.

"Come along, Doctor Martin," Jean-Luc said with an air of authority. "We will leave you both alone."

Deanna waited until she was alone with Beverly before speaking again. "Come sit down," she said, motioning to a comfortable looking couch on the far side of the examination suite.

"I don't want to sit down," said Beverly.

Deanna shrugged and decided she would sit down anyway. She watched Beverly angrily pacing the room, from one side to the other monotonously. It was something Beverly never used to do.

"Where am I?" Beverly asked, spinning about and pinning a threatening stare on the dark haired woman.

"You're on Earth," Deanna replied. "Where your species originates from," she continued. "I think it would be easier for both of us if you start by telling me the last thing you remember."

"No, hold on one minute," Beverly answered, holding up a hand. "Where is Earth? What country is Earth in?"

"Earth isn't a country," Deanna answered. "It's a planet."

Beverly frowned, shaking her head as if she had heard incorrectly. "Excuse me?"

"Earth is a planet," Deanna repeated.

"I think that it's you that needs the brain scan!" Beverly exclaimed, laughing.

Deanna got to her feet. "I'm not crazy, Beverly," she said, walking over to the window. She realised she had a long journey ahead of her. "Please tell me the last thing you remember."

"I'd rather speak to someone who is in full control of her mental faculties," Beverly said.

"I realised it might seem farfetched at the moment," Deanna said. "But you also must realise that something isn't quite right with your memory. You said as much yourself."

"I have periods of memory loss, that's all," Beverly answered in defence.

Deanna turned to face her long lost friend. "Beverly, I have known you for the past twenty years. We are best friends."

Beverly shook her head. "Best friends?" she repeated.

Deanna nodded her head. "I promise you."

"I haven't had any memory loss for the past four years, where have you been all that time? Why didn't you answer the pleas in the newspapers, the ones on the video screens and the broadcasts too?" Beverly asked her.

Deanna was even more thoroughly confused. "I didn't see them, Beverly. Otherwise, I would have been there the moment I saw them."

"How could you have not seen them? There was massive media coverage, but nobody came forward."

"They advertised you in the media?" Deanna asked.

"No!" Beverly cried, rolling her eyes. "They put out a message asking the people at large if they recognised me. I couldn't remember who I was or where I had come from… so they tried to find my family and friends. But nobody came forward to say they knew me."

"So let me get this straight," Deanna said, trying to sort through the information in her head. "You lost your memory, so they sent out a plea in the media for people you knew to come forward to help you."

Beverly nodded. "Right," she answered. "We knew my name was Beverly because of the computer console I was holding. I was obviously about to speak about something, I had a speech written on the screen. It said my name was Beverly Crusher."

Deanna walked closer to Beverly and laid a hand on her arm. "I'm here now, Beverly," she said in a soothing voice. "And so are all your other friends and your family."

"I have family?" Beverly asked.

Deanna smiled at the look of wonder on Beverly's face. "Yes, a son named Wesley."

"Wow," Beverly said softly, finally sinking down onto the couch.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Deanna asked.

"Waking up in hospital after my operation."

"What operation was that?" Deanna asked, knowing that Doctor Martin would need to know all the details.

"I was found on a deserted road near burnt out wreckage of my car," Beverly answered. "I had severe head injuries. I was in hospital for nearly six months and in a coma for three of those months."

Deanna wondered if the car that Beverly spoke of was the shuttlecraft she had been in on her way to the conference on Teylanohol.

"I was lucky to survive," Beverly added softly.

Deanna joined Beverly on the couch. "I need to tell you something. I think you may find what I am about to tell you… well… ludicrous. But I can find proof for you if you wish."

"Is this about the planet thing?" Beverly asked.

Deanna nodded. "That's right," she answered. "First of all, what is the status of Kilyan's exploration of space right now?"

Beverly frowned at the question. "I'm not sure. I think a few rockets have been sent up. There have been a few landings on nearby planets… but none of those planets are called Earth. In fact, I have never heard of a planet called Earth."

"Do you believe other planets are populated like Kilyan?" Deanna asked.

Beverly laughed. "What has that got to do with anything?"

"What if I were to tell you that there are lots of other planets with intelligent life forms on them?"

Beverly seemed to ponder this for a moment. "Why, are you an alien?" She laughed. "I thought you were supposed to be little green men?"

"As you put it so eloquently, Beverly," Deanna said, smiling softly. "I am an alien. But I'm not little or green or even a man."

"You _are_ telling me that you are an alien!"

"I am from the planet Betazed," Deanna continued, "it's actually not that far from Kilyan in terms of light years…"

"Light years…" Beverly said slowly.

"The car you spoke of was probably the shuttlecraft you went missing in," Deanna said. "It's a small spaceship. About the size of a large car; it could easily be mistaken for a car if the people looking at it had never seen a shuttle before."

"I was in a spaceship?" was Beverly's sceptical response.

Deanna nodded. "You were on your way to Teylanohol. You were going to speak at a conference on interspecies mating when the shuttlecraft you were in came under attack. You were with four other shuttles at the time. All five of the craft were destroyed. We found the remains of three of your colleagues, but not yours or a woman's named Grace Jarmen. We had teams searching for over a month, but we could not locate either of you. Almost a year later, we received a transmission from a planet nearly two hundred light years away and it turned out it was Grace Jarmen. She had spent a rough year on an M class planet surviving on emergency rations while she used the wreckage of her shuttle to build the small transmitter. Of course, as soon as we heard the wonderful news that she was alive, we immediately started to search for you again in earnest near where we discovered Grace Jarmen."

"But you didn't find me," Beverly said.

Deanna shook her head. "Kilyan is thousands of light years away from the attack site, but in totally the opposite direction from where we found Grace Jarmen."

"So you couldn't find me…"

"About a year and a half ago, we finally had to admit to ourselves that you were probably dead. It broke all our hearts… and we laid you to rest on Caldos next to your grandmother."

"Well, that's a bit morbid," said Beverly, unable to take in all the information.

"As you can imagine, it has come as quite a shock to all of us who knew you," Deanna said and smiled at Beverly. "A good one! No, a great one!"

"You're deadly serious aren't you?" Beverly asked. "All this really did happen, didn't it?"

Deanna nodded her head.

"You buried me," Beverly said slowly, getting to her feet.

"It's been over four years since you went missing," the counsellor said.

"So if we are best friends, who was that man?" Beverly asked, finally realising what the counsellor was saying was true, as surreal as it seemed.

"He was also your best friend," Deanna answered.

"What's your name?"

"Deanna Troi," the counsellor answered. "It should have been Riker but it just got too confusing on the ship after I got married to my husband that I went back to using my maiden name. My mother was delighted."

"Okay, Deanna Troi, for now I am going to consider what you said about me being on another planet as truth until I find out otherwise," Beverly said.

"You won't find out otherwise," Deanna responded. "I can show you proof of everything I have told you. Proof that we have the ability to travel through space and proof that there are other humanoid species out there too. Of which I am one of them. Proof that you are or were one of the most respected medical doctors in Starfleet, and by the way, you used to run this whole department… What is it?" Deanna asked, stopping when she noticed the look of surprise on Beverly's face.

"I'm a doctor?" Beverly asked, wide eyed.

"That's right."

"Oh boy…" Beverly breathed. "I hate the sight of blood."

The next two hours seemed to pass in seconds to Beverly. After being snatched from the bar where she worked to pay her rent, because she had refused to leave with the two men, she hadn't been left alone once. She remembered they had whispered something to her about a spaceship too.

Beverly followed the dark haired woman, barely listening as Deanna explained what was about to happen. All Beverly knew was that she was about to go to a spaceship that was flying above the Earth.

In the past two hours, she had been force fed enough information by the woman who claimed to be an alien for her to at last begin to realise that the strangers were at least telling the truth about space travel.

"This maybe a little disorientating," Deanna said as she led Beverly into the transporter room.

Beverly just glanced at the counsellor in confusion. "Why?" she asked, looking at what she thought was a lift in front of her.

"Stand in one of the circles."

Beverly looked down at her feet and made sure she stood in the centre of one of the circles on the floor. "Does he close the door?" she asked, pointing to the man standing at a desk on the other side of the room.

"The door?" Deanna asked.

"To the lift?"

"Lift?" Deanna shook her head, a small smile playing on her face. "There are no doors."

Beverly made a move to get off. "I am not going all the way up there without doors! What if I fall over?"

Deanna reached out a hand to still her friend. "Beverly."

"No way." Beverly backed off the transporter pad. "I'm not going."

The crewmember manning the transporter console stifled a laugh and Deanna glared at him.

"This isn't a lift," Deanna explained. "It's a transport machine. It takes us instantly to where we want to go."

Beverly looked sceptical. "What do you mean instantly?"

"I mean we stand there," Deanna pointed to where they had just been standing, "and then the man over there presses a few controls and we transport directly to the Enterprise."

Beverly shook her head. "I don't get it."

"The easiest way to show the doctor is to transport somewhere Counsellor," the ensign said.

Deanna nodded. "Yes, okay," she agreed and went to stand on the transporter. "Just to the other side of the room please."

Beverly's mouth hung open when she saw Deanna disappear in front of her eyes.

"See!" Deanna said as she reappeared behind Beverly.

Beverly jumped and spun around, "How did you do that!"

"It's all to do with science," Deanna answered. "Now I could tell you, but we'd be here all afternoon."

"Sometimes I think it's best just to go for it," the ensign said. "It's extremely safe."

Beverly was panicking inside, but she considered everything she had seen so far and decided just to go for it. She took a deep breath and took up her position on the pad. Deanna joined her and Beverly felt her squeeze her arm reassuringly.

Beverly closed her eyes and when she opened them, she was standing in the same room, but the man who stood at the desk had turned into a woman. She blinked in confusion and turned startled eyes on the counsellor.

"We're here," Deanna said, indicating for Beverly to move.

"Really?"

Deanna nodded. "Captain Picard is waiting for you," she said, tugging Beverly from the transporter pad. "He is going to give you a quick tour of the ship. Then I will show you your home for the next few weeks."

"Okay," Beverly mumbled, allowing Deanna to guide her out of the room.

Just a few moments before, she had been standing next to the man named Jean-Luc, gazing out of massive windows onto the surface of the planet Earth. She was still stunned by the sight she had seen. It was hard to take it all in.

She discovered that Jean-Luc wasn't really a chatty person, as he seemed preoccupied. She also noticed that he was unable to look her in the eye. She wondered what it was that he was hiding from her. Or was he feeling guilty about something?

The alien woman showed her the room where Beverly was supposed to have lived before she went missing. Deanna showed her how to work the thing that the dinner came out of on the wall and some other gadgets around the place. It was all hi-tech stuff. She felt like her mind was spinning.

"You'll be staying here," Deanna said softly, touching Beverly's arm to catch her attention.

Beverly turned wide eyes on the counsellor. "Here?" she said, startled.

"Yes," Deanna said. "I think it might be best if you stayed in a familiar place. It might help to bring back some of your memories."

"But this isn't familiar to me…" Beverly mumbled. "And personally I think it's a bit weird to have a person's apartment in pristine condition a year after she was buried."

"Well…" Deanna sighed. "We didn't leave it untouched. Your belongings are in storage waiting for your son to sort through. Since the funeral he hasn't been in touch with any of us. I think he needs time to get his head sorted. As for this room, we haven't desperately needed the space. There are always spare quarters available on the ship. Nobody has used these quarters; that's all."

"So then what's going to happen now?" Beverly asked, not really wanting to stay.

"Well, it's getting late now," Deanna said, smiling. "I think you could do with a good night's sleep. I told you how to get food. The replicator will also supply you with anything else you need. Like toiletries and bed clothes…"

Beverly realised that Deanna had noticed the panic welling up within her, she paused mid-sentence and sighed, looking at her with those dark eyes.

"Don't worry, Beverly," she said. "We are going to help you. If you need anything, all you have to do is touch that panel I showed you and call for me or Jean-Luc."

Finally, Beverly found herself alone. She felt trapped, isolated, and out of control. She didn't know much about her old self, but she had learned over the past four years that she was a woman who liked to be in control. She had begun to formulate an identity for herself. Her doctors on Kilyan had told her that there was no chance of her memories returning, so she had had no choice. None of her relatives or friends had come forward to lay claim to her, she had simply had to make her own way through a world she couldn't remember.

Sheer determination had made Beverly succeed. She worked hard to recuperate after her injuries and had gained the friendship of one of the nurses. Getting a job without any references, qualifications, or skills was almost impossible. Paul, the nurse, had helped her to get work in his brother's bar and a place to stay. Her home hadn't been much, just a small one bedroom flat, but it had been her own, a blank canvas to add touches of her personality as she walked the journey of life discovering who she was.

Now as Beverly lay silent in the darkened room on the spaceship, she wondered whether she had simply wasted the past four years of her life. She knew she wasn't a young woman anymore… she didn't have much time to waste.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Jean-Luc anxiously waited up for his wife. He had tried to busy himself with reports, but after today's events, he was unable to concentrate for very long, and in the end he just sat at the dining room table knowing Briggy wouldn't be long.

The doors whooshed open and in she walked, her long black hair flying out behind her and her green eyes narrowed. She was not amused.

"What was so damn important that you could miss your own sister in law's wedding?" she demanded hotly, throwing her bag down on the couch angrily.

"Beverly's alive," Jean-Luc said.

Briggy stopped in her tracks. "Huh?"

"Beverly is alive," Jean-Luc repeated.

Briggy looked about their quarters as if expecting the walls to confirm Jean-Luc's claim. She turned back to face Jean-Luc, the anger gone from her face. "Well, I suppose that's a good enough reason," she said , her anger fading as fast as it had arrived. "I know this is going to sound a little redundant now… but are you sure it's her?"

Jean-Luc nodded.

Briggy circled the couch and went over to his side. "You don't seem that happy about it, Jean-Luc," she said, kneeling down and taking his hand. "I thought… well I thought you would be ecstatic… bouncing off the walls. What's wrong? Is she okay?"

"She's healthy according to her doctor," Jean-Luc replied, looking into Briggy's bright green eyes. He could see Briggy's mind working to the dozen. Before he could continue to explain, Briggy spoke again.

"She didn't like… fake her own death or something did she?"

Jean-Luc smiled. "I thought that at first," he said. "No, when her shuttle went missing; she also travelled thousands of light years away from the site of the attack."

"She had the same electro magnetic signatures on the wreckage of her shuttle?" Briggy asked.

Jean-Luc shook his head. "We don't know. There is no wreckage to study; it was cleared away by the planet she crashed onto. But we expect it crashed in similar circumstances to the other shuttle. She was found on the side of a road with serious head injuries. The planet's inhabitants assumed that the burnt out wreck was that of a land car. They performed emergency surgery on her, saved her life, and nursed her back to health."

"A land car?" Briggy wondered out loud. "She landed on a planet before first contact?"

Jean-Luc nodded. "Precisely."

"So she couldn't contact us because the planet didn't have the technology for her to use? Did she stand out as an alien? Sorry I'm asking you so many questions here."

Jean-Luc squeezed her knee affectionately. "Actually, she was lucky in the alien element. The inhabitants of Kilyan appear human and only have very minor differences to human anatomy. So anything different they saw on Beverly's body, they probably simply put it down to a birth defect."

"Ahh." Briggy nodded. "Yes, that was lucky."

"And as for your question about their communications technology, Beverly's injuries were very severe. When she recovered from her operation, she could not remember anything about whom or where she was. The country she landed in sent out a story in the media that travelled all over the planet; asking people if they knew her or were related to her to come forward. Of course, nobody did."

"So how did our people find her, then?" she asked.

"One of the Starfleet teams on the surface found her serving drinks in a bar!" Jean-Luc said, incredulous. "They asked her to come with them, which of course she refused, having no idea about Starfleet or interplanetary travel. So they abducted her." He continued to tell his wife everything that he knew. "So right now, she is in her old quarters. Deanna thought it may help to bring back some memories," Jean-Luc finished.

"She must be totally disoriented. Can you imagine what it must be like to suddenly find out that you're not the only intelligent life in the universe… but that there are thousands and thousands of other planets with humanoid or other intelligent life forms?" Briggy gave a low whistle.

Jean-Luc sighed "To be honest, that's one of the reasons I don't know what to say to her."

Briggy wrapped her arms around his shoulders. "You shouldn't think about what you are going to say to her so hard. Just say it. It's usually right… She was your best friend."

"Her eyes… her face… so familiar… But she looks at me like I'm a total stranger…"

Briggy nodded in understanding. "It must be disconcerting for you."

Jean-Luc nodded his head. "Well, Doctor Martin has transferred her onto the Enterprise for her treatment. She needs another operation to repair the damage to her memory patterns. Dr Martin says that the damage is completely reversible. After the operation it will take time, maybe even months, but her memory will come back gradually and return to normal eventually."

"That's great news!" Briggy exclaimed.

He nodded.

"Jean-Luc, it's not going to go away," she said. "Beverly is really here."

"I can't help thinking it's just a dream after what happened when we thought we had found her the last time… but it wasn't her, it was the other woman."

"This is real, Jean-Luc," Briggy affirmed.

Jean-Luc nodded and leant forward, placing a chaste kiss on her lips. "It's late," he said, climbing to his feet. "I think its time for bed."

Briggy yawned and followed him to bed.

Jean-Luc lay awake wrapped in the arms of his wife. He couldn't sleep. He was irrationally worried that if he did fall asleep, he would wake up and find that it had all been a dream.

As he lay there, he couldn't help but think back to those dark days after Beverly went missing, when he thought his life was over. He looked down at the dark haired head resting on his chest deep in slumber. She had resurrected him from his despair at the loss of Beverly. She and Deanna had spent months and months with him alone in his house in France simply taking care of him, making sure he ate and bathed.

Jean-Luc hadn't wanted to burden Deanna with his grief; she was grieving, too, for the loss of her best friend. Instead, he confided in Briggy, the Enterprise's new counsellor. She had barely been on board when Beverly disappeared. She didn't know Beverly and she didn't know him either. She was stubborn and would not let him bully her into leaving him alone in his misery. She stuck with him right through, and was still there now, at his side… in his life and in his bed.

Briggy had convinced him that he needed to move on and he truly had thought he had succeeded until that very afternoon when he saw Beverly standing in the summer sun that shone through the hospital window.

Another sleepless hour passed. Jean-Luc couldn't stop thinking of Beverly, lying a few feet away in the next quarters over. He wondered if she was sleeping or lying awake as he was. If she hadn't have lost her memory, he knew she would be awake too.

Without even consciously thinking about what he was going to do, he was already in the living area pressing the communications button on the computer panel by the door.

"Hello?" a quiet voice answered a few moments later.

Jean-Luc closed his eyes tight, savouring the sound of her voice. "Beverly?" he whispered. "It's Jean-Luc, are you awake?"

"I am now," she said.

Jean-Luc smiled. "I wondered if you might like another shoulder. I'm unable to sleep."

"Sure, come on… here," she answered. "I'm still not quite able to believe I'm on a spaceship," she added.

Jean-Luc smiled. "I'll be there in a few minutes."

When he arrived, he found Beverly smiling and blushing shyly. "When you rang me, I answered the door," she said with a slight giggle. "I was a bit confused when there was nobody there."

Jean-Luc chuckled, drinking in the sight of her. She was dressed only in a short basic white cotton nightdress and didn't have any make up on, but she looked beautiful.

"I'd offer you something to drink…" she continued, noticing he was lost for words and she felt the need to fill in silence. "But although Deanna showed me how to work the replicator thing, I kind of don't trust it. I mean, where does it come from?"

"That's a long boring scientific story," he answered. "You mean to tell me you haven't eaten anything yet?"

Beverly shook her head. "Truth be told, I'm starving."

"Do you want me to get you something?" he asked.

Beverly nodded her head vigorously.

He walked over to the replicator, and turned back to look at her. "Anything in particular that you fancy?" he asked.

"Well you all seem to know me better than I know me. What do I usually like to eat… from there?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

Jean-Luc took an involuntary deep breath at Beverly's familiar facial movement. He adored it when she raised a single eyebrow at him when she was being mischievous or sceptical.

"Large baked potato with melted mature cheddar cheese and a side salad," he said, busying himself with his chore. "Two glasses of dry white wine, two degrees centigrade."

He took Beverly's dinner over to the table and pulled out a chair for her to sit. She obediently did so.

"Bon appetite," he said, handing her a knife and fork.

"I've not seen this before," she mumbled. "Did I eat this a lot?"

"Quite often," he smiled, returning with the chilled glasses of wine. "This is white wine," he said placing a glass down to the left of her. "It's made with grapes, a fruit."

Beverly lifted the glass to her lips and drank it like fruit juice.

"You're supposed to sip it," he chuckled.

Beverly blushed. "It's good." She grinned behind the glass.

Jean-Luc sat back in his chair, twirling the stem of his wine glass between his finger and thumb as she ate greedily in silence.

"Lovely," she mumbled, smiling at him as she speared a cherry tomato with her fork. "Where did we meet?" she asked, surprising him.

"It was a long long time ago," he said slowly, looking into the air as he allowed his memory of that moment to come to the surface. "You were dating my best friend. He was also a Starfleet officer. We were on the Stargazer together."

"I was there too?" she asked. "Is that another spaceship?"

Jean-Luc smiled. "Yes, it was a spaceship," he said. He then went onto to explain how Jack, her soon to be husband, had introduced them to each other. "And I remember you not being particularly taken with me at the beginning," he added with a grin. "You told me once that you thought I was a bit sombre and humourless when we first met."

"But I must have changed my mind at some point in the future," Beverly answered.

"I'd like to think so," he chuckled, taking another sip of wine.

Beverly laughed. "I wonder if I ever did…" she teased. "So what did you think of me when we first met?" she asked, totally unaware that she was stepping on dangerous ground.

Jean-Luc glanced down at his glass; he wanted so desperately to tell her that he had thought that she was the most beautiful woman ever to walk the earth. "I actually thought you were pretty serious too. A bit… aloof."

"Really?" Beverly asked, wide-eyed.

Jean-Luc nodded. "You were a medical student at the time. Jack took me to one side to explain that it had taken him a very long time to break down your barriers. It took him over a month before he convinced you to go out with him on a date." Jean-Luc chuckled at the memory. "I remember him trying everything he could think of. He would always be waiting outside the medical school at the end of the day for you. Finally, you agreed to go on one date with him on the provision that he would then leave you alone and stop pestering you. But by the end of the date, it was you who couldn't leave him alone!"

Beverly laughed at the story. "He sounds like a clown."

Jean-Luc smiled fondly. "Yes, he was. He was a very loyal and honest man."

"So how long did it last?" Beverly asked, finishing her dinner.

"You were married," Jean-Luc answered. "You had your son Wesley. Sadly though, when Wesley turned five, Jack was killed on a mission."

Beverly said softly, "That's so sad."

Jean-Luc stayed with Beverly for another hour or so before heading back to bed. By that time, he had explained all their history together, save for one detail; the fact that all throughout their lives together there was that spark between them. Chemistry.

His love for her.

Beverly was trying to figure out how to get the replicator to make something she could actually wear for the day when she heard the door.

She went over and answered it. In front of her stood a woman almost as tall as her, slender and quite beautiful; her hair was the colour of a raven and her eyes were an amazing green.

"Hi, Beverly?" she said sweetly.

"Hi," Beverly answered, frowning. "Are you the doctor? You weren't supposed to be here until this afternoon."

"I'm not the doctor, relax," she said. "I'm Briggy Granger. Ship's Counsellor."

"I thought Deanna Troi was the counsellor?" Beverly wondered aloud as she stepped aside to allow her entry.

Briggy shook her head. "No. She was before she married Captain Riker of the Titan. I took over when Will Riker got his own ship."

"So her husband was the first officer on this ship?" Beverly asked. "This is all so confusing!"

Briggy grinned. "You want me to draw you an Enterprise tree? Kind of like a family tree? It might make it easier on you."

"That would be great." Beverly smiled.

"For the time being, Will and Deanna joined this ship at the same time as you did, nearly twenty years ago now. You served together onboard this ship all that time. But times changed and Will got offered his own commission, so he and his new wife Deanna left. He became Captain of the USS Titan and his wife Deanna became the ship's counsellor of the Titan."

"Oh right… and I was still working here, was I?" Beverly asked.

"No, well, kind of." Briggy frowned. "You were on a job share with the head of Starfleet Medical. Every three months, you would leave here and travel back to Earth to take charge of Starfleet Medical for a month. The head was working on an important research assignment that had him out of the office during that time."

"So I'm pretty smart then?"

Briggy laughed. "I would say so," she said, without a hint of sarcasm.

"Are you an alien, too?" Beverly asked. "Deanna told me that she was a Betazoid and could sense my emotions."

Briggy shook her head. "No, I am completely human. A pedigree," she said and laughed.

"More importantly, am I completely human?" Beverly asked, having not thought of that question before.

"As far as I am aware," Briggy answered.

"I didn't think to ask Jean-Luc that last night," Beverly murmured. "Drink?"

"Last night?"

"Yes," Beverly answered. "He called me in the middle of the night and said that he couldn't sleep. I was in the same boat so he came over for a chat. I really do like him."

Briggy didn't say anything for a moment and Beverly wondered what she had said. She couldn't quite make out the expression on Briggy's face. "Drink?" she offered again.

"Um… coffee please," Briggy said.

Briggy waited until Jean-Luc had returned home that afternoon before questioning him about his midnight rendezvous with Beverly.

"I couldn't sleep," he answered.

"You could have woken Beverly up," Briggy continued.

"I know Beverly," Jean-Luc said. "She had a lot to deal with yesterday, and when she has days like that, she often can't sleep."

"How do you know that?" Briggy couldn't help but ask.

Jean-Luc sighed. "She used to call me when she couldn't sleep. Both of us suffer from insomnia. We just suffered through it together. It made the sleepless nights more bearable."

Briggy didn't respond to that. She turned her attention back to the padd she was working on.

"I know I have already told you that Beverly and I are friends and nothing more," Jean-Luc added. "Nothing has ever happened between us. We have known each other for going on forty years now, and don't you think if something were to happen between us, it would have already done so?"

Briggy didn't seem happy with Jean-Luc's evidence, but she kept her opinion to herself.

"What are you doing there?" he asked, nodding his head towards the data pad she held in her hand as he lifted her feet from the end of the couch to sit beneath them.

"I'm making an Enterprise tree for Beverly," Briggy answered. "Like a family tree, so that she can see who is who and where they work. She was confused this morning."

Jean-Luc smiled and squeezed her shins tenderly. "Thank you for helping her."

Briggy smiled. "It's my job," she said. "And I just found out that Deanna might be intending to stay onboard during Beverly's recuperation."

"Yes, I asked her to," he said.

"Why?" she asked. "I am a fully qualified counsellor, Jean-Luc."

Jean-Luc thought this might happen. He hoped that Briggy would have understood why Deanna would be best suited to help Beverly through the transition. "She's not here to step on your toes. I just thought that because Deanna and Beverly have known each other for years, Deanna maybe better suited at recovering Beverly's lost memory."

Briggy sighed but didn't respond at first. "I suppose you are going down to sickbay soon," she said slowly.

"Yes, are you coming?" he asked. He hadn't been able to take his mind off of Beverly all day long. She was due to have her operation in an hour's time and he felt nervous and couldn't imagine what Beverly was feeling.

"Beverly doesn't quite understand what the operation is for," Briggy said. "So I will be there. Do you want to eat dinner before we go?"

Jean-Luc shook his head. "I can't eat."

Briggy grinned. "You're not the one having the operation, Jean-Luc."

Jean-Luc rolled his eyes.

"Well, we may as well go down there now," Briggy said as she slid off of the couch. "I can give her the Enterprise tree."

"You're supposed to be in Sickbay," Deanna said when Beverly opened the door to her quarters. "What's wrong?" she added softly when she saw Beverly's wet eyes.

Beverly shook her head feeling foolish, "I was just wondering whether I should go through with it," she said in a syrupy voice.

"You don't want to remember?" Deanna asked, taking Beverly's arm and tugging her towards the couch.

"It's not that…" Beverly sank down onto the couch, unable to verbalise what she was feeling. "It's just that I… I spent the last few years trying to figure out who I was. I was just beginning to feel comfortable in my skin and that's all about to change again. I've got to do it all over again."

"It will be easier this time," Deanna assured her. "You'll be remembering little bits of your past slowly. It will be like a jigsaw puzzle finally coming together. You'll remember who you are, you'll remember how to do everything. All those little memories will all unite and you'll become you again."

"But I am me," Beverly argued. "I guess it wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't lived for so long with this condition…"

"I understand." Deanna smiled reassuringly.

"But you think it's for the best?" Beverly asked.

"Of course," the counsellor answered.

"But is that for selfish reasons?"

Deanna's eyes widened. "What do you mean?"

"Because you want the old me back?"

Deanna glanced down at her lap. "Maybe," she admitted. "But, Beverly, can you honestly tell me that you want to live the rest of your life not remembering where you came from? Not remembering marrying your husband Jack? Finding out that you were expecting your baby? Giving birth to your baby boy? You wouldn't even remember falling in love with Jack…" Deanna sighed. "Beverly, those memories of Jack have always been precious to you. And for the past few years you have always fought to keep this one special image in your mind. You once mentioned that image to me."

"What image?"

"I'm not telling you," Deanna answered. "You will know you're on the road to recovery when you finally remember that special image."

"Isn't it in an old photo?"

"It was," Deanna replied. "But it was ruined when the old Enterprise D was destroyed. You vowed to keep that image in your head forever."

"So it can't have been during sex then," Beverly quipped, suddenly wanting to remember her past.

Deanna laughed, sensing Beverly's changed of heart. "I hope you keep some of this personality."

"How do you mean?" Beverly was perplexed.

"You are very stubborn," Deanna said. "Once you make up your mind about something, there is no way anyone can make you change your mind."

"I sound like … a bit of a bitch," Beverly said with her mouth hanging open.

Deanna doubled up with mirth, and she was still giggling as she walked arm in arm with Beverly towards sickbay for her appointment.

Jean-Luc and Briggy were waiting for them when they arrived.

"Did she forget the time?" Jean-Luc asked as Briggy whisked Beverly away to explain her 'Enterprise Tree'.

"She was having second thoughts," Deanna answered, then she glanced at Briggy. "Briggy doesn't want me here does she?"

"Probably not," Jean-Luc replied. "But I do."

"I'm not going to leave Beverly," she said softly. "All day yesterday I thought I was going to wake up in my bed and realise it had all been a dream…"

"I know that feeling," Jean-Luc said.

"What are you going to do?" Deanna asked, taking Jean-Luc by surprise.

Jean-Luc pretended not to know what Deanna was getting at. "I don't know what you mean," he said with a shrug. He knew it was futile to lie to Deanna, but he felt uneasy with Deanna's question.

"We need to speak later," Deanna said, seeing through Jean-Luc's vain attempt to avoid her question.

"That's not really necessary."

"Yes it is," Deanna replied. "Briggy may not be a Betazoid, Jean-Luc, but she practices psychology and can pick up on body language better than anyone I know. She is feeling a little threatened by Beverly's reappearance."

"We'll speak later, Deanna," he whispered.

Beverly approached them; she had just changed into sickbay sleepwear once again. "Well, it was nice knowing you," she said, smiling nervously.

"You'll be fine," Deanna and Jean-Luc said in unison.

Beverly raised an eyebrow. "Well, what are you all doing down here then if not to say your last goodbyes?"

"We care about you," Deanna answered. "You better go in," she added, seeing Dr Gaul, the current chief medical officer, standing in the doorway of the operating theatre.

Beverly glanced over her shoulder at Jean-Luc as she followed Dr Gaul inside. "I was just wondering, Jean-Luc," she called.

"What's that?" he answered.

"If this all works, will I get my job back?" She winked at him and disappeared inside the theatre.

Before Dr Gaul closed the doors, Jean-Luc caught sight of the worried expression adorning the doctor's face.

"Was she that witty before?" Briggy asked, turning her attention to her husband and Deanna.

Deanna nodded her head and didn't try to suppress her amused smirk.

"How long did they say the operation would take?" Deanna asked.

"Less than an hour," Jean-Luc answered. "Apparently it's a very simple operation. They are just repairing the damage to the part of her brain that deals with memory."

The three colleagues went to wait in Dr Gaul's office. Briggy played games on the computer while Deanna and Jean-Luc quietly spoke about their plans for Beverly's recuperation assuming the operation was a success. Briggy kept an ear on their conversation and tried to act nonchalant. She knew Deanna was picking up on her emotions all the while.

Deanna joined Briggy at the desk when Jean-Luc left for a moment to take an incoming communiqué. "How are you feeling?" Deanna asked.

Briggy sighed. "I'm fine."

"I hope you don't mind me being here," Deanna said softly. "It's just that…"

Briggy smiled and laid a reassuring hand on Deanna's forearm. "She's your best friend," she finished for her. "It's okay Deanna. I guess I was a little… upset at first that Jean-Luc had asked you to stay. But I was just being foolish. How can I possibly help Beverly remember a past I wasn't involved in?"

"Beverly will need other help along the way," Deanna interjected. "We worked as a team before when we helped the captain. We balanced each other out. One of us, me, was emotionally involved but knew the patient well; so could help on that level. The other one, you, stuck to the rules and had an unbiased view on the patient. We can do it again."

Briggy nodded. "Yes we can."

Deanna smiled. "Briggy, in all honesty, if it hadn't have been for you I think the captain would still be back in that old house in France rotting away in his misery."

Briggy grinned, flushing pink. "I expect he would have been."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Over an hour later, Dr Gaul arrived in his office to speak to the waiting officers. They all turned expectant eyes on him.

"I'm pleased to say the operation was a complete success," he announced.

"Excellent," Jean-Luc answered, getting to his feet. "May we see her?"

"Only one person at a time," the doctor answered. "Follow me," he said, bustling away. The current Chief Medical Officer was the complete opposite of Beverly. He was short, the shortest legs Jean-Luc had ever seen on a man. He was completely bald and rotund and always moody. He waddled along in front of Jean-Luc and led the way to the recovery suite.

"She's going to be very sleepy for the next day or so," Dr Gaul said as he waddled over to the side of Beverly's bed. "I think she's out for the count right now…" he chuckled and tapped her face lightly.

Beverly grumbled and blinked her eyes sleepily.

"Hey Beverly," Jean-Luc said, taking a seat on the stool next to her bed. "How are you feeling?"

Beverly frowned at his question. "Tired," she answered. "When am I going to be operated on?"

"You already have been," he said.

"Really?" Beverly shook her head. "But I feel fine!"

"You have to remember that we are centuries ahead in our medical skills," Dr Gaul said softly. "Centuries ago, the operation you just had would have been extremely dangerous. With our medical advancement over the centuries, what you just had is a minor operation."

"Do you remember anything?" Jean-Luc asked. He watched the concentration on her face in response to his question.

"No," she answered sadly.

"No worries," Dr Gaul said with a shrug. "The operation wasn't an instant fix. Your memories will come back gradually."

"Along with the pain you told me about," Beverly added.

"That's right," the doctor said with a nod. He turned to Jean-Luc. "There is a high possibility that Beverly will experience sharp pains in her head as her memory pathways recover. These pains aren't constant; they will last for only a few seconds. But the pains are good. They tell us that the operation was a success and with each pain, a new pathway between lost memories will be built."

"Do I get pain killers?" Beverly asked, pushing herself up into a sitting position.

"There is no point," Dr Gaul responded. "The pain is intermittent. Any pain killers I give you will be useless."

"Great," said Beverly.

The doctor touched her shoulder. "Don't worry. They last maybe two or three seconds. They may make you dizzy, but I can give you something if you exhibit any dizziness."

"When can I get out of here?" Beverly asked.

"Is there someone to stay with you?" he asked.

"What, in my apartment?"

"Yes," the doctor answered.

"No," she answered.

"Well, I'm afraid you will have to stay here for a couple of days…"

"I'm sure Deanna will be willing to stay with you," Jean-Luc interrupted.

"If so, then you can return to your quarters immediately," the doctor said.

"Are you sure this is okay?" Beverly asked as she watched Deanna unpacking her belongings.

"It's fine, Beverly," Deanna assured her. "Besides, I'm not used to being on my own anymore," she chuckled.

"Where is your husband?" Beverly asked, sitting down gingerly on the couch. She had yet to experience one of the sharp pains the doctor had spoken of and wasn't looking forward to it.

"He beamed over here the day we found out that you were alive and about an hour later he had to beam back. There was an emergency on the Titan. So I've been here all alone ever since," Deanna shrugged and grinned at Beverly. "He calls me every day to find out how you are."

"I know him too?"

"Of course," Deanna said, and smiled. "You once said he was like a brother to you."

"Oh."

"And not to mention the fact you once had your ex-boyfriend implanted in his abdomen," Deanna said, watching Beverly's reaction with a mischievous grin on her face.

"I… what?" Beverly's face crumpled in revulsion. "Sometimes I wonder if it might have been better to stay ignorant."

Deanna laughed. "Then where is all the fun?"

"I like the quiet life," Beverly muttered. "Where will you sleep?"

"Don't worry about that, there is a bed on its way up from ship's stores," Deanna said. "Are you hungry?"

Beverly shook her head. "No thanks."

"I'm going to have some chocolate," Deanna said, slapping her thighs. "And I will get you some too. There is nothing like chocolate. It's the stuff I swear by. It cures all kinds of ails, including the blues."

Beverly accepted the bar that Deanna handed her. She watched Deanna break off a piece and pop it into her mouth before she did the same.

"Belgian," Deanna mumbled around a mouth of chocolate. "Gorgeous."

Beverly tasted the sweet flavour and had to agree, it was gorgeous.

Deanna grinned, wondering when Beverly would remember that she thought Belgian chocolate with praline was too sweet. She almost bit her tongue when Beverly suddenly stiffened, her hands flying to her temples.

"The pain?" Deanna asked, powerless to do anything to stop Beverly's pain.

Almost as quickly as it arrived, the pain ceased and left Beverly breathless and in shock. Sweat beaded at her temples and she glanced down at the chocolate in her hands.

"Are you okay?" Deanna asked.

"I don't like Belgian chocolate with praline," Beverly said.

Deanna squealed in excitement. "No, you don't!" she exclaimed. "You remembered something!"

Beverly nodded her head slowly. "I don't like butternut squash or sweet potatoes either," she added. "Or my grandmother's pea and ham soup…"

Deanna was laughing. "I have no idea about your grandmother's soup, but I knew you weren't keen on sweet potatoes."

"I can only seem to remember what food I don't like," Beverly said, feeling a little frustrated.

"It's a step in the right direction," Deanna insisted. "An hour ago, you couldn't remember anything. I have to inform the captain," Deanna said, scrambling to her feet. "He's only next door. Just call for me if you need me for anything," she said as she rushed out of the door.

Seconds later, Deanna was back with Jean-Luc.

"Hey, you guys, it's not like I'm a baby taking my first steps you know," Beverly said. "You look like proud parents standing there."

Deanna laughed. "I guess that's what it feels like."

"Can you remember anything else?" Jean-Luc asked, walking over to her. He held out his hand and pulled her to her feet. "You need something else like the chocolate bar to stimulate your senses."

"Like what?" Beverly asked, a little worried.

"I think its time we showed you some of your old belongings," he answered.

Jean-Luc had despatched Deanna and Briggy on errands and now Beverly found herself alone with him again, but this time in his quarters.

"I took some things of yours to remind me of you," he said, offering her a seat at the table. "I know this must sound a bit morbid," he said, feeling a little uncomfortable.

"It's all right," Beverly answered. Out of the people she had met since returning to the Enterprise, it was Jean-Luc that seemed to be the most affected by her return from the dead. He seemed a little flustered and hot under the collar and Beverly couldn't understand why. "Don't feel guilty," she said, reaching over to lay a hand on his forearm.

She watched his eyes move to her hand, he took a shaky breath before composing himself.

"I'll go and get them," he said in a raspy voice.

Beverly frowned as he moved away to the bedroom, and decided she needed to ask Deanna if there was something wrong with the Jean-Luc. She heard him moving things around in the next room. She hadn't taken his offer of a seat; instead she wandered over to the desk and to the cabinets behind. She wanted to know more about this man. Her eyes drifted across the various pieces of art and archaeological finds. There was a couple of awards for fencing and another for ballet.

_Ballet? _Beverly thought, she somehow didn't imagine such a man would practice ballet. She smiled to herself and continued perusing the assortment of trinkets in the cabinet. It wasn't until she came across a framed certificate of psychology that she realised Briggy was Jean-Luc's partner.

Beverly was still staring at the certificate when Jean-Luc walked out of the bedroom carrying a box beneath one arm. She jumped as if she had been caught prying and smiled sheepishly as she joined Jean-Luc at the table. She didn't know why, but the fact that Briggy was Jean-Luc's partner or wife didn't sit with her well.

"I kept these few things," Jean-Luc said softly, taking a seat beside her rather than opposite.

Beverly peered at the box for a moment, wondering whether she really wanted to know what was lurking beneath the lid.

"Go ahead," Jean-Luc prompted with a smile.

Beverly took a deep breath as if she was about to plunge into deep water; and lifted the lid. "Should I be scared?" she asked him.

Jean-Luc chuckled, shaking his head. "They are _your_ belongings. I'm not responsible for them."

"You said you picked them out…" Beverly muttered, reaching inside the box for the first thing that came to hand. She pulled out a solid glass photo frame, inside was a photo of herself wearing a strange dress.

"You were in a play," Jean-Luc said, leaning over the table to look at the photograph with Beverly. "That was your costume. It was from the first play that you directed and also acted in. You got a standing ovation and the crew didn't stop talking about the play for weeks."

Beverly stared down at the stranger staring back at her, "Wow," she said softly.

"Anything?" he asked.

"Nothing as yet," she replied. "Dr Gaul said it may take time. Besides looking like I do there; I'm not sure I want to remember it!" she laughed and reached for the next thing in the box. "What's this?" she asked.

"That's a rose held in a stasis field," Jean-Luc explained.

"Right," Beverly said, turning it around in her hands. "Where did this come from?" she asked.

Jean-Luc shrugged. "I have no idea."

"A past lover perhaps …" Beverly said. "I wouldn't mind those memories coming back!"

Jean-Luc coughed a little. "You kept it on your dressing table," he explained. "I thought it might be special to you so I kept it."

Beverly went on through the box and pulled out a big blue jumper. "I'm sure this looks good on you, Jean-Luc," she said and laughed.

Jean-Luc coughed again. "You wore that a lot," he said softly. _I loved the way it hung, leaving your shoulders bare._

"What's this?" Beverly asked, pulling out a small screen.

"It's a video player," he answered. He reached over and punched in a few commands.

Jean-Luc was so close, Beverly could smell his cologne. She ignored the images being played and inhaled deeply. Jean-Luc turned questioning eyes on her.

"I remember your cologne," she said, turning bright eyes on him. She inhaled again, enjoying the woody fragrance. Unbeknown to Jean-Luc, other memories were surfacing along with it. The scent made her catch her breath and look away, but although she could recognise her response, she didn't understand the reasons behind it.

"You do?" he breathed. "Are you okay?" he asked, she looked a little startled.

"Here we are!" Briggy called as she and Deanna arrived, pulling four crates along on anti-gravity stretchers.

"This is all your stuff," Deanna announced. "Any luck?"

"No," Beverly said, shaking her head. If Jean-Luc wondered why Beverly had kept quiet about remembering the smell of his cologne, he didn't show it. Beverly glanced at him for a split second before getting to her feet. "I'm feeling a little tired, I was wondering whether we could finish this tomorrow morning?"

"Oh okay," Deanna said instantly.

"You don't have to come if you want to stay here for a bit," Beverly said to Deanna. "I can find my own way next door."

Deanna shook her head. "No it's all right. It is getting a little late."

"What's wrong, Beverly?" Deanna said as soon as they crossed the threshold of Beverly's quarters.

"I don't know," Beverly replied, shaking her head. "Are you keeping something from me?" she asked turning fierce eyes on the counsellor.

Deanna shook her head slowly. "I have not hidden anything from you."

Beverly spun around, then stormed over to the couch and flung herself down hard. "I can't understand what I am feeling," she said in a syrupy voice. Tears filled her eyes and she turned her gaze on Deanna, silently begging Deanna to help her.

"Can you explain the feelings to me?" Deanna asked, rushing over to Beverly's side.

"No," Beverly groaned. "If I could I would understand them wouldn't I?"

Deanna shook her head, wondering whether she should tell Beverly what she thought Beverly wanted to know.

"I remembered his cologne," Beverly said, staring at her folded hands on her lap. "It was such a strange sensation," she said, trying to elaborate on her statement.

"Desire."

Beverly looked up in surprise. "How?"

"You remember what I told you about me being an alien?" Deanna said. "Well, I have a sixth sense. I am an empath, which means I can sense your emotions. I know you extremely well. I can sense you coming nearer before I see you. I could pick you out in a crowded room blindfolded."

"Wow," Beverly breathed, shaking her head pensively.

"The sensation you had when you recognised the captain's cologne was desire," the counsellor said softly.

"Am I remembering simply the fragrance… maybe another man I knew wore the same, or is it because he is wearing it?" Beverly asked.

Deanna didn't really want to spell it out to Beverly, so she kept quiet. "I'm not sure," she said, shaking her dark head.

"I guess I need more time to sort through it all." Beverly sighed and stood. "I'm going to bed."

Deanna stayed where she was on the couch long after Beverly had gone. She knew there were going to be fireworks when Beverly's memory returned enough for her to remember what it was she had forgotten about Jean-Luc Picard. Deanna knew Jean-Luc was also well aware of that fact, but he was encased in an even more difficult position. Deanna couldn't see a way out for him unless someone was deeply hurt. Deanna didn't even want to think of the ramifications.

The next morning, Deanna left Beverly sleeping and went to find the captain. If Briggy wasn't married to him and involuntarily involved in a triangle she had no knowledge of, she would have been the first person on Deanna's list of people to ask for help.

She found Jean-Luc seated behind his desk in his ready room. He didn't look pleased to see her because he knew what Deanna wanted.

"Hello, Deanna," he said slowly. "I think I know why you are here."

Deanna nodded and took the seat opposite him. "This is going to get complicated," she began.

"I'm sure Beverly will understand," Jean-Luc said, although he knew he didn't even believe the statement himself.

"I'm sure she will," Deanna responded. "That doesn't mean she will like it."

"You're becoming more candid in your old age," he said, smiling into his tea.

"Technically you aren't my commanding officer anymore," Deanna answered. "I feel a little more free to say what is on my mind now."

"So go ahead," he replied. "I have always trusted your judgement, Deanna."

"Briggy is a little wary of Beverly's return from the dead, which is understandable. I don't blame her either," she added. "Simply because she has got something to worry about."

Jean-Luc shook his head. "Briggy has nothing to worry about."

"Captain, you love Briggy," Deanna said.

"Of course I do, she's my wife."

"But you love Beverly more," Deanna challenged.

Jean-Luc suddenly felt extremely uncomfortable. Nobody, not even himself, had said those words out loud before. "It has been that way for almost forty years, Deanna. It's hardly going to change now. Beverly made her feelings clear."

"Did she?" Deanna asked, throwing doubt into his face.

Jean-Luc shook his head and got to his feet. "I can't think about that now," he said, shaking his head.

"Beverly _will_ remember," she insisted.

"Deanna, please," he begged. "Give me time to think."

"All right," Deanna said and left him alone to think.

Beverly was eating breakfast when Deanna returned. "Where did you go so early?" she asked her.

"I just went to see the captain," Deanna replied, pulling up a chair. "What are you eating?" she added.

"Spaghetti bolognaise," Beverly replied.

"For breakfast!" Deanna burst out laughing. "That's a first."

"Well, I remembered that I liked it," Beverly grinned shyly. "Anyway, at least I remembered something else."

"That's fantastic news," Deanna said, declining Beverly's offer to share her breakfast. "Is there anything else you remember?"

Beverly shrugged. "Not that I've noticed. But I did have a few of those growing pains during the night."

"Good."

"I have to go to sickbay for my check up this morning," Beverly said as she wiped her mouth with a napkin.

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"If you want to," Beverly replied. "You can try and remember all those long words Dr Gaul says for me."

Deanna laughed. "You mean you don't remember all those medical terms yet?" she teased.

Beverly shook her head, her eyes wide in fear. "God no…"


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Dr Gaul unhooked the last of the medical equipment from Beverly's skin. "Well this is just excellent," he said happily. "You are progressing a lot faster than I had anticipated. At the current rate of regeneration, your recovery should be a matter of months."

"And maybe you will start eating dinner at dinnertime and not for breakfast," Deanna quipped.

Dr Gaul paused what he was doing to nudge Deanna. "Watch," he whispered softly, giving an imperceptible nod in Beverly's direction.

Deanna took a few seconds to realise what the doctor was getting at, her eyes drifted to the tricorder in Beverly's hands. Beverly's fingers were dancing with dexterity across the keypad and on the far wall where the diagnostic computer displayed its results; different scans were popping up on the screen behind her.

"Is that Beverly?" Deanna asked the doctor.

"What?" Beverly said, looking up.

"Beverly, you seem to remember how to work a tricorder," Dr Gaul said.

Beverly glanced down at the tricorder in her hands. "I do?" she said in wonder.

"It certainly looks like it," Deanna said. "Scan me for pregnancy."

"Pregnancy?" she asked.

"Yes," Deanna replied.

Beverly pondered Deanna's words before turning her attention to the tricorder. "Right…" she said, concentrating hard. She punched in a few commands and waved the tricorder in Deanna's direction. "Positive," she said, amazed.

Deanna gasped. "Seriously?"

"Was that right?" Beverly asked, turning to the doctor. "Did I do it okay?"

"That was perfect, and believe it or not, you actually bypassed the menu functions to go directly to the scan function that you required."

Deanna stood there with her mouth hanging open.

"You didn't tell me you were having a baby," Beverly said, turning to Deanna.

"That's because I didn't know until just now!" Deanna exclaimed.

"You didn't?" Dr Gaul asked in shock.

"No… I'm not a doctor. I couldn't think of another test to do on the spur of the moment," Deanna replied. "Oh my God!" she squealed.

"Congratulations," Beverly smiled, wondering whether she had put her foot in it.

"You better come through with me," Dr Gaul said. "I can run some more tests for you if you'd like."

"Keep this to yourself for a while okay, Beverly?" Deanna said. "My husband doesn't even know yet."

Beverly nodded. "Okay, sure."

Deanna wandered off behind the doctor. Beverly sat still for a moment before setting the tricorder down on the bed beside her. She got to her feet and left sickbay.

"Hello Beverly!"

Beverly turned and found Briggy running along the corridor to catch up with her. "Hi," she answered.

"You just had your check up, didn't you?" Briggy asked.

Beverly nodded.

"How did it go?"

"Fine," Beverly answered.

Briggy frowned. "Are you sure everything went okay?" she asked. "You look like you've had some unsettling news."

"I just diagnosed Deanna Troi as pregnant," Beverly replied. "Oh damn!" she cursed. "Deanna tells me to keep quiet and it's been less than five minutes since she told me and I've gone and blabbed!"

"Deanna's pregnant?" Briggy said slowly.

Beverly nodded. "She's gone for some more tests. I remembered how to work a tricorder and she asked me to run a pregnancy test on her."

"And it came up positive?" Briggy smiled, she knew Deanna and Will had been trying for a baby recently.

Beverly nodded. "I didn't know what to say!" she exclaimed.

"Deanna's been trying to get pregnant," Briggy explained. "She'll be thrilled at the news when it has sunk in."

"She looked shocked." Beverly smiled. "I don't think she expected the results to be positive."

Briggy smiled. "Oh well…" she said. "Where were you headed?"

Beverly shook her head. "Back to my apartment I guess."

"May I join you?" Briggy asked.

"Of course."

"By the way, they are known as quarters, not apartments," Briggy said, and grinned playfully. "I just had all your belongings returned to your quarters. There are some files of yours stored in the computer too. They are stored somewhere in the back up files at Headquarters. I contacted the historical information desk and asked them to return your files to you as soon as possible."

Beverly was intrigued. "What are in the files?"

"Your personal logs," Briggy explained. "It's like a diary, but stored in audibly or visually in the computer."

"Should be interesting…"

Beverly and Briggy worked hard for a few hours unpacking all of Beverly's belongings and putting them away. So far Beverly hadn't had any recollections of her past pertaining to any of her belongings. But that was about to change.

"What is this?" Briggy asked, pulling out something from the bottom of one of the boxes.

Beverly threw down the pile of clothes she had bundled in her arms and walked over to where Briggy was. She reached down and took the small silver sphere from Briggy's fingers. As soon as her fingers touched it, Beverly was overwhelmed. Strange images flitted into her mind, her memories still muddled. She saw Jean-Luc kneeling on the floor in front of her, her hand in his, and the image fizzled away. "Penny for your thoughts…" Beverly whispered quietly.

Briggy was watching her intently. "Penny for your thoughts," she repeated. "What does that mean? Is that a penny?"

Beverly glanced down at the silver sphere. "I don't know," she answered. "I don't get instant recognition," she added when she had recovered her composure. "I sometimes remember feelings associated with the item and perhaps I have images or… visions of people or places."

"What did you see then?" Briggy asked. "It looked like something profound."

"Jean-Luc," Beverly answered. "He was kneeling on the floor," she decided not to mention the hand holding incident to his wife. "That's all really. And I heard those words, '_penny for your thoughts_'."

"What was he doing on the floor?" Briggy asked.

"I have no idea," Beverly replied, shaking her head. _But I'm sure going to ask him_.

Briggy busied herself opening another box, watching out of the corner of her eye as Beverly stored the device in a silver trinket box by her bed. She would also be asking Jean-Luc what exactly it was because she knew he had something similar tucked away inside a wooden box in his desk drawer.

"Deanna is probably returning to the Titan for a few days," Jean-Luc said over dinner with Briggy that evening. She was unusually quiet.

"She told me," Briggy answered.

"So will you be looking after Beverly?" he asked, finishing his meal and returning his cutlery to his plate.

Briggy nodded. "I like her."

Jean-Luc smiled, delighted at the news. "I'm glad."

"I should have the time," Briggy said, "but I'm counselling Liam Henson. He's not dealing with his problems at all. He still thinks everyone is out to get him. In fact, I'm going to spend some time with him this evening."

"What time will you be home?" he asked as he cleared away the dinner plates.

Briggy shrugged. "I'm not sure yet. It depends on how long Liam needs to talk for."

"I thought that if it wasn't too late we could spend some time on the holodeck together." He smiled convincingly.

Briggy grinned. "I'll see what I can do. Where are you planning on taking me?"

Jean-Luc wandered over to Briggy's side and pulled her into his arms. "Maybe I will surprise you," he said, kissing her nose. He ran his fingers through her long wavy dark hair and gazed into her clear green eyes.

Briggy swooned in front of him. "I wish I didn't have to work tonight…"

"The quicker you go the quicker you will be back," he reminded her.

Briggy groaned and headed for the door. "I shouldn't grumble," she said as the doors opened.

"Hi."

"Beverly!" Briggy clutched her heart dramatically. "You startled me!"

Beverly smiled. "I am sorry," she said, biting on her lower lip. "I was just wondering if I could talk to Jean-Luc."

"Sure," Briggy said, feeling a little more secure around Beverly after Jean-Luc's promise of a night of passion in the holodeck. "Go in. Jean-Luc, Beverly is here!"

Briggy glanced over her shoulder as the doors closed behind her. She caught a glimpse of Jean-Luc heading to the replicator for refreshments. Heaving a sigh, Briggy turned and headed towards Liam's quarters.

As soon as Briggy walked through Liam's door, he said, "About time, too. I'm just about ready to kill myself here!" He laughed melodramatically. "This is killing my career, you know. The captain keeps passing me up for assignments!"

"This has got to stop," she stated. "I can't do this anymore, Liam."

"We are only talking," he answered, patting the empty space on the couch beside him.

Briggy didn't take up his offer of a seat. "So talk."

"I don't want to talk," he said.

"Liam, I'm a counsellor. I am here to listen. If you want sex, you call a prostitute!" she snapped.

"Okay, let me tell you a story…"

Briggy rubbed her temples with her fingertips. "It had better be a short story. I'm going out tonight."

Liam's cockiness stopped. "With the captain?"

"Of course. He's my husband."

"Oh don't get me started on that one…"

Briggy groaned and knew she was in for a long night.

Jean-Luc joined Beverly on the couch, carrying two glasses of white wine. "What is it you wanted to see me about?"

"This," Beverly said, revealing what she held in her hand. It was the sphere Briggy had found in one of her trunks.

Jean-Luc stared at the device, trying hard to keep his expression placid. He knew instantly what it was. "It's a psi-wave transmitter," he answered. "It's from the planet Kesprytt. It's primarily an interrogation device. It allows your thoughts to be read by a computer, therefore allowing the interrogator to hear the truth whether you like it or not."

The confusion on Beverly's face grew more intense as he spoke. "Right…" she said when he had finished his explanation. "But why would I have one?" she asked. "I found this with my things."

Jean-Luc set his glass down on the coffee table and got to his feet. He went over to his desk and removed a wooden box from one of the drawers.

Beverly watched as he sat back down and offered her the box. She took it and lifted the lid. Inside was another of the devices. "You have one too?" she asked in surprise. "Were we into interrogating each other?" She laughed uneasily.

"These were implanted into our necks after we were kidnapped," he said.

"Kidnapped!"

Jean-Luc nodded. "We, you and I, were to meet with the representatives of the Kes from the planet Kesprytt. They were hoping to become members of the Federation of Planets. Unfortunately, the planet was divided by conflict. Half were known as the Kes and the other half were the Prytt. The Prytt believed that we were there to arm the Kes so that they would defeat the Prytt. When you and I beamed down to the planet, our transport was diverted and we ended up prisoners of the Prytt."

"Really?" Beverly was enthralled, she loved the sound of Jean-Luc's voice as he spoke to her. She instinctively knew she could believe everything he said.

"They implanted these devices into our cerebral cortexes. Our captor said that they would automatically align themselves to our thought patterns and then they would start getting answers from us. Not long after that, we were helped to escape. The psi-wave transmitters started transmitting our thoughts to each other."

"Why did we keep them?" she asked, frowning.

"I don't know." He shook his head indifferently and shrugged. "In case they became useful, I suppose."

"Oh," Beverly said, wondering if her hazy memory had been sparked by something other than the tiny transmitter. She didn't think it had, but couldn't think of a reason for Jean-Luc to lie to her.

"Have you got your computer files back yet?" he asked.

Beverly shook her head. "Not yet." She noticed that Jean-Luc seemed to relax as he heard her answer. Why did she think something was being hidden from her?

"What were you planning on doing for the rest of the evening?" Jean-Luc asked, feeling as though he needed to fill the silence with small talk.

Beverly shrugged; _the same as I always do… eat, read, and sleep._ "I think Deanna has something planned," Beverly answered. "Is there some way to watch old fashioned movies?"

"Movies?"

Beverly nodded; she had loved her Monday afternoon trips to the local cinema back on Kilyan. Deanna had furnished Beverly with every history book on Earth she could find and Beverly had devoured most of them during her free time. From what she was learning about Earth and her resurrecting memories, she knew that Earth and Kilyan almost had a mirrored past. She had read about the Hollywood industry and knew of all the wonderful films made.

"I believe there is." He smiled, grateful of something to do to ease the uncomfortable stalemate between them. He got up and walked over to a panel on the wall. "Let me see…" he said searching the bulkhead opposite. "Oh yes, there we are."

Beverly frowned in confusion; he was studying a blank wall. "Where?"

"What movie would you like to see? Did you have one in mind? Or would you like a menu to scroll through?" he asked, sitting beside her on the couch.

"I suppose the screen is going to appear in front of us like magic," Beverly said slowly.

Jean-Luc laughed. "Well, yes as it happens."

"I have no idea what to watch," she said after a moment or two. "Are we going to watch something now?".

"If you want to," he answered.

"Can you put it on random?" she asked and grinned. "Because I can't possibly choose."

Jean-Luc decided he would show her one of his favourite movies. "It's called 'Chances Are' and I watched it for the first time when I was a child. There was an old fashioned cinema in the town nearest to my village and my brother and I went there when I around eight."

Jean-Luc went to the replicator and ordered some snacks and a bottle of wine. He set them down on the table and he and Beverly settled down to enjoy the film together.

The film ended and both Beverly and Jean-Luc remained silent in awe for a few moments. "That was amazing," Beverly breathed. "Wasn't it?" she said eagerly, turning bright eyes on him.

They spoke animatedly about the film for several minutes before the doors opened and Briggy walked in. She eyed them suspiciously for a second before plonking herself down unceremoniously between them on the couch.

"That was tough. Liam is so upset…" she heaved in a sigh. "Have you been watching a film?"

"Yes," Beverly said and immediately launched into her review.

"I don't need to see it now," Briggy chuckled when Beverly had finished. Briggy was wondering how to get rid of Beverly. She had been excited by the prospect of a night on the holodeck with Jean-Luc and it now looked as though they may have company.

Beverly knew it was time to go when Briggy had returned. "I think I'll call it a night," she said getting to her feet.

Beverly left the Picard's quarters wandered aimlessly down the corridors of the Enterprise. She had so many strange feelings and images running around in her mind, but she could not make any sense out of them. She was frustrated and upset.

Deanna must have sensed her, because soon Beverly realised Deanna was running beside her, trying hard to keep up with Beverly's long strides. She slowed so Deanna didn't have to run.

"I wish I had legs like yours," Deanna panted, trying to ease Beverly's inner turmoil with humour. "It would make me earlier everywhere!"

Beverly's face didn't break into a smile as Deanna had planned. "I don't understand!" Beverly said, clearly aggravated.

"What don't you understand?" Deanna asked, knowing the question would probably anger the redhead even more.

Beverly groaned loudly and stopped walking suddenly. Deanna had moved on a few more paces before she realised that Beverly had stopped. She turned back to Beverly.

"I am remembering things all out of sequence. There are pieces missing; the vital bits that would make the things I am remembering make sense," Beverly moaned.

"What sort of things are you remembering?" Deanna asked softly.

Beverly sighed and started walking fast again in the direction she had come from.

Deanna hurried off behind her friend. "Beverly, I am pregnant and I don't think me running up and down the corridors in the middle of the night is doing me any favours."

"I'm going home," Beverlysaid.

"Oh right… well if it's all the same to you, I think I will meet you there and come at my own pace," Deanna panted.

"Fine," Beverly replied.

"This isn't my fault!" Deanna yelled after Beverly's departing figure.

Deanna arrived a few minutes later. She found Beverly sitting on the end of her bed. Deanna gazed at her friend who once used to be so strong. She was a broken woman, unsure of who she was or where she had come from. Sometimes, Deanna didn't even recognise Beverly when she looked directly into her blue eyes. At those times, Deanna had to mentally remind herself that it was only temporary and that the Beverly they all knew and loved would be back.

"If you try to explain what you are feeling to me, I may be able to give you some of the answers you need," Deanna said as she approached her friend.

Beverly looked up at Deanna, her eyes glassy. "I told you before that I didn't know how to explain it," she said in a soft tone. She didn't mean to be nasty.

"Well… is this confusion caused by places you are? Or things around you or maybe someone you meet?" Deanna suggested and then she took a seat on the end of the bed beside Beverly.

"Someone," Beverly answered, unwilling to give the person's name.

"What is it you feel about that person?" Deanna asked, wondering whether it was the captain.

"I like that person," Beverly began, "but at the same time I don't. That person has been very nice to me since I got here and hasn't been horrid to me at any time. But something makes me feel… uneasy. I don't like that person."

Deanna bit her bottom lip gently. "Who is it?" she asked.

Beverly sighed, "I don't think I want to tell you that person's name. I feel like they are always … oh, I don't know … checking me over all the time. Sort of making sure I'm not doing anything they don't want me to be doing. But they are quite clever about it. I wouldn't even notice anything amiss if it wasn't for my memories returning slowly. I think some part of who I was wouldn't like that person."

Deanna knew Beverly had hit the nail on the head. She was definitely talking about Briggy. Deanna had known all along. "Do you have any recollections in mind of what is making you uneasy about Briggy?"

Beverly shook her head. "No," she said. "Wait a minute!" she exclaimed, turning to Deanna.

"Sorry." Deanna shrugged. "I guessed it was Briggy."

"How?"

Deanna shrugged again. "I just did."

Beverly shook her head and got to her feet. "I don't believe you," she said.

"Hey, I'm supposed to be the empath here," Deanna protested.

Beverly raised a challenging eyebrow at the counsellor. "Why did you guess it was her? There has to be a reason."

Deanna sighed. "Well, you didn't know her before."

"I didn't?" Beverly was rightly confused. "But I distinctly remember remembering an image of her sitting on a bio bed in sickbay. I was treating her for something…"

"Well okay you knew _of_ her before you went missing," Deanna corrected. "But you didn't _know_ her. She had only just joined the crew of the Enterprise about a week before you disappeared."

"Why do I feel like she's on my back all the time?" Beverly asked. She had a gut feeling telling her that Deanna knew the answer.

"Briggy is my friend, too, and I really don't want to upset either of you… I'd rather stay out of it, if it's all the same to you," Deanna mumbled.

"Deanna, just tell me," Beverly stated. "I will not do or say anything to her."

"She's jealous," Deanna said. "That's all it is."

Beverly shook her head in disbelief. "Jealous of what?" she asked, looking about the room.

Deanna bit her lip. "She's not jealous of what you have. She's just wary of her husband's friendship with you. You're a beautiful woman, Beverly, and Briggy has only been married to the captain for coming up eleven months. She's just a little… wary. That's all."

"Wary of me?" Beverly frowned. "I still think something isn't quite right…"

Deanna got to her feet. "Honestly, Beverly, that's all it is. Wouldn't you be a little on edge if your husband's best friend was a woman and they spent a lot of time together alone?"

Beverly shrugged. "Maybe. Maybe not. I would trust my husband."

"You would be wary if you didn't know her," Deanna added. "And Briggy doesn't know you."

"Well, I'll soon find out," Beverly said with purpose. "All my old personal logs and computer files are being returned to me soon."

Deanna swallowed hard; she didn't know how Beverly used her personal logs. Some people recorded their innermost feelings and confessions and others simply used them to record what they had done that day or what had annoyed them. Beverly's logs could be a mine waiting to explode or a dummy. Deanna really didn't want Beverly to suddenly come across a recorded message in her own voice proclaiming her love for Jean-Luc. It would be disastrous. Not only would Beverly's memory return in that instant, but she would be devastated knowing that the man she loved had fallen in love with had married another woman. She may even feel betrayed…

Deanna didn't even want to think about the consequences.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Deanna was up early the next morning, partly due to her morning sickness and partly due to the fact that she needed to speak to Jean-Luc about Beverly receiving her personal logs. She wondered idly as she left their quarters, why she had felt perfectly fine before she found out she was expecting and only now felt sick. With a sigh, she headed next door to Jean-Luc's quarters, knowing he was alone.

"Hello, Deanna," he greeted her from the table where he was eating a breakfast of coffee and croissants. Deanna had just left Beverly eating exactly the same breakfast next door.

"Beverly is going to be receiving her old personal logs and files at some point," Deanna said, coming straight to the point.

Jean-Luc put his coffee cup down and gestured to the chair in front of him. Deanna sat down heavily on the chair.

"She is going to find out," Deanna added.

"What is she going to find out exactly?" Jean-Luc said slowly. "Beverly and I were very good friends. We were never more than that. I haven't cheated on her."

"It's not that I am worried about," she answered. "You are still in love with Beverly. There is no getting around that."

"Deanna, I have married Briggy," he said. "I love my wife. Nothing is going to change that. When Beverly remembers who she is fully, we will be back to what we were before. We will be best friends."

Deanna was sure Beverly wouldn't think that. It would have been true if it weren't for the night Deanna had spent alone with Beverly on Betazed drinking the very potent spirit Dumdum. A very sweet, very popular, and very alcoholic drink. It was the week before Deanna was to be married to Will Riker and they had been talking about their love lives. Both were very drunk when Beverly confessed to Deanna that she was, and had been for a very long time, in love with Jean-Luc. She had been spurred into action by Deanna's wedding; she wanted to tell Jean-Luc how she felt. She had been very open with her feelings, and Deanna knew that it wasn't all down to the Dumdum. Something told Deanna that Jean-Luc was in line for some serious home truths… but if it hadn't have been for Beverly going missing a few weeks later, Deanna knew she would have made her move on Jean-Luc.

Deanna could have told Jean-Luc that Beverly was in love with him right there and then, but she didn't want to overstep the mark. Beverly would not appreciate it, no matter what Deanna's reasons were.

"I have decided," he said. "That when Beverly's memories begin to surface, I will speak to her then. Alone."

"So you _do_ think that there is something to worry about then?" Deanna dared ask.

Jean-Luc's jaw twitched. "Beverly will understand."

Deanna decided to leave it at that. Jean-Luc was in denial. He was trapped in a difficult position, but just wouldn't admit it to himself. _Surely he knows Beverly is in love with him?_

"Have your personal logs arrived yet?" Briggy called loudly as she breezed into Beverly's quarters. She paused to watch Deanna making her bed in the living area. "Did you just wake up?"

"No," Deanna answered. "I was feeling a little nauseous so I laid down for an hour or so. Beverly isn't actually here."

"She isn't?" Briggy said. "I think I'm going to get her a communicator so that I can find her when I want to."

"Beverly is having some lunch with the captain in Ten Forward," Deanna said delicately.

Briggy at once looked away from Deanna as she tried hard to suppress her jealousy. "He didn't tell me," she blurted before she could stop herself.

Deanna wandered over and sat herself down on the armchair nearest to Briggy. "Beverly mentioned that Jean-Luc had asked her to lunch this morning; probably after you had left for your appointments."

"Have I got anything to worry about, Deanna?" Briggy asked, her eyes drilling into Deanna's. "I am serious, you have to tell me."

"Not that I know of," she answered as coolly as she possibly could.

"Were Beverly and Jean-Luc lovers?" Briggy asked, having never received definite answers to any of these questions before from Deanna. Deanna somehow avoided answering these types of questions.

That was a question Deanna could answer. "No."

"So what is it with them?" Briggy asked.

"They are friends," Deanna answered. "Very close friends. They shared many life changing experiences with each other. They have been friends for almost four decades."

"Yadda yadda yadda," Briggy said sarcastically, having heard it all before.

"What more do you want me to say, Briggy?" Deanna asked. "Do you want me to tell you that Jean-Luc will probably have an affair with Beverly?"

"No, of course not!"

"Well, I can tell you for sure right here and now that Jean-Luc isn't the kind of man who would ever cheat on anyone. He is an honest man and I would have thought you would have known that considering you are married to him."

"I do know that," Briggy said y. "I just…"

"You what?"

"It's just that everyone else seems to know Jean-Luc better than I do," she said softly.

Deanna snorted. "That's ridiculous!" she exclaimed. "You know him better than anyone. He has told you everything. He cried on your shoulder many a time after you had broken down his defences…"

"I bet he's cried on Beverly's shoulder…" Briggy muttered, climbing to her feet.

"Seriously," Deanna called as Briggy headed for the door, "there isn't anything to worry about."

"Yet," Briggy snapped, disappearing through the doors.

Beverly sat at a quiet corner table in Ten Forward watching Briggy speaking privately to her husband. Briggy had arrived a few minutes ago and asked Jean-Luc for a word.

_She thinks I'm stepping on her toes_, she thought. Another thought crossed her mind; _but am I? _Beverly took a sip of drink, and carried on tucking into her lunch. She didn't want Briggy to suspect her of spying on their private chat.

"Sorry about that," Jean-Luc said, returning to his seat. He looked a little hot under the collar. "Ship's business."

Beverly knew it wasn't, but she kept quiet. She suddenly realised that she was attracted to Jean-Luc. The mere thought took her breath away. At that moment, Beverly was speculating whether it was her right now getting those feelings for Jean-Luc or was she simply remembering that she found Jean-Luc extremely attractive.

"What is that look for?" Jean-Luc asked after a while. Beverly was gazing at him with her fork in midair; a cherry tomato speared onto the end.

"What look?" Beverly asked, shaking her head.

"You were staring at me."

She shrugged and popped the tomato into her mouth. "I didn't realise I was."

As Jean-Luc continued to chat about his week, seemingly forgetting that Beverly had been gazing openly at him before, Beverly allowed her mind to wander. She realised now why Briggy seemed to be on edge around her. Perhaps Briggy knew she was attracted to her husband. Maybe that was why Briggy didn't want to leave Jean-Luc alone in her company because she was afraid Beverly might try something.

_Would I?_ Beverly thought. "Maybe I already have!"

"Maybe you… what?" Jean-Luc asked. He had been in the middle of telling Beverly about a conflict raging between two planets when Beverly had rudely interrupted him.

Beverly flushed red in embarrassment, she laughed shyly. "Sorry, I um…"

"Wasn't listening to me," Jean-Luc finished for her.

"I was," she lied.

Jean-Luc shook his head and smiled. "No, you weren't."

Beverly gave him a sheepish look and bowed her head coyly. "I was half listening," she said softly. "I am sorry. It's just that my mind seems to be working overtime after my operation. I am always remembering things and it puts me off of what I'm doing…"

"Apology accepted," he answered, giving her one of his rare smiles. "I can't imagine what you are going through. I'm having a hard time myself."

Beverly looked up in concern. "Oh?"

"Well…" he said, and shook his head, "it is like having dinner with a stranger. No offence."

"None taken," Beverly answered right away.

Jean-Luc smiled in relief. "To be honest, I am running out of things to talk about. I can't think of anything that would interest you… at the moment. Because you can't remember Starfleet… me…"

"I remember you," Beverly said softly.

Jean-Luc coughed a little. "You do?"

Beverly nodded. "Not a lot, but I do remember your presence."

"My presence," Jean-Luc repeated slowly, raising his eyebrows and pretending he was worried.

"I remember I can trust you," she said. "And I feel safe around you."

"That's always good to hear," he said, his eyes looking sad for a moment.

"It's a compliment," Beverly assured him. She had noticed the sad look in his eyes and wondered why he felt that way.

"Maybe it would be better if you decided what we should talk about," he said, recovering his momentary lapse.

Beverly grinned mischievously. "You know…" she said, drawing her words out tantalisingly slowly. "Deanna told me all about that holodeck of yours. I haven't been yet and it sounds fascinating."

"The holodeck…"

"I know you have to go back on duty soon, but what about when you finish this evening?" Beverly asked. "Do you want to show me around? If you aren't doing anything that is."

"I would love to," he answered. "Of course you can choose the program."

"You trust me to do that?"

"I trust you," he answered, he got to his feet. "I have to get back to the bridge and I will see you later. I'll pick you up as soon as I can."

Beverly wandered back along the various corridors of the Enterprise, lost in her thoughts as she made her way back to her quarters. She was now convinced that whatever Deanna was hiding from her had something to do with her attraction to Jean-Luc.

"How did it go?" Deanna asked as soon as she walked inside.

"Fine," Beverly answered softly. "Are you feeling any better?"

Deanna nodded. "I'm feeling fine now. I just ate a massive mint chocolate chip ice-cream sundae. Actually, I could probably eat another one right now."

Beverly smiled. "Go for it. You are eating for two now."

"You know I might just do that," Deanna said, heading towards the replicator. "Want one?"

"No thanks," Beverly laughed. "I think I'll leave all the sundaes to you. What's this for?" she added after spying Deanna's suitcase parked at the bottom of the makeshift bed.

Deanna looked at Beverly over the top of her sundae. "I have to go home tomorrow morning," she answered. "I want to spend some time with my husband to celebrate."

"Oh," Beverly said, sounding sad. "Will you be coming back?"

"I will be, yes," Deanna answered. "Probably in a week or so. Will is trying to get some time off so he can come and see you."

"Is your job suffering on the Titan while you are here?" Beverly asked seriously.

Deanna shook her head. "Not really," she answered. "There are two other counsellors on board. They are both sharing my job while I'm here."

"That's good," Beverly said.

"Is there something on your mind, Beverly?" Deanna asked.

Beverly blinked in surprise. "No… nothing." Beverly wished Deanna wasn't able to sense her emotions, it was very disconcerting. She was eager to change the subject. "I am going to see the holodeck this evening with Jean-Luc."

Deanna's spoon paused in midair, the ice cream slipped off and landed unceremoniously on her uniform jacket. "To do what?" she asked, ignoring the ice cream for a moment.

Beverly shrugged. "He said it was my choice. I was wondering if you had any ideas."

_Cold showers?_ Deanna thought.

"Why are you going to the holodeck?" Deanna asked.

"Because it's almost as if we are getting to know each other again," Beverly answered. "Jean-Luc doesn't know what to speak to me about anymore. It's actually quite uncomfortable between us at the moment."

"I have to go… out," Deanna said, setting her ice cream glass down inside the reclaimator. "I'll be back before you leave."

"Okay," Beverly said, staring at closed doors after Deanna had rushed off.

Beverly was having great fun replicating all the clothes in the computers catalogue in her size. She had mounds of clothes all over her bed and floor when Briggy arrived.

"What are you doing?" Briggy asked, a smirk crossing her pretty face.

Beverly hadn't heard Briggy enter and jumped. "I'm, um…"

"Raiding the stores by the looks of it," Briggy laughed. "Are you planning on going somewhere special?"

Beverly fell down on the bed amongst the piles of clothes and sighed heavily. "No, I just decided that I needed to get some more clothes. I only had the few things I replicated on my first night here and what I was given by Deanna."

"Ah," Briggy said. "You are gaining your independence."

"You could say that," Beverly said, nodding.

"Do you need any help?"

"Probably to clear this mess up," Beverly laughed. She wondered if Briggy believed in the saying 'keep your friends close and your enemies closer'. If she did, things made a lot more sense.

"Okay, I'll fold and you can hang," Briggy said, getting right down to business. "I hear you and Jean-Luc are going to the holodeck this evening," she said as she pulled a pile of clothes towards her and began the task of clearing away.

"That's right," Beverly replied. "Aren't you joining us?" she added, trying to placate Briggy's jealousy.

"I have to work," Briggy said with a sigh. "I have to work my schedule around my patients' duty shifts so I often work out of hours."

"That's a shame," Beverly sighed, secretly happy.

"Have you thought about what program you would like to run?"

"I was looking through the options on the computer," Beverly answered. "I came across a few that sound really interesting; but I haven't decided yet."

Briggy smiled, but Beverly saw through the smile. "Did you receive your personal logs yet?"

"No, I'm expecting them tomorrow." She wondered what it was that had Briggy so intrigued. It seemed like Briggy was more impatient to receive them than she was. "Deanna is leaving tomorrow morning for the Titan."

"Oh yes," Briggy nodded. "She told me this afternoon. Are you going with her?"

"With her?" Beverly stopped what she was doing and looked at the woman opposite her.

"Oh sorry, I must have got things muddled up." Briggy shrugged.

"Why?" Beverly asked. "What did you hear?"

"Oh, it's nothing."

Beverly knew Briggy was goading her, but she really wanted to hear what she had to say. "Come on, tell me."

"Well, it's just that Deanna is pregnant now," Briggy answered. "And it maybe stressful for her to keep travelling between the Enterprise and the Titan and that it might be better for you to go to the Titan with her. Jean-Luc mentioned something about it to me. I probably got it wrong."

"Deanna never said anything to me," Beverly said, knowing instantly that Briggy was trying to get rid of her and it hurt.

Briggy shrugged once again. "Maybe she didn't want to ask."

Briggy was underestimating Beverly's intelligence and Beverly smiled inwardly, knowing that two people could play that game. She decided there and then not to reveal anything else about any memories returning to her. She would play dumb. She would catch them out and discover whatever it was that she wasn't supposed to find out.

Beverly got the desired reaction from Jean-Luc when he arrived to collect her to take her to the holodeck for the evening. _It's not one-sided attraction!_ She had dressed herself in a tight black knee length skirt, high heeled shoes that strapped up around her ankles, and a clingy satin shirt. She had paid special attention to her makeup and hair and had even surprised Deanna with her sexy look.

_"You do realise the men on the holodeck aren't real don't you?" Deanna had said when Beverly had appeared in the living area where she was sat writing a letter to her husband. _

Jean-Luc swallowed hard; all at once he was confronted with his sexual desire for the redhead standing in front of him seemingly oblivious to the fact.

"Are you joining us, Deanna?" he asked, hoping Deanna would consent to be the buffer.

Deanna looked up from the book she was reading on pregnancy. "I have to pack I'm afraid," she answered, thinking that Jean-Luc deserved this. He had basically ignored her warnings.

"Let's go," Beverly said, smiling sweetly at him.

Jean-Luc followed Beverly out of the door, trying his hardest to keep his focus on Beverly's shoulders and not her backside. "I have decided what program we are going to run," Beverly said as she paused to allow him to catch up with her.

"Should I be worried?" Jean-Luc asked.

Beverly raised a playful eyebrow. "Well, I don't know," she answered. "It depends on how strong your stomach is. It's probably a good thing you are going with a qualified doctor."

"But you can't remember anything," he said, sounding worried.

"You want perfection, Jean-Luc?" she teased.

_I want you… _

"I'm taking you motor racing," she said happily.

"Motor racing?" Jean-Luc asked, intrigued. He imagined watching the racing, betting on who would win, and then perhaps a meal afterwards. Jean-Luc soon found out he was severely mistaken. Beverly was in the driving seat.

"Deanna told me all about the safety features here," Beverly said as she buckled herself into the driving seat. She glanced over at Jean-Luc, who was seated to the left of her, pulling on a crash helmet. "So I turned them off," she said nonchalantly.

Jean-Luc was halfway out of the car before Beverly laughed and told him she was kidding. "That's not funny," he insisted as he reluctantly sat back down in the car beside her.

"You're not scared are you?" she teased.

"Of course not, but I would prefer it if I were driving," he answered.

"I passed my test," Beverly replied indignantly.

Jean-Luc frowned. "What test?"

"My driving test," Beverly answered. "After I lost my memory, if I wanted to drive again; well, I thought it was again; I had to pass my test."

"You mean on Kilyan?"

"Of course," Beverly grinned. "I loved it!"

Jean-Luc was about to answer when he was thrown back against the seat as Beverly slammed her foot on the accelerator and the car sped off. Jean-Luc was at least grateful that Beverly had chosen a proper race circuit and not a road complete with other road users. He held on for dear life as Beverly slammed the car around the track and flung it round the corners, squealing with delight.

Jean-Luc hoped that Beverly would get bored eventually and soon she did. But it wasn't soon enough for Jean-Luc's liking.

"What's the matter?" she asked, finding his discomfort amusing.

"I just prefer it when I am in control of the vehicle."

"Well, you don't drive your spaceship," Beverly protested, unable to hide the amusement from her face.

"I give the orders," he answered lamely, knowing exactly what Beverly would say next.

"But you don't actually drive the ship yourself," Beverly teased. "Somebody else does it."

"You sound just like your son!" Jean-Luc exclaimed, shaking his head in delight. "I used to think he got his wittiness from his father, but now I see exactly where it comes from."

Beverly frowned. "Am I acting differently now to my usual self?" she asked.

Jean-Luc shook his head, smiling. "Well I must say you seem a little less…" he paused looking for the right word. "Reserved."

"I'm normally reserved?" she asked slowly.

"Not all the time," Jean-Luc corrected himself, fearing he may have upset her.

"You mean I'm cold?" Beverly asked. She could see that she was getting into an area of conversation that Jean-Luc didn't feel at all comfortable with.

"I…"

"You wish you'd never said anything now, don't you," Beverly said as she turned her attention to the view out of the windscreen. "Because you think I'll resent you for your comments when my memory returns."

Jean-Luc chuckled. "I wouldn't want to be on the wrong side of you."

Beverly peered at him, her curiosity piqued. "So I'm bad tempered, too?"

"That would be an understatement," Jean-Luc said, raising an eyebrow.

"Seriously?" she questioned in amazement. "So if I'm not cold all the time, I'm bad tempered all the time."

"Beverly," he said evenly.

Her head swooned when he said her name that way; she swallowed hard to recover and hoped that Jean-Luc hadn't noticed.

"You have a bad temper," he said slowly. "But you also have quite a lot of patience, too. But when you lose it you _really_ lose it. I've seen grown men cower in front of you!" he chuckled. "And when I said you were a little reserved," he explained, "I meant that you have a front you put on… while you're working, mainly. You have to be detached when you are a doctor. That is simply because you wouldn't be able to function professionally if you allowed yourself to wallow in the pain of your patients."

Beverly sat quietly, thinking over what Jean-Luc had said. "You know, sometimes I wonder if I want to become 'me' again."

"I doubt you've actually gone," Jean-Luc said softly.

Beverly turned blue eyes on him and shot him a questioning look.

"That was the old Beverly I saw there in the hospital the day we discovered you were still alive. You were indignant at being kidnapped and weren't cooperating with the people you thought were your captors. That _was_ the real you."

"That hardly constitutes…" she protested.

Jean-Luc held up a hand diplomatically. "You still have your mischievous streak," he added. "You very much enjoyed scaring me half to death!" he chuckled.

Beverly laughed. "Okay, you got me there!"

"And as far as I'm aware, Deanna said you still have the same tastes in food and clothing and things like that," he added.

"So she says." Beverly nodded. "Speaking of Deanna, you want me to go with her to the Titan?"

"Go with her?" Jean-Luc asked.

Beverly nodded again. "Yes," she said. "Because it's quite stressful for her with all the travelling between ships now that she is expecting a baby."

"But the Titan is only two hours away by shuttlecraft," he answered. "In my opinion, the journey isn't stressful."

Beverly frowned. "Oh," she said slowly as she tried to bait him.

"Who told you I wanted you to leave with Deanna?" he asked, taking the bait hook, line, and sinker.

"Briggy," she answered. "She told me that perhaps Deanna didn't want to ask me to go with her; probably meaning that I should suggest it."

"And I was the one who mentioned this to Briggy?" Jean-Luc asked.

"I got that impression; yes."

Jean-Luc shook his head. "We probably got our wires muddled up somewhere along the way. You don't have to leave with Deanna. Deanna is only going for a week and you're not in serious emotional turmoil… you aren't are you?" he added, quickly looking up at Beverly's face.

"No, I'm fine." Beverly smiled reassuringly.

"Good," Jean-Luc said with a nod of satisfaction. "I don't think I want you off of my ship for a long, long time. You've already been away far too long."

"That's sweet," she answered, smiling.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

"What do you mean by trying to get Beverly to leave the Enterprise and go with Deanna to the Titan?" Jean-Luc asked.

Briggy nearly swallowed the bath water in surprise; she hadn't heard him come in. "I didn't…"

"Don't lie to me, Briggy."

Briggy rightfully looked ashamed of herself. "I… Jean-Luc, I'm just worried that's all."

"Worried about what?" he demanded. "You know how much Beverly means to me and you're trying to make her leave the Enterprise."

"That is what I'm worried about!" Briggy spat, climbing out of the bath. "That you care too damned much! So much so that you'll forget it's me who you are married too!"

Jean-Luc stood still for a moment while Briggy wrapped a towel around her slender frame. "I love you," he said softly. "I would never betray you."

Briggy's eyes filled with tears at his words. "I'm sorry Jean-Luc," she said in a voice low with emotion. "I've always been the jealous type…"

Jean-Luc held out his arms and Briggy stepped into his embrace. "My friendship with Beverly changes nothing between us," he whispered into her ear.

Briggy closed her eyes and prayed that Jean-Luc was right.

When Beverly awoke the next morning, it was early, and Deanna was still asleep in her bed in the living area. She got up and sneaked over to the computer to check if her personal logs had arrived. She'd barely been able to sleep with the anticipation of reading her logs.

The logs and files had arrived.

Beverly paused, her fingers poised above the play button. She glanced at Deanna and then unhooked the computer from the desk and carried it back to her bed.

"Maybe you should get some breakfast before you begin reviewing your logs," a sleepy voice called from the other room.

"Did I wake you up?" Beverly asked, returning to the living area.

"I was just thinking about getting up," Deanna said sleepily. "I constantly need the toilet these days."

Beverly pondered what Deanna said and tilted her head to one side immediately reminding Deanna of Data. "I can't remember being pregnant," Beverly said slowly.

"I'm sure it will come back to you," Deanna said, clambering out of her warm bed. "And I meant it when I said you should get yourself some breakfast before you begin with the logs."

"Why?"

"Because you have a tendency to forget to eat if you're engrossed in something," Deanna explained. "I'll fix you something when I get mine."

"It's okay, I'll get it," Beverly said, feeling like she was being treated like a small child. Beverly prepared breakfast for the both of them and carried her plate into her bedroom where her personal journals awaited her attention.

Beverly was scrolling through the pictures she had stored over the years when Deanna called to her from the doorway.

"I'm off in a minute," Deanna said, she was leaning against the doorframe, munching toast with cream cheese. "You remember what I said to do if you needed me?"

"Of course," Beverly answered.

"Are you coming to say goodbye?" Deanna asked.

"Okay," Beverly answered absently.

"Ten minutes, okay?" Deanna said. "I'll meet you in the shuttle bay. First I need to speak to the captain."

"Okay."

Deanna smiled, finished her toast, and went next door to speak to Jean-Luc.

"Beverly's personal logs have arrived," Deanna said as she joined Briggy and Jean-Luc at the table while they ate their breakfast. "So I'm counting on you, Jean-Luc."

"On me?"

"Yes." Deanna nodded. "I want you to check in on her tonight and make sure she's remembered to eat."

"I'll do my best," Jean-Luc said and chuckled.

"And I told Beverly that you would be there for her if she's upset or emotional over what she finds in her personal logs," Deanna said to Briggy.

"Do you think she'll need me?" Briggy asked.

"Well, I have no idea what effect her personal logs will have on her," Deanna explained. "The main reason is because I have no idea how personal Beverly got in her logs. I don't know what she recorded." She shrugged.

Jean-Luc shot her a worried look. "Do you think she will remember events as she hears them in her own words?"

Deanna shook her head at a loss. "I have no idea. We'll have to play it by ear. Frankly, I couldn't be leaving the ship at a worse time."

Jean-Luc nodded. "Don't worry, Deanna," he said .

"I'll try not to," she answered. "I guess it's time to leave. I'll be back in a week," Deanna said, heading towards the door.

Deanna bid her farewells before returning to Beverly's quarters to collect her belongings. Beverly was lying on the bed, her coffee and croissant lying forgotten on the bedside table behind her. She was still engrossed in the photos stored with her personal logs.

"Anything interesting?" Deanna called from the bedroom doorway.

"Hmm?" Beverly mumbled absently.

Deanna smiled. "I'm leaving now."

Beverly looked up. "Now?"

"Yep," Deanna nodded. "Are you coming to see me off?"

Beverly glanced at the computer screen once, and then slid off the bed. "Where did you leave the instructions for how to contact you on the Titan?"

"On the desk," Deanna said, pointing at the piece of old fashioned paper. She sensed Beverly was more worried than she appeared to be about being left on her own. She reached over and squeezed Beverly's arm reassuringly. "You'll be fine, Beverly," she said softly.

Beverly's eyes filled with tears and she looked away in embarrassment.

"Jean-Luc is just next door," Deanna said softly.

"I can't go running to him all the time…" Beverly answered quietly.

"He won't mind," Deanna said. "And Briggy is there too. Anyway, we have to go now or Geordi will be getting impatient."

"Geordi the Chief Engineer?"

"Yes." Deanna nodded and indicated for Beverly to take some of her luggage.

They walked together side by side to the shuttle bay. While Deanna checked her flight plan, Geordi took Beverly on a quick tour of the shuttlecraft.

Deanna gave Beverly a hug before leaving. Beverly stood back and watched in amazement as the shuttlebay doors opened and Deanna piloted the shuttle out of the bay. Geordi still stood beside her, but Beverly felt so alone. She had grown dependant on Deanna during the two weeks since she had returned home and it felt strange without her.

Geordi was called away a moment later. He apologised and dashed off. Beverly slowly made her way back to her quarters. Her quarters looked bigger now that Deanna's bed had been packed away. With a sigh, Beverly turned and walked into her bedroom and back to her computer. She switched on the screen and selected the beginning of her logs. She pressed the play button and settled back to watch.

It was strange to see herself several years younger staring back at her from the screen and saying things she couldn't remember saying. The younger Beverly was speaking of her first day on the Enterprise and about their mission at Farpoint Station. As Beverly heard the words, certain images appeared in her head and she began remembering small details of the past.

"Where are you going?" Briggy asked as she cleared the table. Jean-Luc was already halfway out of the door.

"To check on Beverly," he answered absently.

"But I thought we were having an early night?" Briggy said, immediately riled.

"I won't be long," Jean-Luc said, disappearing out of the door.

When he arrived at Beverly's quarters, the doors opened immediately. Beverly hadn't locked them. He went inside and called her name softly. He could hear her voice coming from the bedroom.

"Beverly?" he called.

Jean-Luc didn't get an answer, but he could still hear her voice and he walked towards her bedroom door, feeling uneasy about invading her privacy. He paused in the doorway, the room was lit only by the screen of the computer. Jean-Luc realised that Beverly had fallen asleep while reviewing her personal logs; he could see Beverly's face on the monitor and heard her talking away about something that happened in sickbay that day.

Jean-Luc wondered if Beverly had remembered to eat after noticing a half eaten croissant on the bed next to the computer. He was about to wake her when the image on the screen flickered to the next entry in the log and he heard his name. Instinctively his ears pricked up at his name.

_"Jean-Luc,"_ Beverly's voice said from the screen.

Jean-Luc immediately glanced round wondering if he were being set up. Hesitantly, he looked back at the screen. Beverly looked unusually unkempt and her eyes were half shut as she gazed out at him from the screen.

_"I'm drunk,"_ Beverly slurred, grinning impishly at the screen.

"That's wonderful news," Jean-Luc mumbled, his hand reaching for Beverly's shoulder to wake her from her slumber.

_"Jean-Luc, I've not mentioned this before in any of… well, anything, as it goes…" _

Again, Jean-Luc's hand paused in mid air, barely a centimetre away from connecting with Beverly's shoulder. Insatiable curiosity got the better of him.

_"I didn't want to put these thoughts down anywhere in case they got in the wrong hands,"_ Beverly continued. _"But you really pissed me off! Am I waiting in vain? I didn't intend to become celibate…"_

Jean-Luc's eyes widened in surprise at Beverly's words; he didn't know what she was talking about.

Beverly shook her head_. "Okay, so maybe you didn't know… But I don't know how much more I can take of this. Deanna and Will are back together now and I guess it's making me realise how lonely I am… And a certain woman is making me realise how much I love _…" She stopped what she was saying and shook her head sadly._ "And before you get all… on your high horse; I know it's my goddamn fault! I'm so stupid sometimes…" _Beverly sighed and then the screen flickered into blackness.

Jean-Luc stood stock still in silence, shocked by what he had just heard. The next entry in the log began with a loud piece of music that woke Beverly up with a start.

Clearly disoriented, Beverly glanced around and screamed when her eyes fell on the shape of a man in the dim light of the monitor.

"It's only me!" Jean-Luc exclaimed, trying to calm her down. "I'm sorry, Deanna told me to check in on you this evening. To see how you are," he blurted, his mind was racing. He didn't know what to do and all he really wanted was to leave the room and go somewhere to think about what he had just been privy to.

Beverly reached over and stopped the automatic playback of her logs. "I'm fine," she answered. "I just fell asleep." She yawned and stretched out on the bed like a cat.

"Did you remember to eat?" Jean-Luc asked the questions Deanna had primed him to ask. He was trying hard to remain impassive on the outside. Inside, emotions tore through him, but he held fast, using the skills he had garnered as a Starfleet captain. He had no idea whether Beverly had already listened to the log before his arrival. He prayed she hadn't so that he would have time to prepare himself for her inevitable questions.

Beverly glared at him and slid off the bed. "I'm not a child, Jean-Luc."

Jean-Luc was stung by her remark. "I was just concerned," he muttered.

Beverly sighed and walked into the living area and headed straight to the replicator. She ordered herself some pasta and went and sat at the table with it.

Jean-Luc stood in the doorway watching her. "Do you need to talk about something you've heard in the logs?" he asked carefully.

Beverly shook her head. "No."

Putting his feelings aside for the moment; Jean-Luc marched over to the table and took the seat opposite hers. "Well, what has put you in such a foul temper?" he asked.

Beverly kept her eyes on her plate; she now remembered much of her past. The memories were there for her to tap into, but she didn't have the connecting wires in place. She had needed triggers to ignite her memories and she had received plenty of those in her personal logs. She had had a rough journey that day. She had traversed her entire life aboard the Enterprise in one day, and it wasn't just some of the memories she had relieved. With each memory, she had gone through the pain and the joy she had experienced all over again. It was exhausting.

Beverly felt the need to keep the upper hand and decided not to tell Jean-Luc that her memories were returning faster than anyone had expected. She couldn't remember much at all about her time before she joined the Enterprise, but she could remember a fair bit about her life since. She could remember missions she had been on and some of the planets she had visited. But she couldn't remember the deeper memories, the personal memories. She could not remember her friendships with Deanna or Jean-Luc. All she knew was that instinct told her they were to be trusted, but at the same time, she felt they were keeping something back from her. Something important, and that was why she had made the decision to keep the people around her in the dark about how fast her memories were returning.

"Beverly?" he prompted when she hadn't answered him.

"I'm annoyed," she answered.

"I would never have guessed," Jean-Luc answered sarcastically.

Beverly ignored him. "I remembered near enough all of what I was talking about in my logs," she said.

"That's fantastic news!" Jean-Luc exclaimed.

"Well, I suppose it would have been if I had retained the memory," she added grumpily. She finally gave Jean-Luc the honour of looking into his eyes. "I can't remember a damn thing!"

Jean-Luc frowned. "Nothing? Nothing at all?"

Beverly shook her head, clearly frustrated by the turn of events. "I remember little things," she explained. "For example, I remember seeing Wesley coming out of his bedroom wearing his school uniform and I know in my head that it's not a school day… I also remember doing up the collar on your uniform… at least, I think it was your uniform because I remember it as white."

"That's our dress uniform," Jean-Luc explained.

Beverly nodded slowly.

"Are you going to finish listening to your logs?" Jean-Luc asked attentively.

"I don't see the point if I can't even remember it," she replied sarcastically. "I don't think I will tonight," she added. "If I never see my face on that screen again it will be too soon!" She grinned at him.

Jean-Luc smiled absently.

"I'm sorry, can I get you something to drink?" she asked, flushing red. "I'm sorry I was being grumpy."

"I forgive you," he said, climbing to his feet. "I can't stay; I've got plans with my lovely wife tonight."

Jean-Luc said goodbye and walked home in a daze. He walked inside and waited for Briggy to start berating him again for ruining their evening together.

But the place was silent.

There was a note waiting for him on the table. "Had to work, be back soon," he said, reading the note out loud.

Relieved, he turned and went straight to bed.

Jean-Luc was still awake when Briggy returned home very late that night. She slid into bed beside him and moved to hold him, but Jean-Luc made it clear he wanted his space. She stifled a sob and was glad it was dark. She didn't want Jean-Luc to see he had upset her. The situation wasn't about her, it was about him. She tried to remember that and tried to tell herself that Jean-Luc's reaction wasn't personal, that he had things on his mind.

"What's wrong?" she asked softly.

"Nothing," he answered. "I just feel like I need some space."

Briggy remained silent for a moment. "Space from us?" she asked timidly.

Jean-Luc rolled over to face her. "No I meant space in the bed."

"Oh!" Briggy exclaimed in relief. "You had me worried there for a moment." She forced a laugh. She heard Jean-Luc sigh and ordered the lights up. "Are you alright?" she asked.

"I'm fine," Jean-Luc lied.

"I'm sorry for being unreasonable earlier," she said and was surprised when Jean-Luc suddenly crushed his lips to hers. She knew what he wanted. "Not now," she sighed as Jean-Luc's lips left a trail of fire across her tanned shoulders. It wasn't long before she succumbed to his dexterous caresses. Jean-Luc was like a man possessed.

Afterwards, Briggy lay beneath him exhausted, but thoroughly sated.

"What got into you?" she asked him.

Jean-Luc gave her a false smile and turned over and fell asleep. Briggy shook her head and wondered when Jean-Luc would remember that she was an expert in body language and she knew that Jean-Luc had been trying to rid himself of some kind of demon while making love to her. She turned her back to him, burying her face in the pillow to drown out the sound of her crying.

"What did you say to Jean-Luc last night?" Briggy asked as she arrived at Beverly's table in Ten Forward the next day. Beverly sat quietly in a corner booth munching on a sandwich and staring out of the viewport at the passing stars.

Beverly frowned. "Nothing happened," she answered truthfully. "Why, what did he say?"

Briggy regarded Beverly for a moment before sliding into the booth opposite her. "He seemed a bit moody."

"Why is that my fault?" Beverly asked.

Briggy laughed. "It's not. I just wondered if something happened between you last night, that's all."

"No, you accused me," Beverly said steadfastly. "I might have been snappy. But I always am when I get woken up."

"Jean-Luc woke you up?"

Beverly was getting tired of being interrogated by Briggy every day. "I fell asleep reading my personal logs."

Briggy nodded her head. "So did you find out anything of interest?" she asked.

"If I did, I didn't retain the memory of it," Beverly shrugged. "In one ear and out the other. Literally."

Briggy frowned. "So it was a waste of time watching them?" she asked, seemingly disappointed. "You could have taken notes," she grinned. "Written down the juicy bits to remind you…"

"I don't think my logs would be described as juicy. I remember mentioning something about an ex-boyfriend. All I said was something like 'there is a new man in my life'. I remember my ears perking up and then there were no more entries after that one for almost a month!"

"Seriously?"

"Yes," Beverly nodded. "I find myself quite boring," she grinned wryly and made Briggy laugh.

"You're probably one of those people who have an amazing love life but don't tell anyone!" Briggy laughed.

"Yeah, not even myself!" Beverly laughed as well. "I'm beginning to wonder about that. I mean, I can't have been on my own all these years can I? My husband died when I was in my early thirties!"

"Maybe you should have a snoop around in your belongings again," Briggy suggested. "You might have a handwritten diary in there hidden away."

Beverly grinned. "Maybe."

"I wouldn't normally ask…" Briggy began as she wound her long dark hair around a fingertip. "But I was wondering if you had noticed anything about Jean-Luc?"

Beverly's stomach flipped. Was Briggy asking her if she found Jean-Luc attractive? "What do you mean?"

"Was he a little, um, moody when he saw you last night?"

Beverly shook her head. "No, it was me who was grouchy," she answered in relief.

"Oh." Briggy's eyes widened.

"If Jean-Luc was a little touchy when he got home last night it has nothing to do with me," Beverly said. "He wasn't in a bad mood when he was with me."

"What are you insinuating?" Briggy asked in a low toned voice.

"I'm just saying it is nothing to do with me," Beverly answered.

Briggy studied Beverly for a moment; she knew exactly what the doctor was getting at. Beverly was insinuating that Briggy was the problem. "You don't like me, do you?" Briggy said slowly.

Beverly shrugged. "You don't warrant me liking or disliking you."

Briggy jumped to her feet. "I don't like you either," Briggy spat quite loudly. The people at the nearby tables furtively glanced in their direction. Briggy noticed and leaned closer to Beverly. "You keep your hands _off_ of my husband or you _will_ regret it," she hissed venomously into Beverly's face.

Beverly's eyes widened in surprise but she didn't get a chance to respond, Briggy stormed out of Ten Forward leaving a waft of her perfume behind.

Beverly was convinced more than ever that the people around her were keeping her in the dark about something.

Bored, she walked home slowly and was surprised to see Jean-Luc standing outside her quarters debating whether to ring the door bell or not.

"Jean-Luc?" she called as she approached.

Jean-Luc jumped. "Hello," he answered.

"Did you want me?" she asked.

"I, um…" he hadn't planned on being caught unawares. He had, in fact, been planning to carry on to the bridge. "Yes," he said, deciding it would be rude to walk off.

Jean-Luc followed her inside; he desperately wanted to know if she had finished watching her personal logs and had seen the entry he had seen the night before.

Beverly furnished him with a cup of Earl Grey tea and they sat down together on the couch.

"You remembered what tea I drink?" he said after taking a sip. Beverly hadn't even asked him whether he wanted a drink.

Beverly nodded and watched him intently as he sipped his tea. Her gaze wasn't guarded, she watched him with pure longing on her face. She didn't remember any of the reasons why they weren't together, so she didn't feel the need to hide her feelings.

Jean-Luc glanced over and saw a look on her face that was foreign to him. It took him a minute to realise that she wanted him. He nearly choked on his tea.

"Jean-Luc, can I ask you something?" Beverly asked, unaware of her effect on him.

Jean-Luc nodded his head in response. "Of course," he said softly.

"This might sound totally crazy," she began. "Forgive me if it does, but I feel that there is something that you and Deanna and perhaps Briggy don't want me to find out."

Jean-Luc shook his head, trying to deny whatever it was. "Not that I am aware of," he said, putting his tea down.

"I'm suffering from memory problems," she responded. "I'm not stupid."

"I never said you were."

Beverly bit her lower lip. "Jean-Luc, were we lovers?" she blurted out the question before she had a chance to lose her nerve. She could tell Jean-Luc was shocked at her question. But there was another emotion swimming in the surface of his eyes that she didn't understand.

Eventually Jean-Luc shook his head slowly. "No…" he said softly, unable to say anything else.

Beverly was surprised by his answer. "Are you sure?" she asked, powerless to stop herself.

Jean-Luc nodded, he closed his eyes and lowered his head. "I'm very sure," he answered sadly.

"But why?" Beverly asked in amazement.

Jean-Luc looked up at her question. "Did you listen to the rest of your personal logs?" he asked.

"No, why?" she asked frowning.

"Why are you asking me this?" Jean-Luc asked suddenly.

"Well, I think that's obvious," she answered. "I want the answer."

Jean-Luc shook his head sadly, not wanting to have this conversation. "It was you," he said in a small voice.

"Me?" Beverly whispered meekly.

Jean-Luc lowered his head again, squeezing his eyes shut. Tears spilled out of his eyes. "You said no," he muttered.

Beverly said nothing, and when Jean-Luc looked up once again, he found Beverly simply shaking her head from side to side. "I don't understand, Jean-Luc," she said emotionally.

"Why did you ask me?" he asked, desperate to know her answer.

She didn't answer at first; she kept quiet; consumed by her conflicting emotions.

Jean-Luc reached over and touched her arm to catch her attention. "Why?" he implored, begging her for the answer with his eyes.

"Because I'm in love with you!" Beverly snapped and jumped to her feet. "And I think you were in love with me too."

An overwhelming sadness enveloped Jean-Luc at once, he clamped his hand over his mouth to stifle a sob. _'Why now?'_ a voice yelled inside his mind.

"That's what you were trying to hide from me isn't it?" Beverly asked, her anger suddenly gone.

Jean-Luc didn't know what to say, "I wasn't trying to hide it from you," he answered. "Beverly, I didn't know you felt that way…"

"You didn't?"

Jean-Luc shook his head. "Our relationship was very complicated."

"That doesn't change anything," she said, cutting him off mid-sentence. "It's a bit complicated for you now, isn't it? You thought I was dead so you married someone else. Then, lo and behold, I come back from the dead…"

"I was devastated when you went missing," Jean-Luc said softly, his tone stopped Beverly's ranting and she listened to him. "I fell apart. I was told to leave the ship and not to come back until I was fit for duty. I went home and spent weeks in bed and ended up hospitalized. Deanna left her new husband and came to my aid and she brought Briggy with her. They didn't leave me for a whole year. One or the other of them was there to hear me. I was nasty to them. _Really_ nasty, but they never gave up on me…"

Beverly had turned away from him. She was staring out of the viewport with her back to him. Jean-Luc walked up behind her and heard her sniffle. He touched her elbow and made her turn to face him.

"I don't blame you for anything, Jean-Luc," she whispered, unable to meet his eyes. She wiped tears away from her cheeks with the back of her hand. "I think I should go to the Titan."

Jean-Luc shook his head faintly, he didn't want her to go but he knew it was the right thing to do. He was married to another woman.

"You should go," she added faintly.

Jean-Luc's heart was telling him not to go, but his head told him Beverly was right; that he should leave now before they did any more irreparable damage to their relationship.

Before he betrayed his wife.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Beverly collapsed on her bed in floods of tears after Jean-Luc had gone. During their conversation, she had remembered the one time Jean-Luc had asked her to take their relationship to the next level. Everything had come flooding back in one fell swoop. She remembered saying no to him, but she couldn't remember why, and why he had asked that particular evening.

She eventually cried herself to sleep and when she awoke sometime later that day she had a pounding headache. Tears welled in her eyes once again as she heaved herself off of the bed and went to the bathroom to throw cold water onto her face.

"Gaul to Dr Crusher."

Beverly jumped at the intrusion. "Crusher here," she answered.

"Is everything alright?" the doctor asked.

"Yes, fine," Beverly lied.

"Only you missed your appointment this afternoon…"

"Oh damn!" Beverly still hadn't learned the etiquette skills required to be a Starfleet officer. "I totally forgot!"

"Well, I can fit you in now before I call it quits for the day…"

"Oh, yes," Beverly said; she planned on getting something for her headache at the same time. "I'll be right there."

When Beverly walked into sickbay, Dr Gaul gave her a questionable look. "Come through here," he said, leading Beverly down a short corridor and into a small private ward. "Take a seat."

Beverly took in her new surroundings. There was one bed in the room and it was spacious and cosy. "What is this room for?" she asked as she slid onto the edge of the bed.

"This is the private ward," Dr Gaul explained. "It's for the captain or senior members of staff. Perhaps even dignitaries."

"The important people, then," Beverly surmised.

"Exactly," the doctor nodded. "Sometimes we use the room if a patient has a very personal ailment… Beverly?" he said, catching her attention.

"What?"

"Are you okay?" he asked softly.

"Yeah, I'm fine," she answered.

"You don't look fine," he said seriously. "Beverly, if anything is wrong you can tell me."

Beverly swallowed and looked down at her lap. "I have a headache," she answered simply.

"You look like you've been crying," he stated, "and you probably fell asleep and woke up with your headache. Am I right?"

Beverly had to smile. "You got me," she answered.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"It's not a medical problem," she said in confusion. "It's a personal matter."

"Well, if you want to talk my door is always open," he smiled at her as he began fixing the cortical scanners to her skin. "I'm quite a good listener, and with everything that has happened to you, it might help having the ear of someone who doesn't know you better than you do yourself." He grinned at her.

Beverly smiled. "Thank you for the offer. I might take you up on it one day," she said softly.

"How are your memories?" he asked, giving one final check on the scanners before activating them.

"I'm remembering events in my life, but only with stimuli. Some of the memories stay with me and others fade away pretty quickly."

"That's perfectly normal," he said soothingly. "It means you're recovering."

"How long will it last?"

"I can only give you an estimation," he answered apologetically. "But as I said at your last check-up, you are progressing a lot faster than I had anticipated."

"That's okay isn't it? It isn't too fast?" Beverly asked. "It's not damaging in any way?"

"It's perfectly fine," he answered. "I see no adverse affects."

"Phew," Beverly said, sighing dramatically.

"I have a proposition for you," Gaul said.

"Oh yes?" Beverly said, raising her eyebrow.

"Now that your memory is slowly recovering," he began, "and you mentioned that you required stimuli to get the juices flowing, I was wondering if you wanted to come back to sickbay to shadow me while I work."

Dr Gaul saw Beverly's hesitation.

"There is no rush," he added quickly.

"No, it's not that," Beverly said quickly. "I couldn't think of anything I'd rather do with my day. I'd love to come back to work…"

"But…" Dr Gaul smiled.

"I am probably going to the Titan… or somewhere else."

"Oh," he said in surprise.

"I haven't made any arrangements yet," she added quickly. "I don't even know if the Titan would have me. I've never even been there before."

"If they know what's good for them they will." He smiled at her. "I know the CMO on the Titan very well. We were at med school together… I'm sure if I had a word she would take you on."

"Really?"

He nodded. "I was also talking to the head of Starfleet Medical, Dr Pulaski. She said that you should shadow until your memory has recovered. After that time, you will have to sit a few examinations and simulations on the holodeck. If you pass, you will get your medical licence back and your rank of Commander reinstated and they will find you a ship in need of a CMO."

Beverly looked at him, bewildered.

"Remember that your memory will be back by then," he said, smiling reassuringly. "You will sail through the examinations. They will be nothing for you, just like taking a walk in the park."

Beverly smiled, clearly apprehensive about the examinations. "If you say so," she said sarcastically.

"Ah!" he exclaimed happily making Beverly jump. "Test results are through."

Dr Gaul continued with his tests, chatting about what he was doing with Beverly as if she could remember everything he was talking about. Sometimes Beverly would surprise herself by answering a medical question he sprang on her.

Beverly was on her way out of the door having received the news that her recuperation was going along nicely, when Dr Gaul called her back.

"Just between you and me," he said in a hushed tone close to her ear, "my fiancé and I are getting married next year. We are planning on starting a family as soon as possible."

Beverly frowned, wondering why he was telling her about his personal life.

"My fiancé is a marine biologist," he continued. "For obvious reasons, she can't be stationed on board a starship, where there is no sea. I can be a doctor anywhere… so what I'm saying is…" he paused and smiled. "I can hold on here until you're reinstated. You can have your ship back."

Beverly shook her head immediately. "You don't have to do that."

"I was planning on leaving anyway," he insisted. "Seriously," he added with a sure nod of his head. "Think about it."

Beverly left sickbay with yet another thing to think about. She went straight to her quarters; she didn't want to run into Jean-Luc anywhere.

She had only been home a minute or so when her computer chirped to tell her that she had an incoming call.

Even through the screen on the computer, Deanna could tell instantly that Beverly was not all right. "Something has happened hasn't it?"

"I know the truth," Beverly answered Deanna with a straight face.

"What truth?" Deanna asked, suddenly worried.

Beverly immediately recognised the look on Deanna's face. "Why didn't you just tell me, Deanna?" she asked desperately.

Deanna searched hopelessly for an answer. "I…" she paused. "Jean-Luc married another woman…" she said finally.

"And?" Beverly asked. "What did you think I would do exactly?"

"I didn't want you to get hurt. Beverly, I'm really sorry."

"Did you think I would storm in and break up their marriage?" Beverly asked.

Deanna shrugged. "I didn't know what you would do," she admitted. "You're not quite yourself at the moment. You have to admit that."

Beverly sighed and knew Deanna was right. "I suppose that's a good excuse."

"What happened?" Deanna asked intently, leaning towards the screen. "Did you find out from your personal logs?"

"I discovered that I'm not very personal in my personal logs." Beverly grinned wryly. "I just slowly realised I was in love with him."

Deanna blinked. "You didn't tell him did you?"

"Why?" Beverly asked instead of answering Deanna's question.

"Because … well … He's a married man," she answered. "Did you tell him?"

"I want to get something straight here," Beverly began. "You know how confused I am up here," Beverly tapped the side of her head to demonstrate her point.

"You _did_ tell him," the counsellor said in a saddened voice. "Why didn't you speak to me first?"

"Because I thought you were hiding something from me," Beverly said defensively.

"Yeah, but if you told me that you were remembering your feelings for him then I would have come clean and told you as much as I knew."

"Well, that's all very well in hindsight," Beverly said sarcastically. "Even so, that doesn't help me does it? I want something I can never have."

Deanna knew that if Beverly were determined to get Jean-Luc, then she would have Jean-Luc.

"Anyway, I didn't just come out and tell him that I loved him," Beverly added. "I was confused by what I was feeling… I guess I still am actually… Well, I asked him if he and I had been lovers before I went missing."

"Oh?" Deanna said with interest.

"Well, I figured that we probably had," Beverly continued. "And that we had either broken up or were still lovers when I went missing. I thought that if we had broken up, that perhaps I would remember that I didn't love him anymore. But I didn't see any sign of that so I… I just decided to ask him."

"And what exactly did you find out?" Deanna wondered where Beverly got her strength from. Her heart was breaking and yet Beverly seemed to be able to talk it through rationally with her. Deanna knew that the old Beverly had learnt the ability to remain calm and rational during a crisis during her career as a doctor. The Beverly she was speaking with now had not, yet she appeared to be calm on the surface.

"That we weren't lovers," Beverly answered with a frown. "I wasn't expecting that."

"You weren't?"

"No," Beverly said, shaking her head. "I hadn't imagined that, and then for him to say it was me who apparently put a halt to … the … proceedings …"

"A halt to the proceedings," Deanna sniggered.

"I don't find it funny," Beverly retorted.

"Sorry," Deanna apologised. "What are you going to do?"

"I believe that Jean-Luc feels the same for me as I do for him," she answered softly, betraying some of the pain she was feeling as her eyes filled with tears. "So the only thing I can do is leave here. I cannot and will not stay here. Jean-Luc is married and I know that he loves Briggy."

"You're going to leave the Enterprise?" Deanna asked in surprise.

"I don't have a choice," Beverly answered, sounding very sure of herself.

"Where will you go?" Deanna asked. "I'm not sure it's a good idea for you to leave there at the moment."

"I have to."

"But you are in the middle of your recuperation, Beverly," Deanna interjected. "You need to be around people you know and places you recognise."

"I was hoping I could go to the Titan…" Beverly said hesitantly.

"The Titan?" Deanna said in surprise.

"Yeah." Beverly nodded.

"Hold on for a couple of minutes," Deanna said absently. "I'll call you back."

Beverly sat in her chair watching the blank screen; wondering where Deanna had disappeared to. Just as quickly as Deanna had disappeared, she reappeared on the screen.

"Where did you go?" Beverly asked.

"I had to speak to Will," Deanna answered. "I'm not home yet so I had to call him. Will said that if you wanted to lower your standards, you're always welcome to stay on the Titan."

"So that's a yes?"

"Of course!" Deanna smiled. "The Titan is not as big as the Enterprise, not by a long shot. But it's cosy. We only have a crew half the size of the Enterprise."

"You mean these spaceships aren't all the same size?"

Deanna shook her head and smiled. "God, no. They go from the size of this shuttlecraft I am in now, up to unbelievable sizes. Anyway, let's make some plans."

"So now you think it's a good idea for me to jump ship?" Beverly asked.

"Well, yes, actually," Deanna grinned. "You're coming to stay with Will and me! It's gonna be fun!"

Jean-Luc didn't like it, but he knew that Beverly leaving the ship was the best thing to do under the circumstances. It was just that it had been so damned quick. Deanna had simply turned her shuttlecraft around and headed back to the Enterprise to collect Beverly and her belongings.

As soon as Briggy had found out that Beverly was leaving, she had been on his back trying to find out if anything had happened between the two of them to cause her to leave. Of course Jean-Luc denied anything had taken place. Nothing really had – only a conversation.

Briggy had been quietly working in her pyjamas on the couch for the past three hours and for that Jean-Luc was grateful. He was reading one of his favourite novels and reclining in his easy chair, enjoying the peace and quiet. He loved these evenings he spent with Briggy, relaxing together, enjoying the harmony between them. He prayed that they would have more together.

He smiled thoughtfully and looked over at his wife. She gazed back at him, her green eyes red and swollen. She was crying.

"What's wrong?" he asked instantly, sliding off the chair he rushed over to her.

"I've been so horrible to you," she whimpered, burying her face into his neck as his arms enveloped her. "It would serve me right if you walked out that door and never came back."

"I won't be the one walking out. These are _my_ quarters," he quipped, hugging her tightly.

"Our quarters," she said in mock annoyance. They had had one of their first arguments over who owned the quarters when she had moved in with him a few months before they were married.

"Okay," he chuckled. "Our quarters. I'm hoping to turn over a new leaf."

"That would be nice," she answered. Briggy knew she could relax and be herself again now that the threat of Beverly had been taken away. "I don't know what came over me."

"Jealousy," Jean-Luc answered. "Although I don't know what for. Beverly and I are friends, that's all it ever was and all it's ever going to be."

"Good," Briggy said. "It's never easy when your husband or boyfriend's best friend is a woman and a very beautiful woman at that."

"You're just as beautiful," Jean-Luc said, kissing the tip of her nose.

Briggy opened her mouth to say something and then paused, silence hanging in the air.

"What is it?" Jean-Luc prompted.

"I know you said we should wait…" Briggy said, hesitating. "And this might come as a bit of a shock considering the whole idea completely flew out of the window the day that Beverly returned… And I know you weren't that keen on the idea in the first place."

Jean-Luc frowned. "You want a baby?" he surmised, and then grinned, looking down at his lap.

"Jean-Luc, I'm already pregnant," Briggy said slowly.

He blinked. "Wha… what?" he stuttered.

"We're going to have a baby," Briggy said, trying to smile and hide her fear of rejection.

Jean-Luc pulled away from her and got to his feet. He backed away, staring at his wife with his mouth hanging open in shock.

"Are you going to say something?" Briggy asked in a small, worried voice.

Jean-Luc shook his head from side to side. "I thought we were turning over a new leaf," he said in a low, menacing tone.

Briggy remained on the couch, her brow furrowed in confusion. "This could be the start," she said. "I thought you would be happy."

"I can't believe you!" he exclaimed. "Beverly has gone! She's not onboard this ship any longer and now you're pulling the oldest con in the book!"

Briggy's mouth opened and closed in shock. "I'm not making this up…" she finally managed to say.

"That's an out and out lie!"

"No it's not!" Briggy yelled. "I _am_ pregnant!"

"I never had my contraceptive implant removed!" he shouted. "That's how I know you are lying!"

Briggy's mouth fell open. "You lied to me!" She jumped to her feet. "You agreed to get it removed!"

"Well, I didn't! I wasn't completely sure that it was what I wanted!" Jean-Luc retorted. "And thank God I didn't! I finally see you for what you really are!"

Jean-Luc stormed out of the quarters leaving Briggy standing alone in the middle of the living area. She collapsed to her knees, sobbing uncontrollably.

She didn't sleep a wink all night as she waited for Jean-Luc to return home to bed.

He didn't.

When Briggy finally plucked up the courage to contact Jean-Luc, he told her in no uncertain terms that he couldn't deal with her right now and ended the communiqué when she had asked if he could deal with her at dinner that night.

"Who counsels the counsellor?" Briggy asked her reflection in the bedroom mirror.

She sighed heavily and turned back to the suitcase on the bed. She started pulling the clothes from the case and hanging them in the wardrobe.

It had been extremely embarrassing for her to have to go to the First Officer and ask to be assigned separate quarters from her husband for a while. He had given her a brief look of surprise before covering it up with utter professionalism. He had assigned her some quarters on the same deck as the counselling chambers. Briggy thought that was a brilliant move on the first officer's part, it meant that she hardly had to venture off the same deck.

She hadn't been to work for the past week and had stayed shut up in her quarters hiding from the world. The first person she had seen since she had spoken to the first officer was the ensign who had brought her belongings down to her from the captain's quarters. The young woman had given her a knowing look, so Briggy had sent her away without so much as a thank you.

The next visitor didn't surprise Briggy one bit.

"Now is not a good time," Briggy said, shaking her head.

"When is it a good time?" he asked.

"Liam, it's over," Briggy said, almost begging him to accept.

"I could just walk up to the bridge and pull your whole world down around you," Liam said slowly. "But I won't do that because I love you."

Briggy sank down heavily on the couch. "I'm sorry."

"You told me he didn't love you," he said, kneeling down at her feet. He placed both hands on her knees. "I want to make you happy," he said softly. "Just leave him… we can transfer."

"I love him," Briggy sniffed, trying to stop her tears.

"But he doesn't love you!"

"Yes he does! He does love me!"

"Not enough." Short and to the point. Liam held his arms open and Briggy fell into them. "I know you're using me."

"I care for you," she whispered softly into his neck.

Liam sighed. "You're killing me, Brig."

"I'm so sorry," she said, struggling to rein in her emotions. "I hate myself…"

"Don't say that," Liam said, putting a finger under her chin and tilting her face so that he could see into her eyes. "You are so precious," he said, hoarse with emotion.

Briggy pulled her gaze away from his. "Please don't."

"Why not?" he asked, his eyes glassy with tears. "I love you, Brig."

"I don't love you," she said, full of regret.

"You used to," he said.

"A long, long time ago. I love my husband."

"He doesn't love you," Liam replied.

Briggy suddenly came to her senses. She yanked herself out of Liam's arms and opened the door to the corridor. "Please leave," she snapped.

"This isn't over," Liam said.

"Liam, I cannot deal with anything else at the moment! My life is falling apart and all you can think about is yourself! Just leave me alone!"

He stood for a moment. "You will be back," he said as the doors closed on him.

Briggy stared at the doors for a moment. She sat down on the floor where she had been standing, clutching her aching head. The tension from the past few days was catching up with her and her head throbbed mercilessly. But Briggy didn't go to the replicator for a remedy, she relished the pain. It was self-prescribed punishment for her crimes.

Later that morning, she was surprised when she received a communiqué. Thinking it was her sister; she didn't care about her appearance and answered it right away.

Deanna Troi stared back at her. She was the last person Briggy had expected to see.

"What's going on?" Deanna asked without even saying hello. "You look rough as hell and so does the captain. He won't talk to me and I'm hoping you will."

Briggy rubbed her tired eyes. "I shouldn't," she answered.

"Yes, you should," Deanna said. "You should know more than anyone on the Enterprise that you shouldn't bottle things up."

"How did you find out that something was wrong?"

"I contacted Jean-Luc yesterday. I could tell something was wrong."

"I'm sorry, Deanna," Briggy said, shaking her head. "I'm not ready to talk about this now. I promise I will contact you as soon as I feel up to it."

Deanna nodded reluctantly. "Make sure you do. I am a counsellor too…"

"Yeah, I know, thanks for the offer," Briggy said, dismissing her.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

Deanna turned back to Beverly, who was hovering just out of earshot on the other side of the room. "She won't talk either," she said.

"Damn it!" Beverly said.

"What makes you so sure something is going on?" Deanna asked for the hundredth time. "And don't tell me you feel it in your water again."

Beverly laughed. "Women's intuition."

"Beverly! You haven't forgotten the ability to wind me up!"

"Jean-Luc contacted me," Beverly said, finally coming clean.

Deanna frowned. "What did he say?"

"Not a lot," she answered. "He asked me how I was. You know… the usual. But I could tell something wasn't quite right. I asked him how he was and he said he was fine. But something told me he was lying."

Deanna watched Beverly walking from one side of the room to the other and back again. "Will you stop pacing? You're making me dizzy."

Beverly came to a halt. "Well, you're just going to have to go back there."

"Back where?"

"To the Enterprise!"

"But we just got here five days ago…"

"I'm not saying you have to go immediately," Beverly said slowly.

Deanna flopped her head down on the surface of the desk in front of her. "Will will kill me."

"I'll tell him to go easy on you." Beverly grinned. "Otherwise, when I get back to work in Sickbay, he will be my first test medical," she said mischievously.

"I heard that!" a voice called from the bedroom.

"Did we wake you?" Deanna asked as Will came into view in the bedroom doorway.

"Yes," he grumbled. Will had been on duty for almost twenty-four hours and had only managed to get to bed three hours earlier.

Deanna bounded up to him and threw her arms around him. "I'm sorry," she cooed in his ear.

"Anyway, what's going on?" he asked with interest. He glanced at Beverly and raised an eyebrow.

"I think Jean-Luc and Briggy have had a fight," Beverly said.

Will rolled his eyes. "I'm not saying this to annoy you, Beverly," he said, "but I think you should leave well alone." He turned his head down to look at Deanna. "And you should know better. I'm sure if they need your help they will ask for it."

"Will's right," Deanna conceded. "Isn't it great to have the voice of wisdom?"

"I suppose so," Beverly grumbled, certainly not convinced.

Beverly liked the Titan, it was cosier than the Enterprise, and because there weren't as many people on board, everybody knew each other. She loved the Mess Hall and had met lots of wonderful friendly people with whom she knew she could become friends. She had only been on board for a week and already she had received invitations to lunch and dinner from some of the crewmembers.

Deanna had explained the differences between the way she was treated on the Enterprise by the crew and the way she was perceived on the Titan. Deanna had told her it was because a lot of the Enterprise crew knew her as a senior crewmember rather than a colleague. Now Beverly was unsure if she wanted to return to her old position.

The door chime rang and Beverly smiled and went to answer it.

"Hello," Beverly said as she came face to face with a woman she had never met before. She was a head shorter than Beverly. She had long blonde hair and friendly blue eyes.

"Hi there," the woman answered. "I'm Dr Rio Halliwell," she said, extending her hand.

Beverly shook the doctor's hand. "Did Dr Gaul tell you about me?" Beverly asked somewhat suspicious.

"He most certainly did." Rio smiled. "I'm here to extend you the same offer that he did. Do you want to work in my little sickbay and shadow me until your memory returns?"

"That would be wonderful!" Beverly exclaimed. "When do I start?"

Rio laughed. "It's good to see you're enthusiastic! How about we have some lunch in the mess hall and discuss all the details?"

"How was your day, Dr Crusher?" Deanna asked as she swung into Beverly's new quarters on the Titan.

"It was brilliant!" Beverly said. She had been shadowing Dr Halliwell for the past two days. "I remember most things," she added. "But that was when I wasn't thinking about what I was doing and just did it. If I stopped and thought about it, I couldn't remember."

"Ahh, you're using your instinct." Deanna nodded.

Beverly shrugged. "If that's what you call it."

"Did you hear anything from Jean-Luc?" Deanna asked, making herself at home on Beverly's couch.

Beverly nodded her head as she furnished Deanna with a mug of hot chocolate. "He contacted me late last night," she answered, sinking down on the couch beside the counsellor.

"And?"

"He asked me how I was," Beverly said with a shrug. "He said he was fine when I asked him the same question."

"Was he?"

Beverly frowned and shook her head. "No he wasn't. I know he needs to talk to me about whatever is bothering him. But at the same time, he knows he can't." Beverly got to her feet and paced the room.

"Because of your conversation?"

"Partly because of that and partly because I still don't remember him fully," Beverly said. "He said I was almost like a stranger to him…"

"Beverly, come and sit down here for a moment," Deanna said, patting the couch next to her.

She gave Deanna a worried look. "Why?"

"Because I want to talk to you."

"Why can't you talk to me from here?" Beverly asked from her standing position on the other side of the room.

"I don't want to shout."

"I can hear you, you don't need to shout."

"Just sit down here!" Deanna snapped impatiently.

Beverly's eyebrows shot up in surprise and she immediately went and sat down beside Deanna. "You can be a bit… forceful when you want to be."

Deanna grinned. "What are you feeling?"

"If I had a table in front of me I would slam my face into it," Beverly said.

"That bad?"

Beverly grinned. "No, that's not what I meant. I thought you could sense my emotions?"

"I can," Deanna said.

"So why are you asking me what I'm feeling if you already know?"

"Now I wish I had a table in front of me," Deanna said in mock annoyance.

Beverly grinned wryly. "I'm sorry if I'm being annoying."

"It's no good if I know what you are feeling," Deanna began. "It's not my job to know what you are feeling. It is my job to help _you_ understand what _you_ are feeling and why _you_ are feeling that way. And to help _you_ come to terms with trauma and problems… to sort them out."

"Is it your job to mess with your patients love lives?"

Deanna flushed red and looked away. "Well… You're different in that respect."

"How am I different?"

"Because you are always on at me to tell you what's happening in my love life," Deanna said. "So what goes around comes around, and to be frank, it's been very one sided! You never have anything to tell me!"

Beverly rolled her eyes. "That Jean-Luc really has done a number on me," she said softly. "I can hardly bear it when he contacts me on the computer thing."

Deanna reached over and squeezed Beverly's forearm affectionately. "I can't begin to imagine how you are feeling."

"You already know," Beverly answered.

Deanna groaned and held her forehead as if she were in pain. Beverly laughed.

"I'm hoping I remember the reason why I turned Jean-Luc down soon," Beverly admitted. "There has to be one doesn't there, Deanna? I mean there might be something I know that made me turn him down. Maybe the feelings I have for him are old ones. Perhaps I fell out of love with him and I haven't remembered that yet."

Deanna didn't answer even though Beverly was silently pleading with her to tell her she was right.

"I didn't, did I?" Beverly asked. "I was still in love with him when I went missing, wasn't I?"

"I wish I could tell you that you weren't," Deanna said. "But I'm not sure," she lied, knowing all too well that Beverly had been.

Beverly's eyes filled with tears at Deanna's words. "Well, I have some studying to do," she announced with flourish as she got to her feet, slapping her thighs, signalling the end of the topic.

Deanna recognised this Beverly. She had found a place to hide, within her work. If Deanna had realised what was happening with Beverly and Jean-Luc, she may have tried to stall Beverly's return to work. "What are you studying?"

"Medicine," Beverly answered.

"Well, I'll leave you to it then," the counsellor said. "If you want some company for dinner tonight, Will and I will be having dinner at about seventeen hundred hours. You're welcome to join us."

"Thank you," Beverly answered absently; she was already engrossed in a book.

Deanna sighed as she took one last glance at her friend before leaving.

Again the door chime rang and Briggy ignored it; she pulled the covers over her head. She had already had the ship's first officer on her doorstep demanding to know why she hadn't been at work for the past two weeks.

"Picard to Counsellor Granger."

Briggy sat up in bed in surprise. "Granger here," she answered. She hadn't heard from Jean-Luc in two weeks. She had tried to contact him numerous times but Jean-Luc had refused to speak to her.

"Are you going to let me in?" the captain's voice barked.

"Come in," she said in a small voice.

She heard the doors open and then listened as Jean-Luc's footsteps drew nearer the bedroom. He stood in the doorway looking at her.

"Is this business?" Briggy asked, breaking the silence.

Jean-Luc shook his head and walked over to her. He took a seat at the side of the bed. "We have to sort this out," he said.

Briggy could see Jean-Luc had obviously not been sleeping properly either. He looked tired and run down and Briggy knew that she was the reason. It broke her heart to see him like this. She desperately wanted to touch him, to comfort him and hold him. But she knew she didn't have the right to. She was consumed with guilt and had taken it out on him for months.

"I'm so sorry," she blurted, her eyes filled with tears. "I'm such a horrible, horrible person. I don't deserve you. I can't help myself sometimes… I wouldn't blame you if you…"

Jean-Luc reached over and placed a fingertip to her lips to quieten her ramblings. "I've been thinking things over… I've realised that you can't help feeling jealous about Beverly. I can understand why. I probably wouldn't like it if it were the other way round. But I promise nothing has happened between us. Not that I would have claimed to be pregnant… "

Briggy's mouth fell open in annoyance. "Well of course not! You're a man!"

Jean-Luc smiled and winked at her. "Thank you."

Briggy hid a smile behind her hand. "I'm sorry for lying," she said softly.

Jean-Luc knew she meant it. "I forgive you."

"I'm sorry for everything," Briggy added. "Everything. I really don't deserve you."

"We deserve each other," Jean-Luc said.

Briggy clambered over the covers and put her arms around Jean-Luc, pulling him close. "I'm so sorry… I love you," she whispered into his ear.

Jean-Luc squeezed her back. "I know you do."

Briggy squeezed her eyes tight, tears streamed down her face at his words. Jean-Luc had no idea how much he hurt her. And he had no idea how much she was going to hurt him. "I'm sorry," she whispered once again.

"You're going to the Enterprise again!" Will exclaimed. "If you want to move back there permanently you could just tell me."

Deanna kissed his lips. "I want to be where you are."

"Why are you going this time?" he asked as he poured their morning coffee. "Beverly is fine and working very hard in Sickbay, so I've heard. Rio is very pleased with Beverly's progress… even though she does think it's a little strange teaching the legendary Dr Crusher."

"It's Briggy who I'm worried about," Deanna said. "Beverly is doing great here. Her memory is returning in leaps and bounds, especially in regards to being a doctor."

"What's the matter with Briggy?"

Deanna shrugged. "I'm not sure. I found out late last night that she and the captain broke up after an argument of some sort and that they are now back together. But something isn't right. She's hiding something."

"Maybe you should leave well alone… I thought we had gone over this."

"Will, you know Briggy. She won't open up to anyone."

"What makes you think that you can make her open up?"

"Because I know what makes Briggy tick and she knows I do. She once did open up to me," she added. "I care about her, Will. She's my friend and I know I can make her open up and talk to me. Like I said, I got her to do it before, I can do it again. But it has to be in person."

"When did you get through her defences?" Will asked with a raised eyebrow. "That must have taken a whole arsenal of photon torpedoes."

"It was when we were staying with the captain," Deanna said, shooting her husband with a look of disapproval. "She's a very complex character."

"I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her," Will stated. "In a personal sense that is. Professionally, I couldn't fault her."

Deanna was surprised by Will's comment. "Why?"

"I don't know." Will shrugged. "She just rubs me up the wrong way."

"Beverly said that too," Deanna said. "But I trust her completely. She has a strange, almost childish, side to her, but she would never set out to intentionally hurt anyone. She is also one of the best counsellors I've ever met. She taught me a lot during the time we spent in France with Captain Picard." Deanna smiled at Will. "You'll cope without me, won't you?"

Will smiled back. "It's you who I'm worried about. You should be taking it easy in your condition."

"I'm not an invalid," Deanna said. "Anyway, the Enterprise is only four hours away this time. Hopefully, I will be back tonight. I'm only making a flying visit."

On her way to the shuttle bay, Deanna looked in on Beverly. "Want to practice an antenatal scan?" she laughed from behind a flustered Beverly.

"Huh?" Beverly blinked; she looked tired.

"Never mind." Deanna rubbed Beverly's arm affectionately. "Are you sure you're not overdoing it?"

"I'm fine," Beverly answered, as if Deanna wasn't the first person to ask her that morning.

"Beverly has been here all night long," a voice called from the other side of the room. It was Rio, the Titan's chief medical officer.

Beverly groaned.

Deanna grinned at Rio and then turned to Beverly. "Go home," Deanna said in a no-nonsense tone.

"I'm almost done," Beverly whined as she gestured to something she had been working on.

"Can it wait?"

"No."

"Yes, it can," Rio said. "Go home, get some sleep, and you can come and finish it later. I won't let anyone touch it."

Beverly trundled off, obviously not happy about leaving her work.

"Can I ask what it is, Rio?" Deanna asked.

"Believe it or not," Rio said slowly, "there is a patient in the next room who is suffering from an incurable disease. Lodicadam. You've probably never even heard of it. It's a rare debilitating disease and Beverly Crusher is close to find the cure."

"She is?"

"Her work is remarkable," Rio said in wonder. "If she can't remember something, she looks it up and she only needs a few lines of the text and she's remembered the entire thing."

"That's my Bev," Deanna grinned.

After explaining that she was leaving the ship for a day or two to Rio, and asking her to keep a watchful eye on Beverly, Deanna left for the Enterprise.

"Back again so soon, Deanna," Jean-Luc said warmly as Deanna materialized on the transporter pad in front of him.

Deanna smiled, trying to quickly think of an excuse for her visit. "Hello, Captain," she said.

"To what do we owe the pleasure?" he asked.

"I'm here to see Briggy," she answered, and that was the truth.

"Briggy didn't mention your impending visit." He chuckled as they walked side by side out of the transporter room.

Deanna shrugged nonchalantly. "She must have forgotten, we are working on a patient's psychological profile together and I thought that as the Titan and the Enterprise were so close today, that we'd meet up and work on it together in person."

"Oh yes, I think I vaguely remember her mentioning a project you were working on together," he said. "I'll leave you both to it then. I have a meeting with Admiral Hayes soon anyway." He raised his eyebrows and gave Deanna a worried look.

"Don't worry." Deanna giggled. "She knows you're a married man now, Sir."

"Apparently even wedding rings don't put the woman off," he grumbled as he walked away.

Deanna chuckled to herself and headed straight for her prey: Briggy Granger.

Deanna found Briggy Granger in the counselling chambers, but she wasn't working. She was staring at a blank computer screen, totally oblivious to the world around her.

"Hello," Deanna said softly as she touched Briggy's shoulder to get her attention.

Briggy jumped. "Oh, my God," she exclaimed, touching her hand to her heart. "Are you trying to give me a heart attack or something? What are you doing here?"

"I've come to see you," Deanna answered as she made herself comfortable on the seat next to Briggy's at the desk.

Briggy looked down at her lap. "Why?" she asked. She knew why; whenever Deanna sensed that something wasn't right, the Betazoid counsellor had a habit of coming at her relentlessly until she had all the answers. "Do we have to go through this ritual yet again?"

"I'm worried about you," Deanna said..

"I'm okay," Briggy sighed. "Please just leave this well alone."

Deanna sighed sympathetically. "Whatever it is, you know you can talk to me." Deanna gazed intently into Briggy's sea green eyes until Briggy looked away.

"You don't need to keep jumping ship to come and see me," Briggy said, climbing to her feet. She needed to get away from the confines of Deanna's mental probing. It made her feel uncomfortable; as if her personal life was laid open to Deanna's gaze like a book.

"Briggy," Deanna said softly. "Something definitely isn't right."

"Well, I'm dealing with it okay?" Briggy snapped. "I'm a grown woman and I can take care of myself."

"I think you need to talk to someone. You can't keep this bottled up."

"I am talking to someone about it," Briggy answered. "Right now, in fact. I will be back in half an hour."

Deanna frowned. "Okay. Then we can go for lunch. I'm starving!"

Briggy rolled her eyes at Deanna and walked away.

Deanna sighed and remained where she was. She was just wondering what to do for the next half an hour while she waited for Briggy to return, when a message flickered up onto the screen that Briggy had been sitting in front of when she had arrived.

Briggy hadn't secured the computer terminal.

Deanna glanced around her, wondering whether to take a look. "It might be important," she mumbled to herself. She leaned over and touched the button to activate the screen.

_Where are you? What's happening? We need to talk. We can't leave it like this._

Deanna stared at the screen. She didn't recognise the ID of the sender and she certainly didn't understand the message. It was like a cryptic clue. She thought Jean-Luc and Briggy had patched up their differences. Deanna wondered whether it was the person Briggy had gone to meet.

"Computer," she called. "Location of Counsellor Granger."

"Counsellor Granger is in Ten Forward."

"Damn!"

Briggy could have been meeting anyone.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Deanna helped herself to a mug of hot chocolate from the replicator; her usual drink for when she felt frustrated or sad. She took it back Briggy's desk and waited for Briggy to return. It wasn't long, Briggy returned sooner than she had said.

"You're still here, then?" Briggy said as she walked in.

"I'm afraid so," Deanna answered with a wry smile. "Have you changed your mind about talking to me yet?"

Briggy studied Deanna for a moment, weighing up her options and then she shook her head. "I can't."

"Yes you can. You know all about the rules. I am not allowed to speak to anyone about what you tell me."

"What makes you think that there is anything to tell you?"

"You didn't deny that you had problems," Deanna said.

Briggy shrugged flippantly. "Who doesn't?"

"I'm not talking about trivial problems, Briggy," Deanna said evenly. "I'm talking about serious problems. I can sense that you have something on your mind and whatever it is, is a huge dilemma for you."

"It's also private," Briggy snapped.

Deanna sighed. "I'm only trying to help you."

"Well, I don't need your help."

"That is not true," Deanna stated with defiance.

Briggy's green eyes filled with tears as she stared back at the stubborn Betazoid. "I've made a terrible mistake…" she said in a syrupy voice.

Inside, Deanna screamed with accomplishment at finally breaking through Briggy's barriers. "What's that?" she asked softly.

Briggy had trouble getting her words out, she stood still, shaking her head back and forth. "I'm a horrible person, Deanna," she sobbed suddenly. Briggy lost all control of her emotions and she collapsed to the floor in a heap, crying uncontrollably.

Deanna was momentarily overwhelmed by the torrent of emotion pouring from within Briggy. It took her a few seconds to act and rush over to Briggy's side. She pulled her into her arms and held her close.

"What's wrong?" Deanna whispered softly into Briggy's ear.

"I can't," Briggy sobbed back.

Deanna wanted to scream in frustration. Instead, she controlled her outburst and merely rolled her eyes over Briggy's shoulder. "Can I ask why?" she asked.

"It's a conflict of interest," Briggy said quite coherently.

"You mean with Beverly and me?" Deanna asked, pushing Briggy away by her shoulders so that she could study Briggy's face.

Briggy stared into Deanna's ebony eyes for a moment before pulling away, obviously a ploy to get out of answering Deanna's question. "Listen, Deanna," Briggy said, trying hard to compose herself. "I appreciate the fact that you are trying to help me… really, I do. It's just as I said before; I got myself into this mess and it's me who has to get out of it. You said you were hungry, so let's go to Ten Forward for some lunch."

Deanna watched as Briggy marched over to the mirror on the wall in the office and smoothed down her long black hair, checked her make up, and straightened out her clothes. Anyone who saw her now would never have guessed she had been sobbing her heart out a few minutes before. Deanna wondered how often Briggy did that during her life – it was like brushing away all her problems and hiding them beneath the carpet.

"Are you ready?" Briggy asked, turning strangely bright eyes on Deanna.

Deanna nodded slowly and followed Briggy out the door.

"You must be hungry," Deanna said as she surveyed the feast laid before Briggy on their table in Ten Forward. Instantly, Deanna remembered that Briggy had a tendency for comfort eating, but that she was lucky enough not to ruin her figure. It was like Briggy felt the need to fill a void inside of her and she was trying to do it with food.

"You know exactly why I'm eating this much," Briggy said, pointing her fork at Deanna accusingly.

"Well then, you know it's a futile effort," Deanna responded. "Food doesn't make it better."

"Right now, I'm past caring," she replied.

"Excuse me Counsellor Granger," a handsome man said as he approached their table. "Is there any chance I could have a quick word? I'm sorry to interrupt your lunch."

Deanna looked up at the man; she didn't recognise him. He was tall, tanned and had chestnut brown hair and brown eyes. He had an athlete's body and wore the uniform of the science departments. He also had the softest Irish accent that melted Deanna's heart.

Briggy kept her focus on her food. "Can it wait half an hour, Commander?" she asked, finally looking up at Liam. She narrowed her eyes at him, daring him to continue his badgering. "We just spoke ten minutes ago and I'm in the middle of my lunch."

"No, it can't wait," he said. "It's an urgent matter."

Deanna watched the exchange in horror, she couldn't believe what her senses were screaming at her.

Briggy knew at once that Deanna suspected something. Unable to face the showdown with Deanna, Briggy leapt to her feet and walked over to one of the unoccupied booths on the far side of the room. Liam trailed behind her, knowing he was about to be ripped to shreds.

"See that woman who I'm having dinner with, Liam?" Briggy said, rounding on him as soon as they were out of earshot of the other patrons.

"Yes?"

"She is Betazoid!" Briggy hissed.

Liam's eyebrows shot up. "Oh God…"

"Oh God?" Briggy snapped. "Is that all you can say?"

"I didn't know…"

"Try thinking! I told you, in no uncertain terms, not to approach me in public," Briggy said in an angry whisper. "Sit down," she ordered. "This is precisely the reason! Deanna Troi, the captain's confidant, is now in on our… secret!" Briggy snarled at him. "For God's sake, sit down! People are staring!"

Liam sank down at the opposite side of the table. "So are you sure she knows?"

Briggy nodded, her anger giving way to tears. She swiped at them with her fingertips. "I don't know what is going to happen now…" she said in a syrupy whisper. "Why couldn't you leave me alone?"

"Are you sure she will tell the captain?"

Briggy shook her head desperately. "I don't know," she whined. "She's very good friends with him."

"I guess I better volunteer to take up the position on Deep Space Four," Liam said slowly. "The transport leaves this afternoon and so far there are no takers."

"I suggest you do that," Briggy snapped. "For once and for all, get off out of my life!"

"And I hope you will get it into your thick head that the captain doesn't love you," he spat and got to his feet and stalked off.

Briggy sat still, stung by Liam's words. It wasn't long before Deanna slid into the booth opposite her.

"You're having an affair," Deanna said and it wasn't a question. She knew.

"Not anymore," Briggy said in a small, resolute voice. At that moment, she knew she couldn't continue the charade of marriage. "It ended about five months ago. Except for the odd occasion…"

Deanna shook her head in confusion. "But why?" she asked. "I know that you're in love with Jean-Luc."

Briggy got to her feet. "We can't speak about this here," she said and indicated for Deanna to follow her.

They walked in silence together back to the counselling chambers. Deanna wished that she had never bothered to come to the Enterprise in the first place. She didn't know how she was going to deal with this revelation. She was stuck between her two good friends, and she didn't know what to do.

"I never wanted anyone to find out," Briggy said as the doors to the counselling chambers closed behind them, sealing them away from prying ears.

"Nobody _wants_ someone to find out that they are having an affair. So were you just going to carry on lying to Jean-Luc and not tell him?" Deanna asked.

"I knew you would be on his side!" Briggy shouted.

"Jean-Luc isn't the one who had the affair!" Deanna snapped in return.

"Yeah, but I had my reasons." Briggy sighed and she sat down heavily on the couch. She started raking her fingers through her hair, a sure sign that she was nervous and agitated.

Deanna perched on the edge of her old chair. "Would you like to tell me your reasons?" she asked.

Briggy rubbed her temples. How could she possibly explain herself to Deanna? She couldn't really explain what she had done to herself. She had known Liam since she was a child, and at one point, she and Liam were to be married. They had met when their parents had both decided to move to a colony. Liam was the eldest son of the couple who lived next door to Briggy's family. Briggy still remembered chatting to him over the garden fence almost every day of her childhood. Their parents both said that they were destined for each other and Briggy had gone along with the whole idea until she had realised that she wasn't in love with Liam anymore.

She had shared the most traumatic period of her life with him. Liam had been there alongside her, sharing and going through everything with her. But there had come a time, after their recovery, that Briggy had decided she needed to distance herself from what had happened and from Liam himself.

She had left the colony and returned to Earth, her mother country, and joined Starfleet. Liam, upon learning where Briggy had gone, had immediately followed her example. Ever since then, Liam had kept in touch with her regularly. They chatted at least once a week until Liam had received his posting on the Enterprise. He was now head of the Enterprise's science division.

Commander Liam Henson had arrived on board three months after Briggy and Jean-Luc's marriage. During that time, Briggy had been begging Jean-Luc to try for a baby. The discussions weren't going very well. Jean-Luc was still trying to come to terms with the fact he was married and not an old bachelor anymore, and he was finding the transition a lot harder than either of them had expected.

Liam had been on board a week when he finally made his arrival known to Briggy. He had found her sitting in her office in the counselling chambers. She was upset and didn't really have anyone to turn to and Liam had arrived just in time.

Briggy began to confide in her old friend, visiting him after arguments with Jean-Luc, sometimes during the middle of the night when she couldn't sleep. It was on one such occasion that she had leant over and touched Liam's handsome face tenderly. Then she had kissed him. She had initiated the affair, she had been the first one to make a move. And that was something that still – to this day — Briggy couldn't understand.

"Are you going to tell Jean-Luc?" Briggy asked, needing the answer desperately.

"I don't know," Deanna answered in all honesty.

"I need to know."

"I _said_ I didn't _know_," Deanna responded. "You can't just throw all this in my lap and expect me to know what to do about it instantly. I need time to think." She paused for a moment, then asked, "Has this got something to do with Beverly's arrival?" needing to have reasons for Briggy's behaviour. Something, no matter how insignificant, to justify her friend's lack of better judgement. "Is Beverly the reason you had the affair?"

Briggy shook her head. "No." She hesistated. "Well… sort of. She is a factor."

Deanna frowned. "Well, did the affair start when Beverly was found or not?"

Briggy shook her head. "No. It started months ago. I also ended it about four months ago."

"Well then how can Beverly be to blame? She only returned here a month ago."

"It is her fault!" Briggy snapped. "She might have been dead, but she was always there… between Jean-Luc and I! How was I supposed to compete with a dead woman? Jean-Luc has her so high up on a pedestal. Deanna, I knew I never had Jean-Luc's whole heart. I knew deep down that I just wasn't good enough."

"Well personally, I've always wondered why you married him," Deanna said. "I knew Jean-Luc wasn't in the marriage whole heartedly. I also know that you were very aware of that too."

"Well, there is the problem in a nutshell," Briggy said with a shrug. "I thought that with time he would grow to love me as much as I loved him… But it wasn't working…" With those last words, Briggy lost her cool detachment and broke down.

Deanna could sense Briggy's pain. "Answer me something," she said softly as she moved to Briggy's side.

"What?"

"How come I never sensed this emotional turmoil inside you before?"

Briggy wiped tears away with the backs of her hands. "I had some training years ago," she explained.

"To block empaths and telepaths," Deanna nodded in understanding. "You're an idiot."

"What?"

"Well, if you had let me in, I would have been there to help you," Deanna said. "We could have stopped all this heartache months ago. You wouldn't have felt to need to go to another man who _did_ love you."

"Why?" Briggy asked. "Would you have waved your magic wand and made Jean-Luc love me more?"

"Briggy, you knew that your marriage wasn't working," Deanna said, "you could have come to an amicable split. I know that's not what you wanted." She held her hand up to stop Briggy's imminent outburst. "But it would have saved all this heartache now, and you know it."

"You want me to let him go don't you?" Briggy asked, her glassy eyes boring into Deanna's.

"That's your decision to make."

"Yeah, you might say that, but it's not is it? You're probably going to tell him that I've had an affair."

"I think this is one area that I'm staying well out of," Deanna said, holding up her hands. "If you can live with yourself, then go ahead and stay married."

"So you're not going to tell him?"

"No, but I think you should. And if he ever finds out that I knew before he did… well, I won't be a very happy Betazoid." She fixed Briggy with a harsh stare so that Briggy knew she meant business.

"I won't tell him, you know," Briggy said softly. "It's fair."

"What are you going to do?"

Briggy shook her head. "I don't know… I love him so much…" She got to her feet and walked over to the viewport, hugging herself as she gazed out to the stars for answers.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

"Well?"

Deanna had only just walked into her quarters back on the Titan when Beverly appeared in the doorway. "Well, what?" Deanna asked, turning tired eyes on her friend.

"You never told me you were going to the Enterprise today," Beverly said, then noticed Deanna's dishevelled appearance. "What happened? You look terrible!"

Deanna sat down on the end of her bed and sighed heavily as she yanked off her black boots. "I don't believe it," she answered around a yawn. She looked over to Beverly, who leaned against the bedroom doorway with her arms folded across her chest. "Either I'm going to live the rest of my life with a piece of knowledge in my head," Deanna said, tapping her head, "something that I do not want to know and wish to God I didn't, or there is going to be an awful mess in the future."

"What are you talking about?" Beverly asked in confusion.

"I'm not sure I should tell you," Deanna said slowly.

"Why?" Beverly asked instantly. "Is whatever it is that you know something that I wouldn't want to know either?"

Deanna nodded. "Exactly."

"I want to know," Beverly said, sounding sure of herself.

"I'm just gonna say it then," Deanna said after making sure that Beverly was serious. "I just found out that Briggy had an affair." She watched the shock of her revelation appear on her friend's face.

"She did?" Beverly asked, wide eyed. Beverly moved from her stunned position in the doorway and walked inside Deanna's bedroom. "What happened? How did you find out? Does Jean-Luc know? How long ago was it? Is Jean-Luc okay?"

"Whoa!" Deanna said, holding up her hand to stop Beverly's ramblings. "One question at a time, please!" She laughed wryly.

"Sorry," Beverly said.

"As far as I know, the affair started a few months ago. It is over now. I found out when Briggy's ex lover came over to her in Ten Forward. I could sense the chemistry between them, so I confronted Briggy about it. And no, Jean-Luc doesn't know, and I told Briggy I wouldn't tell him."

"Why not?" Beverly asked. "He has a right to know he's being made a fool of."

"I think that, too," Deanna said. "But it's not my place to tell him. Can you imagine how embarrassed he would feel if I told him?"

"He'll be a lot more than embarrassed if he finds out that you and I knew and didn't have the decency to tell him," Beverly pointed out. "He'll be furious."

"I realise that," Deanna answered with a sigh. "Between you and I, I have simply given Briggy the opportunity to redeem a little of her conscience in telling him herself. If she doesn't come clean, I will take it upon myself to tell him."

"I'll do it if you want me to," Beverly offered.

Deanna didn't know what to say to that.

"But…" Beverly said, looking up at the ceiling as if she were looking at the bigger picture. "I guess under the circumstances that wouldn't be the brightest idea would it? I kind of have a conflict of interest in this."

Deanna was glad Beverly had realised that. "Kind of!," she burst out laughing at Beverly's expense "So how do you feel about all this?"

"Me? What have my feelings got to do with anything? It's Jean-Luc who I'm worried about, although I should stay away from him. That was the whole point of me coming here in the first place."

Deanna wondered where Beverly had picked up the habit of rambling. "I think you know what you should do."

"Yes," Beverly nodded. "Stay the hell away from both of them and keep well out of it."

"Is something the matter?" Jean-Luc asked. He was laying on the bed, propped up with pillows, a hard covered book in his hands.

Briggy hadn't realised he was watching her. "I'm fine," she answered with her automated response.

"You've been pacing backwards and forwards like a caged rat for the past five days," he reminded her. "You must have something on your mind."

"Yes, I have," Briggy answered softly. "It's nothing for you to be worried about."

"Is it something to do with the project you and Deanna are working on?"

Briggy paused before answering. "Yes, sort of," she answered distantly. "We just had a disagreement about something that's all."

"I thought there was an air of tension around you both when we were having a drink just before Deanna left," Jean-Luc said with a shrug. "You should try and sort it out soon. Deanna is a wonderful person to have as a friend."

Briggy sighed. "Yeah, I know."

"In fact, have you called Deanna back?"

"Not yet."

"Well she called here last night," Jean-Luc said. "You said you would call her back as soon as you got out of the bath… it's not like you to forget."

"I'll call her later," Briggy answered.

"It's already late," he said.

Briggy glared at Jean-Luc and then marched into the bathroom closing the door behind her.

"It must be some disagreement," Jean-Luc called.

"Just forget about it!" Briggy yelled back through the door.

Jean-Luc shrugged and turned his attention back to the book that Beverly had given him a few years ago for his birthday_, Dixon Hill and __The__ Mystery of the Auburn Goddess_. Jean-Luc had wondered at the time as to whether Beverly had been hinting at something when she had given him the book. He smiled as he remembered the mischievous glint in her eyes.

He was engrossed in the book for some time before his eyes begun to sting with tiredness. He put the book down on the bedside table and rubbed his eyes, deciding it was time for bed.

"Briggy, I'm going to sleep now," he called.

He called for the lights to go out and got comfortable beneath the covers. He lay there for a few minutes before he realised his subconscious was bothering him. Briggy hadn't answered his call.

Groaning, he clambered out of bed and walked over to the bathroom door. "Briggy?" he called. "Just answer me. I apologise if I have annoyed you. Whatever happened between you and Deanna is your business." Still no answer. Frowning, he opened the door, expecting to find her glaring back at him from a steaming bath. Instead, he found her collapsed naked on the floor. There was a small amount of blood on the floor beneath her. He rushed to her side. "Briggy?" he called, pulling her into his arms. "Can you hear me?"

Jean-Luc received no answer. "Picard to Sickbay. Medical emergency in the captain's quarters!"

It only took a few seconds, but it seemed like an eternity until the medical team arrived. He stood up to let Dr Gaul get to Briggy in the small bathroom. It was only as he got to his feet that he noticed that the bathwater wasn't clear, it was brown.

"She's bleeding," he said, gesturing to the water. He was in shock and Dr Gaul noticed immediately.

"Captain, I will do my best for your wife," he said as the medical team slid Briggy's naked body onto a stretcher and covered her with a blanket.

Jean-Luc then noticed the beautiful ornate carved mirror that belonged to Briggy was lying smashed on the floor. "She tried to kill herself…" Jean-Luc mumbled.

Dr Gaul followed Jean-Luc's gaze to the broken mirror. "I'm sure this is an accident," he said softly. "Nurse, can you take care of the captain," he said to the nearest nurse as he followed the stretcher out of the room.

"Captain?" Dr Gaul said as he walked into his office where he had asked Jean-Luc to wait. He found Jean-Luc anxiously pacing up and down the length of the office that used to belong to Beverly.

"How is she?" he asked.

"She is going to be fine," Dr Gaul said with a smile.

"She is?"

Dr Gaul nodded. "Physically fine, anyway."

Jean-Luc was already out of the door and walking towards the private ward. "What happened to her?" Jean-Luc asked for about the millionth time. He was oblivious to the fact that the doctor wasn't keen on answering that question. He thought he just couldn't remember the answer what with everything that was happening at the moment.

When Jean-Luc opened the door to the private ward and stepped inside, he found Briggy sobbing hysterically. He paused for a moment, trying to take in the scene around him. Something didn't quite fit. Why would his wife be hysterical if she had just taken a fall? Had she tried to commit suicide?

"What happened?" he said, turning back to the doctor and fixing him with a stare; daring him not to tell the truth.

Dr Gaul knew Jean-Luc wouldn't like the answer. "Can everyone clear the room please," he called to the nurses. He waited until the two nurses on duty left and then turned back to Jean-Luc. "Briggy had a miscarriage," he said softly.

Jean-Luc stared back at the doctor. "A what?"

He turned to Briggy, staring at her like he didn't know who she was anymore.

Dr Gaul knew about the pregnancy. He had treated Briggy a few months before when she came in complaining of stomach cramps. During her treatment, he had found out that Briggy was expecting a baby. The captain was also his patient, and only the week before seeing Briggy, he had seen Jean-Luc for his annual contraceptive implant renewal. The doctor knew instantly that the baby couldn't have been Jean-Luc's and remembered quite clearly when Briggy had made him promise not to tell anybody about her condition.

"I'll leave you two alone," the doctor said, not wanting to be in the vicinity when the fireworks started. He quickly left the room.

Briggy couldn't meet Jean-Luc's eyes as he neared the bed. She felt devastated and she knew he was about to be, too. She hadn't allowed herself to think of the loss of her baby. She felt nothing, just numb. The news hadn't sunk in. She still didn't believe it. She had taken good care of herself since the doctor had given her the news four months ago. She had taken every precaution and had taken the prescribed amount pre natal food supplements.

Jean-Luc shook his head in disbelief; he had lost the ability to speak. He was close to tears, but anger was the emotion winning over at the moment.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"It can't be mine," he said, still shaking his head.

"I…" she began, faltering. "I had an affair."

Jean-Luc stopped shaking his head; he gazed at his wife, willing her with his eyes to take back those words. Why was she lying?

"Jean-Luc… I'm so sorry …"

"Sorry," he said, as if the word didn't make any sense. "Who?"

"I don't think the details are important…"

"I happen to think they are!" Jean-Luc shouted. "Whose baby was it?"

"Liam Henson's," Briggy answered. Her bottom lip trembled at the mention of the baby and she bent her head down and tried hard to stop herself from crying.

"Your patient!" Jean-Luc exclaimed. "I didn't realise one of your therapies was sex!"

"It wasn't like that," Briggy said, shaking her head, tears falling freely from her eyes.

"Oh, so what was it like then?" he demanded. "Come on… tell me!"

"I've known Liam for decades…"

"And that makes it alright then, does it?" Jean-Luc said.

Briggy wanted and needed to explain everything to Jean-Luc, but she knew he wouldn't give her the chance now. "Nothing will make it alright."

Jean-Luc glared at her. "I think it's over Briggy," he said, almost calmly.

Briggy nodded. "I was going to tell you…"

"Great," he said. He wasn't able to look at her anymore and he walked away, heading for the door.

"I do love you," she said.

Jean-Luc turned sad eyes on her and then looked away. "I wouldn't wish a miscarriage on any woman. I'm truly sorry for your loss, Briggy," he said softly.

"I don't deserve your pity," she said.

"I know," he replied, and disappeared out of the door.

"Well, Dr Crusher," Captain Will Riker said after pulling Beverly aside during a quiet period in the Titan's sickbay. "I have some exciting news for you," he said, grinning broadly.

"What's that?" Beverly asked, intrigued.

"Starfleet Medical is bringing your examinations forward," he answered. "Dr Pulaski is very impressed by the work you have been doing here and is eager to meet you and put you through the examinations as soon as possible."

Beverly's mouth hung open in surprise for a moment, and then her face broke into a huge grin. "Seriously?" she asked.

Will nodded his head happily. "Most definitely. I've been sending her regular updates on your progress."

"Do you know her personally?"

"Well yes." Will nodded. "The year when you headed Starfleet Medical, she worked on the Enterprise as CMO."

"Oh really?"

"Yes, I'm not sure the captain liked her as much as he did you." Will chuckled, gave her a wink, and then left her alone to ponder the news.

Beverly wished he hadn't mentioned Jean-Luc, and especially in the manner he had. She had been trying very hard over the past couple of weeks to block Jean-Luc from her mind. Ever since she had learned from Deanna about Briggy's affair, she had been imagining all kinds of scenarios and fantasies. Her favourite was when Jean-Luc turned up in her quarters unannounced when she was asleep and woke her with a passionate kiss.

She groaned out loud and shook her head violently to purge the thoughts from her mind. Afterwards, she noticed one of the medical technicians giving her a peculiar look. She smiled quickly at him and turned away, trying to hide her flushing face.

She heard a laugh from the other side of the room and turned to find Deanna giggling at her expense. "What was that all about?" Deanna asked, not bothering to hide her amusement.

"It doesn't matter," Beverly answered, not meeting her friend's eye.

Deanna laughed again. "Have you got time for a celebratory dinner with Will and me?" she asked. "I'm sure you should have been out of here hours ago. You are only supposed to be working part-time."

"I enjoy it," Beverly answered. "And I would love to come to dinner."

"Good. Well, go get your glad rags on and meet us in the mess hall in an hour." Deanna grinned and manually handled Beverly towards the door.

"Deanna?" Beverly asked as they left sickbay.

"Yeah?" Deanna replied.

"Do you think I should find myself another man?"

"What?" Deanna was caught off guard by Beverly's question. "If you're thinking of a way to get Jean-Luc out of your head, then no I don't think it's a good idea. It's not fair on the man in question."

Beverly nodded in understanding. "I meant because it doesn't seem that Jean-Luc and I will ever be together."

"Nothing like that is predictable."

"You can't see what's around the corner," Beverly said.

Beverly and Deanna arrived in the mess hall at the same time. "Where is Will?" Beverly asked as they went to their favourite table.

"He got a call to the bridge just as we left our quarters," Deanna explained. "He said he hopes it won't take long, and said we should order his dinner for him."

True to his word, Will didn't take very long in joining them for dinner. He sat down next to Beverly and spread his hands out in front of him. "Well, I've just received some interesting news," he said.

"What's that?" Deanna asked.

"That was Admiral Necheyev who wanted to speak to me," he said. "Apparently Captain Picard is taking an indefinite leave of absence from the Enterprise due to personal problems. Don't ask me what the personal problems are, but they have asked me to take command of the Enterprise until he returns."

Deanna and Beverly glanced at each other. "Have you heard any rumours about what those personal problems might be?" Deanna asked, knowing that Will did have an inkling. He still had contacts on board the Enterprise like Deanna did.

"I heard that Briggy was rushed to sickbay a couple of days ago," Will said, glancing about him to make sure that they weren't being overheard by prying ears.

"Is she okay?" Deanna asked, instantly concerned.

"I don't think so," Will answered, wondering why Beverly had remained silent. "Because the admiral also asked if you could cover her post while she is away too."

Deanna's eyes widened. She turned to Beverly. "Do you think you can find out why Briggy was rushed to sickbay?"

"Probably," Beverly answered. "But as you know I cannot pass that information along to you."

"Unless it concerns Briggy's mental well being," Deanna said, raising her eyebrow.

"Well, even so," Beverly answered. "You're the counsellor on board a different ship. Technically you don't have the clearance to know about Briggy's mental health."

"But Deanna will be taking up Briggy's position temporarily in a few days. Then she will have the clearance," Will said, nodding his head.

"Yes, but I work here," Beverly pointed out.

"Not anymore." Will chuckled. "I'm taking you with us."

"Oh, are you now?" Beverly rolled her eyes and couldn't help but smile wryly at Will.

"But that's only because I was put in charge of your case," Will added. "And of course I can't look after you while I'm acting captain of the Enterprise. So therefore, I need you to come with me."

"How convenient," Beverly said.

"When do we all leave?" Deanna asked.

"As soon as I've handed over command to Commander Montgomery. She'll be acting captain of the Titan."

"So when will that be?"

"Tomorrow morning at the senior team meeting," Will answered. "So don't forget to pack for an indefinite stay on the Enterprise tonight. I've changed our heading and we should meet up with the Enterprise tomorrow lunchtime."

"Has Jean-Luc already left the Enterprise?" Beverly asked.

Will nodded. "Yes, and so has Briggy. They both left this morning."

"Did Jean-Luc call you?" Deanna asked, turning once again to Beverly.

Beverly shook her head. "No he didn't," she answered. "How do I contact Jean-Luc if he isn't on the Enterprise anymore?"

"Unless he left a forwarding address, you can't," Will said. "You can leave messages for him the usual way and can pick them up remotely."

"Okay." Beverly nodded. "I'll leave him a message and tell him to contact me."

Beverly dropped her case on the end of yet another bed since she had been found on Kilyan. She didn't know if she had the tendency to move beds a lot before she lost her memory, but she knew had probably never liked it. Beverly wasn't a '_wherever I lay my hat; that's my home,_' kind of woman. She liked consistency and liked to return home as often as possible.

"Where are you, Jean-Luc?" she asked out loud. She was alone in her guest quarters and had been 'ordered' to settle in by Captain Riker.

She had signed into the computer in her room as soon as she had entered, desperate for any news from Jean-Luc.

She unpacked her clothes and left them in piles on the bed. She was back on the Enterprise where she had been treated with respect, but not kindness or friendliness as she had been on the Titan. She hated it here.

Her computer terminal beeped. Beverly was at the screen in less than a second. She accepted the message and sighed when she realised it was a written communiqué. A moment passed before she realised it was from Jean-Luc. She sat down to read.

_Don't worry, Beverly, _he began_. I have gone to my childhood home in France. I just needed some time alone. It's good to see that you are __back__ home on the Enterprise. I've also heard that you have been put forward for your examinations early. Congratulations. Not that I would have expected any less of you. I will contact you later in the week. Please tell Will to take care of my ship as if it were his own. Love, Jean-Luc._

Beverly wanted to go down to the shuttle bay and grab one of those little spaceships and go straight to Jean-Luc's side. There was only one problem… she couldn't remember how to fly one!

Deanna must have sensed that Beverly had received a reply to her message. She appeared in Beverly's quarters a few minutes later looking expectant.

"Jean-Luc has gone to his home in France," Beverly said before Deanna even had the chance to ask.

"What about Briggy?" Deanna asked, taking a seat on the chair behind the desk.

"I don't think she is with him," Beverly said. "Jean-Luc said he needed some time alone and he never mentioned her once in his letter."

"Strange." Deanna sighed.

"Not if Briggy came clean and told him about the affair," Beverly pointed out. "He would probably need some time alone after that bombshell. Is Briggy's lover still on board… the Liam guy?"

"Yes, he is actually." Deanna nodded. "I checked last night. He has requested a transfer. But he's probably going to have to wait a while. Will doesn't have the clearance to ship Captain Picard's staff off elsewhere."

"Maybe we should speak to him?"

"I already tried," Deanna said. "He said he didn't have anything to say to me. Oh well, perhaps Jean-Luc will call back later tonight and let you know what has happened. In the meantime, I have to get down the counselling chambers and figure out where I'm supposed to start. Apparently there is a huge backlog in the daily reports and there are patients waiting to speak to me."

"Good luck," Beverly said as Deanna went off.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

"Can I have a word?" a mystery man asked Beverly from behind her. She turned, but still had no clue as to his identity.

"Do I know you?" she asked.

"I'm Commander Liam Henson," the handsome man replied.

"Oh," Beverly said, drawing out the word knowingly.

"Can we go somewhere private?" he asked, sickbay wasn't exactly the quietest place on the Enterprise. "My quarters?"

"Okay," Beverly said.

When they arrived, Liam offered Beverly something to drink. Beverly asked for lemonade and made herself comfortable on the couch. "What is it you wanted to talk about?" she asked as she took the icy glass from his outstretched hand.

"From your reaction to me earlier, I presume you know who I am," he said, sitting down opposite her.

Beverly didn't want to give too much away, so she simply nodded in accord.

"The Betazoid woman told you?" he asked.

"That doesn't matter," Beverly said. "Why did you want to see me?"

"I wondered if you knew where Briggy was," he said softly. "She was in sickbay for nearly two days and she wouldn't speak to me. I know I don't have the right to know where she is, but I care so very much for her. I just want to know that she's alright."

"I can't tell you that," Beverly said.

"Surely you can," Liam said, his voice cracking in pain.

"I can't because I don't know where she is," Beverly said, holding up a hand.

Liam continued unabated. "She must have gone somewhere where she can finish her treatment, Sickbay must have sent her files on to another hospital…"

"I wasn't here on board when Briggy was admitted."

"I know," Liam said. "I know who you are. It's just that when Briggy miscarried our baby, the captain found out about the affair and I know you and he are close. I thought you might have known."

Beverly's eyes widened at the information. She didn't let on that she hadn't known all the details. "What makes you think I would share any of their personal information with you?"

"From what Briggy has told me, you and I are on the same side."

"Same side?" Beverly was thoroughly confused.

"Yes." Liam nodded. "I can't presume to know your feelings towards the captain, but I know that Briggy wasn't happy when you returned here after being gone for all those years and presumed dead. She confided in me. I know quite a bit."

"Are you saying that we both wanted to break up Briggy and Jean-Luc's marriage?" Beverly asked, getting to her feet. "Because if that's the case then you are severely mistaken. I have morals. Thank you for the lemonade." She slammed the glass onto the table. "It has a bitter twist, just like this conversation."

"Please!" Liam cried as Beverly went to storm away. "I am madly in love with Briggy! I have been for so many years I've lost count. I just want to know that she's okay."

"Like I said," Beverly answered, "I have no idea where she is."

"Can you believe it?" Beverly said after recounting her story of the meeting with Liam to Deanna and Will.

"What affair?" Will asked from the couch where he had been sitting quietly going over the week's crew efficiency reports before Beverly had burst into their quarters.

"You didn't tell him?" Beverly asked Deanna.

"I was just about to," Deanna said sheepishly.

"Briggy was having an affair with Liam Henson?" Will repeated, trying to let the words sink in. "Why didn't you tell me?" he asked Deanna.

"I was told in confidence."

"But you told Beverly!"

Beverly wondered whether she should leave. Instead, she walked over and sat down, catching Will's attention. She explained that it was best that Will hadn't known and how Jean-Luc would have felt betrayed if he ever found out that they had all known and not one of them had had the decency to tell him.

"Well then, under the circumstances I'm glad I didn't know," Will finally said in much calmer tone.

Deanna smiled thankfully at Beverly over Will's head.

"Well, I can honestly say that Briggy never told me she was pregnant," Deanna said. "And now I need to find out where Briggy has gone."

"Why?" Beverly asked. "She brought all this on herself."

Will raised his eyebrow in surprise at the vengeful taste of Beverly's words.

"You don't know the whole story, Beverly," Deanna said.

Beverly sighed. "It's late. I'm going to bed."

Jean-Luc made contact with Beverly again a few days later. She was just getting out of the bath when she heard the computer chirp, signalling she was receiving an incoming communiqué.

"What are you doing?" Jean-Luc asked, turning his own head to match the angle of Beverly's head.

"I'm naked," Beverly explained. She was leaning over so that Jean-Luc could see her face and nothing else. "Will you give me a second to throw on some clothes?"

"No," he answered.

Beverly frowned, she still hadn't remembered the art of telling whether Jean-Luc was joking or not.

"I was joking," he said with a grin.

"Oh! Right!" Beverly flushed. "I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere!"

"I won't."

Beverly came back to the chair a few minutes later in her dressing gown.

"Beverly," he began, "I don't know if you know yet, but there has been an… incident between Briggy and I, and we are no longer together."

Beverly didn't know whether to feign innocence or not. "I heard a rumour," she said, finally deciding on an appropriate response.

"I've been trying to get hold of Briggy," he continued. "But I don't know where she is. I know it's silly of me, but I want to know she is alright."

"We don't know where she is either," Beverly answered, wishing she didn't have to talk about Briggy. "How are _you_, Jean-Luc?"

"I'm fine," he answered with a fake smile.

"How are you really?" she asked, fixing her blue eyes onto his.

Jean-Luc didn't meet her gaze; he looked down at his entwined fingers on the desk in front of him. "I'm coping," he said.

"I can come and see you if you want."

"It's nice of you to offer," he said. Truthfully, he wasn't fine at all. He had spent an hour bathing and shaving just to make this one call to Beverly. He didn't want her to see him like this. He didn't want her to see how much of a fool he had been. "But I just want to be on my own for a bit."

Beverly nodded, and inside she was grateful. She didn't know whether she could trust herself not to do something she would end up regretting if she had gone to see Jean-Luc. "Well, I'm always here on the end of the computer if you need to chat to anyone," she said, smiling. "At anytime, Jean-Luc, even if it is the middle of the night. I'm always here for you."

Jean-Luc nodded, touched by her words. He was glad he was on the other side of a computer terminal and that Beverly probably couldn't see the tears filling his eyes.

Beverly suddenly remembered something about Jean-Luc having a sister. "Does your sister live there?" she asked.

"Yes." Jean-Luc nodded. "Although, she is my sister in law."

"It's alright," Beverly said. "I just had a vague recollection about you having a sister living in the house in France."

"Don't even think about it, Beverly Crusher," Jean-Luc said with a chuckle. "Marie isn't even here at the moment, she's on holiday. So you can't pump her for information about my well being."

"Damn it!" Beverly said.

"Besides, I thought you would be studying up on your … stuff… for your medical exams," he said.

"Yeah, well I would be if every time I started to read an article I didn't remember what came next," Beverly explained. "I've yet to find something I haven't read."

They continued chatting together for a while, both steering clear of the dangerous topics of conversation. Neither seemed to want to let the other say goodnight and they sat chatting until the early hours of the morning.

"The next time I pack this suitcase, it will be too damn soon!" Beverly said.

Deanna laughed. "This time the move is for your own benefit. And you be nice to Dr Pulaski, too."

"Why would I be nasty to her?"

Deanna groaned. "Never mind."

"No, come on, tell me," Beverly said as she closed the catches on the case.

"Well, you two haven't exactly seen eye to eye over the years," Deanna explained. "You found out that she had criticised the way the Enterprise's sickbay was left when you went to head Starfleet Medical."

"So that foul temper you told me I had came out?"

Deanna grinned widely and nodded her head. "Oh, yes."

"Well, let's hope she doesn't hold it against me," Beverly said, finally done with the packing. "Let's go!"

"I'm not going with you," Deanna said.

"I know." Beverly grinned. "I meant to the transporter room. I haven't been transported yet… well not that I can remember. It worries me."

Deanna laughed. "It's not that big of a deal really."

"So everyone keeps telling me," Beverly mumbled.

"You know where to go when you beam down?" Deanna asked like a protective mother as they walked together to the transporter room. "And customs, you know what to do there?"

"Have my eyeballs scanned to make sure I'm really me," Beverly answered.

"It's a retinal scan," Deanna said. "Well, when you leave the building, turn right and walk down to the local transporter station. It's just a few minute's walk and they will beam you directly to Starfleet Medical Headquarters."

"Right," Beverly said. "Dr Pulaski is going to meet me at reception. Whereupon she will take me to an examination room to be … examined."

"Yeah, then you'll be shown to your quarters," Deanna said. "Then you can spend the next two weeks doing your medical exams all over again."

"Fantastic!" Beverly said. "At least I can't remember doing them the last time."

Deanna grinned. "Well, you stand there," she said, pointing to the transport platform. "But before you do, where is my hug?"

"Your hug? It's me who needs the hug." Beverly then laughed and hugged Deanna.

"Good luck," Deanna called as Beverly stood in her place on the platform with her eyes wide in fear.

Beverly closed her eyes and when she opened them she was standing in a busy international transport station. She couldn't believe the amount of people that were there beaming in and out of San Francisco.

She followed Deanna's instructions and soon found herself walking through massive glass double doors into the suffocating heat of San Francisco. She stopped dead in her tracks, in awe of her surroundings. "Wow," she breathed.

"Dr Crusher!"

Beverly turned to find an older blonde haired woman dressed in a medical Starfleet uniform waving at her. Beverly walked towards her.

"I thought that because was such a lovely day I would come and meet you," the woman said, extending a hand. "In case you don't remember, which by the look on your face you don't, I'm Dr Katherine Pulaski."

"Oh hello," Beverly said, shaking the doctor's hand.

"I'm going to run a few tests on you myself to see how your memory recovery is going," Katherine said as they both walked towards the local transport station together. "It shouldn't take long. Then I'll show you to your quarters."

"Thank you," Beverly said.

Once again, Beverly had another bed to sleep on. This time, however, she wasn't going to bother unpacking her suitcase. She left it on the floor at the end of the bed and went to the desk to peruse her timetable and to check if she had any messages.

When she opened her mailbox she was surprised to find that she had twelve messages. She read each one in turn, smiling at the messages of good luck she had received from her friends on both the Titan and the Enterprise.

The eleventh message was from Jean-Luc.

'_Good luck, Beverly, I hope everything goes well for you in the next couple of weeks. You should sail through your exams. I am still trying to get hold of Briggy. I am not in the mood for Deanna's impending interrogation, so I haven't contacted her to see if she knows where Briggy is. Can you please do me the honour of contacting her for me? I've tried speaking to her friends and they have no idea where she could be either. I will explain the reasons why I need to speak to her later. It's all a bit of a mess right now… Love, Jean-Luc._'

Beverly read his message twice before replying. She told him that nobody knew where Briggy had gone to and that Deanna was very worried about her.

She got herself a steaming mug of sweetened black coffee from the replicator and took it back to her desk. Then she opened the last message, not recognising the ID of the sender.

'_Can we meet?_' was all the message said.

"Can I meet who?" Beverly said aloud. She wrote back and asked the sender to identify themself.

She hadn't even picked up her coffee before the computer chirped to tell her that she had a reply.

'_It's me, Briggy_.'

Beverly's eyes widened. She wasn't sure she wanted to meet up with Briggy. They weren't exactly on the same wavelength. '_What do you want to meet me for?_' Beverly replied to the message.

Suddenly Beverly's screen blinked to life and there was Briggy's pretty face on the screen. "Please," Briggy asked.

"I don't think it's such a good idea," Beverly said. "What do you even want to talk to me for?"

"Because I do," Briggy answered.

"Everyone is looking for you."

Briggy sighed. "That doesn't surprise me."

"Why don't you contact Deanna?"

"Because I don't want to see Deanna!"

"If you're going to have a go at me I don't see why I should meet you," Beverly said.

"You've got no idea have you?" Briggy said, and the screen went blank.

Beverly stared at the screen for a moment, wondering what she should do, then another message popped up on the screen.

'_Go to the east bank of the lake.'_

"What lake?" Beverly said aloud.

Another message appeared. '_Look out the window_.'

Beverly became worried that Briggy had sensors set up in the apartment that enabled Briggy to hear what she was saying. She got to her feet and walked over to the window. Sure enough, there was a lake in the distance.

"Oh, what the hell," Beverly said, then turned and left the apartment.

Beverly stomped all the way to the lake, cursing herself for being too damned curious to know what it was that Briggy wanted to see her for. It was a ten minute walk to the east bank of the lake, and with every step Beverly was tempted to turn around. But her curiosity drove her onwards.

Beverly found Briggy crouching at the edge of the lake. She recognised her from her waist length wavy black hair. Briggy didn't even have the decency to turn to look at the person she had summoned.

"What do you want?" Beverly asked.

Briggy got to her feet and turned to face Beverly before answering. "Do you have any idea what you've done?"

Beverly frowned. "In what regard?"

Briggy rolled her eyes. "You have single-handedly ruined my life."

Beverly laughed at the absurdness of Briggy's statement. "What? _I_ haven't done anything!"

Briggy's green eyes narrowed into slits. "You may have been dead, but you've always been there!"

"That's ridiculous!"

"No it isn't!" Briggy fumed, she had her hands clenched into fists at her sides.

"Listen, Briggy," Beverly said. "You need to stay calm…"

Briggy suddenly charged at Beverly, throwing her shoulder into Beverly's stomach. Caught unawares, Beverly fell backwards, smashing her head against an oak tree that stood nearby.

Briggy gasped and stood still in shock for a moment, staring at Beverly's prone form lying on the ground in the shade of the tree. She glanced around, wondering if anyone had seen what she had just done.

"I'm sorry!" Briggy cried, skidding to her knees at Beverly's side. She held her breath for a moment, waiting to see some kind of life from the doctor under the tree. She let out her breath when she heard Beverly groaning.

"Are you okay?" Briggy asked.

"What do you think?" Beverly snapped, sitting up and holding her throbbing head.

"Do you need a doctor?"

"No, I'm fine," Beverly answered, irritable. Her head hurt, so she checked her fingertips for any sign of blood. There was none. Just a bump. She turned her attention back to Briggy and found the counsellor in tears. She had one hand on her stomach and was rocking backwards and forwards slightly, staring at the ground as she sobbed.

"I think you need to talk to someone," Beverly said.

Briggy shook her head, but didn't look away from the ground.

"Deanna wants to speak to you," Beverly added.

"I don't need anyone," Briggy mumbled.

Beverly stared at the counsellor, knowing that there was definitely something wrong with Briggy. "I think you do."

Briggy instantly got to her feet. "I'm sorry about your head," she muttered and walked away.

Beverly was in two minds, wondering whether to follow or not. Instead, she decided she needed to see a doctor after all. Her head was really beginning to pound now. She contacted Dr Pulaski and seconds later found herself beaming into Dr Pulaski's medical lab next door to her office at headquarters.

"What happened?" Katherine asked as she sat Beverly down on a chair.

"I fell and hit my head on a tree," Beverly said.

"What caused you to fall?" Katherine asked in concern. "Were you experiencing dizziness? Nausea?"

"No, I was fine," Beverly answered. "I must have tripped on something, that's all."

The location of Beverly's injury puzzled Katherine because it was at the back of her head. People who tripped tended to fall forwards, causing injuries to the front of their bodies.

"Are you sure that's what happened?"

"Does it matter?"

"In actual fact, it does," Katherine said. "You've recently undergone brain surgery. You may have inadvertently undone some of the surgery you had, caused more damage, or perhaps something isn't quite right still that caused you to fall over."

"I was pushed," Beverly said.

"Pushed?" Katherine's eyebrows shot up.

Beverly tried to make light of it. "Just a little disagreement, so it has nothing to do with the surgery."

"I'll be the judge of that," Katherine muttered as she moved away to get the equipment she needed to set up the test.

"You don't happen to know where Counsellor Granger is do you?" Beverly asked when Katherine returned.

Katherine frowned. "I thought you were seeing Counsellor Troi?"

"I am."

"Why do you want to see another counsellor?"

"I don't want to see her in that capacity," Beverly said, rolling her eyes as Katherine fitted sensor pads onto her forehead. "Do you know her?"

"I've met her before," Katherine replied.

"Do you know if she's around?"

"Why would I know if a counsellor was around or not? We work in different departments. We aren't even in the same building as the psychology department."

"Because she will probably be coming here," Beverly said. "She just had a miscarriage."

"Oh right," Katherine answered. "Well, you know I can't divulge that information."

"Oh come on, Doctor!" Beverly said, grabbing Katherine's hand before she had the chance to place another sensor. "I'm not asking for her medical history. I just want to know if she's staying here."

"I've seen her about," Katherine said softly, removing her hand from Beverly's grip. "May I enquire as to why you want to find her?"

"I need to speak to her."

"She was the one who pushed you right?" Katherine said evenly, finishing her task. She stepped back to admire her work.

Katherine's insight surprised Beverly. "Um…"

"You're a friend of hers then." Katherine grinned sarcastically.

"By the sounds of it; you have met her more than once," Beverly surmised.

"We finished serving together about eight years ago," Katherine explained. "I was chief medical officer and she was the ship's counsellor on the Washington. We served together for about eight years. I went to the Washington when you returned to the Enterprise."

"What do you think of her?" Beverly asked, unable to hide her curiosity.

"She's very good at her job," Katherine replied. "But just between you and me," the doctor said, leaning closer to Beverly, which was unnecessary considering they were alone. "I always thought that she was the one who needed the counselling."

"How do you mean?"

"I heard a couple of rumours." Katherine shrugged. "I'm not one for gossip."

"Tell me what you know," Beverly said.

"I heard that she and her sister were from Arvada III. You know about what happened on Arvada III don't you?"

"No." Beverly shook her head. "If I do, I don't remember."

"Arvada III was a new colony; this happened about fifty years ago if I remember correctly. Well, the colony was invaded by the Ghatr'es. They murdered and raped hundreds of the colonists, male and female, while they pillaged the colony for things to trade. They stole the colony's communications equipment amongst everything else. So when they finally did move on, the remaining colonists were unable to call for help. They had no medical supplies and had to survive on what grew naturally on the planet for food and medicinal purposes. It's such a horrific tale…"

"And Briggy was there?" Beverly asked, horrified.

Katherine nodded. "I believe she and her younger sister were there. So why the interest in the counsellor?"

"Now that is a long story…"


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Beverly walked back into her quarters later that day, clutching a data pad with Briggy's sister's address on it. Katherine had done a little digging for her on the computer.

"Incoming message from the Enterprise," the computer announced just as Beverly crossed the threshold.

"Are there cameras on me?" Beverly asked as soon as Deanna's face appeared on the screen in front of her.

"Cameras?"

"Yes," Beverly answered. "Because I walked through the door and you called, it was like you knew I had just got in."

"Well, I did know that," Deanna said. "The computer recognises when you have left your quarters and when you have returned. So when I tried to contact you earlier, it told me you weren't home and would let me know the instant you came back."

"Big brother!"

Deanna laughed. "You'll get used to it. How is everything going?"

Beverly had forgotten about her exams. "Oh fine," she said with a shrug.

"Any more news from Jean-Luc?"

"Not really," Beverly replied. "He contacted me to wish me good luck. You'll never guess who I met this morning."

Deanna lifted her hand and scratched her head comically as if she were thinking,. "The Pope?"

"The what? … No don't be silly." Beverly grinned. "I saw Briggy."

"You did!" Deanna said, nearly jumping off of her chair. "I've been pulling out my hair trying to find her! Where is she?"

"Well I'm not entirely sure," Beverly answered. "She asked me to meet her and I did. We didn't exchange addresses. But the address she has given Medical is her sister's address. I was just going to change and pay her sister a visit."

"What do you want to see her for?" Deanna asked. "I don't think she'll have anything nice to say to you."

"I know." Beverly sighed. "I've got the bruises to prove it."

"Bruises?"

"Long story." Beverly waved her hand dismissively. "Anyway, I think she needs help and you are thousands of light years away."

Beverly's compassion for Briggy amazed Deanna. "What has happened that's made you change your mind about her?"

"I saw how much pain she was in," Beverly answered. "I think my previous self didn't help matters much. If she had given in to the way she was feeling about Jean-Luc, then he wouldn't have been so damned hung up on me would he?"

Deanna frowned. "I'm not entirely sure that would have made much of a difference."

"I also found out that she was involved in some kind of tragedy when she was a kid," Beverly went on to say.

"When was that?"

"Katherine said it was about fifty years ago," Beverly replied. "On Arvada III. Have you heard of it?"

Deanna's eyes widened. "I have."

"Katherine said she heard a rumour that Briggy and her younger sister Charlotte were part of the colony."

"So were you," Deanna said softly.

"Huh?"

"You were there with your family, too," Deanna continued. "Your parents were killed there."

Beverly's mouth opened and then shut, unable to say anything.

"Remember I told you what happened to your family?" Deanna asked. "That all happened on Arvada III."

"Really? You did not tell me about the raping."

"Your mother wasn't raped," Deanna said quickly. "Your mother was killed in a freak accident after the Ghatr'es had already left. Your grandmother and your mother hid in the forest with you until it was safe to return. Where the Ghatr'es had blasted the entire colony with their phaser rifles, they had made the colony unsafe. Your mother was walking in the area when one of the houses collapsed."

Beverly sat silently after Deanna had finished speaking.

"You can't remember any of this can you?" Deanna asked.

"No," Beverly mumbled.

"Well, I suppose there are some memories that none of us would want to remember." Deanna smiled sadly.

"So you didn't have any idea that Briggy was a part of Arvada III?" Beverly asked.

Deanna shook her head. "No idea at all…" she said ."You know, Katherine said it was just a rumour. There might be no truth in it at all."

"Yeah, well, if it is true then we have something else in common," Beverly answered.

"But it was fifty years ago," Deanna pointed out. "Briggy, if she was there, would have been a toddler at most. In fact, I don't know how she could have been there. She's in her thirties."

"Well, I'm going to see if I can talk to her," Beverly said, getting to her feet. "I'll call you later to let you know how it went."

"Wait!" Deanna cried just as Beverly ended the conversation.

Beverly hesitated for a moment, wondering whether to call Deanna back or not to find out what she wanted. Beverly decided against it, she was fed up with being treated like a child.

Beverly followed Katherine's directions and finally found the dusty track that led down to the house that belonged to Briggy's sister Charlotte. The house came into view after a five minute walk over pot holes filled with rain water.

A woman out on the front porch watched her approach. Beverly wondered if she were the sister's mother.

"Hello," she called, walking towards Beverly. "If you're looking for the doctor, they are in the next lane. There are no other houses down here."

"I'm not looking for the doctor," Beverly answered, smiling. "I was looking for Charlotte McGarry."

"What can I do for you?" the woman replied, frowning in confusion.

"You're Charlotte?" Beverly asked in surprise.

"Yes that's me." Charlotte smiled. "But please call me Charlie, I hate Charlotte."

"Briggy's sister?"

Charlie nodded. "That's right."

"But…" Beverly began. She could definitely see the family resemblance. They had the same startling green eyes and black hair. But this woman was probably about ten years older than she was.

"It's a long story," Charlie said, noticing Beverly's puzzled expression and shaking her head with a wry smile. "Anyway, what can I do for you?"

"I was wondering if Briggy was here?"

Charlie shook her head. "No she isn't. I haven't seen her since my wedding day last month. Is something the matter?"

"I was just… well, Briggy left this address as her contact address at Starfleet Medical Headquarters," Beverly said. "I'm Dr Beverly Crusher."

"Is she unwell?" Charlie asked, instantly concerned.

"No, it's nothing like that," Beverly said.

"Why would she leave my address?" Charlie said. "She has her own house. She was going to sell it when she married Jean-Luc, but I don't think she got round to it. Besides, she's probably millions of light years away on the Enterprise."

"She isn't," Beverly said. "I just came from the Enterprise this morning. She left about a week ago and I saw her briefly this morning on campus. But she didn't tell me where she was staying and I thought I would try you."

"Have you tried their house in France?" Charlie asked.

Beverly now felt awkward. It was clear that Charlie had no idea about the breakdown of Briggy and Jean-Luc's marriage. She wondered whether she should tell Charlie or not.

"I've tried there," Beverly said.

Charlie frowned. "So you've tried Briggy's house, right?"

Beverly shook her head. "I didn't know she had one."

"Her house is in Italy," Charlie answered. "I'll take you there. If you just give me a minute, I need to tell Leo where I'm going."

Beverly waited outside for a few minutes while Charlie told her husband she was going out. She joined Beverly again and they headed up the track together towards the transporter station. Beverly didn't know what was going on with the Granger family, but whatever it was, she was totally intrigued.

"So what is going on, then?" Charlie asked.

"I ought to leave that to Briggy to explain," Beverly answered. "Have you ever met Jean-Luc?"

"No," Charlie said. "That was a loaded question. You're still wondering why I look this old and am the younger sister, aren't you?"

"Well…"

"Because Jean-Luc didn't mention my appearance to you, right?"

"I've never spoken to Jean-Luc about you before," Beverly said.

"Ahh," Charlie said, grinning. "It's the family secret. I've just realised who you are too."

Beverly looked surprised at that. "You know who I am?"

"Yes." Charlie nodded. "You're the doctor that died and was buried and then turned up a few years later alive and well."

"How did you know that?" Beverly was perplexed. "Did Briggy tell you?"

"You were on the news!" Charlie laughed. "Things like that don't happen that often you know. Aren't you also the woman that sent Jean-Luc to the loony bin for a while too?"

"I never sent him anywhere!" Beverly exclaimed, horrified.

Charlie laughed. "I didn't mean literally. Briggy helped Jean-Luc get over your death. Before she and her friend Deanna arrived at the house in France, dear old Jean-Luc wasn't taking care of himself and ended up in hospital being treated for dehydration, amongst other things. But the papers all claimed he went into a mental hospital. Those rumours were quashed by Starfleet command, though, almost as quickly as they came."

"How come you have never met Jean-Luc?" Beverly asked eager to change the subject. "Didn't you go to their wedding?"

"They were married on the Enterprise a million light years away. I couldn't make it. Besides, there is this thing about the family secret…"

"What is the family secret?" Beverly asked, unable to help herself.

"It's a secret," Charlie replied. "Jean-Luc was supposed to find out the family secret on my wedding day. But something came up and he didn't make it."

"I'm thoroughly confused." Beverly said.

"Good." Charlie grinned. "Now perhaps you will tell me why you want to find Briggy and why you don't know where she is."

"I shouldn't really tell you," Beverly said.

"Is it the hypocritical oath?"

Beverly shook her head. "Oh no," she answered. "I'm not Briggy's doctor and it's the Hippocratic Oath. Hypocritical means something else entirely."

"I knew that already, but do go on."

Charlie baffled Beverly, the woman spoke in riddles. Beverly held off Charlie's invasive questions until they had transported all the way to Italy via a transporter station into a little village called Ferrara in Emilia-Romagna,.

"Beautiful isn't it?" Charlie asked as she led the way down the narrow, claustrophobic back streets of the town.

Beverly felt hemmed in by the white three and four storey buildings with their front doors directly on the cobbled street, but she nodded anyway.

"This is the village where my family originate from," Charlie continued. "We have Italian blood and a surname that says otherwise," she chuckled. "Granger certainly isn't Italian sounding is it?"

"No," Beverly said.

"My mother married an Englishman," Charlie explained. "It's not too far now."

Five minutes later, after leaving the narrow streets behind, Beverly found herself walking through lush orange trees towards a large white villa. Now this place _was_ beautiful.

Charlie walked right up to the front door and walked straight inside. "She's home," she whispered to Beverly. "Well, _someone_ is at least. Someone who knows Briggy's key code to open the door."

Beverly followed Charlie inside and across a terracotta tiled floor towards the open patio doors. "Is she here?"

"Yes, she's out in the garden," Charlie answered. She stepped outside into the garden. "Briggy?" she called.

Briggy cursed loudly and spun around. "What are you doing here?"

"I was worried about you," Charlie answered, motioning for Beverly to remain where she was, hidden from Briggy's view.

"I'm fine," Briggy said. She was drinking a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice and was dressed only in a bikini. Her once pale skin, skin from a life onboard a starship, was now chestnut brown. "Why are you worried about me? How did you know I was here on Earth? Has someone from the Enterprise contacted you?"

"Well, I had a visitor," Charlie said.

"You better not have told them where I am…" Briggy's voice trailed off when she saw the look of trepidation cross her sister's face. "You did!"

"Well, I wanted to know what was happening," Charlie said instantly. "She seemed nice enough."

"Who was it? Deanna Troi?"

"No." Charlie shook her head. "Beverly."

Briggy's eyes widened in surprise. "Beverly?"

"She's here," Charlie said, deciding to come clean. She felt a little better when she saw the look of amazement on her sister's face at the mention of Beverly's name.

"What? Here? Now?"

Charlie nodded. "She's behind me."

Briggy put down her glass and walked into the lounge to see for herself. "What do you want?" she asked Beverly.

"I know I may be the last person you want to talk to right now," Beverly said, "but I did want to set a few things straight with you."

"Like what?" Briggy asked, glancing at her sister.

"You said this morning that I was the reason for everything going wrong with your marriage…"

"You're having marital problems?" Charlie said softly in dismay.

"And you are," Briggy answered Beverly. "I'm glad that's sorted. Goodbye!"

Charlie rolled her eyes. "For God sakes, Briggy!" she snapped. "I know you can't help it, but can't you at least try not to act like a nineteen year old!"

"This has got nothing to do with you!" Briggy yelled, rounding on her sister.

"Well no, maybe not," Charlie said, "because once again you have kept me out of the picture. I only want to help you."

"I don't need your help!"

"Can I have a little word?" Charlie asked Beverly apologetically, ignoring Briggy's outburst.

"You're not telling her!" Briggy said, jumping in between them. "I mean it! I don't want to be the laughingstock of the Enterprise!"

"That excuse is getting old now," Charlie said, rolling her eyes. "People will not laugh at you."

"No, but they won't take me seriously anymore!"

"Well, perhaps Beverly won't need to tell anyone else," Charlie pointed out.

"She'll tell Jean-Luc," Briggy said, and at the mention of his name, her bottom lip trembled and she sank down on a comfy leather armchair. "I know I should have told him already, but…"

"If you find it difficult, you should ask someone else to tell him for you."

"That's easy for you to say," Briggy snapped. "Not that it matters anyway. Our marriage is most likely over."

Charlie didn't have an answer for that. She didn't know what had happened. She glanced at Beverly. "Shall I tell her?"

"I will," Briggy answered in a small, resigned voice.

Beverly went and sat down on the couch opposite Briggy.

"Can you fix us some drinks please, Charlie?" Briggy asked softly, she wanted a little privacy to tell her story. She turned her attention to Beverly once Charlie had left the room. "Have you heard of Arvada III?" she asked.

"Yes." Beverly nodded. Katherine was right.

"You know what happened there, right?" Briggy continued.

"I was there," Beverly answered, deciding to come clean straightaway.

"You were?" Briggy looked astounded. "You were actually there when the Ghatr'es attacked our colony?"

"Yes, I lost both of my parents there."

"I'm sorry." Briggy sighed sadly. "So did I. I also lost my older sister Melanie. You can't have been more than a baby…"

"I was eight," Beverly said.

"You were?" Briggy sounded surprised. "You don't look old enough!"

"Neither do you."

"I'm sixty-nine," Briggy said, peering into Beverly's eyes to catch her reaction.

"What! How can you be?" Beverly shook her head in disbelief.

"The Ghatr'es took twenty or so of the colonists with them when they left," Briggy explained. "Melanie and I were taken amongst the group. The Ghatr'es decided to play doctor with us, killing my sister in the process, and almost all of the other colonists they had taken. Myself and Liam… you know Liam? The Irish guy? Commander Henson?"

"I met him," Beverly said. "The guy you had the affair with."

Briggy ignored Beverly's not so subtle dig. "He and I were in for a treat. I think there may have been a few more people like us, but we lost contact with them. Anyway, the Ghatr'es manipulated our DNA over and over again. As a result, both Liam and I both age at a reduced rate. In the past fifty years since the attack, both of us have aged about fifteen years at the most."

"Seriously?" Beverly asked in amazement.

Briggy nodded. "Yes, but that part is fine. I wouldn't mind if that were the only problem. Liam and I have not aged a day mentally."

"What do you mean?" Beverly asked.

"Inside, I am still nineteen years old," Briggy said "I will never grow up. I'll never become rational and reasonable… I don't learn by my mistakes… I try my hardest, but it just doesn't happen. I am totally and utterly professional in my work, and I am, not to blow my own trumpet, very good at my job. But mentally I am still nineteen, exactly how old I was when I was taken by the Ghatr'es. My doctor, Dr Pulaski, can't figure it out."

"Dr Pulaski is your doctor?" Beverly asked in a small voice.

Briggy nodded. "Yes. We've known each other for years. She was my CMO on the last ship I served on and I decided to keep her on as my doctor. My medical condition doesn't require any constant or intermittent medical intervention, so Dr Gaul doesn't know about it. Basically, I am Katherine's pet project. She works on me every now and then. She's planning on writing a paper."

Charlie entered the room then, carrying a tea tray, which she set down on the coffee table in the middle of the room. "Do you need more time?" she asked.

Briggy shook her head. "No I've told her."

"So does that mean it's my turn to find out what's going on now?" Charlie asked, sitting beside Beverly on the couch.

Beverly half listened as Briggy told Charlie about her affair with Liam Henson. She neglected to tell her sister about her miscarriage. Beverly wondered why she didn't mention it. She sat quietly, sipping tea and wondering what the hell she was going to do with all this information.

"Lance Henson!" Charlie said disapprovingly, waking Beverly from her reverie.

"Don't call him that." Briggy glared at her sister.

"Well it suits him," Charlie said.

"Lance?" Beverly enquired.

"Charlie has always called Liam Lance. She once met an Australian who was very tall and geeky. His name was Lance… and now she does it purely to annoy me."

Charlie hid a grin behind her teacup. "Yes, well, you've been acting like an idiot yet again. Why did you do it? Why have an affair Brig?"

"You wouldn't understand," Briggy answered in a small voice. She got to her feet and walked over to the window.

"You need to speak to Jean-Luc," Beverly said softly.

"He said he never wanted to see me again," Briggy mumbled.

"He also contacted me this morning and asked if I could find out where you were," Beverly said. "He wanted to speak to you."

"Where is he? Still on the Enterprise?"

"No, he is in France," Beverly answered.

"He left the ship too?" Briggy turned back from the window and stared at Beverly.

"Yes."

"I will go and see Jean-Luc when I am ready," Briggy said. "Can you answer me one question?"

"Me?" Beverly frowned.

"Yes." Briggy nodded and she fixed a steady gaze on the redhead.

Beverly felt like she was being examined, she shifted uneasily in her chair. "Go ahead," she said in a voice stronger than she felt.

"Have you and my husband ever had sex?"

"What!" Charlie exclaimed. "What kind of question is that?" She paused for a second, realising that she was the only one making any noise. Beverly and Briggy were both staring at each other, a silent challenge to see who would look away first.

"Not that I'm aware of," Beverly replied in a steadfast voice.

"Surely you must know," Charlie said in confusion.

"So you're not sure?" Briggy said slowly, ignoring her sister.

Beverly appeared to think about it for a moment. "I'm pretty sure."

"Why are you pretty sure?" Briggy asked.

"Jean-Luc told me," Beverly finally admitted.

"He told you?" Briggy looked shocked. "When did you have that particular conversation?"

"It's not a big deal…"

"It's a big deal to _me,_ Beverly! Did he just come out and tell you that you had never had sex together? It seems to me that it is a big deal. Something went on between you!"

"You are a total and utter hypocrite!" Beverly snapped, jumping to her feet. "You were the one having an affair. You cheated on your husband. You ruined your marriage, not him. You were having an affair with 'Lance' long before any of you knew I was still alive. I think I'll go now." Beverly turned and stormed out of the house.


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

In silence, Charlie sat staring at the door that Beverly had just stormed out of. Slowly, she turned her attention to her sister. "Seriously, Briggy, what is going on?"

"I'm dealing with it," Briggy answered.

"Throwing about wild accusations is not helping."

"Oh, shut up! This is the reason I never tell you anything! I'm supposed to be the one giving you advice. I'm the oldest."

"Bridget, you know how you get like a teenager because of your condition. You need to take a step back from your feelings and focus on what really is the problem."

Whenever Charlie used her real name, Briggy knew that Charlie was right. She heaved a sigh and sank down on the couch.

"I told you that you should have told Jean-Luc about your condition." Charlie said. "He would have understood. I'm sure he would have."

"Probably," Briggy said. "I'm not sure what he'll say when he finds out he's been married to a nineteen year old for the past year."

Charlie couldn't help but laugh. "Sorry."

"It's not funny!"

It was almost lunchtime the following day when Beverly clambered out of her bed looking for food. She went to the replicator via the bathroom. She washed up and threw a clean uniform on. Just as she sat down at the table with a toasted cheese and ham sandwich, the door chime rang, signalling a visitor.

"How is everything going?" Katherine said, seating herself at the table.

Beverly peered at Katherine for a moment. "You set me up, didn't you?"

Katherine smiled mischievously. "Seriously, I was only trying to help. I couldn't just come out and tell you that I might know a reason for the way Briggy has been behaving."

"Thank you." Beverly grinned.

"You know you have to keep it quiet?"

"My lips are sealed."

"So can I have some information in return?" Katherine asked.

"About what?" Beverly was intrigued.

"What _is_ going on?"

"I'd rather not say anything," Beverly said. "I'm not sure that my visit to Briggy was such a good idea. I've probably put my foot in it."

"You do have an excuse; your medical condition. That, by the way, is the reason for my visit. I've received your test results."

"And?"

Katherine smiled. "Good news, you are well on the way to recovery. You may feel you have stalled in your progress to regain your memories?"

Beverly nodded, only yesterday she was beginning to worry that she had remembered all that she would. She hadn't had any significant memories return for over a week.

"Well, don't worry about that. It's perfectly normal. The lull before the storm, if you like. You could wake up tomorrow morning and be your old self again."

"As quick as that?" Beverly asked, her eyes lighting up.

"Well I didn't mean literally tomorrow morning, it could still be months."

Beverly sighed heavily at Katherine's words. "Months."

"Maybe weeks." Katherine smiled apologetically. "Anyway, how is the studying coming along? Your first exam is on Monday."

"Okay," Beverly lied; she hadn't done any studying since arriving on Earth.

"Well, I'll leave you to your books."

"You need to keep yourself calm," Will said softly, trying to placate his stressed wife.

"I've been trying to contact Beverly for three days, Will!" Deanna yelled, running her fingers through her dark hair in frustration.

"I know you're worried that Beverly has done something stupid," Will said, pulling Deanna down onto the couch beside him. "Even though Beverly has lost her memory, I'm sure she would still have her common sense. Besides, she's been in exams for the past three days. That's probably why she hasn't had time to get back to you."

"You said that yesterday," Deanna said.

"It's still a valid point."

Deanna rolled her eyes. "I really want to speak to Briggy, too."

"I know Briggy can take care of herself," Will answered. "Seriously. She's a fighter. Besides, I still don't understand why you are so concerned about her wellbeing. She was the one who had the affair and I haven't heard you mention Jean-Luc for ages."

Deanna closed her eyes and took a deep calming breath through her nose. "I was hoping that Beverly would go to him," she said.

Will frowned. "I don't think that is such a good idea."

"She is the only one who can help him," Deanna said, turning her dark eyes on her husband. "They both need each other."

It had been just over a month since Briggy had had her encounter with Beverly in her house in Italy. Ever since, Briggy had had the pleasure of her relentless sister's company. She hadn't opened up, and much to her sister's disappointment, had remained mute about the whole incident. Briggy hated the fact that Charlie treated her like a child even though she was technically the older sister. They had never been close sisters as a result.

Briggy took a deep breath as she peered down the long dirt track that led to Jean-Luc's house in France. It was late now. She had spent hours in the local café trying to pluck up the courage to go and see him. Now he was probably tucked up in bed, asleep. Secretly she hoped he was, that way she could let herself in and sneak to the spare bedroom. She was exhausted, as she hadn't slept a wink the night before.

Hoisting her bag onto her shoulder, she marched with determination towards the house. At first she couldn't see any lights in the house, but as she neared, she saw a dull flickering light emanating from the kitchen. She arrived at the door and gave it a light tap. Her heart pounded as she waited for an answer.

She waited a few minutes after knocking the door louder. Still no answer.

Swallowing her fear, she opened the door and went inside. "Jean-Luc?" she called timidly.

She stilled her movements as she strained to hear if Jean-Luc returned her call. She could only hear the old grandfather clock in the living room ticking. Jean-Luc had once told her that that was the heartbeat of the house. She sighed at the sweet memory and how she had ruined any chance at making new ones with him.

"Jean-Luc?" she called again as she ventured further into the house. She reached the kitchen doorway and poked her head inside. A single candle sat in the middle of the kitchen table. She was about to search elsewhere when she heard a loud snore and a grunt from the far end of the kitchen.

As her eyes adjusted to the light, she realised Jean-Luc was asleep on a chair in the corner. An empty bottle of some kind of liquor lay on its side on the windowsill beside him. As she moved closer to him, she could smell the foul stench of alcohol and body odour. This was exactly the way she had found him the first time she had came to visit him here four years before when he was mourning the loss of Beverly.

"Jean-Luc," she said, shaking his shoulder.

He opened one eye and grunted something incoherent. He looked a mess; he looked as though he had a week's growth of hair on his face.

"I'm going to run you a bath," Briggy said, knowing he wouldn't remember anything that happened in his current state. Much to his annoyance, she turned and flicked on the kitchen light. "I'll come back for you when the bath is ready." On her way to the bathroom, she blew out the candle on the table.

After running the bath, she came back to collect him. He cursed and groaned as she tugged him up from his drunken stupor and helped him up the stairs to the bathroom. She stripped him of his dirty clothing and threw them in the reclamator and then forced him to get into the bath.

"Jean-Luc, you absolutely stink!" she yelled at him as he resisted her attempts to wash him.

After that, Jean-Luc seemed to relax a little and even attempted to help her wash himself. After he was clean, Briggy helped him out of the bath and wrapped him in a thick white cotton towel. "Brush your teeth," she instructed him. He hesitated for a second and she pushed him towards the sink. "I'm going to change the sheets on your bed. I suspect you haven't bothered to do it yourself."

Briggy had just finished changing the bed when Jean-Luc arrived in the doorway, looking a hell of a lot better than he had twenty minutes before. He had even had a shave and was now bleeding lightly in three different places on one cheek.

"Time for bed," Briggy said as she folded back the covers for him.

As Jean-Luc clambered into bed, he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her in beside him. He passed out as soon as his head touched the pillow. Briggy lay trapped in his arms, tears spilling down her cheeks.

"Beverly, it's four in the morning!" Deanna exclaimed.

"Your messages sounded rather desperate," Beverly deadpanned.

"Where the hell have you been?" Deanna asked. "I have been trying to contact you for a month!"

"I've been on a mission," Beverly answered. "It was an emergency, so I didn't have time to send you a communiqué to let you know I was going. Dr Pulaski asked me to go with her at the last minute."

"I contacted Medical and they didn't tell me you were on a mission," Deanna said. "Will even tried for me."

"My position was unofficial. I'm sorry I didn't let you know." Beverly looked suitably guilty. "Although, I wish you would understand that I'm a grown woman and that I can take care of myself."

Deanna raised an eyebrow. "I know you can."

"Well, I'll let you get back to bed now that you know I'm alive," Beverly said moving to end the conversation.

"Wait a minute," Deanna said quickly. "I never got to hear how your meeting with Briggy's sister went and if you found Briggy."

"It went as well as can be expected," Beverly said, then she briefly explained Briggy's medical condition to Deanna. "I told her that she needed to go and see Jean-Luc. I don't know if she has. I've literally just got back from the mission."

"So you're telling me that Briggy has a mental age of a nineteen or twenty year old?" Deanna asked.

Beverly nodded.

"Wow," Deanna breathed. "You know… that does explain a lot."

"I thought it might," Beverly said. "Right now, I am exhausted and I'm off to bed. I promise you I will call you back tomorrow. Goodnight."

"Night," Deanna answered distantly as she clicked off the communiqué. "Will! You are not going to believe this…"

Briggy woke first the next morning, still wrapped in her husband's arms. She lay still, dreading what was going to happen when Jean-Luc finally awoke. She didn't have to wait long; Jean-Luc groaned and released his grip on her. As he gazed at her, he blinked sleepily.

"Morning," he slurred.

Briggy realised instantly that Jean-Luc was still drunk. "How much did you drink last night?" she asked him.

"Enough." He grinned and rolled on top of her.

"Jean-Luc …" Briggy said in a half-hearted attempt to stop his drunken advances. Jean-Luc didn't listen; instead he bent his head and kissed her lips. Briggy craved Jean-Luc's comfort, and even though she knew he probably had no idea what he was doing, she allowed him to make love to her. She wanted to be with him.

She knew it would be the last time.

"What time do you call this?"

"It's oh seven hundred hours." Deanna smiled brightly as she gazed back at Beverly from her computer screen. "Good morning to you, too."

"Deanna, you know what time I went to bed…"

"It's called revenge, Beverly," Deanna grinned wickedly. "I just managed to track down Briggy's sister Charlotte."

"Bully for you. Been there. Done that," Beverly smirked as she grumbled, running her fingers through her uncombed hair. "Can this wait?"

"I was actually going to just leave you a message, but seen as you are up, I may as well tell you," Deanna said. "Charlotte told me that Briggy left for LaBarre early yesterday morning."

"She only just left yesterday?" Beverly couldn't believe it. "The longer she leaves it, the worse Jean-Luc will be when she gets there. He's been sitting in that damn house all by himself stewing for all this time."

"Are you going to go to see him?" Deanna asked.

Beverly frowned. "I'm staying well out of this," she answered quickly. "And I'm too busy with all my exams. Katherine put them off for a while, but I have two exams today and another long one tomorrow that will take all day"

"I didn't mean for you to go there immediately," Deanna said. "Didn't you tell Jean-Luc that you loved him?"

Beverly's demeanour suddenly changed, she looked away from Deanna's gaze, clearly affected by Deanna's words. "I'm going," she said, turning back to the screen and cutting communications.

Beverly sat for a moment, trying to block out Deanna's words. She didn't want to be reminded of her blunder; especially when she had two critical exams later in the day. Her computer chirped once again and she knew who it was without answering.

"Beverly, I'm sorry," Deanna said as soon as Beverly grudgingly permitted the communiqué. "I know it must be painful to think about, but you are going to have to deal with the repercussions sooner or later."

"I'd prefer later," Beverly answered.

"A lot of things have changed since you had that conversation," Deanna continued. "There is a good chance that Jean-Luc and Briggy are going to be divorced sometime in the future."

"That has nothing to do with me," Beverly said.

"If you want him," Deanna said, ignoring the fiery redhead's rebukes, "he will soon be free."

Beverly tapped her fingernails on the desk in agitation.

"Is something else bothering you?" Deanna asked, noting the way that Beverly was acting.

Beverly shook her head. "Apart from this conversation? No."

"Why are you acting like you don't care about him?" Deanna asked in desperation. "The Beverly I know would have been in France taking care of him…"

"That's just it! I'm not the Beverly you know! I'm not me!" Beverly said, frustrated. "I don't want to go anywhere near that man until I am in full control of my mental faculties. If that takes a week or a year, then so be it."

"You don't want to do something else you might end up regretting," Deanna said, finally understanding where Beverly was coming from.

"Exactly," Beverly answered, relieved that Deanna finally understood. "Right now I have committed my full attention to getting my career back on track. That is what is most important to me at the moment. I know I can't possibly stuff that up. I was a Chief Medical Officer before and I want to be one again, as soon as I can. I know deep down that that's something that I will want whether I am me now or the Beverly you know so well."

"The Beverly I know would undoubtedly want that, too."

"Also, I don't know what you're trying to get at regarding my relationship with Jean-Luc. You said the old me would no doubt be in France right now with Jean-Luc; helping him get himself sorted fight?"

"Yes…" Deanna said slowly as she wondered where Beverly was headed with this.

"As far as I know," Beverly continued, "the old me would have been there at Jean-Luc's side as a friend. Nothing more… and at the moment I can't promise that."


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

It was long past lunchtime when Jean-Luc awoke with a clear head. He could smell bacon cooking and it took him a moment or two before he realised someone was downstairs cooking. Frowning, but not too alarmed because he was sure a burglar wouldn't stop and take the time to prepare breakfast, Jean-Luc got up and searched the floor, looking for his robe.

He tied up his belt as he headed downstairs to the kitchen. He stood still when he realised it was Briggy who was there. Unnoticed, he watched her as she busied herself and he was momentarily thrown back in time. Back to those dark days after Beverly died. Briggy had made him breakfast each morning. She had told him that the smell of bacon was the only thing that seemed to get Jean-Luc out of bed, and sure enough, it had worked again.

"Jean-Luc, you startled me!" Briggy exclaimed when she finally noticed him standing in the hallway just outside the kitchen door.

Jean-Luc didn't say anything, as he was too busy having recollections of the night before. He vaguely remembered Briggy washing him in the bath… making love to her. His eyes widened when he realised what had happened.

Briggy must have realised what he was thinking. "Don't worry Jean-Luc," she said as she pulled out a chair at the kitchen table for him to sit. "This isn't what it looks like." She paused, waiting for him to answer. When he didn't, and only took the seat offered, she continued, "I'm not delusional. I'm not pretending everything is okay."

"It most certainly is not," he answered.

"How is your head?" she asked as she headed over to check on the sausages and bacon sizzling under the grill.

"Did we have sex last night?" he asked out of the blue.

Frozen, Briggy kept her back to him for a moment. "There is no point in lying," she answered in a soft voice. "Yes, we had sex."

"I suppose I started it," he sighed.

"Well… yeah, but you were drunk." Briggy shrugged. She was trying her hardest to remain calm. "We sealed the end of our marriage with a kiss."

"This is it then?" he said, sounding strangely calm, and Briggy was certain she knew why.

Briggy could tell that Jean-Luc thought it was the end of their marriage. She would have given anything to try to make it work. She knew Jean-Luc was thinking of his future… she had given him an easy way out of the marriage. She had given him free reign to pursue Beverly Crusher. Swallowing her feelings, she turned and answered him. "We can talk about it after breakfast," she said as she laid two plates down on the counter.

They ate mostly in silence, each dreading what was about to come. Afterwards Jean-Luc cleared the table and said that they should talk in the living room. He made them both some tea and they made themselves comfortable. Briggy sat in the armchair across from Jean-Luc and blew on her tea to cool it.

"Who is going to start?" Jean-Luc asked, pleased that they were both being adult about it.

"I think it's only fair that you should," Briggy said.

Jean-Luc tugged on the front of his robe. "I need to know about your affair," he said in a quiet voice, the affair obviously still a very raw subject for him. "How long?"

Briggy's eyes filled with tears. "It started about five months before you found out," she said. "It ended not long afterwards. I've known Liam since we were teenagers… We used to be lovers."

He looked shocked. "You were?"

"Yes." Briggy nodded. "It was an on-off thing. He loves me, but I don't love him… I want to make that clear. I don't love Liam."

"Why did you sleep with him, then?" Jean-Luc asked; he was trying desperately not to lose his cool.

Briggy put her tea down, she was crying freely now. "Jean-Luc, you are not in love with me…" she said through her tears, shaking her head to emphasize her point.

Jean-Luc stopped breathing for a moment. "Of course I am…" he said slowly, as if trying to convince himself.

Briggy shook her head in disagreement. "Maybe you were… but it was a long time ago…"

Jean-Luc shook his head, smiling in utter disbelief. "That's ridiculous!" he exclaimed. "I would never have married you if I were not."

Briggy closed her eyes for a moment and scratched the tip of her nose, trying hard to keep her emotions under control. "I was a complete and utter fool… I was blinded by my love for you… Deanna even tried to warn me a few times and I didn't listen."

"I did love you," Jean-Luc insisted.

Briggy winced at his usage of past tense.

"I didn't mean it like that," Jean-Luc added quickly. He groaned and shook his head.

"Subconsciously, I knew you didn't," Briggy said, getting to her feet. She was too restless and too agitated to sit down. "I got close to you while you were mourning the loss of another woman. I should have known better."

"We didn't start dating until after we returned to the Enterprise. In fact, it was almost a year after we left here," he pointed out.

"There just isn't enough room in your heart for me, too." Briggy sighed softly.

Jean-Luc frowned. "What?" he asked in a small voice.

"Even though we thought Beverly had gone… you never stopped loving her."

Jean-Luc sat still, he knew Briggy was right.

"Deep down I knew that," she continued. "Like I said, I should never have married you. I should never have put myself in that position. Liam knows me better than anyone… he saw the cracks in our marriage and he exploited them. He loves me and wanted me for himself. He knew my deepest fear, that you didn't love me, and he continually reminded me of that. Subtly of course; otherwise I would have shoved him out of the nearest airlock. He was my rock. I… guess I just needed someone to… to tell me that they wanted me; needed me."

"I needed you," Jean-Luc said in a quiet voice.

"No, you didn't!" Briggy snapped. "A lot of the time I felt like I was in the way. You kept snapping at me if I tried to do something nice for you. Even if I ran a bath for you, you'd tell me to stop fussing."

"I can look after myself," he retorted.

"I wasn't trying to look after you," Briggy said, kneeling on the floor before him. She put a hand on his knee and implored him with her green eyes to understand her point of view. "I was in love with you. I was trying to make you happy… I was trying to make you fall in love with me…"

"I've been a single man all of my life. I'm not a young man, Briggy. I'm extremely independent and I'm not used to having someone around constantly. I'm sure we went through all of this before."

"I'm not used to being around someone else constantly either," Briggy answered.

Jean-Luc shook his head. "You're a young woman."

"I'm not," Briggy said.

"I hardly call thirty-five old."

"I'm sixty-nine."

Jean-Luc laughed. "Now you're going insane."

Briggy told Jean-Luc to stay where he was and she went to her suitcase that was still just inside the front door where she had left it the night before. Jean-Luc could see her from where he was sitting and he watched while Briggy rooted around inside the case for whatever it was that she was looking for.

She came back over holding a data pad. "This picture is of my two sisters and I before Melanie died," she said handing over the pad.

Jean-Luc gazed at the picture. He saw three beautiful dark haired and green-eyed teenagers in the photo. He recognised the middle one instantly as Briggy. She was by far the prettiest.

"That's Melanie, my oldest sister on my left," Briggy explained. "And Charlie on my right; she was about fourteen in that photo."

"It's a lovely photo, but what has this got to do with what we were talking about?"

"Look at the next photo," Briggy said, indicating for him to push the control panel.

Jean-Luc did as he was asked and saw another photo. "You and Melanie?"

"No, that's Charlie and me," Briggy said, shaking her head.

"Charlie looks older than you," he said with a frown, but not really bothered by it.

Briggy sighed. "That photo was taken after Melanie died, about eight years afterwards. Now look at the next one," she said, swallowing nervously.

Jean-Luc flicked to the next photo. In the photo, Briggy was in the process of hitting an older woman over the head with a pillow. Jean-Luc turned his attention to the middle-aged woman in the photo. "Who is that?" he asked.

"That's Charlie," Briggy said.

Jean-Luc frowned in confusion. "Charlie? Your sister Charlie?"

"Yes." She nodded, then circled Jean-Luc and sat on the armchair again, her hand never leaving his knee. "You must know about Arvada III?"

"I'm totally confused, Briggy," he said slowly. "Does your sister have a medical condition that causes her to age faster?"

"No, I have the medical condition. I'm trying to explain," she said. "You must know about Arvada III, Beverly was there."

"Who told you that?" Jean-Luc asked, suddenly defensive.

"She did!"

"Beverly told you that?"

"Yes!"

Jean-Luc shook his head in disbelief. That was something Beverly usually kept to herself. He hadn't found out about that himself until she had joined the crew of the Enterprise, fifteen years after they had met.

"I know about Arvada III," he said in monotone.

"You know the Ghatr'es captured some of the colonists?"

Jean-Luc nodded.

"Melanie, Liam Henson and I were all captured, plus about twenty or so others," Briggy said, quickly she held up her hand before Jean-Luc could interrupt to tell her that wasn't possible; that she and Liam weren't old enough.

Briggy explained the damage that the Ghatr'es had done to hers and Liam's DNA. She explained how she aged extremely slowly. She told him how it took nearly four years for her to age one year and how she would always been a nineteen-year-old girl inside.

Throughout Briggy's narrative, Jean-Luc remained silent. To say he was shocked was an understatement. "So inside, you are a teenager?" he said slowly.

"Basically; yes," she answered, waiting for his outburst of anger, but it didn't come.

"That explains so much," he mused.

"I know I act a little childish sometimes," she said quietly. "But now you know that I can't help it. That's just me and there is nothing I can do about it. It's not like I changed in anyway. I was like this when we met."

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?" he asked.

"Because I don't tell anybody," she answered with a shrug. "I learnt fast that I lost all credibility as soon as people around me found out. I hate being patronised."

Jean-Luc nodded, "I understand."

"Can you understand why I've been a total pain in the arse since Beverly returned?"

Jean-Luc nodded as he looked at the situation from a teenager's point of view. "So you're sixty-nine?"

Briggy nodded. "Yep. I was born only a few years after you were," she answered. "I didn't join Starfleet until I was fifty-two." She smiled to herself. "I was the oldest in my class and everyone thought I was the youngest."

"All this is supposed to make me forgive you for having an affair, is it?" Jean-Luc said in an even voice.

Briggy had thought things were going well. "It's supposed to make you understand why I did it…" she said in a small voice.

"Even when I was a teenager, there is no way in the universe that I would ever cheat on my partner," he said.

Briggy stared back at him, her eyes filling with tears. "I'm not proud of what I did…"

"I should hope not," he replied.

"Now you are treating me like a child!" Briggy yelled.

"If you are looking for forgiveness, Briggy, you won't get it from me!" Jean-Luc snapped, "And I am treating you like a child because you behave like one!"

Briggy glared at him, she was seething with rage, and her chest heaved. "I explained that! This is why I didn't tell you in the first place!"

"You are acting like a child, not a teenager!" Jean-Luc yelled back.

Briggy swung round, and in her rage, she swiped her hands across the surface of the antique sideboard behind her, sending priceless vases and ornaments crashing to the ground.

"How dare you!" Jean-Luc yelled as Briggy made a dash for the front door.

"_That_ is childish behaviour!" her departing figure yelled.

Jean-Luc stormed after her, chasing her out the door. Instead of heading down the driveway and away from the house, Briggy turned and ran into the grapevines. Jean-Luc stopped at the edge of the field; he knew there was no point in chasing after her. He stopped for a moment to catch his breath before going back to the house to survey the damage.

"What happened?" a concerned voice asked from the doorway.

Jean-Luc jumped when he heard the voice. He had been so engrossed in trying to save what he could of his mother's priceless heirlooms that he hadn't heard the door. He had been working hard on his task for over an hour. Looking up, he found himself staring at the most beautiful woman in his world. "Beverly," he breathed her name softly.

"Hi," she answered with a smile. "I shouldn't really be here; I'm in the middle of my exams. I just thought I'd pop over and see how you were. It looks like you're having a smashing time."

Jean-Luc groaned, shaking his head. "Don't ask," he said. "You aren't any good at jigsaw puzzles are you?"

Beverly chuckled. "I don't remember."

"I knew you were going to say that." Jean-Luc smiled. Suddenly, things didn't seem as bad as they had half an hour ago. Beverly was smiling and all seemed right in the world.

"I can have a go," she offered as she knelt down on the floor beside him.

"No, it's probably a futile task anyway," he sighed.

"I wouldn't say that," Beverly said softly as she began sifting through the broken pieces of glass and china and matched like colours with like. "These look very old. We should do everything we can to save them."

He laughed. "Perform a vase saving operation."

"Precisely." She grinned back. "Scalpel," she said with a laugh, holding her hand out.

Jean-Luc laughed. "I think I'll leave you to it, Doctor. I've never been any good with jigsaw puzzles. I'll be in charge of the refreshments."

"It's a deal," Beverly said with a sure nod. "And I need one of those repairer machines."

"Right." Jean-Luc nodded, knowing exactly what she meant. On his way out of the door, he turned back to her. "I think it's only right that I should warn you, Briggy is around somewhere."

"Yes I know," she said. "Her bag in is the hallway."

"Ah," Jean-Luc said, glancing down at it. "I wonder if there is anything in there worth breaking…"

"Two wrongs don't make a right." Beverly grinned.

"But they do make you feel a hell of a lot better."

Briggy had calmed down a little while running through the grapevines in the fields at the side of the house. She regretted her behaviour and decided that she ought to apologise to Jean-Luc and see if she could repair any of the damage she had caused. She stopped running and turned and walked slowly back to the house.

When she arrived, she heard voices from within, and instead of going inside, she went round the back of the house so that she could see what was going on through the patio doors. She hoped Jean-Luc hadn't called the police.

When she surreptitiously peered through the window, once again she was filled with rage. There was Jean-Luc having a nice cosy chat with Beverly Crusher, sitting on the floor drinking tea and laughing.

She was so angry that she stumbled from her balanced position at the side of the window and fell, banging one hand against the glass signalling her presence to the happy couple indoors.

"Maybe I should go," Beverly said softly to Jean-Luc as soon as she saw the vengeance in Briggy's eyes.

"You stay where you are," Jean-Luc commanded. He got to his feet and tugged down on the front of his shirt. "She has no right to chase you out of here."

"No, seriously," Beverly said, holding up a hand, "I really should go. I need to study. I only came here this morning because my first exam had been cancelled," she said, remembering that only that morning she had told Deanna that she was going to stay well away from Jean-Luc and Briggy. Now she was stuck right in the middle and all because her morning exam had been postponed and she was all dressed up with nowhere to go. "I really ought to go."

Beverly's words fell on deaf ears, she sighed and watched Jean-Luc storm over to the French doors. He flung the door open and demanded that Briggy explain herself.

"Why don't you tell me what the hell you think you're doing?" Briggy yelled.

"My friend and I are trying to fix the mess that you caused," Jean-Luc answered. "Will you please collect your bag and get the hell out of my house!"

"This is _our_ house!" Briggy yelled again. "And if I want to stay here, I bloody well will!"

Jean-Luc slammed the door shut on her and locked it. Then he dashed across the living room, into the hallway, and did the same to the front door. He arrived just in time. Briggy yanked hard on the front door from the outside barely a second after he had locked it. "Go away!" he shouted at her.

"Let me in!" Briggy screamed, hurling herself at the door, trying hard to break the door with her hip.

"You're both being very childish," Beverly said under her breath.

Jean-Luc glanced at Beverly. "I'm not being childish," he said. "I just don't want anything else damaged in _my_ house."

"You really should try and sort this out rationally," Beverly said softly, "with conversation and not arguments."

He looked through the window, watching his wife hysterically screaming and crying as she banged on the door. "What was I thinking?" he asked himself. "I can't deal with this."

Jean-Luc stood still for a moment, watching the commotion that his wife was causing, before he lifted a hand to his head. It had been pounding all morning long, and Briggy was only making his headache even worse. Slowly, the events of the past few weeks caught up with him. He sank to the floor, unable to hide his feelings any longer.

Beverly stood off to one side for a moment, wondering whether she should go to him or not. Her head said no, but her heart was screaming for her to go. She sank down beside him on the hallway floor and pulled him to her, wrapping her arms around his sobbing form. "Everything is going to be all right," she whispered into his ear and Jean-Luc held on to her for dear life, trying to block out the screams of frustration and anger coming from the other side of the front door.

Briggy collapsed in a heap on the doorstep in exhaustion. She rolled onto her side, pulling her knees up to her chest. Through the blurriness of her tears, she laid her left arm out in front of her and watched blood pour from a deep cut on her palm,.

"Why doesn't he understand?" she sobbed to herself quietly.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

"I think she's gone off again," Beverly whispered into Jean-Luc's ear. Briggy's insistent banging had ceased maybe ten minutes beforehand. "The coast is clear."

It took a while, but Jean-Luc eventually regained his composure. Even still, he didn't let go of Beverly's hand as they both got to their feet. He had no idea he was even holding onto her and didn't know how uncomfortable he was making Beverly feel.

Beverly glanced over at the chronometer on the wall in the hall. "Is that time right?" she asked worriedly.

Jean-Luc nodded. "Exactly," he answered. "It's set on San Francisco time," he added as an after thought.

"Have you got a computer? I need to make a call," Beverly said softly. She needed to pull herself away from him and that was the best excuse she could come up with.

"I'll show you where it is," he said, beginning to walk her to the study upstairs.

Beverly's stomach churned with butterflies. She felt as though he was leading her to his bedroom and she followed him up the stairs. "It's a private call," she muttered.

"Oh," he said, sounding a little surprised. "The terminal is in the study. Last door on the left," he added, pointing down the corridor after they reached the landing.

"Thank you," Beverly answered, prising her fingers from his grasp.

She walked away from him to the relative safety of the study, constantly aware of Jean-Luc's eyes on her back. She went inside and closed the door, shutting herself inside away from prying ears.

Immediately she went to the computer terminal and sent a communiqué to Katherine Pulaski.

"Where are you? I've been trying to contact you all morning," Katherine immediately asked as her face flickered into view on the screen before Beverly.

"I'm in France," Beverly said.

"France?" Katherine repeated, clearly confused.

"Yes; that's where Jean-Luc's house is. When my morning exam was cancelled I decided to visit him."

"And you're still there now?" Katherine asked.

Beverly nodded.

"Well it's a good thing your afternoon exam has been postponed as well. All available medical personnel have been sent to Barbados. There has been an outbreak of bird flu. They are trying to contain the spread of the disease and treat the infected. So, you have a lucky break."

"Is the flu spreading from the birds to people?"

"Yes." Katherine nodded. "But it sounds like the outbreak is under control – touch wood."

"Do you need my help?" Beverly asked.

Katherine grinned knowingly. "Are you trying to escape?"

Beverly grinned back, caught out. "I find myself in a bit of an awkward predicament."

"Is Briggy there?" Katherine asked. Beverly had explained most of what was happening between Briggy and Jean-Luc. But she had neglected to tell Katherine that she was in love with Jean-Luc herself. Katherine thought that Beverly was just a concerned friend.

Beverly nodded, rolling her eyes. "Oh yes, she's here alright."

"And she's acting up no doubt," Katherine surmised. "You should ask her if she's started taking her medication again. And if she isn't, make her."

"What medication is that?"

"Yemser 2000. She had to come off of it when she was trying for the baby and that was over seven months ago. It's my deduction that from what I've heard about her behaviour; she's not taking it."

"I've never heard of that medication," Beverly said.

"Well, a couple of doctors and I discovered it purely to treat Briggy and Liam Henson," Katherine explained. "It has no other use. Basically it increases their mental age by about ten years. We also tried to find the others left with the same condition after Arvada III, but we were unable to locate them. "

"She hasn't been using it for over seven months? So mostly she was the mental age of a thirty year old?"

Katherine nodded. "She has it so much tougher than Liam. He was taken when he was in his mid-twenties, so he didn't still have his childish tendencies like Briggy does."

"So what you're saying is that for most of the time, Briggy has had the mental age of a thirty year old. But for the past seven months, she's been nineteen inside."

Katherine nodded in agreement.

Beverly continued, "And in the past seven months, Briggy has been a pain in the arse—that's Deanna's words not mine. She also had an affair and got pregnant…"

"All because she wasn't taking her medication!" Katherine said.

"Exactly! So, technically, the affair wasn't her fault…"

"Well, she could have stopped herself if she wanted to," Katherine said slowly. "But Briggy is very selfish when she's not on her medication. She tends to only think of herself and how things affect her. She would have gone to Liam's arms to please herself."

Beverly nodded. "Right… Like most teenagers."

"But seriously, if she were my wife I still would have a hard time forgiving her," Katherine added. "But if you try and calmly explain to Jean-Luc what we've been talking about, he may in time come to forgive her." Katherine paused when she noticed something flicker across Beverly's face. "You have no intention of telling him do you?"

Beverly moved to deny Katherine's accusation, but thought better of it. "I'm not Briggy's doctor," she said.

"So you're going to lay this at my feet?" Katherine asked.

"I'm not being nasty," Beverly hastily said. "I should never have come here or got involved with Briggy at all. Briggy says I'm the reason she did what she did."

Katherine frowned. "You are? But you were considered dead! You've only been back for little over two months now."

Beverly sighed. "It's all very complicated."

Katherine decided not to push. "Is Briggy there?"

"I think she's gone off somewhere."

"I'd like to come and see her if that's alright?" Katherine asked.

Beverly nodded. "Yeah, I'm sure that would be fine. By the time you get here, she might have come back."

"Right," Katherine said. "I'll bring her medication with me. I should be there in under half an hour. Are you planning on leaving before I get there? If you are, can you let Captain Picard know that I'm on my way? I don't want to turn up uninvited."

"I'm sure he won't mind," Beverly answered.

The other doctor chuckled. "You really have lost your memory, haven't you?"

Katherine left Beverly guessing and signed off before Beverly had a chance to ask what she had meant by that comment.

Beverly hesitated for a moment, wondering whether to call Deanna or not. She decided against it, she didn't fancy getting the third degree. Instead, she got up and went to find Jean-Luc to tell him about Dr Pulaski's impending visit.

It was all quiet as she went down the stairs. Instinct told her that something wasn't quite right. She wondered whether Jean-Luc had gone off in search of Briggy and she opened the front door to see if she could see them. She took a step out the door and tripped over something on the doorstep. She fell down hard, slamming her hands and knees down on the rough stone steps. "Damn!" Her eyes watered at the pain from the cuts and grazes. She rolled over onto her backside and sat up to survey the damage.

"Briggy!" she gasped as soon as she saw Briggy lying on the doorstep. "Are you alright?" she asked, wiping her hands on her trousers. She could see the pool of blood underneath Briggy's body.

Briggy didn't answer, she was silent and her eyes were closed.

Beverly clambered over to her and felt for Briggy's pulse. She heaved a sigh of relief when she felt it pump strongly beneath her fingertips. She felt around the counsellor's body, looking for any injuries. At first, she didn't think the obvious cut to Briggy's hand was the cause. But she soon realised it had to be and that she had most likely been bleeding for some time.

"Jean-Luc!" she yelled, "help me!"

Jean-Luc came running down the stairs. He paused for a second on the doorway, taking in the scene before him. "Have you been fighting?" he asked in confusion.

"No," Beverly said, applying pressure to the wound on Briggy's hand with material from her t-shirt.

He stood in the doorway unable to kick himself into gear.

"Have you got a med kit?" she asked.

"I think so," he said, not moving.

Beverly waited a few seconds. "Well can you go and get it?" she asked with irritation.

Jean-Luc shook himself and rushed off to get the med kit; he handed it to the doctor and knelt down at Briggy's side, pulling her into his arms. "What's happened to her?"

Beverly glanced up at the front door; the glass wasn't broken. "She's lost a lot of blood from this cut on her hand," she said as she folded Jean-Luc's fingers around Briggy's hand and instructed him to put pressure on the wound. "Don't worry; she's going to be fine. By any chance, was it Briggy who totalled your ornaments earlier?"

Jean-Luc nodded. "She must have cut her hand then."

"How long ago was that?" Beverly asked as she rummaged through the med kit for supplies.

"You arrived here about an hour after she did it," Jean-Luc answered.

"So she must have been bleeding like this for a good two hours," Beverly surmised. "Why didn't she try to do something about it?"

"Because she's a lunatic," Jean-Luc mumbled.

"She's heartbroken, Jean-Luc," Beverly admonished. "I remember acting a little like this after my first serious boyfriend broke my heart… I was eighteen. I won't go into what I did…"

"Oh, please do."

"Such a caring husband."

"You said she was going to be fine," he said, suddenly worried.

"Oh, she is," Beverly said, raising an eyebrow. "Just look after her for a minute or two. She's only lost enough blood to pass out. It's certainly not life threatening. Just keep the pressure up on that wound. I need to call the local paramedics. She needs to have a blood transfusion to replace the blood she has lost." Beverly leaned over and pressed a hypo spray into Briggy's neck.

"What was that for?" Jean-Luc asked.

"To keep her stable," Beverly explained, getting to her feet. "And with any luck regain consciousness," she added as she left them on the doorstep to make the call.

Jean-Luc sighed as he looked down at his wife. "You're a silly woman," he said softly.

Briggy's green eyes flicked open at his comment. She lay blinking in his arms. "What's going on?" she asked.

"You cut yourself," he answered. "And you have lost a lot of blood. Beverly has gone to call for the paramedics."

Briggy glanced down at their entwined hands. She could feel Jean-Luc's hard body pressed against her from behind as he held her comfortably in his arms. She closed her eyes and sighed heavily. "Jean-Luc I know you won't believe me… but for what its worth, I'm so sorry for everything."

Jean-Luc nodded, but he couldn't find it within himself to forgive her fully. "I can forgive you for the way you have behaved," he said. "But I can't forgive you for having an affair."

Briggy's eyes filled with tears at his words. "I might have had a physical affair," she said slowly. "But you've been having a mental one. Do you have any idea what its like being in love with someone and knowing that they are madly in love with someone else? Even when we thought she was dead, you still loved her. It was as though she'd never gone in your mind."

Jean-Luc opened his mouth to argue, but nothing came out.

"Do you know how many times you called out her name in your sleep?" Briggy went on. "I used to lay there at night… crying… In the early days of our marriage, I thought that perhaps in the future you would stop and that you would come to love me. If you loved me half as much as you loved her, I'd have been very happy. But slowly it dawned on me… You were never going to feel that way for me. It was never going to happen. I'm not Beverly bleeding Crusher!"

"So you had the affair?" he asked in a quiet voice.

"It wasn't a… mad passionate love affair," Briggy said. "We had sex about seven or eight times in all. Remember those mediation meetings you had to go to on Betazed with Mrs Troi?"

Jean-Luc shuddered at the thought. "You said it lasted five months? Those mediations only lasted for two months."

"I said it started about five months before you found it. In reality, it lasted about two months until I thought better of it and ended it. Liam wasn't happy. He was on my back and sometimes threatened to tell you what had happened. I found out I was pregnant and assumed the baby was yours until you told me that you hadn't had your implant removed. I wasn't trying to trick you into accepting another man's baby. It was a mistake…" Briggy sobbed when she mentioned her baby and her uninjured hand unconsciously slid over her stomach in mourning. "I was going to tell you about the baby when we were at my sister's wedding. I thought it would take the edge off of the fact that I don't age normally… But you didn't come to the wedding and when I got home, Beverly had returned from the dead and it was all hands to the pump. Suddenly you stopped calling out her name in your sleep… funny that isn't it?"

"I can't help how I feel inside," he said.

"And despite everything," she said softly, "I still love you." She winced at the emotional ache caused by her declaration. "But it's over."

Jean-Luc nodded. He had known that from the very first second he had found out about the affair.

"I have to go," Briggy sobbed. She was weeping hysterically and Jean-Luc made no move to ease her pain as she wished so desperately for him to do. She tried to pull herself into a seated position, but Jean-Luc stopped her. "Let me go," she said. "I want to be alone."

"As much as I'd like you to go, you're too ill to go anywhere just yet," Jean-Luc said.

When he heard the gravel crunching beneath boots, Jean-Luc looked up expecting to see the paramedics. Instead, Katherine Pulaski walked towards them.

"Hello, Captain," she called in her husky voice.

"Doctor." Jean-Luc nodded. "What can I do for you?"

"I'm here to see your wife, what's happened?" Katherine asked. "Is Dr Crusher still here?"

Jean-Luc frowned; it suddenly occurred to him that Beverly should have returned to their sides long ago. "She's around somewhere," he answered and then went on to explain what had happened to Briggy in minor detail. Katherine gave the same diagnosis as Beverly had done before, and was just about to call for paramedics when a team beamed into sight behind them.

Jean-Luc sat for a moment and watched as Katherine sent the Starfleet paramedics scrambling about doing their job. They were quite shocked to see their top ranking superior there at the scene.

Frowning, Jean-Luc slid off the front doorstep and got to his feet. He waited until Briggy was safely on an antigravity stretcher and had beamed away with the medical team before he went back inside the house to find out where Beverly had got to.

"Beverly?" he called.

"Yes?" she called back. "I'm in the kitchen."

Jean-Luc followed the sound of her voice and found her standing just inside the kitchen doorway, looking a little guilty. "I was beginning to wonder where you were," he said, surprised to find her relaxing while Briggy had lain bleeding in his arms on the doorstep. He mentally had to remind himself that the Beverly sitting in the room with him was not the same Beverly he had known four years ago.

"There wasn't anything else I could do to help other than put pressure on the wound, but you were doing such a good job of it, I left you to it. Plus I overheard you both talking…"

Jean-Luc's face flushed crimson. "What did you hear?"

"Well, to be honest, I just heard you talking," Beverly said. "I couldn't actually hear what you were saying. But you weren't shouting at each other for a change, so I chose to leave you alone." She decided against telling Jean-Luc that she had been standing right by the other side of the door and had listened to every word.

Jean-Luc visually relaxed and he sank down in the chair opposite her at the kitchen table.

"Come here a second," Beverly said, getting to her feet and scraping her chair legs noisily over the tiled kitchen floor. She reached his side of the table and pulled his hand until he got up. Then she tugged him over to the sink and turned on the taps, testing the waters temperature before reaching for the soap. "Hold out your hands."

Jean-Luc glanced down and for the first time he noticed he was covered in Briggy's blood. He obediently held out his hands for the soap and began wringing his hands together, washing off the blood.

"Your shirt and your pants are covered in blood, too," Beverly said, as she lifted his shirt to see if the blood had gone through to his skin.

"I'll change," he muttered, finding it hard to think coherently when Beverly was touching him so intimately. Now she was running her fingers across his side… Jean-Luc struggled against an involuntary shudder. He had no idea what she was doing, but she sure was sending delicious sensations throughout his entire body. He was reluctant to move in case he interrupted her attention.

"When did you do this?" Beverly asked, turning concerned eyes on him.

"Do what?"

"You have a four inch gash across your side and it looks like it was pretty deep. I'd say the injury is about a week old now."

Jean-Luc inwardly cringed, all he knew about the injury was that he had awoken from a drunken stupor and found himself stuck to the wooden floor at the bottom of the stairs by dried blood. He still remembered the agony of having to peel himself off the floor. "I fell down the stairs the other night."

"Drunk?" Beverly didn't hesitate to ask. She watched the surprised expression of his face, soon followed by guilt. "You can't miss the pile of empty wine bottles outside the cellar door," Beverly explained.

"I was having a rough time," he muttered.

Beverly shrugged. "I'm not judging you," she said, holding up a hand defensively.

"Good," he snapped as he dried off his hands.

"Did you manage to sort anything out with your wife?"

"Why do you keep saying that?"

"I don't _keep_ saying anything."

"Yes you do! It's like you like to remind me at any given opportunity that I have a wife!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, my fault. I forgot you were an idiot! I assumed that you knew!" Beverly yelled back.

Jean-Luc glared at her. "You seem to have a big problem with it."

"No, Jean-Luc, it's you who has the problem!" Beverly said. "I'm going to leave now."

"Good!"

Beverly picked up her jacket from the back of the chair she had been sitting on and stormed towards the door. "For your information, in case you have forgotten, I barely remember you. I barely remember myself. I am trying my hardest now to be a friend to you and right now I'm beginning to wonder why I was _ever_ friends with you!"

"What do you mean '_why'_ we were ever friends?" he asked, hurt and angry.

Beverly didn't answer. Instead she stalked off, slamming the front door behind her. She thought Jean-Luc would come after her, but he didn't, so she carried on walking into town, the way she had arrived.

"There is an aura of misery saturating the whole building and _guess_ where it's coming from," Deanna said after Beverly answered her door.

Beverly shrugged. "I don't care."

Deanna smiled wryly. "Well, it's you. What has got you so down?"

"The whole building?" Beverly asked in surprise after Deanna's original sentence soaked into her brain.

Deanna grinned. "Well perhaps I was exaggerating, and it's really just this floor."

"Does Jean-Luc ever back down first?" Beverly asked as they made themselves comfortable at the table where Beverly had set out lunch for the two of them. The Enterprise had arrived in the Terran system early that morning and Deanna had insisted that Beverly miss two of her classes just to meet up for lunch. Deanna and the Enterprise were due to leave again in the afternoon.

"Back down from what?" Deanna asked.

"Anything?"

"Like a fight?"

Beverly nodded. "Yeah."

"If he realises that he is in the wrong, then he will undoubtedly apologise."

Beverly nodded her head thoughtfully.

"You, on the other hand," Deanna continued, "will not back down. You will not apologise first, either. You're very, very stubborn."

"I was thinking the very same thing myself this morning," Beverly said, surprising Deanna.

"Are you evaluating your behaviour and personality traits?" she asked with interest.

Beverly smiled shyly. "I'm just trying to remember who I am," she said softly. "Sometimes when I wake up in the morning, I think hard about what I'm doing."

"That's good," Deanna said. "But don't dwell too much on your shortcomings." She paused, then asked, "But that's not the reason you're so down, is it?"

Beverly laughed. "No. I had the disagreement with Jean-Luc over a week ago. Obviously, he doesn't think he was wrong. He hasn't apologised to me, and I was just in the middle of deciding whether I should make the first move when you arrived."

"What did you decide?"

"I am too damn stubborn," Beverly said with a laugh. "But surely Jean-Luc knows that about me."

Deanna chuckled. "I know a few grown men who would cower at the thought of facing you if they thought there might be a chance you were in a foul mood."

"Cowering?"

Deanna grinned. "My husband for one. So… what was this argument about?" she asked, turning a little more serious.

"Jean-Luc said that I kept reminding him that he had a wife." Beverly shrugged. "I told him that I was sorry and that I assumed he already knew!"

Deanna stifled a giggle behind her hand. "Hmm," she said in an attempt to appear thoughtful.

"I was wondering if it were my unconscious jealousy that kept me mentioning his '_wife'_. What do you think?" Beverly asked.

"Why did you think you were mentioning her when you were there?"

"Because he was being a callous bastard to her," Beverly said. "Both of them were behaving like children."

"He was being callous towards Briggy?" Deanna couldn't believe that.

"I know she had an affair and was wrong in that," Beverly explained. "But she has a very good excuse for her behaviour. She has the mental age of a teenager. I was exactly the same as she is now when I was a teenager. Anyway, they had an argument which resulted in Briggy knocking over some ornaments and smashing them. I arrived to find Jean-Luc trying to put them all back together again. So I helped him. Apparently Briggy had run off somewhere. When she came back they argued again and he slammed the doors and locked them so she couldn't get inside the house."

"So you want Jean-Luc to forgive Briggy for her affair?" Deanna asked.

Beverly frowned and then said, "Well, actually, I just want him to understand. I'm not asking him to forgive and forget. Just to understand that Briggy obviously wasn't in complete control of her mental faculties—"

"You feel guilty!" Deanna said, interrupting Beverly mid-sentence.

"Guilty?" Beverly repeated.

"In some strange way, you feel responsible for Briggy's behaviour," Deanna explained.

"No." Beverly shook her head, laughing at the absurdity of Deanna's suggestion.

"I'm not a Betazoid for nothing you know," the counsellor pointed out. "You are feeling guilty about Briggy's behaviour even if it is on a subconscious level."

"I am not."

Deanna studied Beverly for a moment, making the redhead squirm in her seat as she scrutinized her. "Actually, the reason is deeper than that. You actually know that Briggy's claims are perfectly sane."

"What claims?"

"That Briggy knew that Jean-Luc didn't love her and was still in love with you," Deanna said. "You know that. And you are feeling guilty because you, in a way, caused Briggy to crash and burn, simply because you never got it together with Jean-Luc."

"No, _she_ never got it together with Jean-Luc," Beverly said. "Not me."

"Yes she did, she married him."

"No, I meant the other me," said Beverly.

Deanna pondered that thought for a second before her head shot up in surprise. "You mean you have!"

Beverly rolled her eyes. "You're not much of a Betazoid are you? I didn't mean it like that. The other day I overheard Briggy and Jean-Luc talking about me."

"You did?" Deanna was intrigued.

Beverly shrugged. "She accused Jean-Luc of having an affair of the mind."

"A what?" Deanna shook her head, baffled.

"She said that he was having an affair with me in his mind," Beverly explained. "Even when everyone thought I was dead."

"What did Jean-Luc say to that?"

"Well, he didn't deny it," Beverly answered. She put on a fake shiver. "Kind of creepy if you ask me."

Deanna laughed. "She didn't mean that he's been dreaming of having sex with you," she said. "Briggy meant that his mind wasn't in the real world, he was always thinking of you, even though you were dead. So where is Briggy at the moment, then?" she asked, deciding she ought to tuck into the large bowl of salad sitting in front of her on the table.

"She's with Katherine in hospital," Beverly said. "They are trying to sort out her medication. She came off of her usual dose of um… I forget the name… and because she came off of the drug, she sent her body into turmoil. Katherine is trying to regulate Briggy's mental age."

"Is that possible?" Deanna asked.

"Yeah." Beverly nodded. "But only because of the cause of the problem. Briggy's DNA was altered so much it's a miracle she's still alive, let alone walking and talking."

"Why doesn't Katherine regulate her mental age to her chronological age?"

"That's not possible. The drug Briggy had been taking for years enabled her to increase her mental age by eight to ten years. She stopped taking it because she couldn't get pregnant while taking it. It almost acted as a contraceptive. Katherine has tried everything, but she can only increase their mental ages by ten years at the most. Unfortunately for Briggy, she happened to be one of the youngest survivors and therefore is doomed to be a teenager for the rest of her life unless she takes Katherine's wonder drug."

"Why don't you work on a solution? Find some way of helping Briggy become mature?" Deanna asked off handedly with her mouth full of salad.

"Me?" Beverly looked surprised.

"Oh come on, Beverly!" Deanna laughed. "You have cured diseases in hours before. Diseases that you didn't even know existed until you found a patient with it. You have the best track record for miracle cures than any other doctor in the fleet."

"I wouldn't want to step on Katherine's toes," Beverly said, afraid to tell Deanna that she had been working on the solution ever since she found out about Briggy's condition. The very idea that somebody's mental age could be halted in its tracks had intrigued her. No wonder Katherine had kept her discovery to herself.

Beverly was just wondering whether to come clean to her friend when her computer chirped, signalling she had received a message. "Excuse me," she said and left the table to read.

"You really should think about it," Deanna called after her thoughtfully.

"I don't believe it!" Beverly exclaimed a minute later after reading the message. "I knew it!"

Deanna frowned. "Knew what?"

"You remember I said that Jean-Luc was behaving like a child the other week?" Beverly asked.

Deanna nodded. "Yeah."

"Well, I, um… had a theory. I asked Liam Henson to meet me this morning and I took a sample of Katherine's wonder drug from him. I analysed it this morning in the lab and asked the assistant to get back to me with the results. Anyway, he just did and I was right. The wonder drug stays in the body for months after the patient has stopped taking it. It is released from the patient's body gradually through the skin. It's odourless, colourless and tasteless. There are no visible signs."

"What are you getting at?" Deanna asked.

"When a person who is not affected by the DNA change ingests even the smallest amount of the drug, it has the opposite effect."

"It decreases their mental age?"

Beverly nodded. "Exactly, Jean-Luc must have been infected by Briggy the day we had the argument."

"Seriously?" Deanna was dubious.

"Yes, I'm sure of it." Beverly kept nodding her head. She sat back down at the table and laughed. "I really do get excited about medical discoveries don't I?"

Deanna burst out laughing. "Yep!" she exclaimed. "So anyway, how did Jean-Luc become infected?"

"Jean-Luc would have had to have licked Briggy's skin at some point," Beverly's voice grew slower at the end of her sentence as she realised what she was saying.

"How long do the effects last?" Deanna asked innocently.

"Only a few hours," Beverly answered.

It took a few moments before Deanna realised why Beverly seemed to be on edge. "There might be another reason other than sex …" she said.

"What other reason do you know for someone licking your skin?" Beverly challenged.

Deanna couldn't think of any. "Lots of couples end up having sex during arguments," she said, as if it made everything better.

Beverly sighed softly and began to eat her salad.

Deanna sighed inwardly; her friend was so sad inside it was almost unbearable for her to be around her. The sooner Beverly remembered who exactly she was, the better.


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

A day later, Jean-Luc was sitting at the kitchen table eating cereal when he spotted Beverly walking down the driveway to the house. At first he thought it was an apparition, but the knock on the front door startled him into action. He got to his feet and rushed to the door.

"Beverly!" he said when he pulled open the door between them.

"Hello, Jean-Luc," she said softly. "Can I come in?"

"Of course you can," he said, stepping away from the door and allowing her entry.

Beverly headed towards the kitchen and Jean-Luc followed. "I need a cup of tea," she said, then smiled at him and sat down at the kitchen table.

Jean-Luc nodded, suddenly nervous. He set about making the tea, all the while he was trying to find a way to word his apology for what happened the week before.

"I must apologise for my behaviour the other day," he said as he set down the teapot on the table in front of Beverly.

"No need to apologise," she interrupted, cutting off his apology early.

Jean-Luc frowned. "Don't tell me you've come here to apologise to me?" He looked absolutely incredulous. "Surely you haven't changed that much?"

"Certainly not," Beverly said. "I did nothing wrong."

Jean-Luc chuckled dryly. "You never do," he muttered.

Beverly gave an impatient sigh. "Did we argue a lot before?" she asked.

"Well, you certainly never called me an idiot before," he said with a laugh.

"I … did I?"

"Yes." He smiled playfully.

"Seriously?" Beverly looked shocked.

Jean-Luc laughed at her expression. "The one thing that usually had us sparring for days was the subject of the prime directive."

Beverly nodded, having read all about the prime directive a few days ago in her Starfleet officer refresher lessons. Well 'refresher' lessons were what Katherine called them. Beverly felt like an idiot herself, sitting in a classroom with a bunch of teenage wannabe doctors gazing at her in awe. 'The Great Doctor Crusher'.

"We made a pact," Jean-Luc said, holding up his hand quickly before any sparring began to take place. "A pact that meant we could not talk about the prime directive in our off duty hours together. I've lost count of the number of times our arguments went too far and you ended up storming out."

"Did I ever apologise?"

"Not really," he said, smiling in remembrance. "You usually came by the next day and acted like nothing had happened. You would walk right into my ready room or my quarters and make yourself something to eat or drink and carry on as if nothing at all happened."

Beverly smirked. "Oh well," she said with a shrug.

"It was easier that way," Jean-Luc said, seemingly faraway. "Neither of us likes to back down."

"Yes, so it seems."

"So if you didn't come here to apologise and you didn't come here to hear me apologise…"

Beverly filled in the gap for him. "I came here to tell you about something. Briggy usually takes a medicine every day for her condition. It's called Yemser 2000. It is pretty much a prototype, as the condition that Briggy and Liam have is obviously not common. So basically they are flying in the wind with their treatments. Yemser 2000 increases their mental age by eight to ten years—"

Jean-Luc interrupted ,"But Briggy said she was nineteen. If she was taking Yemser 2000 she should be in her late twenties—"

Not finished, she interrupted him back. "Yes, well, for the past few months Briggy wasn't taking her medication. She was trying to have a baby with you," Beverly pointed out. "She has known all along that she couldn't conceive while taking the drug, but what she and Dr Pulaski didn't realise was that Yemser 2000 takes over a year to totally leave the system. Small amounts evaporate through the patient's skin. I have discovered that Yemser 2000 is why Briggy lost her baby and also why you were acting like a child last week."

Jean-Luc frowned and shook his head in confusion. "I wasn't aware I was acting like a child."

"Well, you were," Beverly stated, leaving no room for Jean-Luc to deny it. "It's because of the Yemser 2000. I think I already told you that it slowly leaves the body through the patient's skin?"

Jean-Luc nodded. "Yes."

"Well, if Yemser 2000 is ingested by a person without the condition the drug was prescribed for, it has a few side effects. If you ingest a small amount of the drug, you will revert a few decades in mental age. If you ingest a lot, like a full dose, you will revert back a few decades in mental age as well, but that usually lasts a month or so."

"But I haven't taken any of Briggy's medication," Jean-Luc said.

"If you have had any contact with Briggy's skin, during intercourse for example, you would have received a minute dosage of the Yemser 2000."

Jean-Luc looked blank for a moment while realisation slowly sunk in. "Oh," he mumbled. "So… this has been happening ever since she came off the medication? For the past six or so months?"

Beverly smiled ruefully. "Basically, yes."

"Why didn't Dr Pulaski warn us of the side effects?" he asked.

"There are two reasons," Beverly said. "Number one, you didn't even know Briggy was taking Yemser 2000 nor had this medical condition and two…" She glanced up at the ceiling and laughed. "There isn't a two. Something just made me suspicious, so I checked out Yemser 2000 in the lab. Dr Pulaski doesn't know I was even analysing the drug."

"So what does that mean for me?"

Beverly shook her head and smiled. "Nothing," she said with a shrug. "A tiny dose only lasts a few hours. It has already left your body."

"So that's it?" he said with surprise.

"What did you think I was going to say? That you were going to die?"

Jean-Luc rolled his eyes, smiling with mirth. "Well as you can see, I obviously didn't mean to behave the way I did."

"Apology accepted!"

"I wasn't apologising!" Jean-Luc laughed heartily.

Beverly grinned over the rim of her teacup.

"So what are you doing for the rest of the day?" Jean-Luc asked. He hoped she had an empty diary and that she would spend the day with him.

"Well, I have finished all of my exams now," she answered with a bright smile.

"And?" he asked, raising an eyebrow playfully.

"I passed." She smiled proudly.

"Congratulations!" he said. "Where do you go from here?"

She shrugged. "Right now I have a job secured for me here at HQ. I have to wait until I am completely recovered before I can transfer elsewhere. Katherine is my doctor and also my boss, so she wants me here where she can keep an eye on me."

"So you're working on Earth as a fully qualified doctor? Or do they have you behind a desk somewhere?" he asked.

Beverly sighed. "Behind a desk I'm afraid. But I do get my own lab and I'm able to work on my own research projects. I'm not able to work on a patient until I've fully recovered."

"How do you feel about that?"

"I'll do whatever it takes to get my full medical licence back."

"I'm sure it won't be too long. I can barely tell any difference now between you and the old Beverly. At first it was so strange…"

"It wasn't a barrel of laughs for me either," Beverly said. "Anyway, today I am working from sixteen hundred hours until oh four hundred hours tomorrow morning."

"Nasty shift!" he said.

"Yes, apparently it comes with the territory. The sooner I recover, the better."

"Any word on how long that would be?"

"My memory pathways are slowly reinstating themselves," she answered. "Slowly being the operative word. It could be a day, a week, a month or months. I have no idea and it's quite frustrating."

"Any new memories?" he asked.

Beverly shook her head sadly. "Not really. It's been a long while since I remembered anything significant. I've reached a plateau and that's where I'm staying until I finally return to my old self. Katherine says that's perfectly normal, so I'm not too worried about it."

"Are you looking forward to returning to normal?" Jean-Luc asked. "I remember you once having doubts about having the operation to restore your memory."

Beverly thought about Jean-Luc's question for a while before replying, "I think so. I'll be able to move on with my life."

"And you can't do that now?"

"Well, I'm a little worried about changing anything," she answered. "Because I don't know how I would react normally to a situation or a decision. I only went back into sickbay because I know that is something Beverly loved more than anything. I knew I couldn't go wrong there."

"What if…" he started, then he paused, wondering how to phrase the question. "What if, God forbid, but what if something happens and you don't ever regain your old memories?"

Beverly examined her fingernails and pondered the question for awhile. "Um…" she finally mumbled, "I guess I'll just have to move on and make those decisions… Oh, Jean-Luc, you've worried me now."

"I'm sorry." He reached over and touched her hand tenderly. "But I think it's prudent to be aware of every outcome and to prepare for it. It's not fair on yourself to put your life completely on hold in the hope that one day you will recover fully. What if it's years before your memory returns?"

"Perhaps I should put a deadline on it?" she said, testing her idea on him.

"What do you mean?" Jean-Luc asked.

"Give myself a time," Beverly explained. "If I haven't recovered fully by that time, I will begin to live my life as if it's my own."

"That is probably a good idea," he agreed.

Beverly nodded her head, looking down at her lap. "A year," she stated softly.

Jean-Luc nodded. "A year sounds good."

Beverly looked up at him, her eyes shining with resolve. "Okay," she said. "A year it is."

"So on the twentieth of July, one year from now, if you haven't recovered, you promise me that you will live your life to the fullest?"

She grinned. "Yes."

"You will make your own decisions?"

"Yes."

"Good." he smiled. "I'd hate you seen you at a standstill for the rest of your life. Such a waste."

"The last four years off my life were the waste." Beverly sighed.

"And what were you planning to do?"

"Huh?" Beverly frowned.

He explained himself better, "When you were on Kilyan and didn't even know there were aliens?"

Beverly shook her head sadly. "I had no idea," she answered.

"You told me you worked in a bar as a waitress, but you didn't tell me about your life when you were off work."

"Well, we had to have money on Kilyan," Beverly said. "And it's not cheap. I was earning pittance. I didn't have a work history, or any references. I was lucky I got the job and that was only because one of the nurses who looked after me during my recuperation helped me. I lived in a room in a shared house. I had to share a kitchen and a bathroom with seven other people and they were not clean. The place stank. So I only went there to sleep. Most of the time I would stay in the bar after my shift finished. I'd eat there because my meals were thrown in and I'd just drink until I was drunk enough not to notice how disgusting my room was when I got home."

She continued, "In the morning, I'd drag myself out of bed and not even bother to wash until I got to work. I mean, if I was allowed, I would have slept in the bar!" She laughed even though she knew what she was saying wasn't funny.

"Did you have any friends?" Jean-Luc asked softly.

"I was … different. I felt different. I know why now," she said. "I did have a couple of friends, but we weren't close or anything. That's the reason I wasn't bothered when you asked me if I wanted to go and say goodbye."

Memories of those years spent on Kilyan came back to her. They weren't nice memories. She decided against mentioning that she had a couple of boyfriends on Kilyan. Both men were filthy stinking rich and charming. She had only gone out with them because she knew she would be taken to a luxury hotel where she could have a proper bath and sleep in a comfortable bed. Dijag and Frikd were very nice men and very handsome and very married.

She idly wondered whether they had reported her missing or not. She didn't think they would because it might draw the attention of their respective wives.

"Have you heard from Briggy again?" she asked, deciding to change the subject.

Jean-Luc sighed, wishing Beverly would stop bringing up Briggy whenever they talked. "No. I know she is still at the hospital. Dr Pulaski contacted me as the next of kin."

"Are you going to visit her?"

Jean-Luc wanted to yell at Beverly and ask her why she was so concerned about Briggy's well being. "I don't think so. There isn't anything more to say to her."

Beverly glanced over her shoulder at the paper envelope on the table. She had noticed it as she had entered the kitchen. "Do you want me to take the divorce papers to the hospital with me when I go?"

Jean-Luc looked surprised. "You saw them?"

"Well, there isn't much on paper nowadays, is there?" she pointed out. "Except marriage certificates and divorce papers. I don't think you're getting married again anytime soon and it quite clearly states EDMA – the 'Earth Department of Matrimony and Annulment' on them."

"True," he said sadly. "You can take them if you want. But I would suggest you get someone else to pass them to Briggy…"

"I did want to see her," Beverly said thoughtfully. "But perhaps bringing her divorce papers isn't the best way to ask a favour of her is it?"

"You want a favour from Briggy?" Jean-Luc was shocked. "What on Earth for?"

Beverly grinned sheepishly. "Her condition. It's got me hooked. I want to investigate it further, to see if I can help in anyway. I will have to ask Katherine if it's okay for me to go into her territory first. I can't really see that she would have a problem with it… but, she might. If she does, then that would be that."

"You do have the strangest hobbies," he said.

"Hello? Anyone home?" a voice called from the doorway.

Jean-Luc recognised Deanna's voice immediately. "Come in, Deanna," he called, getting to his feet to welcome her.

Will and Deanna appeared in the doorway dressed in civilian clothing. "Hello, Captain," Will said happily.

"If you are here, then who is in charge of my ship?" Jean-Luc asked in mock seriousness.

Will looked sheepish. "About that, sir," he said slowly.

"What's happened?" Jean-Luc asked, instantly concerned.

Will laughed. "Got ya! The Enterprise is fine. We left Data in charge. They are going to drop off some medical supplies to Deep Space Five. Deanna and I decided to take a few days shore leave while it's quiet."

While Jean-Luc and Will chatted about the Enterprise together, Deanna whisked Beverly out into the garden.

"What are you doing here?" Beverly asked as Deanna closed the front door behind her.

"So suspicious aren't we?" Deanna grinned and linked arms with her friend. "More to the point Miss Crusher; what are you doing here?"

"Are you checking up on me?" Beverly asked.

Deanna reached the stone bench near the pond in the back garden and she motioned that they should both sit. "Will is here to ask the captain when he is coming back to work," Deanna said softly. "We need to get back to the Titan."

"Right," Beverly said slowly. "Are you thinking I can't cope?"

"No, it's not that," Deanna said, shaking her head.

"Well what is it then?" Beverly asked.

"I don't think he will go."

"Why not?"

Deanna smiled. "That's simple: because you are here. So, he will come up with an excuse to extend his leave. Beverly, he loves you very much."

Beverly smiled to herself. "I know.'

Deanna blinked in surprise. "He told you?"

"I can tell," Beverly said.

Deanna smiled ruefully. "I don't know what it was that happened to you that made you oblivious to men who fancy you. But whatever it is, you obviously haven't remembered it yet!" Deanna laughed.

"Huh?"

"The old Beverly was totally clueless on that front," Deanna explained. "There were men falling over themselves to catch your attention and you never seemed to notice them. You thought they were friendly and nice guys, but you didn't notice their tongues hanging out."

"Is that because I only have eyes for one man?" Beverly asked innocently.

Deanna shrugged. "It could be. Such a shame though. You did used to date, but your passion for dating dwindled. I tried setting you up on dates, sometimes you went along and sometimes you didn't. You always found something to dislike about the men. Rarely, and I mean very rarely, you did start to see the men regularly. But… you never fell for any of them."

Beverly wrinkled her nose. "I sound very … aloof and detached." She wished she could remember the reason she wasn't with Jean-Luc. She hoped she would before she totally recovered, because she hoped that she could see the problem with different eyes.

"The Ice Queen," Deanna mumbled.

"That's what people call me?" Beverly was appalled.

Deanna winced and wished she could take that sentence back. "That's only the people who don't know you…" she stumbled. "And you're a doctor…"

"Oh, the callous thing," Beverly said, nodding in understanding.

Deanna sighed with relief. She couldn't believe the difference between the Beverly she knew and loved and the one sitting before her. "You're all business."

"So you think Jean-Luc won't go back to the Enterprise because of me?"

Deanna grinned. "Yes. He is going to come up with a good excuse of course," she said.

"I wish he would go back," Beverly said quietly.

Deanna blinked in surprise. "No you don't!" she exclaimed, laughing.

"No, I do," Beverly insisted. "It would take the temptation away," she added, blushing.

Deanna's mouth dropped open. "I have never seen you blush before," she said, "or talk about Jean-Luc that way… It's so strange."

"I don't think I have the inhibitions that I used to," Beverly said with a grin. "But seriously, Deanna, that man is gorgeous! And when I see him watching me…" she fanned herself with her hand and sighed heavily to illustrate her point.

"I think you're the captain's dream come true!" Deanna said, her eyes wide as saucers.

Beverly laughed. "I don't think I'd go that far…"

"Deanna," Will called from the house, "could you come here for a second?"

"I'll be right back," Deanna said, squeezing Beverly's arm affectionately as she left Beverly's side.

Beverly watched Deanna and Will chatting quietly together for a minute before Deanna burst out laughing and winked at Beverly. "See, I was right!" Deanna exclaimed to Will.

Will rolled his eyes. "You're supposed to be. You're a Betazoid."

Beverly got up and joined them. "He's staying isn't he?" she asked.

Deanna nodded. "Yes, he's taking compassionate leave because of his impending divorce… but he is, of course, lying. He doesn't want to be away from you."

"Where is he now?" Beverly asked, worried that they might be overheard talking.

"In the kitchen," Will said, pointing to the house.

Beverly sighed heavily. "Is there someway you can make him go back to the ship, Will? Because I'd really appreciate it if you would do it."

"Why is that?" Will asked over Deanna's howls of laughter.

Beverly glared at Deanna.

"She wants the subject of her temptation as far away from her as possible," Deanna said.

Will's eyes twinkled when he caught on and he grinned at Beverly, raising an eyebrow mischievously. "Oh really?"

Beverly couldn't meet either of her friends' eyes as she flushed an unflattering shade of crimson. "Just forget it," she mumbled and wandered away deeper into the garden.

"We are going swimming soon!" Will yelled after her. "Do you think you can cope with the captain in his swimming trunks?"

"Shut up!" Beverly hurled back at him.

Deanna and Will clutched each other as they laughed heartily, watching Beverly stomping off into the vineyards.

"I can't believe it!" Will laughed loudly. "The Ice Queen is melting with a blush!"

Deanna could hardly contain herself. "It's okay," she panted between chuckles, "she is only pretending not to find this funny. This Beverly is so different."

"Beverly Crusher is blushing!" Will exclaimed to Deanna. "I can't get over it!"

"What is going on?" a voice called from the house.

Will and Deanna immediately stopped laughing. "We're just laughing at Beverly," Will said, wincing.

"What did she do?" Jean-Luc asked, smiling and looking around for Beverly.

Deanna glanced worriedly up at Will. "She just said that she can't remember how to swim," she adlibbed.

Jean-Luc chuckled. "Well shall we leave now? I'm sure Beverly will remember how to swim once she gets into the water."

Will gave Deanna the thumbs up signal for her quick thinking. "Well, we will need to replicate clothing to take with us. Deanna and I arrived with nothing because we left on short notice."

"I'll go and find Beverly," Deanna said quickly and rushed off in the direction that Beverly had left in.


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

"Have you remembered how to swim?" Jean-Luc asked as he stood on the edge of the pool looking down at Beverly. They had travelled to the local pool, and because of the village fete, the place was practically deserted.

Beverly had dashed from the changing room straight to the pool before any of the others could see her in her bathing suit. "I think so," she said, not knowing about Deanna's fib to Jean-Luc.

"Deanna told me that you couldn't remember how to," Jean-Luc said, lowering himself into the water.

Beverly had a hard time keeping her mouth from hanging open at the sight of his body clad only in swimming shorts.

"I think I might need a lesson," she said as he finally got his shoulders beneath the chilly water. She mentally kicked herself for lying. But if Jean-Luc offered to help her, he would have to hold her. Just the thought of his hands on her skin sent shivers of anticipation across back.

"I'll do a few laps and then I'll help you," he told her softly.

She heard someone clicking their tongue in disapproval and looked up to see Deanna shaking her head at her. By now Jean-Luc was beneath the water and couldn't hear them. "So low, Beverly Crusher," she whispered. "You're shameless!"

"You were the one who told him I couldn't remember how to swim," Beverly pointed out, grinning.

"Well, you would have killed us if we had told him the real reason we were laughing back at the house," Deanna said and walked round to the diving board at the deep end of the pool.

Beverly watched with her mouth hanging open as Deanna expertly dived into the pool, barely leaving a ripple on the water's surface. As Deanna surfaced and pushed the water out of her eyes, she saw her playful husband running full out towards the swimming pool. "Watch out, Beverly!"

Up until then, Beverly had kept her head above the water and therefore had dry hair. But Will Riker changed all that by bombing the pool and sending water everywhere. He came up laughing at Beverly, who was spluttering and cursing him.

"You're not allowed to do that, Number One," Jean-Luc said, coming to a stop beside Will.

Will grinned. "Sorry, sir."

"Deanna, I want to do what you did," Beverly said, pointing to the diving board.

"Dive?" Deanna said. "Beverly, you're better than me at diving. You're a water baby."

"Do you want a diving lesson as well?" Jean-Luc asked, coming up behind Beverly.

She turned to him. "Perhaps I should stick to swimming for today."

"Is she faking?" Will asked Deanna a few minutes later as they watched Jean-Luc holding Beverly up as she kicked in the water like a child.

"Well, she wasn't at first," Deanna answered, "but she certainly is now. As soon as she took her first couple of strokes, she remembered. Ever since, she's been totally concentrating on the captain." Deanna tugged Will down to her level so that she could whisper into his ear. "And what's more," she whispered, "he knows she's faking and he's letting her carry on."

An hour or so later, Will and Deanna tired of the pool and climbed out. "We're going to get some lunch from the café next door. Do you want to join us?" Will asked.

Beverly and Jean-Luc both lied and said that they weren't hungry. They were very hungry, but not for food, for each other. Jean-Luc held Beverly's waist while he waited for her to push her hair out of her eyes. She turned round in his arms, their eyes meeting. "Maybe we should try something else?" she suggested softly, her eyes were drawn to his lips. She blinked and looked back into his grey eyes.

"What do you suggest?" he asked in a hoarse voice.

Beverly couldn't help herself. She leaned forward and pressed her lips onto his. Jean-Luc didn't even hesitate, he kissed her back with a passion, and afraid the moment would end, he pulled her to him, pressing his hard body against hers.

Jean-Luc broke the searing kiss and pulled away suddenly. "We shouldn't," he breathed, trying to catch his breath. He was glad the other patrons had also gone next door for lunch.

"Why? We both want it…"

"Because it's wrong," he answered, and suddenly needed to be as far away from her as he could. He swam to the steps and climbed out of the pool, leaving her standing in the middle, alone and confused.

"Jean-Luc!" Beverly called out after him. He didn't look back.

Beverly was towelling herself dry when Will and Deanna returned from the café. Will took one look at Beverly's miserable face and disappeared into the changing rooms.

"What happened?" Deanna asked softly.

Beverly shook her head and pulled her t-shirt on over the top of her swimming costume. "It doesn't matter. Which way is it to the transporter station? Left or right when you get to the end of the road?"

"You're leaving?"

"I have work in three hours time. I need to get washed and changed," Beverly answered as she yanked her shorts up over her damp legs.

"Beverly," Deanna said, holding Beverly back with a gentle hand on her arm. "I'm here to help you with whatever you need…"

"I appreciate that," Beverly said, stopping to look at the counsellor. "So which is it?"

"Which is what?" Deanna asked.

"Is it a left or a right at the end of the road?"

Deanna sighed in frustration. "Turn right," she said. "And then take the first right after that. There should be signposts up for it."

"Thank you," Beverly answered, and then left.

Deanna heard the door bang and turned to see her husband walking towards her. "So?" he asked.

"She wouldn't tell me anything," Deanna answered, wrapping her arms around Will's waist. "They fought about something."

"That didn't take them long," Will said. "We hadn't even reached the café when you sensed them arguing."

"It's the sexual tension," Deanna said with a grin. "All they will do until they finally give into their desires is fight like cat and dog."

Jean-Luc gasped as the cold water hit is hot skin. Beverly was driving him crazy and a cold shower was definitely in order. He stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his hips and padded barefoot into the office.

He sat down behind the computer and tried to contact Beverly. He didn't even know if she had a Starfleet communicator or even knew that she could get a civilian one.

"Don't bother," a voice sounded in the room.

So Beverly _did_ have a communicator. "Beverly, I…" he began.

"Crusher out!"

Jean-Luc sighed, there was only one thing left to do and that was to go and see Beverly at Starfleet Medical and explain what had happened in person. He shut down the computer, then he went, got dressed, and left for the transport station. He decided to walk to the station so that he had time to try and word his apology to Beverly.

Less than half an hour later, he beamed onto the grounds of Starfleet Medical and headed straight for Beverly's accommodation block. He took the lift up to her floor and rang her door chime. He checked the time and it was a good forty-five minutes before Beverly had to leave for work, but he got no answer.

Scowling, he went back outside and headed for the massive hospital building and spoke to the receptionist. "I'm looking for Doctor Crusher," he said.

"She is in her lab," the receptionist replied with a bright smile. "I have just seen her go past. She's in the basement. If you take the lift down to basement level five, exit the lift and walk to the end of the corridor, her name is above the door."

"Thank you," Jean-Luc said and headed towards the lift. With usual Starfleet practice, Jean-Luc entered his security code into the panel on the wall and gained access to the lift. He stepped inside and ordered the lift to basement level five.

He followed the receptionist's directions and found the door with Beverly's name emblazoned above it in shiny silver letters. He didn't hesitate, he knocked on the door and it swung open a little.

"Beverly?" he called softly as he stuck his head through the gap in the old fashioned manual door.

He could hear noises coming from inside, so he ventured into the lab and went in search of Beverly. The door to the lab opened behind him and startled him, he spun around, coming face to face with someone he hoped he wouldn't have to see for a long time.

Briggy looked just as surprised to see Jean-Luc. She was wearing hospital pyjamas and holding a data pad in her hand. "What are you doing here?" she asked, looking a bit perturbed.

"I came to see Beverly," he answered. "If you are here to cause more trouble for her…"

"For your information, Jean-Luc," Briggy snapped, "Beverly sent me a letter and asked me to come and see her this afternoon."

He couldn't believe it. "And you actually came?"

Briggy scowled at him. "I'm curious."

Just then, Beverly came into the main lab from a side room. She stopped when she saw her visitors and rolled her eyes. "Right, I want one of you two to leave. I don't want my lab smashed to smithereens. And, considering I invited Briggy here, Jean-Luc, you will have to be the one to leave."

Jean-Luc's mouth gaped open. "I…"

Beverly marched towards him and showed him out the door. "Goodbye, Jean-Luc," she said, quite politely.

"I just wanted to explain," he mumbled.

"I don't want to hear it," she said as she closed the door in his face.

Jean-Luc stood for a moment and stared at the closed door before walking away. He decided he would stick around Medical HQ until Beverly's shift had finished and be waiting on her doorstep for her when she returned home.

Briggy watched the exchange between her husband and the mysterious doctor who liked to return from the dead and upset everyone. She desperately wanted to know what had happened between the pair that had Beverly so riled up and Jean-Luc desperate to explain himself. But she decided she wouldn't show weakness in front of Beverly and she did her best to keep her expression nonchalant.

"What is it you wanted to see me about?" she asked as Beverly led her into her plush, windowless office.

Beverly sat down behind the desk and offered Briggy the chair opposite her. "I'd very much like to talk about your medical condition," she said.

Briggy looked surprised. "My medical condition?"

Beverly nodded. "Yes, I'd like to see if I can do anything to help."

"But Katherine is my doctor," Briggy pointed out. "And she has tried everything she can think of to help me. Does she know about this?"

"I spoke to her this afternoon," Beverly answered. "Just before I sent for you. She doesn't think that there is anything I can do either, which is probably why she agreed to let me try."

"Why are you bothering?" Briggy did nothing to hide her suspicion.

"Because I know that you are dying Briggy," Beverly said softly.

Briggy's eyes widened, she shuffled uneasily in her seat. "Did Katherine tell you that?" she asked in a small voice.

Beverly shook her head. "I _am_ a doctor. I looked over all the test results. I know what the analysis is."

There was a moment of silence. Then Briggy asked, "But why do you want to help _me_?"

Beverly sighed. "I have worked, or so I've been told – I can't remember, but I've worked my entire life trying my best to save peoples lives. Your life is no exception. And because we both have Arvada III to thank for most of the crappy things that have happened in our lives."

"You know what would be more helpful to me?" Briggy asked.

"What's that?"

"That you could somehow make me act my age and be able to conceive a baby," Briggy said, running a hand through her think dark hair. "I'm going to be seventy next year and I have longed to have a baby ever since I can remember. I don't care that I'm dying so much."

"But according to these test results," Beverly said and pointed to her computer monitor, "you only have three to five years left to live."

Briggy nodded. "I know. And it could be less than that, too. My DNA is crashing in on itself, just like a clone's DNA does if not properly treated. But on the plus side, at least it's closing down slowly."

"I know I could help you conceive a baby," Beverly said, looking at the data on her screen, and then biting on her bottom lip. "But you have to consider the possibility that you will die in a few years time. It wouldn't be fair to the child… Who would be the child's carer? Your sister Charlie is getting on in age, too."

Briggy shifted in her seat uncomfortably, her lip trembling. "I didn't want to think about that."

"In these kinds of situations, you have to look at every possible outcome, no matter how painful they may be," Beverly said. "It's certainly not easy, but it's something that must be done."

"But any parent could die shortly after having a baby. Mothers used to die during childbirth."

"But you _know_ it's going to happen," Beverly said, her eyes shining with compassion. "You know that you will be leaving your baby alone in the world."

"What do you suggest I do?" Briggy asked, sadness clear in her eyes.

"Let me see if I can stop you from dying," Beverly answered. "We need to concentrate on that first. Your chronological age is totally out of the picture. Your body is that of a thirty-five-year old. If I can help you, and I mean _if_, I'm not promising anything here Briggy, I will try and get your mental age and your physical age level."

"And stop me from dying?"

"Well, that _is_ first on my list," Beverly answered.

"You seem quite confident," said Briggy.

Beverly heaved a sigh. "I seem to recall having to deal with a similar problem and I vaguely remember that it was a clone. But his degeneration was too fast and too severe to stop it. Your condition is deteriorating very slowly; I just might have the time to work out the cure… or at least a fix or something to halt the process in its tracks. But please don't get your hopes up. I only have a theory in mind."

"Okay," Briggy said, taking a deep breath. "I don't have anything to lose here, do I? I accept your offer… even if I am a little suspicious of your motives."

Beverly grinned. "No need to be suspicious."

"Just remember, I am the number one expert in Starfleet on body language and I will be able to tell if you're about to give me a lethal dose of something."

Beverly laughed and then spoke seriously, "I don't have anything against you, Briggy."

Briggy couldn't say the same thing about Beverly, so she remained silent.

"I am going to have to help you with your condition during my off duty time," Beverly said with a look back at her monitor. "They keep me pretty busy down here in 'the bowels'. So if you could come here at say… three… each afternoon while you're here. When you get discharged, then we'll have to work something else out."

"That seems fair," Briggy said.

Beverly pulled a data pad out from a drawer in her desk. "Are you back on the Yemser 2000? Because if you are, then we have a long wait ahead of us."

"Actually, I'm not," Briggy answered, surprising the doctor.

Beverly looked up with interest. "Really?"

"Katherine is dosing me up tonight," Briggy explained. "She treats me when she's off duty too. She is finishing at nineteen hundred hours and we were going to begin the first dosage tonight. I have to take the first few dosages intravenously, so it takes a while."

"I would rather you didn't take it," Beverly said.

"How come?"

"Because I need to see what is happening inside your body without anything being affected by any drugs. It wouldn't be a problem normally because I could take the drug from within your system. But Yemser 2000 is different."

"I'm not sure Katherine would like me to stop," Briggy said slowly.

Beverly pondered that for a moment as she tapped a computer pen idly on the surface of her desk. "If you want me to help you, may I suggest that you switch doctors?"

Briggy's eyes opened wide. "I don't know…"

"Just give me six months," Beverly said. "If nothing has happened, then you can transfer back under Dr Pulaski."

Briggy frowned. "Has Liam agreed to this, too?"

"I spoke to him last week, but because he is still serving on the Enterprise for the moment, he can't be in the project. But," the doctor added, picking up her data pad, "I have managed to find two others who were taken with you back on Arvada III."

"You have?" Briggy said, surprised.

Beverly nodded. "Believe me, that took some detective work on my part. I pulled in a few favours from people I didn't remember I knew until they told me I knew them. Anyway, I found two women; one named Keira McMillan and another called Mariah Ellwood. They are both interested in the project. Mariah was left alone to get on with her life. But Keira was helped like you by a doctor on Betazed, where she has been living ever since the incident."

"I remember them both," Briggy said, there and then making up her mind to leave Dr Pulaski's care.

"Well, they are both going to arrive here tomorrow afternoon," Beverly continued. "If you would like to join the project, meet us here tomorrow at three."

Briggy told Beverly she wanted to sleep on it and agreed not to take the Yemser 2000 until she had made up her mind. She left Beverly to work and went back to her room.


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

Beverly walked slowly back to her quarters on campus, totally exhausted and looking forward to a soak in a nice hot bath. It was morning now and the campus was crowded with medical students and staff on the day shift rushing to get to classes. Beverly hated working the night shift. She missed the daylight.

When the lift opened on her floor, she spotted a pair of black boots in the distance. Instantly she knew who it was sitting outside her door. She toyed with the idea of turning right around and going elsewhere; perhaps to the hotel on the other side of the campus, but decided against it. She may as well get this meeting over and done with.

"What do you think you are doing?" she demanded as she walked up to Jean-Luc.

"You're late," he answered.

Beverly shook her head. "You're incredible. Now, if you don't mind, you are in the way of my door. I am going to take a bath."

"You finished your shift nearly two hours ago," he continued.

"I had some work to catch up on," she said, then stopped and cringed when she realised she was explaining herself to him needlessly. "Don't tell me you've been sitting here all night long."

"That's dedication to the cause, Doctor," he answered, climbing to his feet and stretching out his muscles.

Beverly rolled her eyes. "What do you want?"

"I want to explain what happened yesterday in the swimming pool."

"I know what happened. You turned me down and ran away." Beverly shrugged, entered her door code, and opened the door to her quarters.

Jean-Luc marched into Beverly's quarters without an invite. "Yes, that is what happened," he said. "But I want to explain _why_ that happened."

Beverly stood outside on the landing, glaring back at him. "I don't remember inviting you in."

Jean-Luc smiled. "I took the liberty of inviting myself in. I hope you don't mind."

Beverly sighed and rolled her eyes before joining him inside and closing the door behind them. "This better be good."

Meanwhile, Jean-Luc had had the chance of looking around Beverly's quarters and his mouth hung open at the mess. "Did your wardrobe explode?" he asked.

Beverly realised what he meant and immediately started collecting her dirty clothes up in her arms and throwing them into her bedroom.

Jean-Luc chuckled as he watched her. "Don't tell me…"

"Don't tell you what?" she asked, all of a fluster.

"You haven't remembered how to tidy up yet?" Laughing at his own joke, he went to find an empty space on the couch to sit on.

"I wasn't expecting company," she said.

"Don't worry about it. Come sit down, I want to talk to you."

Beverly paused, her arms full of clothes. "I probably won't want to hear it."

"Well, you won't know that until you come and sit down and listen to what I've got to say," he answered with a wry smile.

Beverly dropped the pile of clothes unceremoniously at her feet and went and sat down next to him on the couch. "What is it?"

"Do you remember what we were talking about just before Deanna and Will arrived yesterday at the house?" he asked softly.

Beverly pondered his question for a moment then answered, "Not really."

Jean-Luc looked surprised. "You don't? I didn't realise your short term memory was affected as well."

"It's not usually," she said. "But, I'm tired and a lot has happened between then and now."

"You were going to give yourself a year," he said.

"Oh, yes, of course!" she exclaimed. "A year before I make any changes to my life."

Jean-Luc nodded. "Exactly."

It took a moment for the penny to drop. "Oh."

"I did the only thing I could do in that situation," Jean-Luc went on, "I stopped our kiss and got out of the area. If I had stayed, you would have broken your promise to your old self."

Beverly sighed. "I'm sure she wouldn't mind."

"I'm not so sure about that," Jean-Luc said sadly, shaking his head and looking away from her. When he looked up again, he found Beverly gazing at him with a puzzled expression on her face.

"You think she would mind?" she asked in a distant voice.

"I'm quite sure of that."

Beverly shook her head,."How can you be so damned sure? You're not Betazoid. I'm her and I can't even be that sure, Jean-Luc."

"I made a move once," he said slowly.

"Is that the time that you told me about when I turned you down?" Beverly asked.

Jean-Luc nodded. "That's it."

"Just once?"

"What do you mean?"

"You only tried it on with me once?" Beverly asked.

"That's right."

Beverly seemed to think on that for a while. "Why didn't you ask her again? Maybe persistence would have paid off in the end?"

"It hurt too much the first time," he said. "I think the mere thought of the pain of her rejection scared me off for life."

"So you were waiting for me to make the next move?"

Jean-Luc nodded. "And I don't think, to be honest, that that will ever happen. Not for one minute."

"May I ask why?"

Jean-Luc shook his head and then shrugged. "I don't know. I just have this gut feeling… We have known each other for decades, Beverly, and I'm pretty sure that if something were ever to happen between us, it would already have done so."

Silence fell between them; each lost in their own thoughts.

Then he broke the silence by asking, "Do you have any idea what was going on in your head back then?"

"Jean-Luc, I really wish I did. But I can't even remember you making your move on me."

"It wasn't so much of a move," he said, looking away with embarrassment.

Beverly couldn't help but snigger at his expression. "What was it then?"

"I would never touch a woman without asking permission first," he said.

"You asked my permission and I said no?" she inquired in a tender voice.

Jean-Luc nodded, rubbing his hands together in acute embarrassment. "I didn't actually say 'may I touch you?'"

Beverly frowned. "What did you say?"

"I can't remember now," he said. "All I remember is you turning me down."

"Well if it's any consolation, I wouldn't turn you down."

Jean-Luc groaned, pulling his hands into fists. "Seriously, don't you think a year is too long to wait?"

Beverly laughed loudly, then leant forward and wrapped her arms around him, pressing her cheek to his shoulder. "Can I suggest you go back to the Enterprise?"

Jean-Luc turned and pressed his lips to her hair, inhaling the scent of her. "Perhaps that would be best."

She sighed softly. "I'd hate it too, but under the circumstances, I think it's best."

Jean-Luc nodded, knowing that Beverly was right. They needed distance between them.

"I was thinking," Beverly said, "do you remember what you said to me about waiting a year?"

"Yes."

"What if I don't recover?" she asked.

Jean-Luc frowned, as he wasn't following her train of thought. "I don't understand what you are getting at."

"I'm not your Beverly," she said. "I'm not the Beverly you fell in love with."

Jean-Luc pulled back from her embrace to look at her face. He frowned, not quite knowing what to say to that.

"I'm not," she repeated.

"You are…" he answered, not quite truthfully.

Beverly groaned in frustration. "There is no point lying, Jean-Luc," she said. "People are always telling me that I'm different. In fact, Deanna does almost daily and you might not actually come right out and tell me that you've noticed it, but I can tell by the expression on your face. You look amazed or shocked whenever I'm doing something that I wouldn't normally have done before."

"Essentially, you are still the same woman," he said, knowing there was no point in denying her accusation. He knew she was right.

Beverly sighed. "Maybe. But last week, when Briggy had cut her hand, you came back into the house to find me and you looked… concerned. I knew I'd done something wrong. I'm still unsure of what that was to be honest, but I know it was something."

"That was nothing," he said.

"What was it?" Beverly wouldn't drop it.

Jean-Luc shrugged. "Normally, you wouldn't have left your patient's side until you had transferred her to the care of another doctor or had healed them yourself."

"She'd only cut her hand!"

"I know that. I realise it wasn't serious," Jean-Luc said, trying to placate her. "But even still, the old Beverly wouldn't have left Briggy's side. You would have ordered me to call for the paramedics, or at the very least come straight back to the patient's side after calling them."

"See!" Beverly snapped, climbing to her feet. She couldn't sit still in her agitated state. "I am different! There is a distinct difference between the old Beverly and me, and if I never recover fully, I'm not the woman you're in love with!"

Jean-Luc reached for her hand. "Beverly."

Beverly sighed deeply; his touch and his calming voice had wondrous effects on her.

"If we had been together, and you had had some kind of disorder, whether it mental, medical or even physical, it could never change the way I feel about you. As Will Riker would say 'shit happens' and when it does, you have to deal with it. Maybe you aren't entirely the same as before, but I'm just grateful that you are here with me now, and nothing will change that."

Beverly's eyes filled with tears at his heartfelt words. She wished she could kiss him and show him how much she loved him. Instead, she had to settle for a cuddle. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and held him close to her. "Thank you," she whispered.

Jean-Luc hugged her back. "Don't worry."

"Well, if I don't recover," she said softly. "You do come out of it well."

"Why is that?" he asked.

"Because I'm not afraid to be with you," she answered.

Jean-Luc chuckled. "That's a good point."

"Deanna seems to think that I've lost my inhibitions," Beverly said, pulling away from him to look at his face. "I guess, to you, that's a good thing."

"All of them?" he asked, wide eyed.

"Maybe," she replied naughtily, raising a single eyebrow.

Jean-Luc swallowed hard.

"Jean-Luc," she said formally, releasing her grip on him. "Not to be rude, but I suggest you go before we both do something naughty."

Jean-Luc nodded and smiled thankfully. "As long as one of us is coherent during our meetings," he said, and chuckled. "And I'll speak to Will again about returning to the Enterprise. I think it will be better all round. Besides, we are always on the other end of a communiqué."

Beverly said goodbye to Jean-Luc, both of them keeping their hands to themselves. She closed the door between them and turned her back to it, then bounced on the spot excitedly with a big grin on her face. Laughing out loud, she began humming and went and had the bath she had promised herself all night long during her shift.

Beverly arrived early at work that afternoon and found Briggy sitting outside her lab in her civilian clothing. Instantly, Beverly knew that Briggy had been released from hospital and that it could have a big impact on their plans.

"I'm here to accept your offer," Briggy said with a smile, trying to hide her nerves.

"Wonderful, but you've been released from hospital?" she asked as she punched in her key code to open the lab door.

Briggy nodded. "Yeah, but I'm not expected to return to work," she answered, following Beverly inside.

"Oh?" Beverly said.

"Like you said yesterday; I'm dying," said Briggy.

Beverly reached for a tricorder and scanned Briggy. "What are your symptoms?"

"Well, at the moment it's not too bad," Briggy answered. "I'm just finding I need a lot more sleep and relaxation than I ever did before."

"Any pain?"

Briggy shook her head. "Not at the moment…" she gave Beverly a worried look. "Will there be?"

"I can't say for sure," Beverly said. She knew that Briggy was in for a rough ride and didn't want to scare her needlessly from the start. "Come sit down and make yourself comfortable," she added, pointing to the little lounge area near the door.

"I spoke to Katherine last night," Briggy said as she sank down onto a plush white armchair. "She said she didn't mind, but I can tell she did. I think I hurt her."

"I'm sorry about that," Beverly answered, sitting down opposite her.

"Maybe its just Katherine's professional pride… I truly hope she didn't take it personally. I told her that she has a very busy and stressful job as head of Starfleet medical and that at this point in my life I needed someone who could give me their full attention."

"What did Katherine have to say about that?"

"Well she pointed out that you shouldn't be working on any patients until you had your full medical licence returned. But, of course I pointed out that I was willing to take that chance. I know you're good for it."

Beverly smiled. "Thank you."

"So where are these other two patients of yours?"

"They should be here any minute," the doctor answered as she busily worked her way through the data she has received after scanning Briggy when they had arrived.

Not long after Briggy's question, the visitors arrived with an escort from Security. Beverly welcomed them inside her lab and introduced everyone to each other.

Both Mariah and Keira appeared to be in their twenties. It wasn't long before Beverly discovered that Mariah, whom she knew little about, had the mental age of a twelve-year-old girl. She sat shyly on the end of the couch kicking her legs backwards and forwards.

"I don't feel half as bad as I used to," Briggy whispered as she followed Beverly into her office.

"Why is that?" Beverly asked.

"It must be hell stuck for the rest of your life as a twelve year old girl

Beverly agreed. "I had no idea about that before she told me," she said. "I'm going to work with each of you one on one. I know what I need to know from you already, so if you want to take Mariah or Keira off to the restaurant…"

Briggy seemed to like the fact she was treated like the senior patient and she took Mariah with her and left Beverly with Keira.

Keira took a seat in front of Beverly in the office. "It's so nice of you to try and help us," she said.

Beverly smiled back at the pretty, blonde haired woman. "I was there on Arvada III myself," she said.

Keira blinked in surprise. "You were?"

Beverly nodded. "I was younger than Mariah when the colony was attacked. My grandmother and my mother hid deep in the forest with me. My father went to help defend the colony … he never made it. Then my mother was killed in a freak accident after the invaders had left."

"I'm sorry," Keira said softly. "I was the same age as Briggy. We were in the same year when we were at school together on Earth. I don't think she remembered me. She was one of the popular kids and I certainly wasn't. My parents survived. Both are long gone now… I guess I was one of the lucky ones."

"So you have a mental age of nineteen?" Beverly asked, making notes on her computer as she asked the questions.

"Yeah," Keira nodded. "But I am more mature than Briggy. I had to grow up when I was seventeen. I gave birth to my daughter then. I was a mother of a two year old at the time of my DNA manipulation."

"What happened to your daughter?" Beverly asked softly.

"She survived." Keira smiled proudly. "She's in her fifties now," she said with a chuckle. "People assume that she is _my_ mother."

Beverly laughed at the image, as she realised that Keira's daughter was closer to her own age. "You look younger than Briggy does," Beverly pointed out.

Keira nodded. "I seem to age slower than she does and Mariah ages faster than I do. It's good that the Betazoid doctor took her in after. She was the only survivor in her family, so she's had therapy twenty-four seven on Betazed. She has managed to come to terms with herself and even thinks she's blessed…"

"I didn't realise you two knew each other," Beverly said.

"We have been sharing a room for the past week," Keira explained.

Beverly nodded. "Oh, right."

Keira grinned. "She needs adult supervision. She's sixty-two and needs to be supervised."

"Is she very child-like?" Beverly asked

"Mostly," Keira answered. "She's actually married."

"She is?"

Keira nodded. "It shocked me, too. But there is no denying she has an adult woman's body. So, she probably has an adult woman's needs as well."

"It never even occurred to me…" the doctor said, her voice trailing off.

Beverly continued to work with her three new patients, getting to know them as she put them through a battery of non-invasive tests designed to get the most up to date information on their bodies. Mariah was the most uncooperative, but eventually she came to like her new doctor, and she settled down into the routine.

Beverly was tired, but on a high as she walked back to her quarters after finishing her shift. She secretly hoped Jean-Luc would be sitting outside her door waiting for her again, but he wasn't. Shoulders sagging with disappointment, she went inside and closed the door.

Nearly a week passed and Beverly wondered whether Jean-Luc had literally left her quarters that morning and gone back to the Enterprise. He hadn't been in touch. Not so much as a quick note left on the computer.

So when Jean-Luc arrived in her lab at almost three in the morning, Beverly was surprised to see him. "Where have you been?" she asked.

Jean-Luc shook his head in annoyance. "Starfleet have been driving me round the bend. Ever since I agreed to go back to the Enterprise, they haven't given me a moment's peace. The only time I've had to myself, I ended up in bed exhausted. I came to apologise for not letting you know."

Beverly smiled and squeezed his arm affectionately. "Soon you'll be back on your spaceship hundreds of miles away," she said.

Jean-Luc couldn't help but burst out laughing at her chosen words. "Exactly," he said.

"What?" she asked, a bemused smile lighting up her face. "What's so funny?"

Jean-Luc couldn't speak for laughing.

"I haven't heard you laugh like that in a long time," a voice said from behind him.

He recognised her voice immediately and Jean-Luc's laughter died on his lips. He turned and found his wife leaning in the doorway of the adjoining room.

"I'm sorry," Beverly said. "Did we wake you up?"

Briggy nodded absently, her eyes glued to Jean-Luc's.

Walking over to her, Beverly said, "Well you best get back into bed."

"I'm fine," Briggy said.

"No, you are not," Beverly replied. "And you very well know it, too."

"What's wrong with you?" Jean-Luc asked, following them inside the other room. "You don't look well."

"Don't tell me you're concerned about my well-being?" Briggy asked, raising a sceptical eyebrow.

"You look ill," Jean-Luc said, genuinely concerned.

"She is ill and she needs to rest," Beverly muttered, physically guiding Briggy back over to her bed and helping her slide beneath the covers.

"What's going on?" Jean-Luc asked Beverly.

"It's none of your business, Jean-Luc," Briggy answered before Beverly had the chance to open her mouth.

"Of course it is! You're my wife!" he snapped.

"Oh, so you _do_ remember!" Briggy spat back.

"And this is my lab and I want you both separated!" Beverly barked.

"Precisely!" Briggy said.

Beverly frowned at Briggy. "What?"

"You want Jean-Luc and I separated so that you can have him…"

"Oh, for God sake!" Beverly yelled, and then she forcefully hurled Jean-Luc back into the room next door. "I thought we were over all that!" Beverly then said to Briggy.

"I'll never get over it," Briggy mumbled.

"How am I supposed to work with you when you feel like this?"

"This is a professional relationship…" she said, frowning.

"That's not good enough," Beverly said, shaking her head. "We'll speak about it in the morning."

Briggy called out as Beverly was closing the door. "Wait a minute."

"What?" Beverly asked.

"Listen, Beverly, I'm sorry, okay?" Briggy said in a small voice.

Beverly rolled her eyes.

"It's just… seeing him there, laughing like that…" Briggy said, "with you…"

"How many times do I have to tell you?" Beverly asked. "Jean-Luc and I have not so much as kissed each other," she said, neglecting to tell Briggy about when she had kissed Jean-Luc in the swimming pool the other day.

"You don't have to justify yourself to her, Beverly," Jean-Luc said, appearing just outside the door. "Briggy is responsible for the break up of our marriage."

"Bastard!" Briggy yelled.

"Jean-Luc, shut up!" Beverly shouted, then dashed over to stop Briggy getting out of bed once again. In the end, she had to resort to sedation and knocked her out for the count for eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.

She closed the door on a sleeping Briggy and went back outside into the main lab, where Jean-Luc was sitting on a chair by her desk looking sheepish.

"I'm sorry," he said as soon as he saw her. "I … She just makes me so angry."

"I'd never have guessed," Beverly said. "I don't think it's a good idea for you to visit me here," she added, perching herself on the edge of her desk. "But only because Briggy is here all the time now."

"I was under the impression that she had been released from hospital," Jean-Luc said.

Beverly nodded. "She was. But she's been admitted again."

"What's wrong with her?" Jean-Luc asked, suddenly showing concern.

Beverly sighed. "You know I can't tell you that."

"Despite everything," he began, "well, contrary to everything you've seen, I do still care for her. We went through a lot together."

"I still can't tell you anything," Beverly said. "Why don't you try an old fashioned letter?"

"A letter?"

She nodded. "Well, you won't be able to argue with her when you're writing a letter. You'll be able to say exactly what you want to without being interrupted by her bitchy comments."

Jean-Luc nodded, running a hand over his smooth head. "Good point."

"So," Beverly said, rubbing her hands on her thighs. "When do you leave for the Enterprise?"

"Tomorrow. Well, today now," he added, glancing at the chronometer on the wall. "Fourteen hundred hours. I'm taking a lift on the Challenger. It will take over a week before we rendezvous with the Enterprise."

"Will Deanna and Will be leaving for the Titan then?"

"Will is," he said. "I'm not entirely sure, but I think Admiral Necheyev has asked Deanna to remain on board until a replacement counsellor is found. I shouldn't think that will take too long. I've never had a problem getting officers for the Enterprise."

Beverly nodded, her eyes drifting to the mountain of specimens she had to test before her shift finished. Jean-Luc followed her gaze.

"I should leave you to get on with your work," he said, taking Beverly's not so subtle hint. "I need some sleep. Would you like to meet for some lunch before I leave this afternoon?"

Beverly bit her lower lip then asked, "How about breakfast? I'll not be very good company at lunchtime. I'm liable to fall asleep in my sandwich."

Jean-Luc smiled. "Breakfast it is," he said. "I better head down to the transport station then."

"Why don't you sleep in my quarters?" Beverly asked, reaching for her access key. "It will save you the trip into France and back."

"If you don't mind," he said..

"I wouldn't have asked if I minded." Beverly grinned and told him her security code and pressed her access key into the palm of his hand. "You'll have to use my bed. It's almost clean. I tidied up since you last visited."

He grinned. "Good."

"I'll be home around eight," she said, showing him to the door.


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

Jean-Luc reached Beverly's quarters and let himself in. True to her word, Beverly had tidied up. He chuckled to himself as he crossed the room and headed towards the bedroom. He pulled off all his outer clothing and neatly folded them on the back of Beverly's bedroom chair. He turned at looked at the bed; realising Beverly had opted for a traditional bed instead of one of those hard orthopaedic beds that Starfleet had fitted as standard in every staff quarters.

He stood for a moment, imagining Beverly lying beneath the cool white cotton sheets. Deciding that wasn't such a good idea, Jean-Luc shook himself of the image and crossed the room to the window. It was dark outside and the air was pleasantly cool. He opened the window and headed for bed.

Climbing beneath the covers, Jean-Luc inhaled deeply, surrounding himself with Beverly's scent. He was asleep as soon as his head touched the pillow.

Jean-Luc was awake and sitting at her computer terminal when Beverly arrived home from her shift almost two hours late.

"I'm really sorry," she said as she threw her bag on the couch. "I had a major problem. It's not really sorted, but there isn't anything more I can do."

Jean-Luc watched her in silence as she threw herself down on the bed behind him, overcome with exhaustion. "Is it to do with Briggy?" he asked.

Beverly shot Jean-Luc a guilty glance.

Jean-Luc nodded and turned his attention back to the computer screen. "I'm not going to ask you for all the details, but can you at least tell me if she is going to be alright?"

"Like I said. Write to her," she replied.

"Where do I send the message?" he asked, not removing his gaze from the computer screen.

Beverly pulled herself up into a seated position. "My office."

"So she is there permanently under your care?"

"Jean-Luc…"

"I'm worried, Beverly," he said, turning round to face her. "I'm not sure Briggy will even answer me and it's … well… it's frustrating knowing that you know what's happening and that you can't tell me. Technically, Briggy is still my wife."

"For how long?" Beverly asked. "You've already got the divorce papers ready to sign or is there going to be some kind of reconciliation?" Beverly couldn't help herself; she felt jealous and wished she hadn't opened her mouth.

"That will never happen," he answered in monotone, his attention once again on the computer screen.

Beverly didn't answer; she sat there staring down at her lap not quite knowing what to say in way of an apology.

"Briggy and I grew very close," he said softly. "We… shared our hidden thoughts with each other… She helped me tremendously during the years after your supposed death."

On the bed, Beverly tried to stifle a yawn.

"I'm boring you," Jean-Luc said immediately, feeling like a fool.

Beverly shook her head. "No Jean-Luc," she said quickly. "I'm sorry, I'm just very tired that's all."

"Oh," he said.

"I understand that you and Briggy were close," Beverly said, clambering to her feet and walking over to him. She put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Maybe I've been cheated on in the past," she added, frowning. "When I remember, I'll let you know what I did about it."

Jean-Luc laughed.

Beverly shrugged and laughed as well.

Jean-Luc shuddered. "I dread to think what happened to the man in question."

Beverly grinned wickedly. "Maybe I surgically removed his balls or something."

Jean-Luc's eyes widened.

Beverly burst out laughing at his expression. "So are we eating or what?" she asked.

Jean-Luc nodded absently, his attention back on the screen.

"What are you doing there?" Beverly asked, suddenly noticing the pictures displayed on the screen in front of him.

Jean-Luc coughed nervously. "I thought that perhaps… Well I thought that maybe…"

Beverly couldn't help but find his uncertainty amusing. She grinned at him. "Come on, spit it out, Captain. There is a lovely picture of a beach during sunset on the screen…"

"Do you like it?" he asked, turning to study her face to see her reaction.

"What's not to like?" she asked.

"I thought that we could get away together," he said, deciding just to blurt out his question.

"When?"

Jean-Luc sighed with relief, relief that Beverly had asked 'when?' and not thought his idea completely absurd.

"Because I have a few patients that I can't really leave at the moment…" she continued.

Jean-Luc listened to her rambling on about her responsibilities before he answered her query. "I thought we could go away at the end of the year."

"But that's in three months time," Beverly said, shaking her head sadly.

"No, you don't understand," he said, taking her hand gently. "I meant at the end of _your_ year."

Beverly relaxed when comprehension finally dawned on her and she laughed at herself. "Oh, of course."

"I thought it would give you something to look forward to. If you have recovered by then, then we can celebrate. If you haven't, then it can be a celebration of you gaining control of your life."

Beverly smiled a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, her gaze focused on her lap. "That sounds like a plan," she said softly.

"If you don't want to you don't have to," Jean-Luc said.

Beverly glanced up. "No, no, no. It's a wonderful idea." She added a smile for show. "Sorry, it's just that I totally forget I'm sick sometimes; what with everything happening."

"That's totally understandable and I'm sorry I reminded you…"

"Don't be silly." Beverly grinned and playfully pushed his shoulder. "So where were you thinking of taking me?"

Jean-Luc was pleased by Beverly's sudden bought of enthusiasm. "That depends if you like it hot or cold on holiday. Skiing or sunbathing?"

She cringed. "Neither. I can't sunbathe with my skin and I can't remember what skiing is."

Jean-Luc laughed and began to explain.

"I'm kidding!" Beverly said. "To say that I'm not very good at skiing is an understatement. I'm as good at horse riding as I am at skiing."

"Oh, that bad, huh?" Jean-Luc grinned, remembering the way Beverly had clung for dear life onto the saddle of her horse when he had tried to take her riding. She had fallen off her stationary horse and declared never to set foot near another horse so long as she lived.

"So you don't want sun and you don't want snow…"

"I don't mind the snow, as long as I don't have to wear skis I'm fine," she said, leaning over she started scrolling through the holiday destinations Jean-Luc had narrowed down to a shortlist. "I don't mind it hot either; I just can't sunbathe or stay outside for too long."

"How about autumn weather?"

"Autumn's good."

Jean-Luc smiled to himself as he added more instructions to the computer. "Autumn it is."

"I need to eat," Beverly said dramatically. "Surprise me."

"I already know the perfect place," he said.

"You do?" She stopped halfway across the room on her way to the replicator and did an about face to head back toward him. "Show me," she said.

"No," he answered. "It's a surprise."

Beverly blinked. "You're seriously not going to tell me?"

"No." He grinned and looked back at the screen. As he predicted, Beverly rounded the desk and tried to look at the screen. "It's no good looking on here," he said. "The place I have in mind isn't even on the computer."

"I don't like surprises," she muttered.

Jean-Luc laughed. "I know you don't."

Beverly sighed, trying not to show her frustration. She planned on gleaning the information out of him at a future date. For now, it was time for breakfast.

"Jean-Luc has written to me," Briggy said that evening when Beverly arrived at work. The counsellor was sitting up in bed with a computer propped up awkwardly on her lap.

Beverly nodded and took the computer away and set it down on the side. "I need to examine you," she said as she rolled back the bed covers.

"Always me," Briggy grumbled. "Never the others."

"The others are not at immediate risk, whereas you are," Beverly answered, straight to the point.

"Where are they anyway?"

"They've gone back home. I only needed them for data purposes for the moment. When I have something concrete, they are poised to return."

Briggy blinked in surprise. "You let them leave the planet?"

"What did you want me to do, Briggy? Lock them up? I can't force them to stay here. They have their own lives and responsibilities."

"What? Even the kid?"

"She works in a school as a classroom assistant. She's quite grown up for her age." Beverly shrugged and continued with her exam.

Briggy lay still and quiet while Beverly completed her examination.

"I don't know whether to reply to Jean-Luc's letter," Briggy said out loud after Beverly had pulled the bed sheets back into place and plumped up the pillows.

"Can I be frank?" Beverly asked, folding her arms over her chest.

Briggy gave Beverly a worried look. "Okay," she said slowly. "But only because I'm curious as to what you have to say."

Beverly measured her words before speaking. "You haven't got much time left," she said softly. Briggy instantly winced at Beverly's words. "Sorry, but you haven't. I might find the cure and I might not. I hope for your sake it's the former. But wouldn't you like to sort everything out before you … get too ill?"

"You mean with Jean-Luc?"

Beverly nodded. "Despite your differences, from all accounts you and he became very close. Surely that means more than your pride? You shared a lot together."

"Make peace with him before I die…" Briggy whispered sadly.

"Well, I think you should at least tell him that you're dying," Beverly said softly. "I think you owe him that much."

Briggy heaved a sigh.

"I'll leave you to think about it," Beverly said with a sad smile.

"I can't see any improvement," Dr Pulaski said softly. "I'm very sorry, Beverly."

Beverly sighed, trying to contain her emotions. She fidgeted with her hospital gown, crushing the fabric between her fingers. "Are you sure?" she asked, knowing that Katherine was certain. She just needed to ask the question.

Katherine nodded. "I performed the tests twice just to be on the safe side."

"So I'm stuck here in limbo..." Beverly slid off the bio bed.

"Well, not necessarily," Katherine answered. She followed Beverly as the redhead walked into the changing room at the side of the examination room. "You could improve with time."

"It's been over ten months since I had the operation," Beverly said, turning back to face the other doctor. "You and I both know that the chance of me improving further is improbable."

"But not totally impossible," Katherine added. "I know it is unlikely. But there is still a chance."

Beverly rubbed the bridge of her nose. "I guess I'll just have to get used to how I am right now."

"What is it that you don't remember now?" Katherine asked. "You remember the day to day things. You remember how to run your life. I've heard you haven't remembered how to tidy your quarters yet..."

"Who told you that?" Beverly said in embarrassment, even as a smile crept onto her face.

"Captain Picard," Katherine said. "He has been in touch regarding your progress. You must have heard about the opening coming up on the Enterprise."

Beverly frowned. "No..."

"The CMO is leaving to be with his new wife in three months. Captain Picard wants you back on his team."

"But I'm probably not going to be..."

Katherine held up her hand. "About that. I've been to two meetings regarding your medical status and your ability to go back to practicing medicine."

"You have?" Beverly looked at Katherine with interest.

"I have expressed the wish for you to be granted your full medical licence as soon as possible so that you can take up your old position."

"And?"

"Well we are awaiting the decision of Admiral Hernandez. Head of Starfleet. But all the signs look promising."

"That's wonderful!"

"So you're not totally in limbo," Katherine said softly, touching Beverly's arm. "You can move on with your life."

Beverly nodded, obviously not totally convinced. "I just can't remember the... important personal things in my past."

Katherine frowned. "Like what?"

"It's hard to explain," Beverly said, shaking her head. "Well, an example is that I can remember giving birth to Wesley. But I can't remember the emotions of the day. I can't remember how I felt on my wedding day. I can't remember being told by Jean-Luc that my husband Jack had died. I know he told me, because Deanna told me he did. I can't remember that..."

Katherine didn't know what to say, she smiled sadly. "I hope for your sake you do get better."

Beverly smiled. "Thank you."

"I thought you might like a break," Katherine said. "I've arranged for you to have a couple of weeks off."

Beverly shook her head instantly. "I can't. I have too many things to take care of."

"I have taken care of all of that. I've arranged for Doctor Taylor Lewis to spend the next week with you. You can show her the ropes and she will look after everything for you..."

Beverly shook her head. "No honestly I'm fine. I don't need a break."

"Yes, you do," Katherine said.

"I can't leave Briggy..."

"Of course you can," Katherine said. "You've worked so hard! You have managed to stabilize Briggy's condition. She isn't deteriorating any longer."

"And she's not getting any better either..."

"At least take a week off. You can go visit Captain Picard on the Enterprise, or Deanna and Will on the Titan."

Beverly realised that her argument was futile. "How long have you been planning this?"

"Four months," Katherine laughed. "Captain Picard warned me that getting you to take a break would be hard work. I decided to get everything in order so that you had no arguments."

"But I can't just leave Briggy..."

"Oh, for God's sake, Beverly!" Katherine cried, rolling her eyes. "You can take her with you. Both the Titan and the Enterprise have sickbays." Katherine watched the satisfied look cross Beverly's face. "But I warn you, Beverly, I am in charge of both of those CMO's on those ships. And if I hear that you spent your entire time off in sickbay working... well, you do not want to know what I'm capable of..."

Beverly grinned. "Am I that transparent?"

"Yes."

Beverly laughed.

"Well, shall we make arrangements? Where do you fancy going? We shall have to sort out proper medical transportation for Briggy ..."

Beverly had missed Jean-Luc and had opted for the Enterprise, much to Briggy's annoyance. Briggy had still yet to tell Jean-Luc what exactly was the matter with her and Beverly wasn't looking forward to that confrontation. She was just glad that Briggy was now able to leave her bed for a few hours a day and was able to live a relatively normal life, considering her condition. Briggy was on constant pain medication and a cocktail of drugs that helped control the disintegration of her cell structure. She was still dying, but with Beverly's advancement in her medical care, she had been given more precious time, and for that she was constantly thanking her wonderful doctor.

"Can I ask you something?" Briggy asked the instant that she and Beverly materialized on the Enterprise.

Beverly turned distractedly to her patient. "What's that?"

"Can I please have my own quarters?" she asked. "I need a break from sickbay too."

"That's the plan," Beverly answered with a bright smile.

Briggy blinked in surprise. "Really?"

"Yes, really," Beverly said.

"So where is everyone?" Briggy asked, looking round the sitting room they had materialised in. "Where is the welcome party?"

"I was just thinking the same thing. Do you need to sit? I'm going to go see if I can find out."

"I'm fine. Where are we?"

"These are the quarters I had made up for your arrival. Right next door to sickbay, just in case," she added quickly. "Make yourself at home."

"No, wait," Briggy said. "I'm coming with you."

"You should rest," said Beverly.

"Don't be ridiculous. I've been sedated for the past day or so. So I certainly don't need anymore rest."

Beverly rolled her eyes and headed out into the corridor with Briggy on her tail. The pair didn't get far before they heard footsteps heading their way and a group of people came into view.

Beverly was pleased to see that Deanna and Will had accepted her invitation to spend some time together on the Enterprise.

"I'm ever so sorry," Captain Picard said as they neared. "Admiral Necheyev decided to beam on board half an hour early and we all had to be there to welcome her."

Briggy cringed. "I hate that woman."

"I'm not too fond of her myself," Jean-Luc said, smiling pleasantly at his wife.

Beverly waited a few seconds for either of the pair's snide remarks, but they didn't come. So, she smiled happily at Deanna and threw her arms around her. "I missed you," she said.

"We missed you, too," Will said as he enveloped Beverly in a big bear hug.

Briggy stood off to one side, watching the exchange. She hadn't really been in her old friends company like this, not since they had learned of her affair. She felt guilty as sin and extremely embarrassed.

"Come here," Will said, extending his arms towards Briggy.

Beverly watched as an embarrassed Briggy stepped into Will's embrace.

Beverly took the opportunity to quickly embrace Jean-Luc while Will distracted Briggy. "I think you should take this opportunity to speak with Briggy," she whispered into Jean-Luc's ear. As he pulled away from the embrace, he met Beverly's eyes and nodded.

"I'm afraid Will and I have to attend a reception for the Admiral's visit," Jean-Luc said, stepping backwards. "But we will endeavour to meet up with you both for dinner this evening."

"I don't have to go," Deanna said and grinned, jabbing Will in the ribs playfully. "So we ladies can go have fun."

Briggy smiled in appreciation. She had thought that she would have been left on her own during Beverly's trip.

"I thought we could go for a drink in Ten Forward to catch up," Deanna said, linking arms with her two friends after Will and Jean-Luc left. "Is that okay?"

"I need to check Briggy's status—"

"No, you don't," Briggy interrupted. "You did that just before we beamed over. I'll be okay for a couple of hours."

"Okay, what is going on here?" Deanna said. "I understand that Briggy is sick and that you Beverly are trying to find the cure. But there is definitely more to this than what you've let on."

Beverly turned to Briggy. "Well? These people care for you, Briggy. You can't keep everyone in the dark."

"Let's go to Ten Forward," Briggy said softly. "I'll tell you there, Deanna. I need to sit."


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

Deanna had sat in silence for ten minutes or so, listening at Briggy told her about her condition with a little help from Beverly. They had chosen a quiet table by a viewpoint so as to be out of the other patron's prying ears.

"You're dying…" she said sadly.

"That's pretty much it, yup," Briggy said with a shrug.

Beverly rolled her eyes. "She does this a lot," she explained to Deanna.

"It's a coping mechanism," Deanna said.

"I am here you know," said Briggy.

"She thinks that by making light of the situation, it won't affect her as much. It is almost as if its not real," Deanna continued.

"Well, I am getting fed up of being the go between," Beverly said directly to Briggy. "I am your doctor, not your divorce attorney."

"You've hardly had to speak to Jean-Luc for me," Briggy protested.

"No, and you know why that is, don't you?" Beverly asked.

Briggy shrugged nonchalantly. "Not really."

"It's because all the talking is one way," Beverly answered. "After everything you put Jean-Luc through, you don't even have the decency to let him know about your condition. He has asked you so many times. He obviously still cares for you and I can't see what reason there is for you to keep him in the dark."

"Come on, Deanna," Briggy challenged. "You seem to have the monopoly on my emotions. Why don't you tell Beverly why I'm doing it?"

"Do you really want me to?" Deanna answered, rising to Briggy's challenge. "Because I do know."

"Of course you would," Briggy said, "I never expected anything less from Starfleet's number one counsellor."

"Enough!" Beverly said, slamming her open palm down on the surface of the table to shock the warring counsellors into silence. "I am sick to death of this bickering. If it's not me and you, Briggy, it's you and Jean-Luc or Deanna or whomever else you feel like taking out your grievances with."

"Sorry," Briggy mumbled. "Remember, I'm mentally a teenager."

"Precisely and sometimes you need to be dealt with like a teenager," Beverly said. "So Deanna, would you kindly answer the mystery for me please?"

"Gladly," Deanna said.

Beverly quickly shot Briggy a look that made her shut her mouth before her protest left her lips.

"She is under the impression that she has hurt Jean-Luc enough already. She doesn't want to burden him with her impending death.".

Beverly watched Briggy's reaction. Briggy listened to Deanna's words quietly, before a frown appeared on her forehead. "What is it?" Beverly asked.

"Nothing," Briggy said.

"It's not nothing," Deanna pointed out. "Are you thinking along the lines that Jean-Luc might not believe you?"

"Not believe me?" Briggy asked.

Deanna nodded. "Yes, that Jean-Luc might think that this is another one of your lies to get him to stay with you?"

"I'm hardly going to get Beverly here in on the subterfuge, am I?" Briggy spluttered.

"No, but this isn't why you haven't told him to date. You didn't want to tell Jean-Luc all those months ago because of this. And now after all these months that you've chickened out of telling him, you're just too nervous." It wasn't Deanna speaking this time, but Beverly.

Briggy looked a little sheepish. "It's hard, Beverly."

"I'm not saying it isn't."

"I kept my initial condition a secret from him in the first place. I wanted him to respect me for what he saw and not think of me as a teenager. Then I cheated on him and lost my baby... I honestly thought that if I told him I was dying that he'd not believe me and we would end up having another huge row... I couldn't deal with that on top of everything else."

"Well, I think Jean-Luc has an idea that you might be sick," Beverly answered. "You have been holed up in my laboratory for the last nine months. He saw you when you were very ill and he knows you couldn't fool me. He is prepared for the worst. He has his suspicions. All you need to do is tell him."

"It won't be as hard as you think," Deanna added softly. "He still cares for you. That much is obvious. You and he went through some very personal times together."

"Why are you bullying me?" Briggy whinged as she buried her head in her arms.

"We aren't," Deanna said.

"I suggest you go and get some rest. I will send Jean-Luc to you later," Beverly said softly.

"I don't need rest."

"If you want to be alert when we all eat together tonight, then I suggest you follow your doctor's orders."

"How do you put up with that twenty-four-seven?" Deanna asked after Briggy had begrudgingly gone to follow the doctor's orders.

"I sedate her quite a lot," Beverly said, giving Deanna a mischievous grin.

Deanna took a sip of her drink and gave Beverly an inquisitive look.

"Why do I get the feeling it's my turn for the Betazoid interrogation?" Beverly asked in a dread-filled voice.

"I've always wondered if you have got the slightest touch of Betazoid blood in your veins," Deanna answered with a grin.

Beverly smiled wryly. "I'm fine," she said, pre-empting Deanna's next question.

"Katherine and I spoke the other day," Deanna said, reaching out for Beverly's hand. "I know the results of your tests."

Beverly winced as she tried to control her emotions.

"She told me that you feel like you've been left in limbo," Deanna continued in her soothing voice.

"That's pretty much the gist of it; yes," she answered softly. "It's like someone placing a massive chocolate sundae in front of you and letting you hold the spoon, but not allowing you to take a bite..."

"That's a horrible analogy!" Deanna said, aghast.

Beverly grinned. "I thought you'd like that one."

"How do you feel about that?" Deanna asked.

Beverly shrugged. "I haven't really had a chance to think about it,"

Deanna sighed. "I know you've been thinking of nothing else," she said. "You should talk to someone about this, even if it isn't me."

"I've thought of nothing else since Katherine told me the news. No improvement whatsoever for three months... I was suspicious, because I hadn't remembered anything new. But to be told point blank the worst..." Beverly chuckled ruefully. "Well, it's not nice."

"Did you ever discus this possible outcome with anyone?"

Beverly bit gently on her lower lip then said, "Yes. But at the time I was looking at it all from another perspective. I never once considered I'd never fully recover my memory. I just assumed I would."

"So what perspective were you looking at the situation from?"

"I ... Well I was discussing it with Jean-Luc a while back. And basically we were just thinking about when I could make decisions in my life. Because I didn't want to make a drastic life changing decision that could make me unhappy when I recovered my memory. I know that I will be happy with my decision to take my medical exams again and try for the position of CMO on the Enterprise. I was doing that before and I see no reason not to go for that again."

Deanna nodded in understanding. "I see where you're coming from."

"Deanna," Beverly said slowly. "I have a confession to make."

"Oh really?" Deanna said, raising an eyebrow. "This feels juicy."

Beverly grinned, shaking her head. "I wasn't that worried about decisions I made in my career. It was my relationship with Jean-Luc."

"Oh yes..." Deanna grinned wickedly.

"Because of my damned memory problem, I can't figure out why I'm not and was not with him. I'm not entirely sure I'd be happy when I recovered if I suddenly remembered the reason I decided not to take that extra step with him."

"You know, Beverly," Deanna said thoughtfully, "you're making it sound like you're going to wake up one morning a new person. You're not. The change will probably come gradually. You might not even notice it."

"I'd still prefer to have my wits about me when it comes to Jean-Luc," Beverly responded.

Deanna grinned. "I suppose that's wise."

"But I think that considering Katherine's verdict the other day," Beverly said , "I'm going to have to reconsider that decision and go in blind."

"It's not a military operation."

Beverly sighed. "So I'm stuck like this, in the dark."

"It's not that bad is it?" Deanna asked.

"I guess it could be a lot worse."

Briggy didn't have the patience to wait for Jean-Luc to come to her, and as soon as she had learned that Jean-Luc was free and in his quarters alone, she went to him; eager to get it over with as soon as possible.

Jean-Luc furnished her with a mug of coffee and a nice comfy seat in his living room. Briggy could finally see the concern in Jean-Luc's eyes and was touched. "I'm sorry," she said as he took the seat next to hers.

"All I wanted to know was if you were okay," he said.

Jean-Luc's tender words went straight into her heart like a knife. She tried unsuccessfully to stifle a sob. "Sorry," she mumbled, trying hard to gain control of her emotions.

Jean-Luc took the coffee from her hands and put it out of harm's way. "Take your time," he said softly.

Briggy sat there, staring ahead of her in silence for a few minutes as tears trickled down her cheeks unabated. She had a lump in her throat and it wouldn't seem to go away.

"I know that you're ill," Jean-Luc prompted.

"I didn't want to tell you," Briggy said. "I thought you would think it was me playing one of my games with you... I didn't want to hurt you anymore..."

"What are you talking about?" he asked.

Briggy squeezed the bridge of her nose and then raked her fingers through her dark hair. "I'm very not well," she said, turning to look him in they eyes.

Jean-Luc frowned. "Very not well?"

"My condition is terminal," she said.

"You're dying?"

Briggy nodded. "Unless Beverly finds a miracle cure beforehand."

"And that's what she's been doing? That's why you've been staying with her?"

"You didn't think we were in love did you?" Briggy grinned.

"I assumed you were ill... it just never occurred to me that you were dying." Jean-Luc shook his head sadly. "How long have you known?"

"Dr Pulaski found out when I went to see her after I left the Enterprise. It's the reason I lost my baby," she said, remaining calm.

Jean-Luc stared at Briggy for a long while, then asked, "What is it with you?"

Briggy looked up, frowning in confusion.

"You're putting on that front again. You're trying to act nonchalant, as if you couldn't care less. You're probably starting arguments with people you care about. Just to get some kind of reaction... just a little something to take your mind off of your own problems. Remember we went through all this..."

"What do you want me to say?"

"I don't really want you to say anything. I want you to stop bottling your feelings up. You are allowed to have some. You are allowed to feel upset."

"Even around you?" Briggy asked.

"Of course," he responded. "I know the real you. I see through you. And despite my better judgements, I do still care for you."

Briggy tried hard to keep her emotions in check, but it was too hard. She lost her fight and burst into tears. "I don't deserve this," she sobbed as Jean-Luc held her in his arms. "I don't deserve your sympathy."

"Maybe not," he whispered into her ear. "But you've got it."

Jean-Luc was unusually quiet during their celebratory dinner together in Ten Forward. His afternoon spent comforting Briggy had taken a lot out of him and had left him feeling sad and gloomy. Briggy sat on his left picking at her dinner and now it was clear, she was just about ready to fall asleep in her dessert. And to top it all off nicely, Admiral Necheyev had invited herself to dinner. So what was to be a quiet dinner between friends had now become duty.

His eyes wandered the table and landed where they had been settled for most of the evening: on Beverly Crusher. He had yet to find the time to get her alone to talk. Since Jean-Luc had returned to the Enterprise some five months ago, they had spoken almost daily over subspace, but this was the first time they had seen each other in person and Jean-Luc was content to sit back quietly and drink in the sight of her.

Beverly looked up and caught his gaze; she gave him a brief smile, but was lured back into conversation by Deanna.

"Are you feeling alright?" Jean-Luc whispered to Briggy.

"I'm fine," she answered sleepily.

"I think you need to sleep. You look exhausted."

"I will go in a minute," she said. "Thanks for caring."

Jean-Luc smiled. "That's not a problem."

"I think you need to head to bed," a voice whispered from behind them.

Briggy jumped and turned to find that Beverly had snuck up behind them. "I'll be okay for a little while."

Beverly shook her head. "No, you won't. You need to go now or you will regret it in the morning. I shouldn't make a scene in front of the Admiral."

Briggy's eyes landed on the Admiral who was deep in discussion with Will. "Well, she can't throw me out of Starfleet," said Briggy, and chuckled as she got to her unsteady feet. "There would be no point."

"I'll escort you," Jean-Luc said, quickly dabbing his lips with a napkin before getting to his feet.

Beverly raised an eyebrow. "You just stole my escape plan," she hissed.

Jean-Luc shot her a wicked grin and took Briggy's arm and led her out of the room. Beverly stood for a moment watching them leave, before returning to her seat next to Deanna.

"Is she okay?" Deanna whispered.

"Yes, she's just tired. I gave her her medication before we left this evening."

"Is something wrong with Counsellor Granger?" the admiral asked.

"I thought you were aware of her condition," Beverly answered, and was about to add an acerbic remark when she felt Deanna elbow her in the ribs.

"I am aware that she is ill," Necheyev said. "Is her illness worsening?"

Beverly had no other choice than to tell the admiral about Briggy's condition and to her amazement, she found the admiral was quite sympathetic. At the end of the evening, Necheyev offered to help Beverly anyway she could and asked if there was any equipment that she required.

Beverly wandered back to Briggy's quarters slowly, a little dumbstruck. She had listened to everybody's words of warning and caution about Admiral Necheyev and had been on her guard the whole evening. Instead, the admiral had whipped the rug from beneath her feet and unsettled her.

Beverly had even asked Deanna if the admiral had an ulterior motive, and Deanna had not sensed any duplicity in the admiral. She felt the admiral was being sincere.

The doors to Briggy's quarters breezed open at her arrival and she walked straight inside. The quarters were darkened for sleep, so she crept quietly into Briggy's bedroom to check her vital signs. She planned on finding Jean-Luc as soon as she had done, and she smiled at the thought as she neared the medical scanner attached to the foot of Briggy's bed.

Beverly pushed the control to activate the panel and the room glowed with a luminous blue from the monitor, just enough light to allow her to work by and not to disturb Briggy's sleep. She turned to begin her scan and stopped dead in her tracks.

Briggy was not sleeping alone. She lay curled up in the arms of her husband, Jean-Luc.

Stunned, Beverly released a breath of air that she hadn't realised she had been holding. The doctor in her made her complete the test before she left the room as silently as she had arrived.

She made her way along the corridor to her guest quarters and went inside. She felt anaesthetized and as if she were floating above her own body.

It was only a few minutes before the doorbell rang. Beverly didn't even register the intrusion; Deanna had to let herself in.

"Didn't you hear me?" Deanna asked as she walked in. "I rang twice."

Beverly shook her head.

"Are you okay?" the counsellor asked. "What's happened? You seem… detached somehow."

Beverly heaved a sigh and shook herself of her reverie. "I'm so…" She shook her head, angry with herself. "I should have known better…"

"Okay, need I remind you that I'm not telepathic?" Deanna asked.

"Oh, don't worry about it." Beverly waved her hand dismissively. "It doesn't matter."

"What happened?" Deanna asked softly. "Something is bothering you."

"I went to check on Briggy before I went to meet Jean-Luc," Beverly said, "Jean-Luc and Briggy were fast asleep in bed together."

Deanna sighed heavily and took her friends arm and led her to the couch. "I'm sure it's purely platonic. Jean-Luc has just found out that Briggy hasn't got long to live. He's worried, that's all…"

"I know," Beverly interrupted. "It just… unsettled me a bit."

Deanna smiled sympathetically.

"I'm a bad person," Beverly said softly as she walked towards the viewport.

"A bad person?" Deanna repeated in amazement. "You're not a bad person…"

Beverly shook her head in disagreement. "I must be. I saw them lying there together and I … I mean Briggy is dying, this could be the last time they get to see each other… And I resented them for it. I was jealous…"

Deanna waved her hand in the air dismissively, as Beverly had done before. "That is perfectly normal. You have absolutely nothing to worry about."

"It's already gone eleven and I haven't had a chance to catch up with Jean-Luc. I was really looking forward to seeing him…"

"You have the rest of the week," Deanna pointed out.

Beverly nodded solemnly. "You're right," she sighed. "I think I'll head to bed."

"Goodnight," Deanna said.

Beverly bid her friend goodnight. After Deanna had gone and she had secured the door, she turned and went straight to bed.

Jean-Luc awoke sometime in the middle of the night, and he lay there in the darkness, watching his wife. His mind was on overdrive as he thought about everything that they had been through together. He had so many regrets.

He thought she was asleep, but he saw her lift her hand up and reach for the hypo spray of analgesic on the bedside table. Jean-Luc waited until she had administered a dose before speaking.

"Are you in pain?" he asked.

Briggy jumped. "I thought you were asleep," she answered. "Did I wake you?"

Jean-Luc shook his head. "I was asleep for a little while."

"I am constantly in pain," Briggy said, answering his first question. "There's no point in lying to you anymore."

Jean-Luc pulled Briggy around so that they lay facing each other. "I have been wanting to say something to you for a long time."

"Oh yes?" she asked with interest.

"Well, it's more of an apology actually," he continued. "You were right all along. Everything that happened between us… well, it was my fault."

Briggy laughed ruefully. "Well, I don't think so…"

Jean-Luc reached over and placed a finger to her lips. "No it was," he assured her. "You were right when you said I had never been in love with you."

Briggy's eyes instantly filled with tears at his words. "I know," she answered. "But you can't take all the blame for that."

"Of course I can!"

"No." Briggy shook her head. "You can't. You see… I always knew."

"You did?"

"You think for one second when you came to my quarters that day and made love to me that I thought you had fallen for me, too? I might not have let myself dwell on that fact, but I knew it all the same."

"You knew even way back at the beginning?" he asked in amazement.

"It's a classic case of denial," Briggy answered. "I didn't care at the time either because I was getting what I wanted."

"Oh," he answered softly.

"I was happy at the beginning and for the first few months after we were married. But I eventually realised that it did bother me."

"And you turned to Liam," he finished for her.

Briggy nodded. "That idiot still loves me," she answered. "I don't know why, I've been so horrible to him."

"Maybe you should give him a chance," Jean-Luc said.

Briggy burst out laughing and sat up. "Are you serious?"

"Yes. The man loves you, you said that yourself."

"Yes, I know I did," she said, laughing. "I used to love him a long time ago. But so much has happened since then. It's got to have been nearly fifty years since Liam and I were in love."

"I don't think its such a ridiculous concept," he said. "You deserve to be loved."

"Because I'm such a catch! Who wouldn't want me? I'm a dying woman," she was laughing, but Jean-Luc could see the sadness behind the mirth.

"Liam loves you for you," Jean-Luc said. "Now, if I had been treated by a woman like you have treated him over the years, I would have been long gone. If nothing else, Liam's long-term persistence must count for something. It means he won't bolt at the first sign of trouble and he knows exactly what you are going through. I was told that he will probably end up in the same condition as you."

"Well it's likely to be a short romance then, isn't it?"

"Don't think like that," Jean-Luc said, shaking his head. "Beverly may come up with something."

"May, might. I can't live my life hoping and waiting. I've got to prepare myself for the worst."

"Well, then there is nothing stopping you giving Liam a go." Jean-Luc winked at her.

Briggy responded with a scowl. "I'm going back to sleep."

"Good for you," Jean-Luc answered shortly.

"I don't know why you're acting so chirpy," Briggy said as she settled down amongst the pillows. "Beverly has been in here to check on me tonight."

"Tonight? I never saw her," Jean-Luc answered quietly, the smirk wiped from his face.

"Well, we were asleep," Briggy replied, rolling her eyes.

Jean-Luc stiffened. "Are you sure?"

"Quite sure. And although it pains me to say this," she sighed, "I suggest you go and make sure she's okay."

"I'm sure she understands," Jean-Luc said out loud, more to reassure himself.

"I think she will be confused. I know what you're like Jean-Luc," Briggy mumbled. "You're a master at giving out mixed signals. I should imagine that any other woman would have gone by now…"

"That's not fair!" Jean-Luc protested.

"You said that to me about Liam," Briggy sniggered.

Jean-Luc threw the covers away from his body and went to search for his boots. "It's very complicated."

"You're telling me! I know practically everything about you, and I can't figure out your relationship with Beverly. This Beverly or the old Beverly."

"To be honest," Jean-Luc muttered as he sat on the edge of the bed to pull on his boots. "I don't understand much of our relationship either."

"But you do love her?" Briggy asked softly.

"Yes," he answered.

"Bloody hell! You actually admitted it!" Briggy exclaimed dramatically.

Jean-Luc glared at her over his shoulder as he left her quarters in search of Beverly.


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

Beverly opened her eyes, frowning. She was sure she had heard the door chime ring. Now awake, she couldn't figure out if she had dreamt it or not.

Then it sounded again.

"This better be good," she grumbled as she dragged herself out of her warm bed and searched about in the dark for her dressing gown.

"I… um," Jean-Luc mumbled after Beverly had finally opened the door. "Sorry to wake you." He couldn't keep his eyes from travelling over her bare legs.

"What's wrong?" she asked, immediately her thoughts turned to Briggy's condition. "Is Briggy alright?"

"She's fine, everything is fine… I hope. May I come in?"

"If everything is fine, then why are you calling at my door at some ridiculous time in the middle of the night? You're not allowed to seduce me yet. My year isn't over."

Jean-Luc chuckled with embarrassment. "I didn't come here for that."

"Oh." Beverly sounded disappointed. "Well what do you want?"

"May I come in?" he asked again, glancing behind him in case a member of his crew was overhearing them.

Beverly pondered his question for a second before nodding. If she had not have just found Jean-Luc in bed with another woman, no matter how innocent it was, she would have been tempted to toy with him. She rang her fingers through her tousled hair and stepped away from the door, giving Jean-Luc room to access.

"I… um," he mumbled as the door closed behind him.

"You have just got out of your wife's bed in the middle of the night…" Beverly filled in for him.

Jean-Luc blinked. "Yes," he muttered.

"Okay, I will admit that I was pissed at first," she continued. "But then I realised that we have no commitment to each other. Just a vague promise of something to come in the future. I have no right to be nosing into who you choose to spend the night with, and you of course have no right to be nosing into who I sleep with."

As soon as those words had left Beverly's lips, Jean-Luc's eyes darted to her bedroom doorway. "Have you… is there?"

Beverly sauntered over to her bedroom door, "I'll be back in a minute," she called into the darkened empty room.

Jean-Luc stood motionless, unsure of how to react to this situation. "I should leave you… to it then," he said, trying hard not to rise to Beverly's bait. He was somewhat sure that she was calling his bluff.

"Okay," Beverly said, smiling.

Jean-Luc was half way out the door, before he turned back to face her. "You know there is no way on earth I would consider touching another woman like that now that you're back."

"I know." Beverly raised a mischievous eyebrow at him, grinning wickedly. She shoved him out the door by his shoulder. "Tomorrow I expect some attention."

"You've got it," he answered.

It was obvious, to Beverly's amusement, that Jean-Luc was still straining to hear any noise coming from her bedroom. "What kind of woman do you think I am, Jean-Luc?" she asked, her hands on her hips.

"I um…" he muttered. He now had one ear on the conversation, and the other ear was listening for anyone approaching them in the corridor. Thankfully it was very early in the morning and it was unusual for crewmembers to wander the corridors at this time. "I think you're a beautiful woman and quite capable of having any man on this ship…" he began hesitantly.

"So you think I went out and…"

"I don't think you did anything," Jean-Luc interrupted, feeling a hot flush burn his cheeks. "You're trying to make me jealous."

Beverly grinned. "Is it working?"

"Quite frankly, yes it is," he answered ruefully.

She giggled. "Now you know how it feels…"

"There is nothing going on between Briggy and myself," he assured her. "I am there for her as a friend and nothing more."

Beverly shrugged nonchalantly.

"You can act as if you don't mind all you like," Jean-Luc said. "But I can tell that you do."

Beverly rolled her eyes. "It's only natural."

"I'm flattered." He grinned.

Beverly groaned with embarrassment. "Go home, Jean-Luc," she said, giving him another push to his shoulder. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"For breakfast?" he asked.

"Not if you're working. I'm not getting up for breakfast at six o'clock." She winked at him.

"Well… lunch then?"

"Okay," Beverly replied then she reached for Jean-Luc and pulled her towards him. She kissed him on the lips, intending only to be chaste. But her reaction to him got the better of her and she melted into his body, deepening the kiss. Jean-Luc responded in kind, neither wanting the moment to end.

Again, it was Jean-Luc that came to his senses. "Stop…" he mumbled half-heartedly.

In the end, he had to take Beverly by the shoulders and push her away. "Your promise…" he said in a shaky voice.

Beverly nodded her head sadly, her lips buzzing with the after effects of their stolen kiss. "I know, I know," she muttered. "Night," she added and quickly disappeared into her quarters closing the door behind her.

"How did it go last night?" Briggy asked as Beverly performed their morning ritual— physiotherapy and medication.

"Last night?" Beverly asked nonchalantly.

"He did go and see you didn't he?"

"Who?"

"Come off it, Beverly!" Briggy exclaimed. "You know perfectly well who I'm talking about."

"He explained," the doctor said, concentrating hard on working the joints in Briggy's legs. Occasionally Briggy would gasp in pain, but on the whole Beverly was impressed by Briggy's behaviour. She was going through all this pain and hardly ever complained.

"You have nothing to worry about," Briggy said, catching Beverly's hand. "Jean-Luc has made it quite clear. There is no he and I anymore. I've come to accept it."

"There is no he and I either," Beverly muttered. "Can we talk about something else please?"

"How am I doing?"

Beverly bit her lower lip and wished, even though she despised talking about her relationship with Jean-Luc to Briggy, that she hadn't decided to change topic. "Well…" she said, raising her eyes.

Briggy's eyes filled with tears when she saw the anguished look on the doctor's face. "Maybe I should have opted for the baby…"

Beverly squeezed the counsellor's hand. "You would still be in this position right now."

"Would I?"

"Yes." Beverly nodded. "I'm just so frustrated!" she exclaimed suddenly, thumping the bed hard with a closed fist.

Briggy jumped, she had never seen Beverly do that before.

"I shouldn't be here. I should be back in my lab working on your cure! Katherine must have seen all the data I collected about your condition. I don't know why she decided I should come here."

Briggy swallowed. "I'm sorry Beverly," she said softly.

Beverly immediately jumped in. "It's certainly not your fault."

"I think it might be," she answered hesitantly.

"What do you mean?" Beverly asked.

"I asked Katherine if she could arrange for me to come to the Enterprise," Briggy answered.

"Why?" Beverly asked. "Why would you do that?"

Briggy's eyes filled with tears once again, "I know the end is soon," she said in a syrupy voice. "I hadn't had the courage before to tell Jean-Luc that I was ill. I really wanted to do it in person. I still love him…"

Their eyes met in that instant. Silence descended, each woman lost in her own thoughts.

"Would one more week of research have really made that much of a difference?" Briggy asked, deciding to move away from the dangerous territory they had just stepped in.

"In a medical sense, a week is a lifetime," Beverly answered, relieved for once that Briggy had changed the subject.

Once again, Briggy looked sheepish. "I asked Katherine to ban you from working on me…"

"What!"

"I needed a break."

"You haven't got time for a break!" the doctor exploded. "What the hell was Katherine thinking? Doesn't she care for you in the slightest?"

"She was honouring a dying woman's wishes," Briggy answered, bringing the redhead's tirade to a sudden end.

"You are not going to die!" Beverly exclaimed. "Over my dead body!"

With those departing words, Beverly turned and marched out of Briggy's quarters with her shoulders squared.

Briggy lay in her bed for half an hour wondering at whom Beverly had gone to shout. It didn't take long for her to find out. Soon, two nurses arrived in her room bringing equipment and apologising for disturbing her.

"Right," Beverly said, rubbing her hands together as she walked back into Briggy's quarters.

"What's going on?" Briggy asked.

"I've had a word with Dr Pulaski and Captain Picard. I now have permission to use any of the Enterprises facilities to work on your cure."

"A word?" Briggy giggled.

"Okay." Beverly rolled her eyes. "A lot of words. I'm going to get changed into my uniform. I'll be back to get started in a few minutes. In the meantime, keep working your elbow joints."

"Yes, sir!"

Beverly skipped her lunch date with the Captain. Jean-Luc arrived in Briggy's quarters to find his date sitting cross-legged on the floor buried waist deep in data pads and diagnostic scanners. Opposite her, Dr Gaul sat, just as deeply engrossed in the data.

Briggy was sitting up in her bed and she caught Jean-Luc's eye and shrugged and gave him a sympathetic smile. He wandered, unnoticed, over to Briggy's bedside.

"I can't understand a word they are saying," Briggy whispered to her co-conspirator.

"How long have they been sitting on the floor like that?"

Briggy grinned. "A long time. And they have poked and prodded my every crevice… You'd think they'd remember to feed me? Well, no. I'm starved."

Jean-Luc winked and headed over to the replicator. He ordered some sandwiches for Briggy and himself and a platter for the hard workers.

He returned to the chair beside Briggy's bed and settled down to eat his lunch with his wife.

Briggy tucked greedily into her sandwich. "You know," she muttered with her mouth full, "throughout my illness, I have never once said no to something to eat."

"I can quite believe that," Jean-Luc chuckled.

Jean-Luc sat with Briggy for his entire lunch break, chatting together about the past. Their relationship seemed to have reached a comfortable phase. Jean-Luc was proud that they could remain friends.

"Dinner tonight, Beverly?" he asked, daring to interrupt the hardworking doctor.

Beverly's head snapped up at the mention of her name. "Pardon me?" she said when she saw Jean-Luc looking at her expectantly.

"Tonight? Dinner?" he asked.

"Um…"

"Briggy make sure that Beverly meets me tonight for dinner at some point will you?" he called jokingly. "Any time will be fine as long as it is sometime tonight."

Briggy grinned back. "Sure, will do."

Beverly raised an eyebrow at her patient then grinned. "You need to rest your mouth."

Briggy laughed. "I'll make sure she get there," she told Jean-Luc's departing figure. "Doctors, there are some stale sandwiches just there with your names on them. I suggest you eat them before you collapse and can't work on me anymore."

"I think you are supposed to be somewhere by now," Briggy said as Beverly settled her down in bed for the night. They had been for a walk around the corridors of the Enterprise and stopped so that Briggy could have some dinner in Ten Forward.

"I know," Beverly answered, her eyes on the screen at the side of Briggy's bed.

"You know what I said earlier?"

"About what?" Beverly asked, perching on the edge of the bed. She and Dr Gaul had worked solidly all day on a cure for Briggy's terminal condition. They had received a severe blow that afternoon when Liam had arrived in sickbay complaining of a headache. They had discovered that he too was now beginning to show the first signs of the condition that was slowly killing Briggy.

Liam had seemed condemned to his fate and had accepted the news reasonably well. He asked to be excused and had disappeared from sickbay to be on his own. Beverly dispatched Counsellor Troi as soon as he had walked out the door. Beverly had yet to tell Briggy about Liam. She was waiting for the right moment.

"Me still loving Jean-Luc," Briggy answered in a tired voice. Briggy studied the doctors face for a moment, noticing that nothing apart from a slight tightening of her jaw gave away her real feelings on the matter. "Don't act like you don't care."

Beverly shot Briggy a glance, warning her that she was walking on dangerous territory, but that didn't dissuade Briggy. The counsellor was growing brave in her old age.

"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for the crap I put you through," she continued. "I was a complete and utter bitch when you came back… I tried not to be, but I couldn't help myself."

"That's understandable," Beverly interrupted.

"It was just jealousy… Deanna should really have kept me away from you. She must have sensed what I was doing."

"Checking out the competition," Beverly said softly.

"That's just it." Briggy sighed. "I knew you had already won the competition. In fact I think you were winning when you were supposedly six feet under. Everyone was trying to tell me I had nothing to worry about, but I knew. I guess I always knew."

"You always knew what? That I'd come back from the dead?"

Briggy smiled and shook her head. "No I didn't know that!" She laughed. "I knew that no matter what I did, or how hard I tried, Jean-Luc would never love me as much as he loves you."

Beverly shifted, suddenly uncomfortable.

Briggy noticed Beverly's behaviour. "What I'm trying to say is that," she took a deep breath, "is that I wish you and Jean-Luc all the best for the future."

Beverly's lips twitched in an imitation of a smile.

"I know that you don't need my blessing or anything," Briggy immediately pointed out. She paused and looked down for a moment, and when she lifted her head, Beverly could see the tears in her green eyes. "I love Jean-Luc with all my heart…" she said softly. "And I want more than anything for him to be happy. I don't want him to stay in his quarters reading Shakespeare and listening to that god-awful music he likes… Or gazing out of that damned view port in his office thinking about you. I don't want that for him."

"I don't think you should be telling me all this," Beverly answered.

"Why not?"

"It isn't me that you had the problem with. It isn't me that Jean-Luc wants," Beverly said with a shrug.

Briggy shook her head. "Of course it is."

"No, it's the old Beverly. I'm not her. I don't remember much about our past relationship at all. I don't know all the details. I don't remember where we met, or what, if any, romantic liaisons we may have had in the past. All I know is what people have told me. And you know from your job as a counsellor that there are always two sides to every story. I don't know my side of the story. I don't know what I was feeling the day Jean-Luc asked me to be with him all those years ago. Jean-Luc told me that I turned him down. Which is fair enough. I trust him enough to believe that. But I have no idea what I was feeling at the time, and I have no idea why I said no and until I do…"

Briggy sat in stunned silence. "I had no idea," she whispered.

Beverly nodded. "So, there is no point in giving me your blessing. When I've remembered everything, you can tell me again if you like." Beverly got to her feet and smoothed down her crumpled uniform.

"I can tell that you love him," the counsellor said softly.

Beverly met Briggy's eyes. "Yes," she answered sadly.

"And that confuses you doesn't it?"

Beverly laughed bitterly. "You bet."

"You—"

"I'm going to Jean-Luc's for dinner," Beverly said, cutting Briggy off before she had a chance to finish her sentence.

Briggy sighed, '_It will keep_,' she said to herself. She watched the weary doctor leave her quarters. Briggy needed Beverly, and although she didn't know it yet, Beverly needed Briggy just as much.

Jean-Luc answered the door to a very tired looking Beverly. She smiled sleepily at him as she made herself comfortable on his couch where he had laid out a few appetisers.

"I don't think I am going to be very good company tonight," she said after Jean-Luc had given her a glass of chilled white wine. He sat down beside her and lifted a glass tray of appetisers, hoping to tempt his friend.

Jean-Luc smiled. "I'm just glad that you are here. Are you hungry?"

"Of course!" She smiled in return before popping a salmon and cream cheese roll into her mouth. "I don't think I got around to eating any of those sandwiches you got us for lunch."

"How is Briggy's cure coming along?" Jean-Luc asked with interest.

"I have made a lot of progress," Beverly answered. A sparkle of passion ignited in her eyes. "It not a case of hoping to find a cure. After today, I know it can be done. It will be done."

"That's excellent news!" Jean-Luc exclaimed in relief.

Beverly reached over and placed a hand on his knee, trying to stall his excitement. "It's not going to be an overnight thing, Jean-Luc," she said softly. "Although I said the cure will be found, that I know for sure. It's just whether I can find it in time."

Beverly's voice hung in the air, Jean-Luc gazed into her eyes for a long moment. "She's very bad isn't she?" he said in a small voice, uncharacteristic for him.

The doctor gazed back at him with glassy eyes, a small reminder that Beverly still wasn't herself. She still hadn't quite come to grips with the emotional detachment techniques. "She is stable for the moment."

"But..." Jean-Luc said.

"You want the truth?"

"Yes, by all means," he answered solemnly.

"Briggy is teetering on the edge," Beverly said. "I have been able to treat her with various medications and techniques that have enabled her to come to the point of where she is now. But the effects won't last forever. Her body will become immune to the drugs at some point in the future and there will be nothing else I can do for her, other than to administer the cure."

"What will happen to her then?"

"She will deteriorate," the doctor answered. "It will be slow and very painful."

Jean-Luc's eyes widened.

"I will be able to control her pain," Beverly added immediately. "But she won't last long. She will fall into a coma and pass away in her sleep."

Jean-Luc sighed, closing his eyes to steady himself.

Beverly didn't hesitate; she put down her glass and wrapped her arms around him, resting her cheek against his solid chest. "I will do my best," she whispered.

Jean-Luc held her close, and his mind wandered as he worried about his wife. He closed his eyes and breathed in the scent of Beverly's hair. It wasn't long before he realised that Beverly had fallen asleep in his arms.

"I did ask for permission for shore leave," Jean-Luc said as Beverly and he walked along the corridor together heading for the transporter room. "But with all the time I have taken off recently, permission was denied."

Beverly gave Jean-Luc a sympathetic smile. "I will fill you in on every detail. As soon as I know anything, you will. And Briggy has a first class hospital room in my laboratory. She has her own replicator and computer and one-on-one attention from the best doctor in Starfleet." Beverly wiggled her eyebrow at him mischievously, hoping to garner a smile from the captain.

The corners of Jean-Luc's mouth lifted slightly. "I am somewhat reassured. I just wish I could be there."

"The admiral said that you would be granted compassionate leave if the worst happens. I will let you know in plenty of time so that you will be there."

"Thank you." Jean-Luc reached for her hand and squeezed it. "I am also concerned about you," he said in a low voice, just in case he was overheard.

"Me?" Beverly blinked in surprise.

Jean-Luc nodded, pulling her to a stop beside him. "I don't think you are being honest about being 'fine' with your current situation regarding your medical condition. You haven't said too much... But I know you," he said softly, trying to look into her averted eyes. Jean-Luc watched his friend compose herself, before she looked at him again.

"Don't worry about me. Our holiday is in a couple of months. I, for one, can't wait." She flashed him a smile. "As long as everything goes well regarding Briggy of course."

"With you in charge, as the best doctor in Starfleet, I have no doubt it will." Jean-Luc chuckled.

Beverly knew Jean-Luc was putting on a brave face. She rubbed his arm. "Well we better not keep the transport ship waiting," she said, moving off again.

"Is Briggy ready?" Jean-Luc fell into step beside her.

"I settled her into her room on the ship myself," Beverly answered. Then she leaned over and gave Jean-Luc a quick kiss on his cheek. "I'll see you in two months," she whispered just before she stepped onto the transporter pad.

Jean-Luc stood to attention in front of the transporter chief, and just gave Beverly a curt nod.

Beverly chuckled at his formal stance as she transported away from the Enterprise to begin her four day journey back to Earth.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

"Are you comfortable?" Beverly asked as she plumped Briggy's pillows.

"Just about," Briggy answered. She was tired out from the journey, but despite her tiredness, she had insisted on walking from the transport station to Beverly's lab situated in the main building at the headquarters of Starfleet medical. Beverly had had to hold her up all the way.

"You should have used the antigravity chair.'

Briggy shook her head. "No I shouldn't have. From what you told me on the way back here, that might have been my last chance to walk outside in the fresh air."

Beverly sighed. "Not if I can help it."

Briggy grinned sleepily. "That's the spirit!"

"Well I'm not giving up, even if you have," Beverly answered.

"I've not given up," Briggy answered quickly. "It's just a case of preparing for the worst and hoping for the best. That way I won't be disappointed."

Beverly wished Briggy goodnight and turned the lights down as she reached the door.

"Beverly," Briggy called softly in the darkness.

"Yes?"

"Thank you for letting me have the opportunity to speak with Jean-Luc. I really needed to do that. I should have done it a long time ago."

"Well, I wish you had told me the real reason for our enforced vacation."

"Goodnight," Briggy said.

Beverly gave an infuriated groan and closed the door. As promised, the first thing she did was send Jean-Luc a communiqué to tell him of their safe arrival and to reassure him that Briggy was stable. Then, despite her weariness, she set to work on the cure for Briggy's condition. She wouldn't rest until she had finished.

For a few moments, Beverly stared at the results displayed on the screen. Though it seemed a lifetime had passed, in reality it had really only been seven weeks. She had begun to believe she would never see what she was looking at right then.

She sat back in her chair and pushed her hair back. Beverly didn't allow herself to get excited as she ran the scan again for the sixth time. Two minutes later, once again the same results appeared on the screen.

"I've done it..." she whispered to herself. A massive grin broke her mask of serious concentration. She jumped to her feet, and mindful of the fact it was three in the morning, she ran about animatedly in mute silence.

Being three in the morning, Beverly didn't have anyone to celebrate with. Recently, she had been given ten more patients suffering from a degenerative DNA condition similar to Briggy's, and they were all sleeping in the bedrooms just down the corridor. However, Briggy was in her old room, the room off to Beverly's side all on its own.

Beverly walked right inside and ordered the lights on. "Wake up," she said shaking Briggy's thin shoulder.

Briggy's eyes blinked open sleepily as they adjusted to the sudden intrusion of light. "You're still here!" she said. "For god sakes Beverly, I promise I won't die until morning!"

"You're not going to die at all."

Briggy looked up at Beverly's face, for something different in Beverly's voice made her curious. "You found the cure?"

Beverly nodded, her eyes filled with tears at the total and utter relief she felt. "I have!"

"What a day," Briggy said wistfully. She was still bedridden, but was already showing signs of immediate improvement. She was able to sit up on her own and brush her own hair, something that had given her pride back.

It was late; Briggy's bedroom had been a magnet for everyone in the hospital and other well wishers all day. People had come from all over to see Beverly's miraculous cure for themselves. It seemed that apart from Dr Gaul, none of the other doctors in Starfleet had expected the old infamous Dr Crusher, with her memory problem, to pull off the impossible. Most of those doctors had spent the day in Beverly's lab falling over themselves pretending that they had known she could do it all along.

Briggy glanced to her side, where Beverly stood at the window with her back to her. Beverly's shoulders sagged with weariness. The adrenaline rush had long since disappeared and Briggy could tell Beverly was feeling the effects of the hard work she had put herself through to find the cure.

"I don't know how to thank you for this," the counsellor said softly.

Beverly didn't answer; she leaned forward and pressed her forehead against the cool glass of the window.

"I spoke to Jean-Luc whilst you were with the admiral earlier. He said he had spoken to you briefly this morning... Beverly, are you alright?"

"Just a headache," the doctor answered softly.

"You need to sleep Beverly," Briggy said, wishing she could get up and go over to her.

"I'll go in a minute..."

"Do you want me to get you a transport to your quarters?"

"Just a minute..."

"Beverly, you don't look well..." Briggy pushed the covers from her legs. After throwing her weakened legs over the edge of the bed, she knew Beverly wasn't well when the doctor didn't scold her for it.

Just as her toes touched the carpet, Beverly suddenly collapsed. She fell with a sickening thud against the window and slid down to a crumpled heap on the floor.

Briggy gasped Beverly's name and immediately reached for her communicator on the bedside cabinet.

Shortly afterwards, the room flooded with doctors and nurses. She sat helplessly on the edge of the bed, trying hard to get someone's, anyone's, attention. "What's wrong with her? Is she okay?"

The medical team whisked Beverly away. Panic-filled, Briggy immediately contacted Jean-Luc and quickly explained what had happened.

"Jean-Luc, they didn't tell me what was wrong!" she said.

"I'll see what I can find out. In the meantime, I've set the ship on a return course to Earth. We were due there in a week's time anyhow."

Briggy ended the communiqué. It never ceased to amaze her how Jean-Luc kept his composure during a crisis like this.

"Briggy," Katherine said as she entered Briggy's room.

"What's wrong with Beverly?" Briggy asked as soon as Dr Pulaski had made her presence known.

Katherine held up a hand. "She's going to be fine. She's sleeping now. I think, given her current exhaustion, I'm going to keep her sedated for as long as possible."

"Was it exhaustion?"

Katherine shook her head and ventured further into the room. "She had a subarachnoid haemorrhage. Do you know what that is?"

Briggy thought about it for a few seconds. "I've heard of it."

"A subarachnoid haemorrhage is a sudden leak of blood over the surface of the brain. Basically it's a brain aneurism, which is weakness in the wall of one of the blood vessels supplying blood to the brain. A brain haemorrhage occurs when the blood vessel wall ruptures because of the pressure of blood, and when this happens, blood bursts into the surrounding tissues…" Katherine stopped her lecture and looked at Briggy, whose mouth had fallen open. "It's a good job you were near her when she collapsed. It was a serious bleed and ... well... any longer and…"

"But she's fine now?" Briggy asked.

"Yes, I repaired the bleed."

"I need to tell Jean-Luc," Briggy said, reaching for her computer terminal.

"I already spoke to him," Katherine said softly. "He has gone from red alert to yellow." She smiled. "He told me to come and explain. I'm sorry we could explain when we were here earlier, but now you know why. We didn't have time."

"Was it my fault?"

Katherine shot Briggy a questioning look. "What do you mean?"

"Did she get it because she hasn't been sleeping, because she's been totally obsessed with finding my cure?"

"No," Katherine said. "I don't think this has anything to do with her obsession. I believe it may have been triggered at some point by the brain surgery she had on Kilyan. It was probably just there, waiting to happen. I'm reviewing her records, I want to find out how and why we missed it during the surgery she had when she returned to the Enterprise."

"Can I see her?" Briggy asked.

Katherine nodded. "Where is your chair?"

A few minutes later, Katherine showed Briggy into the room where Beverly lay still and silent in bed. Briggy moved the chair over to Beverly's bedside. She took Beverly's hand in hers.

"Do you want to be alone?" Katherine asked from the doorway. She was struck by the intense change in the women's relationship. Not so long ago, Briggy had been unable to speak about Beverly without being nasty.

"She is totally amazing," Briggy said, shaking her head slightly. "Do you know that?"

Katherine smiled. "So it seems."

"After all the crap I put her through she still went ahead and found the cure for me," Briggy said. "And it wasn't like it was an easy thing to do. She went without sleep for days on end, running tests that couldn't be left... Whenever I needed her, she was there for me. I didn't deserve that kindness; I don't deserve that kindness."

"That is precisely why I have recommended her for the position of chief medical officer on the Enterprise."

Briggy, who had been watching Beverly's face, spun her head around in surprise. "That's great!"

Katherine smiled. "I think Beverly's most likely got the job."

"Why is that?"

"Because it's Captain Picard's decision." Katherine laughed.

Briggy smiled. "I wonder if he'll have me back as Ship's Counsellor." She sighed heavily. "He was alright with me when he knew I was dying, but now that I'm going to be around a bit longer..."

"Time will tell."

Beverly awoke the next day with a fog of confusion clouding her mind. She was alone in bed and didn't know where she was. Shortly after waking, the door opened and a nurse, responding to the computer's notification that the patient was awake, entered the room.

The nurse quickly explained what had happened and asked Beverly if she wanted anything or if there was anyone she needed to speak to.

For the moment, Beverly wanted to be alone, so she shook her head. "No, thank you. I'll call if I need something."

"As you wish," the nurse answered, closing the door quietly behind her as she left.

Beverly shifted her position and sat up groggily. She rubbed her temples, trying to shift the tension headache mounting behind her eyes. Just as she was starting to think about the stress of the past few months, the door opened again.

"Beverly," Jean-Luc said, rushing over to her bedside. "How are you feeling?" He leaned over to kiss her lips.

Beverly leaned over so that his lips met her cheek. "What are you doing here?"

"After what happened, I decided to come home early," he answered. Jean-Luc was puzzled that she didn't seem happy to see him.

She reached for his hand and squeezed it. "Thank you."

"Are you feeling okay? Do you need to see Dr Pulaski, because she is right outside, I can go and get her if you want me to."

"I'm fine," Beverly answered. "Just a little groggy, but that will pass."

"Are you sure?" he asked insistently.

"Stop fussing Jean-Luc," Beverly snapped.

Jean-Luc was stung by her sharp tongue. He watched as Beverly turned and lay down on her side, facing away from him.

He heard Beverly take a sharp intake of breath shortly afterwards.

Beverly pressed her fingers to her temples again. "I think you better send Katherine in after all."

"What's wrong?" Katherine asked when she entered the room, pulling a tricorder out of her pocket. She crouched down to Beverly's eye level. Beverly still had her fingers pressed into her temples.

"Is she alright?" Jean-Luc asked.

Beverly motioned to Katherine to get rid of Jean-Luc. Katherine was a little surprised, but she asked Jean-Luc to wait outside.

"Has your headache not gone?" she asked.

"No. "I think I need some more sleep," she said as Katherine started another scan on her tricorder. "Can you ask Jean-Luc to come back later?"

"Sure," Katherine said. "But he did come all this way because he was worried about you."

Beverly sighed. "I know and I really appreciate that. But I really don't feel up to company at the moment."

"And I think I know why," Katherine said thoughtfully.

"How are you feeling?"

Briggy jumped at the sudden noise. "Beverly! I thought you were still holed up in bed upstairs."

"You can't get rid of me that easily." Beverly grinned and took Briggy by her shoulders and frogmarched her back to her bed. "You're not supposed to be out of bed."

"You had a subarachnoid haemorrhage and you're up and ordering me about again in two days? What's up with that?"

Beverly laughed. "I haven't been dying for months and wasting away," she answered. "Sarah has been visiting you, hasn't she? I can't remember if I actually sent the paperwork off..."

"Yes." Briggy rolled her eyes. "She's been pulling my legs and arms in all different directions."

"Good. And it's obviously working because you're walking." Beverly went over to the computer panel and checked Briggy's progress reports.

"So how are you anyway?" Briggy asked.

"I'm fine," Beverly answered, turning back to look at her patient. "Fit as a fiddle."

"It must have given you a scare?" Briggy said sceptically. "It sure as hell did me!"

Beverly shrugged. "I was a little disorientated when I awoke yesterday. But I really don't remember anything other than that. My last memory was me standing over there." Beverly pointed to the window. "I remember having head pain and pressing my forehead against the glass because it was lovely and cool to touch."

"Then you fell down like a ton of bricks and smashed your head on the window." Briggy grinned. "I hear Jean-Luc is here."

"Yes." Beverly's demeanour changed, she suddenly looked tense.

Briggy—instinctively tuned into fluctuations in body language—immediately picked up the change in Beverly. She took a deep breath before continuing, as she had thought that Beverly was over the awkwardness between them when they talked about Jean-Luc. "You forgot to take the 'no visitors' note off of my record. He tried to visit me this morning."

Beverly laughed. "Oh. I was a little pre-occupied... I'll go and rectify that immediately."

"Thank you," the counsellor called. "And can you give him a call and tell him I am in need of a visit?"

"Sure," Beverly called from the other room.

Briggy waited for Beverly to reappear, but Jean-Luc arrived first. "I'm really sorry, Jean-Luc," Briggy said dramatically.

"What for?" Jean-Luc asked.

"I'm not dying anymore." Briggy chuckled.

Jean-Luc did no more that envelope her in his arms. "I, for one, am very glad of that turn of events."

"Yeah. Though, I'm still trying to get used to the idea that I'm not dying. I've actually got a future to think of now."

Jean-Luc held onto Briggy for a long time. "You have plenty of time ahead. You're starting all over from thirty-five again, aren't you? I think that's what Beverly said to me outside just a minute ago. And you have a few more months to go before your mental age catches up with the rest of you."

Briggy nodded. "That's right. Then I guess there is only one bad side to all this."

"Nonsense," Jean-Luc answered.

"There is," Briggy insisted. "We now have to go to court to officially get a divorce. That may be quite embarrassing..."

Jean-Luc pulled back from the embrace, his eyes were wide with fear when he looked into Briggy's clear green eyes.

"It's not just a case of me signing the papers... I thought you would have realised that already... From the look on your face, I can see that you haven't. We consummated the marriage... definitely consummated the marriage; several times in fact. We have been married for over eighteen months now... And the law states that you have to go to court after eighteen months of marriage."

"That is why we have to go to court." A look of realisation appeared on Jean-Luc's face. "Before, when I started the divorce proceedings; which I might add, you put a halt to, we had only been married for fourteen months..."

"Yeah." Briggy nodded sheepishly. "My fault again. It will just be the legalities of our separation..."

Jean-Luc nodded his head solemnly. "I do not wish to fight about this. I want to remain on speaking terms throughout."

"Same here," Briggy said. "So, I keep my villa in Italy, you can have your house in France. I would never dream of taking that from you. But may I point out, if you wish to fight me for half of my Italian villa... Well put it this way, I won't take too kindly to it."

Jean-Luc could do no more than laugh.

"And there is one more thing that I think we need to talk about at some point. I have no idea of your thoughts on the situation... But there is my position on the Enterprise as Ship's Counsellor to consider."

"Do you want to come back?" Jean-Luc asked, stepping back he took up a formal position. "I mean, would you feel comfortable serving beneath your ex-husband?"

"I'm not really sure how I would feel yet. All I could do is give it a try and if I found it uncomfortable, I could always put in for a transfer. But you have to consider your feelings on the matter, too."

Jean-Luc nodded thoughtfully. "And Beverly's," he said softly.

Briggy looked down. "If you and Beverly want me out of the way, I will understand. Truly I will."

"Yes, that is all very well," Jean-Luc said, lifting Briggy's chin up with a gentle finger. "You may understand if we made that decision, but you will be upset."

"Shit happens," Briggy said defiantly.

Jean-Luc laughed.

It was four in the morning when Beverly was roused from her bed by a communiqué. She didn't bother to turn on the lights as she padded barefoot in the darkness, following the blinking red light at her computer terminal.

"Beverly, I'm a father!"

Suddenly not tired anymore, she laughed, staring at Will Riker's beaming face and sparkling eyes. "Congratulations!"

"We have a baby girl! She was born ten minutes ago," he said. "Deanna was in labour for nearly thirty-nine hours... she's really tired but she's fine..." Will shook his head in wonder; the news still hadn't sunk in properly. "I'm a dad..."

"How much does she weigh?"

"Four kilograms exactly! Aww, Beverly, she's so beautiful. She looks just like Deanna... I think I'm about to burst!"

Beverly laughed again. "What's her name?"

"Elle," he gasped happily. "Elle Riker. We haven't thought of a middle name we both like yet. But Elle really suits her."

"That's a beautiful name."

"Uh... Lwaxana wants me. I'll call you again later. I'll hopefully be able to show Elle to you then. Deanna won't let her go at the moment."

"Have fun." Beverly winked at him.

"Even Lwaxana can't dampen my spirits today!" Will chuckled and cut the communiqué.

Beverly's quarters plunged into darkness again. She sat for a moment and smiled at the happy news. Then she checked the time and realised that she only had another thirty-five minutes before she had to be up anyway. There was no point in going back to bed now. Beverly decided to finish packing for her holiday with Jean-Luc. Though, even at this point, she still had no idea where Jean-Luc was taking her.

She was packed and ready to leave twenty minutes before Jean-Luc arrived to collect her for their trip. He carried a small suitcase in one hand and a bottle in his other hand.

He smiled and held out the bottle to Beverly. "Sunscreen," he said with a wry smile. "The planet where we are going is suddenly experiencing a heat wave... I know we decided against hot weather."

"It's not your fault," Beverly said, taking the bottle from his hand. "I'll be fine."

He reached for her case. "The accommodation is fully climate controlled, so we shouldn't be too uncomfortable." He paused, waiting for Beverly to say something cheerful.

But she didn't. Instead, she walked away to do her last minute checks and to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything. He had noticed a change in her demeanour and put it down to the fact that Beverly was feeling low because she hadn't regained her memory. Jean-Luc fully intended to make this week away a celebration. He wanted Beverly to try and look on the bright side. He wanted her to see that this was not the end of the wait for her memories, but rather the beginning of a new chapter in her life. It was time she took control of her life and made it her own and not live her life in the shadow of the woman she used to be but could no longer remember.

They travelled to their destination by shuttlecraft. The journey lasted almost three days and most of that time Beverly slept, ate, or read. Jean-Luc couldn't get Beverly to join in any of his planned activities. To say Beverly was being difficult was an understatement. Jean-Luc had asked her on several occasions if something was wrong or offered to listen to her troubles.

Beverly constantly lied and said she was fine.

Jean-Luc hoped that once Beverly saw the beautiful cottage he had rented on Boramia, she would lighten up and start to enjoy herself.

"What do you think?" Jean-Luc asked as he opened the shuttlecraft door. He stepped outside and held out his hand.

Beverly looked at the pretty cottage. It looked like a scene from a twentieth century postcard. The cottage was picture perfect. Despite her mood, Beverly was blown away by the cottage and its location deep within an evergreen forest. Although, with the heat, it felt like a rainforest. "It's lovely," she said softly.

"Yes," Jean-Luc agreed with a smile. "It belongs to a friend of mine."

Beverly picked up her case and headed on inside. She allowed Jean-Luc to show her around. Although the cottage looked antique, it was cleverly decorated so that the modern conveniences were hidden from view.

"This is bedroom number one," Jean-Luc said, opening the door to allow Beverly entry. He began to follow her, but she stopped in the doorway.

"What the hell is this?" she demanded, spinning around to face him.

Jean-Luc frowned, not knowing what she was talking about. "What is what?"

"That!" Beverly snapped, pointing at the large bed in the centre of the room. She didn't give Jean-Luc a chance to answer. "How dare you! You think that because my year is up, you think I'm going to have sex with you!"

Jean-Luc looked to where Beverly pointed. The bed was bathed in soft iridescent candlelight and someone had sprinkled blood red petals across the cream satin sheets. He held up his hands. "I didn't—"

"Don't give me that crap, Jean-Luc!" Beverly spat back, not allowing him to finish a single sentence. "What else could this possibly mean?" She stalked into the room, her arms swinging about in her fury. "You're using this against me to get what you want! To get what you've always wanted! I can't believe you'd sink this low." Her voice became soft. "How could you do this to me?"

"I didn't!" Jean-Luc jumped in quickly. "I can explain—"

"Oh, bugger off!" she spat and pushed passed him, back into the hallway.

Jean-Luc blinked in surprise. He followed her and watched as she began throwing open the other doors along the hall, dragging her suitcase behind her as she went. She was obviously on the hunt for another bedroom.

When she finally found one, she stormed inside and once again came to an abrupt halt.

"It's a Boramian tradition," Jean-Luc said in a quiet voice. "Those are the petals of the freya. The scattering of freya petals on the bed sheets is supposed to help you have a good night's sleep."

Beverly kept her back to him. She didn't apologise for her outburst, or let him see her burning cheeks of shame. She continued inside the bedroom and kicked the door shut behind her.

"This is going to be fun," Jean-Luc muttered to himself before returning to secure the shuttle for the night.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

After falling asleep on an armchair reading the night before, Jean-Luc awoke the next morning with a stiff neck. The first thing he did was get to his feet to go and listen at Beverly's door. He couldn't hear anything and presumed she was still sleeping. Rubbing his neck, Jean-Luc went into the kitchen for breakfast.

It wasn't until the afternoon that Beverly appeared. She walked down the corridor and into the bathroom without as much as a nod in his direction.

Jean-Luc waited until she reappeared again before accosting her. "Something is wrong, Beverly, and I want to know what it is," he said, catching her elbow.

"I'm just in a bad mood," Beverly answered. "Leave me alone for a while and I'll be fine."

"Your moods aren't usually like this," Jean-Luc countered. "You normally lose it like you did last night, but you're not one to hold grudges. You're not usually this moody for this long either."

"I said just leave me alone and I'll be fine," her voice was tight. Clearly, she was on the verge of blowing up again.

"I had no intention of seducing you this week..." Jean-Luc swallowed, this wasn't a conversation he was looking forward to.

"Back off! Just leave it!" Beverly snapped. "I'm in a bad mood! You said so yourself! So why can't you just leave me alone?"

"It's something I've done, isn't it?"

"What don't you understand about backing off?"

"You're speaking perfectly fine to everyone else—"

"Jean-Luc!"

Jean-Luc baulked at the tone of her voice and the fury in her eyes. He let go of her elbow and allowed her to go back inside her bedroom. He didn't see her again until after midnight. Her stomach had finally won in the battle of wills, and she had come out in search of food.

It was clear that she hadn't expected Jean-Luc to be awake, so he made her jump when she noticed him sitting at the kitchen table holding a mug of tea between his palms.

"You know, it finally came to me," Jean-Luc said.

Frowning, Beverly stood in the doorway and regarded him.

"You've had your hair down for this past week."

Beverly shrugged. "So?"

"For the better part of a year, you've worn your hair tied back in a ponytail or up loosely at the front."

Beverly shrugged again.

"And your quarters have been the cordoned off by a bio-hazard team on numerous occasions over the year; yet your quarters were spotless each time I visited you last week."

"What the hell are you going on about?" she asked impatiently as she flung open the door on the old fashioned fridge looking for food.

"You're back."

Beverly's posture grew rigid as soon as Jean-Luc's words passed his lips.

"When did your memory return and when did you plan on telling me?"

Slowly, she turned to face him. "Last week."

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" Jean-Luc asked with a frown planted on his forehead.

"I did. Katherine knows."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Beverly couldn't meet his eyes. "I don't know."

"It can't be easy—" Jean-Luc began softly, trying hard to show his compassion.

"What would you know?" Beverly snapped. "No, it's not easy. If you must know, it's bloody difficult. Now, if you don't mind, I've not eaten for a long time and I would like some time in here on my own."

He noticed that Beverly hadn't lost her tendency for swearing now that her memory had returned. Jean-Luc knew when he wasn't wanted. He downed his tea and made his way to bed, all the while listening to Beverly angrily crashing about in the kitchen.

Normally, Jean-Luc would have avoided Beverly for a few days when she was in one of her moods. Normally, Beverly would be the one who broke the ice and this tended to be when she had calmed down and wasn't angry any longer. However, Jean-Luc didn't have the luxury of keeping out of the way now that they were stuck together in the cottage alone.

He had planned picnics, horse ridding, treks through the forest, romantic dinners, and if things had progressed in his and Beverly's relationship; his friend also had a tent that Jean-Luc planed to set up in the nearby mountains. It would have been romantic to spend the night beneath the stars making love. It didn't seem as if any of his plans would be coming to fruition.

Jean-Luc got to the doorway of his bedroom when he finally decided that enough was enough. He turned on his heel and stormed back into the kitchen. "Why the hell did you bother coming?" he snapped angrily. His intention was to shock Beverly into silence.

It worked. She stopped what she was doing and looked up at him with wide eyes.

"I planned so much for this week and for some reason you are in a foul mood and you have ruined it all! So why did you bother coming?" he asked.

"I—" Beverly began.

"You've got what you wanted, Beverly! Your memory is back. You're you again! I'd understand if you were in this mood and you hadn't. You should be happy!"

"I am..."

"Like hell you are! You're as miserable as sin! I asked you before if I had done something to upset you and you said no. Well, why are you fine when you're around Briggy and speaking to anyone else? It's me that has upset you! So if you have any decency left, you would tell me what it is that I've supposedly done and allow me to try and put it right!"

Beverly didn't have an answer for that. She simply glared at him. Because she was holding a knife in her right hand and had been in the middle of chopping up a banana when Jean-Luc had stormed back into the kitchen, she looked rather menacing.

When she realised that Jean-Luc wasn't just going to leave until he had his answer, she finally said, "I don't want to get into this now."

"Well, you know what?" Jean-Luc said. "I do want to get into this right now. You have wasted five days of our shore leave and I want to sort this out before we go to bed. Then hopefully we can start our holiday tomorrow."

"You said it was my fault!" Beverly suddenly snapped, dropping the knife onto the chopping board. Her appetite was gone.

"What was?"

"That we weren't together before I disappeared! You said it was my fault! I don't remember you asking me to be with you again!"

"What? I don't understand…"

"I asked you a few months back why we weren't together and you that it was my fault!" Beverly grimaced in an effort to stem her emotions.

"I didn't mean it like that..."

"How did you mean it then?" Beverly snapped. "Because I'd really like to know!"

"Is this it?" Jean-Luc asked incredulously. "You've been in a foul temper for a week and it's all because of some comment I made a few months ago? This is ridiculous!"

"It's not ridiculous to me!"

"Obviously not." Jean-Luc shook his head. "Beverly, you must remember me asking you if we could be together. You said no. It's as simple as that."

"I did not say no!"

"Yes you did!"

"I did not! I said we should be afraid! I didn't say no!"

"Basically, you said no," Jean-Luc said in a quieted voice.

"I didn't," Beverly answered slowly, her eyes burned into him with fury. "I said we should be afraid. Because you asked me if we should be afraid of exploring the feelings we were feeling. I was scared. It was all too sudden. It was too much of a rush for me... I didn't want to rush into anything with you. If anything were to happen between us, I wanted to take it slowly... to savour every moment. Because I felt that what we had was special..."

"But you carried on the next day as if nothing had happened." he answered.

"That's my way." Beverly shook her head sadly. "You never asked me again. You were very distant with me."

"It hurt so much..." he mumbled softly.

"That you gave up on me," she answered for him.

"Yes." There was no point in lying.

"I thought so," Beverly answered, her eyes filled with tears. She looked away from him. "I eventually gave up on you, too."

Jean-Luc crossed the kitchen and pulled her into his arms. Beverly resisted for a second and then gave in and allowed herself to be comforted. They held on to one another for ages, then Jean-Luc pulled back just enough so that he could see into Beverly's eyes. He took her hair gently and pulled it back, away from her face.

"I wish I hadn't been so afraid to ask you again." He sighed softly. It felt very strange to him, knowing that this Beverly that he held in his arms was the old Beverly.

Beverly closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "I shouldn't have been content to wait until you did... I should have made a move myself."

"I hate hindsight," Jean-Luc mumbled, and then moved to kiss her lips. As soon as his lips touched hers, he felt Beverly tense in his arms.

She pulled away from him after only a moment. "I can't," she said tearfully. "I'm sorry."

"Why?" he asked, following her as she fled out of the kitchen. "Beverly, please tell me."

She paused at the entrance to her bedroom and didn't turn to face him. "I just can't..."

"You need to tell me." Jean-Luc's voice choked up. "We both regret what happened all those years ago. We have so many regrets. We can't do that to each other again..."

From behind her, Jean-Luc could see Beverly nodding her head slowly in agreement. He thought she was about to explain, but she suddenly went inside her bedroom and closed the door between them. He heard a thump and realised that she had dropped down against the door. "Are you alright?" he called.

"I'm alive," Beverly answered.

Jean-Luc paused for a moment. "We can't leave things like this." He waited, hoping Beverly would answer his plea. In the silence, he heard something he hadn't ever heard before.

Beverly was crying so hard that he could hear her through the door.

"Will you let me in?" he asked, moving closer to the door. He realised as he said those words that Beverly had probably gone into her room so that he wouldn't see her cry.

"We can't leave it like this," he called softly through the door. "We've wasted so much of our lives in denial of our... love for each other. If we weren't so stubborn and proud we may have already been together for…" he paused to do a quick calculation in his head. "…almost twenty years. Do you ever dream of what it could have been like?"

"Yes," she answered between sobs. Beverly didn't volunteer anything else to the conversation.

"I'm not trying to rush you," he continued "I don't want to force you to do anything against your will. We can take our time."

Beverly answered, "I need time."

Inside her bedroom, Beverly sat on the floor cuddling her knees to her chest. She had her back pressed to the door and her forehead rested against her arm. This is what she had been afraid of from the moment realisation had hit her that she had regained her lost memories.

She had wanted to run; so desperate to be anywhere else other than near Jean-Luc. Her mind had screamed at her to run, run to protect herself. But her heart had other ideas on the matter.

Beverly knew that she loved Jean-Luc. She clearly remembered the feelings she had over the past few months when she couldn't remember all the details of her life. And that, and that alone, had been the reason she'd forced herself to stay where she was and to go on this holiday with Jean-Luc.

She desperately struggled to regain control of her emotions; to stop herself from crying. She wasn't accustomed to losing control. She hated it. The only thing she hated more was someone else seeing it. So she had run to the relative sanctuary of her bedroom and closed the door behind her.

And as much as she now hated the situation she had put herself in, she didn't regret her decision. She knew deep inside that this was the right thing to do. She had to confront her fears. She heard Jean-Luc's voice, raspy with emotion, coming from the other side of the door.

"Please, Beverly."

"I'm terrified," she said softly. She took a deep breath, trying to calm her racing heart. "Every time I think about the feelings I have for you… it makes me feel physically sick. I can't bear it… So I don't think about it. I don't allow myself to think about it. I've been living like this for so many years now that I need time. You said once that I hide my feelings, well, there you go, I'm admitting it. I have a problem and it's not just going to go away overnight. I need time."

Jean-Luc didn't answer for a while, allowing his mind to process what Beverly had told him. "How much time?" he finally asked.

"This time it's different." Beverly felt a weight lift from her shoulders. It felt like such a relief to get rid of the burden she had carried for all those years. "All our cards are been dealt and laid on the table. There's nothing to hide from each other anymore. I can't hide behind unspoken words any longer... I can't pretend that there's nothing other than friendship between us."

"I love you, Beverly," he saidhoarsely through the door. "You can have all the time you need. I will always be there for you."

"I..." Beverly began. "I need some time alone now."

She heard Jean-Luc move from his position against the door on the other side. "That's fine," he called. "I'll, um, see you in the morning."

Beverly listened to his footsteps moving off down the corridor and then, a few seconds later, she heard them returning. Her body tensed.

"Beverly?" Jean-Luc called softly.

"Yes?"

"You will be here tomorrow morning, won't you?"

"I promise," she answered. Even if she had wanted to run, she felt exhausted. "I'll be here."

Jean-Luc seemed satisfied with her promise and his footsteps faded away.

Beverly sat right where she was on the floor and cried some more. It was as if she had finally taken the lid off her pent up emotions and now she couldn't control them. She lay down on her side and cried herself dry.

After a while, she sat up, thinking about that banana she had been about to eat before Jean-Luc had confronted her. It was a strange thing to think about considering what had happened, Beverly mused as she went to fill her empty stomach.

"Jean-Luc?" Beverly called softly as she tapped on the door to Jean-Luc's bedroom and let herself in.

It was early and Jean-Luc was still fast asleep in bed. He roused as she called his name a second time. He blinked sleepily at her.

Beverly crossed the room and took a seat on the edge of his bed. She graced him with a small smile.

It was probably the first time in a long time that Jean-Luc had seen that smile.

"Good morning," she said.

Jean-Luc's mind was still fuzzy with sleep. It had taken him hours to fall asleep the night before and he was exhausted. "What time is it?" he asked in a husky voice.

"It's early," Beverly answered. "Almost seven. I'm sorry about waking you up, but I've come to a decision."

"Oh?" he said, pulling himself up awkwardly into a seated position.

"I think it will be better if I left."

Jean-Luc immediately reached out to touch her arm. "No, you don't have to."

Beverly could see the worry and concern on his face. She caught his hand in hers. "Don't worry," she said gently. "We will be together. I promise you that. But I have to deal with my... problems. And being here, with you, well, it hurts."

"Where are you going to go?" he asked in concern.

"I'm going to visit Will and Deanna and baby Elle," Beverly answered. "I've not slept a wink all night. I decided to call them and arrange a visit. Lwaxana has just left, so Deanna might need my help with the baby. Will is sending a shuttle to collect me and take me to the Titan."

"When?"

"It should be arriving any minute now. As it turns out, they aren't far away from us. I never unpacked my case, so I'm ready to go."

Jean-Luc's eyes filled with tears at the news.

Instead of comforting him, Beverly turned awa,y seemingly embarrassed.

"It's a bit sudden," he said.

"This is what I need to do," she answered. "Maybe one day we'll come back here for a real vacation."


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

"Will was right," Beverly whispered.

"About what?" Deanna whispered back, as she closed the door to the nursery.

"Elle. She really does look like her mother."

Deanna laughed. "Poor kid."

"Time for bed I think," Will called from his seat on the couch across the room from them. "The wee nipper keeps us awake most of the night," he said in an exaggerated Scottish accent.

"I'm going to go to Beverly's quarters," Deanna said checking her reflection in the mirror. "We haven't had a chance to catch up yet. You'll be okay with the baby won't you?" she asked, turning her dark eyes onto her husband.

"I'll be fine," he answered. He and Deanna had spoken before about the strangeness of Beverly's visit right in the middle of hers and the Captain's long awaited holiday. '_Beverly obviously has an ulterior motive_,' Deanna had said, sounding very sure of herself. Will knew from the moment his eyes hand landed on his old friend that Deanna had been right. Claiming that she was here to visit the new baby was just a smoke screen. Beverly looked pale and unwell.

Beverly realised Deanna's intention and her stomach fluttered with nervousness. She hadn't wanted to delve straight to the point right away, but Deanna it seemed had other ideas. "Aren't you tired too?" Beverly asked hopefully.

Deanna grinned sneakily. "I slept all afternoon long," she answered as she planted a kiss on Will's cheek.

"Why?" Beverly asked as she followed Deanna out of her quarters to go to her own.

"I was preparing for your visit. Will and I are still on leave from work, so I caught up on my sleep while he watched Elle."

Beverly nodded. "Ah."

"So," Deanna drew out the word. "You're back, then?"

"How do you all know that I'm back before I tell you?" Beverly asked in amazement. "I'm not aware I'm doing anything differently."

"Well, apart from the way you're wearing your hair, as it's back to the same way you used to wear it, I can sense you're more sure of who you are. It's a bit of a giveaway to a Betazoid like me."

Beverly self-consciously stroked her hair and answered, "Yes, I'm back." The two went inside Beverly's guest quarters. They were a lot smaller than those on the Enterprise, the living room and bedroom where all in large room. "Do you want a drink?"

"No, thank you," Deanna answered thoughtfully. She watched Beverly help herself to a large glass of some kind of spirit. This was normal behaviour for an off-duty officer to order from the replicator, but for this occasion, Beverly produced the bottle from her suitcase. "Is that real alcohol?" the counsellor asked, suddenly realising that whatever it was that Beverly wanted, well, actually needed to talk about was very serious indeed.

Beverly downed the glass, wincing as the spirit burned her throat. Without any hesitation, she refilled the glass and downed it again. Then, carefully, she did the bottle up tightly and put it back where it came from.

When she met Deanna's eyes, a guilty look crossed her face, but the doctor soon dismissed it with a quick shrug.

"Are you going to sit down?" Beverly asked.

Deanna glanced at the bed and nodded in its direction. "Go and lie down."

"I just had two drinks," Beverly protested. "I'm not going to collapse on you."

"I know," Deanna answered. She moved behind Beverly and pulled the thick jumper over her friend's head. "Take this all off and go lie down."

"I have remembered everything, haven't I?" Beverly said slowly as Deanna bent down to pull off Beverly's shoes.

"Why?"

"Because I don't think I'm gay..."

It took a second for Deanna to realise what Beverly meant, as soon as she had, she burst into laughter. "I'm not trying to seduce you! I'm trying to relax you. You're very tense and you have been since you arrived."

"The brandy is relaxing," Beverly said. "But I will lie down if you insist. But I'm warning you, I didn't sleep last night. I spent most of the time stuffing myself with food. So I might fall asleep."

Deanna frowned, but didn't question Beverly's comment.

True to Beverly's word, she fell asleep as soon as she got comfortable on the bed. Deanna rolled her eyes and did no more than clamber onto the bed and lay down beside her. She pinched Beverly hard and waited for the reaction.

Beverly squealed in surprise. "What did you do that for?"

"You obviously have something on your mind," Deanna replied. "And falling asleep isn't going to sort out whatever the problem is."

"It can wait," Beverly answered quietly.

"If it could have waited, you wouldn't have travelled here in the middle of your long anticipated holiday with the captain."

"I had to get away, that's all."

"From what?"

"Jean-Luc," Beverly answered. "So, really, I'm fine. I just needed some space and I really wanted to meet Elle."

Deanna lay staring up at the ceiling for a while, pondering the situation. "Did you and he fall out?"

"We're always falling out." Beverly dismissed Deanna's question with a wave of her hand. "Really, Deanna, it doesn't matter."

"We've known each other for about three decades now," the counsellor began. "I've been there for you no matter what and you know what? You were there for me, too. I know I can trust you with anything. I know you won't let me down. Jean-Luc wasn't the only one devastated when you were gone. It felt like a part of me was missing." Deanna turned to gauge Beverly's reaction to her heartfelt words. "It really was a miracle when you returned to us..." Deanna watched silent tears trickle down Beverly's cheeks.

"I'm scared," Beverly admitted in almost a whisper. "I do trust you. I trust you so much, that's why I came here."

"I can feel you fighting against your emotions," the counsellor said softly. "Don't fight them ... They are as much a part of who you are as the nose on your very face. There's no need for this constant call for control. You need to let go sometimes. It doesn't do you any good to keep your feelings inside."

"I know," Beverly sobbed, constantly wiping at her tears with the tips of her fingers.

"What's wrong?" Deanna asked. She didn't look at her friend. She wanted to be nearby, but let Beverly feel that she had a little privacy. "What is it? Is this what you tried to tell me that night?"

Beverly nodded. "The night before you left for the Titan? Yes."

"I'll never judge you, Beverly. I'll never be shocked by what you have to tell me. I've heard everything before."

"Do you know about elective mutism?" Beverly asked, surprising Deanna with her question.

"That's where a person or a child can talk but won't," Deanna answered. "It's usually down to some kind of trauma."

Beverly took a deep breath before continuing. "After Arvada, and everything I saw... I didn't speak for almost two years."

Deanna shot a concerned glance at the doctor. "I had no idea."

"Well, I've never known for sure if it was in my records or not. I was only eight when Arvada was attacked." Beverly sighed. "I did wonder whether you were ever going to bring it up."

"I've never had a reason to look that far back in your records," Deanna said, and she rolled onto her side so that she could see Beverly more clearly.

"You know about dissociation? Mental dissociation?"

"Dissociation is a state of acute mental decomposition in which certain thoughts, emotions, sensations, and or memories are compartmentalized because they are too overwhelming for the conscious mind to integrate."

"That sounded like it came right out of a text book," Beverly said quietly.

"It did," Deanna answered. "Why did you want to know about dissociation?"

"I had that too..."

"You did?"

Beverly nodded solemnly. "When I stopped speaking, my nana didn't think it was too serious at first. She thought I was being awkward. After a few months, she knew she had to get help for me, so she contacted a counsellor. The counsellor worked at getting me to talk, but she wasn't very successful. I clearly remember her telling my grandmother not to ask me about what I had witnessed on Arvada. I thought at the time that what I had seen was bad and that I should never speak of it. Anyway, despite not being able to talk... you might not believe it, but at the time it seemed like the hardest thing to do... I was nasty. Nasty like you wouldn't believe." Beverly glanced over at Deanna to see her reaction.

"Don't worry," Deanna said softly. "Tell me anything you want to."

"I had to go to a special needs school," Beverly continued. "We were on Caldos, so there were only five kids in the class. I didn't speak and I wouldn't do any work. But what I did do was fight and bully. I stole from the other kids and I destroyed their work..."

"You still feel very ashamed about that," Deanna said softly.

Beverly nodded. "Yes. I set fire to the school building..."

"What?" Deanna exclaimed, her eyes wide. Then she regretted her outburst, because Beverly sat up quickly in a move to get away. "No wait," she said softly, putting a hand on her friends shoulder. "I am not judging you. You were only eight!"

Beverly sighed heavily, but made no further move to get away.

"Do you just want to talk and I'll just listen?" Deanna asked. "I won't say anything unless you ask me something, okay?"

Beverly nodded. It was a while before she began her story again.

"Anyway, my teacher at the school eventually got me to speak again. She didn't let me get away with any other form of communication. She made it clear to me that she didn't accept anything other than speech. But she wasn't horrible, she was nice about it. She wouldn't respond to nods or shakes of my head. Well, you know it doesn't take long to get me mad and she frustrated me so much that I started answering her questions. Everyone thought I would get better after that. But I didn't."

Beverly lay back on the bed. "That's when it became clear that my silence wasn't the real problem. It went a lot deeper than that. My teacher didn't notice any difference in my behaviour. I was still spiteful... I was ten when my nana sent me to see a child psychiatrist. She couldn't control me, you see. I really was awful. The psychiatrist's name was Tory. Tory realised that I had never spoken of the things I had seen on Arvada. She realised that I had dissociated the memory. I remember her explaining all about dissociation to me in language that I could understand as a child.

"She told me that I had stored those memories in bad spot in my head. She said that I couldn't keep them there, because it was making me ill. And to make me better, I had to talk about what I had been through. She said that people, no matter how old they were, had to talk about everything they had been through. No matter if it was a happy thing or a sad thing. Our minds are made this way. They're like a filling cabinet and you have to talk about what happens to you, so that they become normal memories and become ordered so that you can file them away to get on with the rest of your life.

"It's the same whether you get the job of your dreams or win a competition. You want to talk about the happy things, to tell people how you did, to relive the glorious feelings. You speak about it until it becomes a normal treasured memory and you're used to it yourself. And although it's a lot harder, you have to speak about the bad things too.

"Do you understand?" Beverly asked, and for the first time, she turned and met Deanna's eyes.

Deanna smiled sympathetically. "Yes. Did Tory help you?"

Beverly smiled at the memory. "Yes, she did. I owe a lot to her. She got me to open up and speak about everything," Beverly looked away suddenly. "I lied to you Deanna..."

"You did? When?"

"Do you remember when you were telling me that I was also on Arvada when Briggy was?"

Deanna nodded.

"Well, you said that my mother died afterwards and I remember telling you that years ago, not long after we first met."

"I know you lied," Deanna said, surprising the doctor. "I just didn't know what exactly it was about what you were saying wasn't the truth."

"My mother didn't die afterwards," Beverly answered. "She died right in front of me. She was raped and then stabbed to death right in front of me."

Deanna's face contorted with horror at what Beverly had had to witness as an eight year old little girl.

"That's what I had to talk about with Tory," Beverly said. "Up until the point I finally talked, nobody knew that I had been there when it happened. But Tory helped me to get over what I had seen. And I did. I'll never forget what happened, but I can and I am living with it." She took a deep breath before continuing. "When your mind has learned how to dissociate, can it happen again?"

"I believe so," Deanna answered, suddenly realising what Beverly was getting at. "Are you worried that you've done it again? You're not mixing up detachment and dissociation are you? Because they can exhibit similar symptoms..."

"No." Beverly shook her head. "I was trained on how to detach myself from my feelings at medical school. I need to be able to do that for my job. This is different. And I think that maybe I did it on purpose."

"Maybe you did it subconsciously," Deanna offered.

"Maybe," Beverly answered softly.

Deanna waited for Beverly to explain what it was that she thought she had dissociated herself from, but Beverly didn't offer an explanation. She prodded the doctor gently into speech. "What do you think you have blocked now?"

"Jean-Luc," Beverly said in a low voice.

Deanna then finally understood why Beverly had left in the middle of her holiday with Jean-Luc. "I don't understand," she said. "How can you dissociate Jean-Luc? You spend nearly all your free time with him."

"I didn't dissociate Jean-Luc himself," Beverly explained. "This happened ages ago. Years ago. I think I just decided that nothing would ever happen between Jean-Luc and I and..." Beverly paused.

"You dissociated your feelings for him?" Deanna asked softly.

Beverly nodded. "Yes, I think so. It was easier that way. I could be around him constantly and it didn't hurt anymore."

Deanna pursed her lips together thoughtfully. "What made you recognise you had dissociated your feelings again?"

"I recognised it just after I realised all my memories had returned. When I thought of Jean-Luc before, when I didn't remember anything, there was love there for him. It was as clear as day. I couldn't wait to see him and touch him... But after I got my memories back, they were gone. It was like a curtain had been drawn across my feelings. When he came to visit me in the hospital...there was nothing there. None of the love."

"That must have been scary..."

Beverly nodded in agreement. "Yes, it was. I didn't know what to do. I thought if I made myself go on the holiday with him that I could somehow shake it off. It didn't work and I was in such a bad mood that I took it out on him. And I think that's because that when we were alone, just after I came back, I asked Jean-Luc why we had never been lovers before. He said that I said no. So basically he blames me. That really upsets me."

"You've never spoken to me about your relationship with the captain before. It was almost taboo to even mention it... Now the other you, you did all the time. You even chatted to Will about it. So what is your point of view on the reason you and he never went any further than friends?" Deanna asked.

Beverly sat up, rubbing her temples with her fingertips. "I don't know," she said in a strained voice. "Maybe he's right... Maybe it is my fault. I just don't know where it went wrong."

Beverly suddenly banged the mattress hard with her fist. "Can you see Deanna?" she asked desperately, turning round to face the counsellor. "I'm not crying! I should be upset about our failed relationship, but I'm not! I'm upset simply because he blames me!"

Deanna slid across the bed and sat next to Beverly. She pulled her friend into her arms. "Don't worry," she whispered tenderly. "We will sort this."

"Are you qualified?" Beverly asked delicately.

"Well, I was coming to that," Deanna said sheepishly. "I'm not a psychiatrist. You definitely need a psychiatrist."

"I don't know..." Beverly said nervously.

"Would you rather speak to someone you know?"

"Someone I trust," Beverly answered. "And it takes a long time for me to trust someone..."

Deanna pondered her idea for a moment. "Did you know Briggy is on board?"

"She is? What is she doing out of the hospital?" Beverly looked thoroughly confused.

"She was discharged," Deanna explained. "A couple of days ago. She came to see the baby too..." The counsellor then chuckled. "Elle is five days old and she's already become an excuse to visit me; to cry on my shoulder."

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't apologise," Deanna said quickly. "That's what I spent all those years training for. Do you trust Briggy?"

"Trust her?" Beverly repeated.

Deanna nodded. "Think about it."

"Why?"

"Because despite Briggy's job title, she is in fact a psychiatrist. She worked for years in the psychology building at Starfleet headquarters. She was quite well regarded and high in rank. But she decided a few years ago that she wanted to try something different, and applied for a position as a counsellor on the Washington. If you feel that you can trust Briggy, she may be able to help you."

Beverly laughed heartily. "Aren't you forgetting something? No matter how much I trust Briggy, how can I talk to her about this? She was married to Jean-Luc!"

Deanna wasn't fazed. "Don't underestimate that woman," she said seriously. "I can guarantee that she will forget everything else and do her best to help you."

"I doubt she'll be able to forget what happened between her and Jean-Luc," Beverly said.

"She trusts you completely," Deanna responded. "She was able to forgive Jean-Luc... Will you at least allow me to ask her? If she isn't comfortable, then she can say so. But unless you want to talk to a complete stranger, Briggy is your best chance."

"Good morning," Deanna said as she joined Briggy for breakfast the next morning.

Briggy immediately began cooing over Elle. "Can I hold her?" she asked softly.

"That's right; ignore me..." Deanna grinned. "I suppose I'll have to get used to this. Yes, you can hold her."

Thanks to Beverly's miraculous cure, Briggy felt almost herself again. She still tired easily, but apart from that, she was well. She cradled baby Elle in her arms and took a seat at the table where she had laid out breakfast earlier.

"She's so beautiful," Briggy breathed softly, stroking the silky top of Elle's head.

"I wanted to ask you something," Deanna said hesitantly. She had been lying in bed awake after returning from Beverly's quarters and had decided that maybe Briggy might not be open to helping Beverly when it came to Jean-Luc.

"What's that?" Briggy asked, not taking her eyes off the baby.

"What if I asked you to help Beverly?"

"Sure," Briggy replied offhandedly. "What does she want me to do?"

"This is... personal."

With those words, Briggy looked up; her green eyes concerned. "What is it?"

"You can say no if it makes you uncomfortable. I will completely understand. But Beverly is in the need of a psychiatrist. And, well, Beverly finds it hard to talk about personal things and she needs to speak to someone who she trusts."

"She needs a psychiatrist?" she repeated. A frown wrinkled her brow. "I'll help her. No question about it."

"But this is the catch," Deanna said, wincing slightly at the thought of what she was about to say. "It has to do with the captain. I don't want to go into any details unless you agree to take on her care. But her memory has returned and she... has certain problems when it comes to the captain."

Briggy shook her head. "Right..." she said slowly. "Deanna I'm thoroughly confused."

"Do I have to spell it out?"

Briggy grinned. "Yes. It's too early for guess work."

"The... Well ..."

"For god sakes," Briggy laughed. "Is this about Beverly's dissociation problems?"

Deanna's mouth dropped open in surprise. "How do you know about that?"

"I am a psychiatrist. I have higher clearance level than you. I know it was wrong, but when I was pulling my hair out worrying that she was going to steal my husband, I checked her out. This was after I found out that she had also been on Arvada."

"I don't know what to say."

"What you say is; 'I promise you Bridget that I will never let Beverly know that you did that.' And you say it now," Briggy pleaded with her eyes.

"I will forget you said anything," Deanna answered, narrowing her eyes.

"So what's going on then?" Briggy asked, satisfied that Deanna wouldn't betray her.

Deanna briefly explained that Beverly had dissociated herself from her love for Jean-Luc. While she spoke, Briggy remained in a stony silence. "Will you be able to help her?"

Briggy bit on her lower lip. "I've got to be a special kind of woman to be able to do this. Or maybe it's my old age. But I think I can. But I will need you there."

"I've got no qualifications in this type of disorder."

"Not for Beverly. I need you there for me. If you sense me becoming... resentful or upset, I want you to end the session."

"I can do that," Deanna answered.

"Because I can keep myself detached from my feelings on the matter, but it's obviously not guaranteed. So if you sense the slightest thing wrong, I need to stop treating Beverly and she needs to see someone else."

Deanna nodded. "I can do that."

"When is this going to start? Did Beverly call you from wherever she is staying with Jean-Luc? When does she get back? Maybe she can come here?"

"Beverly is already here," Deanna smiled wryly.

"She cut her vacation short?" Briggy asked; her eyes wide.

Deanna nodded. "She needed to get away from the captain. She's driving herself nuts with all this. She needs to start the treatment as soon as she can."

"Well, there's no time like the present. We'll finish breakfast and go and find her."

"Thank you for this, Briggy," Deanna said softly. "It really means a lot."

Beverly hadn't even bothered to get dressed and felt acutely embarrassed when someone arrived at her door late that morning. She tugged her dressing gown tighter around her frame and opened the door.

"Morning," Briggy said with a sympathetic smile. Deanna stood beside her holding Elle in her arms.

Beverly glanced nervously at Deanna. "Morning," she muttered.

Deanna marched inside with Briggy following closely behind. She waited until the doors had closed before speaking. "Briggy has agreed to help you," she said softly.

"I um..." Beverly mumbled. "I've been thinking... maybe it's not what I thought it was after all. I mean if I wait a while..."

Briggy reached for Beverly's hand. "Well, we'll find that out. But you have to at least try one therapy session with me. I will be able to tell if it is dissociation or not. But at least give it a try. If it is dissociation, you can't go on with it. It must be eating you up inside."

"But you were married to Jean-Luc ..."

"Doctors are taught professional detachment," Briggy answered. "So are we. When I practised psychology I often heard the most dreadful stories of abuse and neglect. I wouldn't have been able to stomach the things I heard if it wasn't for professional detachment. I'm sure I won't have a problem. But just in case, Deanna is going to be there to support you and to watch over me."

Beverly's worried gaze fell onto Deanna.

"I'll be there," Deanna said reassuringly. "Please give us a chance, Beverly," she implored with her eyes. "Think of what you can have when all this is over. There is a man who loves you, who has loved you for decades..."

"All right," Beverly answered nervously.

It took all the courage that Beverly could muster to put in the call to Jean-Luc. She had quickly got dressed and agreed to meet Deanna and Briggy in Deanna's office aboard the Titan. The counsellors hadn't asked her to contact Jean-Luc, but Beverly knew she owed him an explanation, no matter how vague it was.

"Beverly," he said in a hoarse voice when his eyes landed on her face.

"I'm on the Titan," Beverly said, saying the first thing that came into her head. "I'm supposed to be somewhere in a minute, but I thought I should give you a call to apologise for my behaviour."

"I understand," he answered.

Beverly snorted in disbelief. "No, you don't."

"Well, I—"

"I just wanted to let you know that I'm getting help now," she began. "And I'm trying to put this right. But..." She paused. "I would appreciate it if you would... leave me alone for a while. I need some time to sort out everything that has happened to me. Do you understand?"

Jean-Luc nodded slowly. "I do."

"I will explain everything later," she assured him.

"But you are okay aren't you?" he asked in concern.

Beverly nodded. "I'm sorry for ruining our vacation..."

"Don't worry about it. We can always go away again another time."

"I have to go," Beverly said as she glanced at her chronometer. "I'll call you soon. Bye, Jean-Luc."

"Bye," he answered.

Although Beverly was late, she didn't rush. She couldn't remember a time when she had felt more nervous. She reached the counselling chambers and stood outside trying to pluck up the courage to go in. She knew she had to do this for Jean-Luc's sake. So, with Jean-Luc in mind, she went on in.

Briggy sat on the chocolate brown couch at the far end of the room. Beverly glanced around for Deanna. She was sitting at her desk just to the left of her. The walls of her office were made of glass so that she could see out into the main area.

Deanna offered her a reassuring smile and nodded towards Briggy. "Go on," she mouthed. "You'll be fine."

And so Beverly went forward to begin her therapy and hopefully the rest of her life.


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

"Briggy, what are you doing on the Titan?" Jean-Luc asked in confusion. He had just put in the call and before Briggy had answered, the emblem for the USS Titan appeared on the screen.

Briggy bit her lip. "I'm visiting Deanna and the new baby," she answered, not knowing exactly how much information Beverly had given him. And because he hadn't known that she was on the Titan, Briggy assumed that Jean-Luc didn't know much at all.

Jean-Luc raised a sceptical eyebrow. "I thought you were in Italy," he said suspiciously. "That was where I sent the divorce papers..."

Briggy shook her head. "I was there, but now I'm here. I signed the papers. We are no longer man and wife. Anyway, what can I do for you?" She neglected to tell Jean-Luc she had been aboard the Titan treating Beverly for nearly three months, and with good success.

He flashed a cheeky smile. "I was wondering when my counsellor was coming back to work. You've been out of hospital for almost three months now."

Briggy grinned. "I thought you didn't want me back."

"I never said that. I'm just glad that we have managed to regain our friendship despite everything that happened."

"Have you spoken to Beverly about it? I wouldn't like to be stepping on her toes. This is a very awkward situation."

Jean-Luc sighed. "To be honest, I haven't spoken to Beverly for months."

"Oh," Briggy muttered. She hadn't known that Beverly had severed all ties when she ran out on Jean-Luc.

"She's on the Titan with you, isn't she?"

"Yes, that's right. She's been seconded to the Titan to help out in Sickbay."

Jean-Luc nodded. "She hasn't accepted the position of CMO on the Enterprise yet," he said. "I'm a little worried. I really want her back at the helm. But if she doesn't make a decision soon, I may have to offer the position to the second-best candidate. Dr Gaul leaves in a month's time. If Beverly is still unable to take up her position here then, I can arrange short term cover for her absence. So, if you see her, can you explain that for me?"

"Sure," Briggy said, wondering why Beverly hadn't accepted her old job back yet. "I'll tell you what. I'll come back to the Enterprise for a three month trial. I'll start when Beverly does. We'll just have to see whether it works out."

"That sounds like a plan," he answered. "Something is troubling me ,Briggy," he added afterwards.

"What's that?"

"You didn't ask me why I didn't contact Beverly and ask her myself about the CMO position."

Briggy tried to shrug nonchalantly, but it didn't fool Jean-Luc for one minute.

"Are you involved in this?" he asked.

"What's 'this'?" Briggy asked.

"I've assumed that Beverly is getting some counselling from Deanna while she is serving on board the Titan. I haven't been told outright, but that is my best guess. And now you're on board as well... are you helping Beverly, too?"

"Yes. I'm helping out. Beverly is fine Jean-Luc," she said. "She's a different woman from the woman who arrived on the Titan. Maybe she'll contact you again soon. Please be patient."

Jean-Luc nodded, trusting Briggy's word. "I hope it's sooner rather than later. Picard out."

Briggy sat back in her chair. She got up and headed out of the door towards sickbay where she knew Beverly would be.

Her therapy sessions with Beverly had been hard at first. Beverly was unwilling to let go of her control and they had spent daily sessions in the counselling chambers just trying to get Beverly over the first hurdle. But after that, Beverly had begun to work with her and soon Briggy had made headway in getting Beverly's emotions to return to the surface and away from the 'bad spot' as Beverly referred to it.

Briggy was very pleased with Beverly's progress and was willing, if asked, to release her from her care, providing that they still had a therapy session once a month. She had planned on this happening when they both returned to serve on the Enterprise once more. But as Briggy walked down the corridor, she wondered why Beverly was reluctant to sign up for her old job.

When she found Beverly, she was sitting in the main office writing up the medical reports. "Hey," Briggy said, taking a seat opposite her at the desk.

"Hey," Beverly replied. "I'm almost done here. Do you want to go for dinner in the mess hall? I'm starving."

"Sure. How come you haven't accepted the CMO position on the Enterprise yet?"

Beverly's eyes rose from the computer screen to meet Briggy's. "How do you know about that?"

"Jean-Luc just called me."

"How is he?" Beverly asked softly.

Briggy smiled inwardly, she could see emotions in Beverly's eyes now when she spoke of Jean-Luc. "He's fine. He is very worried about you not wanting the CMO position. You do want it, don't you?"

"Yes, of course I do," Beverly answered. "It's just that if I had accepted the position earlier I might have had to speak to Jean-Luc before I was feeling able to do so. I didn't realise he would be worrying about it."

"Do you feel able to speak to him now?" Briggy asked.

Beverly did no more than switch computer screens and call him on the Enterprise. "Hello, Jean-Luc," she said when his face appeared on the screen.

"Beverly," he said.

Briggy didn't know whether or not to leave the room.

"How are you?" Beverly asked Jean-Luc. Her heart quickened as she drank in the sight of him on the screen in front of her.

"I'm better for seeing your face again," he answered softly.

"Get a room you two," Briggy said, laughing. She got up. "I'll wait for you in the mess hall."

"Okay." Beverly grinned and turned her attention back to Jean-Luc. "I hear you're wondering whether I want the chief medical officer's position, Captain."

"That's right, Doctor," he answered, his eyes sparkling with humour.

"Well, I'd like to formally accept the position."

"That's fantastic news," he answered. "When will you be reporting for duty, Doctor?"

"In a two weeks' time. And I shall be bringing you your old Ship's Counsellor back with me as well."

"Excellent," he said formally.

Beverly laughed. "I'll see you then."

"Report for duty at oh seven hundred hours precisely." He smiled.

Beverly laughed out loud. "Yes, sir! Crusher out." She decided to finish the medical reports after dinner and left sickbay with a permanent smile on her face.

"How are we supposed to get on the Enterprise a week early without Jean-Luc knowing about it? It's not like he's some Ensign on deck one," Briggy said when Beverly told her and Deanna about her plan.

Beverly grinned. "I know people on the inside. In fact, we all do," she added as an afterthought. "Who can we coerce?"

"Geordi," Deanna answered. They were sitting in Beverly's guest quarters on the Titan a few days after Beverly had told Jean-Luc that she would be returning to the Enterprise. They were baby-free and drinking plenty of synthehol.

"Geordi!" Beverly said. "He could do it!"

Yes! And I'm sure he wouldn't mind either," Deanna said.

"Won't he get in trouble?" Briggy asked doubtfully.

Deanna laughed. "Are you sure you've only aged to thirty-five?"

Beverly laughed, too. "You've become such a stickler for the rules all of a sudden."

Briggy playfully poked her nose in the air. "Well, someone has to keep their head," she replied.

The other two women sniggered childishly.

"Right, this will be my treat," Deanna said, getting to her feet. "Don't you girls worry about anything; I will get your sneaky trip to the Enterprise arranged. And boy do I wish I was going with you... I'm going to miss you both so much!"

Briggy and Beverly giggled together like naughty children as they followed Geordi along the corridor on the Enterprise. They had successfully managed to sneak aboard the Enterprise on a cargo ship in the middle of the night.

"Your quarters haven't been assigned yet," Geordi said, caught up in the mischievous behaviour. "But your old quarters are still unoccupied Beverly, so I'm going hide you both in there."

"That's brilliant, Geordi, thank you," Beverly said.

"The captain doesn't suspect a thing," Geordi added with a grin. "Here we are." He opened the doors. "I've turned on the replicator. So now you can eat."

"Yay!" Briggy giggled. "I'm bloody starving."

"Well, they don't tend to feed cargo on route." Geordi winked and disappeared along the corridor, leaving them to their own devices.

"You can say that again," Briggy said, heading straight for the replicator. "What do you fancy?"

"Jean-Luc," Beverly said, dropping down on the couch.

"T M I," Briggy called as she scanned the menu. TMI or 'too much information' had become her favourite saying when Beverly got amorous thoughts about Jean-Luc around her.

Beverly laughed and apologised. "I suppose I'm going to have to think of how to let Jean-Luc know I'm here all on my own, then."

"Yup!" Briggy answered.

"Hmm," Beverly mumbled thoughtfully.

"Do you want some?" Briggy asked, putting her plate of chips of the English variety in front of Beverly's nose to tempt her.

Beverly helped herself. "I have an idea," she said, sitting up excitedly.

"Hallelujah!"

The next day, Jean-Luc came home from his bridge shift feeling a lot happier than he had in the past few months. Things were finally looking up.

He threw his uniform jacket over the back of his desk chair and wandered into his bedroom to change. It was a moment before he noticed that something was different about the room.

He turned his head slowly and examined his bed. "What the?" he muttered. His bed was sprinkled with red rose petals. He walked over to the bed and lifted one to his nose to make sure it was what it looked like.

It was only then that he noticed the two small candles flickering on either side of the bed. Instantly, Jean-Luc thought of Beverly. His heart raced in excitement. Had she arrived early?

"Computer, locate Doctor Crusher."

"Doctor Crusher is not on board the Enterprise."

His heart sank.

"Not officially," came a soft voice behind him. "Not for another week."

"Beverly," he whispered, turning slowly around to see her. She wore a long flowing ivory coloured dress. "You look beautiful."

"Thank you," she answered, and then pointed to the bed. "I hope you don't mind. But I presumed that we would make love tonight." She raised her eyebrow mischievously.

"You think that because you're here, looking so mesmerizingly gorgeous and not to mention sexy," he said, advancing towards her, "that we're just going to have sex? How dare you." His grin betrayed his words.

Beverly hung her head in mock shame. She smiled to herself, '_Jean-Luc just called me sexy'_. She lifted her eyes to meet his, "I dare," she answered. "Oh, do I dare."

She moved towards him then, putting her arms around his waist and pulling him close. She gazed into his eyes for a moment, trying to convey how much she loved him with a single look. Her stomach flipped over in nervous anticipation. Deciding to press ahead and ride through her nerves, she pulled Jean-Luc towards her and kissed him hard. He opened up beneath her lips and she explored his mouth greedily, her fingers raking across the short hair on the back of his head.

Her nervousness was soon forgotten, and her hands found their way inside his shirt. She revelled in the feel of his soft, manly hair under her fingertips. He moaned and she felt the vibrations pulse through her body. Beverly whimpered softly when Jean-Luc deftly removed her dress. It pooled on the floor around her feet and she stepped out of it, moving backwards so that he could admire her body. She was elated to see the most wonderful expression of desire on his features as he raked his eyes over her scantily clad body.

She bit her bottom lip gently and smiled shyly at him. "Why am I the only one wearing their underwear?" she asked mischievously.

He laughed. "You're not fast enough. Let me help you on a little," he added before pulling his shirt over his head. Soon, his trousers landed in a heap on the floor at his feet.

She walked towards him, purposely taking her sweet time. It was time for Jean-Luc to meet the real Beverly tonight. She pressed her body against him, and her lips found his again. His hands wandered across her skin as they shared their most passionate embrace together.

Jean-Luc lifted her up and carried her over to the bed, where he laid her down, crushing the beautiful rose petals beneath her. They made love passionately for the first and definitely not the last time. Afterwards Jean-Luc collapsed on top of her thoroughly spent.

"Oh..." Beverly breathed. "You..."

Jean-Luc laughed and buried his face in her neck, kissing the soft skin. "I know it's a cliché, but I think all my dreams just came true."

Beverly laughed heartily. Cupping his face, she brought her lips to his again. "I love you," she whispered. "Promise me you won't go away."

"What do I get in return?" he asked, feeling as if he were about to burst with happiness.

"I'll stay here in your bed ready for you all week," she answered softly. "All week long," she ran a fingernail up his back and over his shoulder.

"You have a deal," he answered throatily. "And I shall be noticeably absent from duty this coming week."

The End


End file.
